WHY??????

[Guest]

We'll how do I get started??


Growing up all I wanted was a large group of friends. When I turned 15 I met the people that I would call my FAMILY. Now when your in high school its all about being cool and fitting in, and thats exactly what I wanted and got. It all starting with smoking pot and drinking beer on friday and saturday nights having some of the best times in my life doing that. Then it went from doing that on on weekends to get hi before, during and after school. So needless say I never walked across that stage. So let go a couple of years down the road.

We'll its true what they marajuana is a " the gateway drug" When I was 18 I started experimenting with XANEX and EXTACY. and nearly lost everything. When I look back and think the of the stuff that I did while I was on that stuff I am so amazed that I am alive today typing this, and the on November 22, 2000 ( thanksgiving ) my life changed. I got the news my dad passed away, and its not like I had know he was sick it just happened. So I got really depressed and started drinking heavily and popping pills like they were going out of style. Now I had a lot oif friends that would stop by on a daily basis witch I was depressed so the only thing I wanted was to be alone, and my large group of friends dwindled down.

Now I have good career making good money but they drug test so I had to quit all my drug taking ( witch is good ) the only bad thing about that is I drink now. Now have that apearence of a happy go lucky kind of guy but just below the skin I am a very depressed person. I mean I hate life witch I shouldn't I still have a couple of close friends, a family and like I said a very good job with a future. The only thing I don't have is somone to share my life with and I know the reason is because I drink. Because I am still dealing with my dads ghost and that was over 5 years ago. I know its not my looks cause I have been told on several ocassions that I am attractive I have women all the time giving me there numbers, but I don't have any self esteem another draw back from drinkingto much. I want to quit drinking but I don't in the same way. Latly when I have been drinking I have been thinking about suicide. Something has to change...........

[Guest]

WHY??????

WHY??????

Hi Masterpublix,

just read your story and I amazed at the similarities with mine. I too started early on the booze, went crazy on the club/party scene with all sorts of ridiculous drugs (cocaine, ecstacy, speed, ketamine to name a few) and may dad died unexpectedly on a national holiday (Christmas). I understand completely what you say about friends dwindling and just wanting to be alone and drink.

Depression and alcohol are terrible partners in crime - I know I have a tendency to be depressed, but with alcohol it is 1,000 times worse. There was a thread started a couple of weeks back about suicidal thoughts - if you run a search you should be able to find it. There were alot of very supportive and honest messages about working through those feelings. You'll be surprised how many of us have been there.

You've found this site, which is a great first step. Don't be too hard on yourself; wanting to quit drinking but not wanting to quit is how most of us have felt at one time or another. You have to learn to like yourself a little before you?ll care enough to try. It takes time to find the strength and determination. While your waiting, why not hang around here, read and post and take comfort in the fact that you are not alone and there are many like you who have achieved great things (like quitting drinking, or cutting down massively).

take care of yourself,

lulu xx

[Guest]

WHY??????

Re: Welcome

Welcome MasterPublix!
You sound like you have experienced quite a lot of confusing times in your life. Leads many of us to use substances to deal with the pain.
Listen, you are beyond the crazy pill popping days, it sounds like- be glad and proud of that! You are definitely headed in the right direction and have a lot going for you. Imagine how great things can be if all your wishes come true! They are not unattainable! Please continue to read and talk to us. There are so many great success stories here. So many people making great strides forward and learning so much about themselves.
I, for one, would drink for any old reason. It was engrained in my fiber of existence!! "Drink to celebrate! Drink to drown sorrows! Bored? Drink to have something to do!" Ha! Having to restructure my whole thought process regarding what the heck to do with myself these days other than uncork my f'ing Merlot! What am I finding? So much more happiness and health with each day I leave the cork in the bottle!
Welll.... got a little off track there, but you have found a great place. You can do this. We are here to help.
Love,
Becca

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WHY??????

Re: Welcome

Hi MasterPublix and welcome!

Sorry you are having such a rough time, but thanks for being so honest and sharing your story. I hope that you can get a vision of the "you" on the other side of the alcohol... the "you" that is happy, that is with someone to share your life with, and enjoying all the things in life that alcohol stops you from. And remember, alcohol IS a depressant. It makes us feel better initially, but when it wears off, it leaves us feeling incredibly depressed all the next day. So what do we do? Drink to make the depression go away. Through this program, I have discovered that (I havent quit completely, but most nights only one glass of wine, 2 on a weekend) if FEEL so much happier... it is just amazing. I forgot how much I could enjoy life!! Until you break it's hold off of you, you dont remember how good life used to be before you got hooked.

If you havent ordered the book yet, please do and check in and keep posting. I wish you all the best!! Ps... you dont happen to work at Publix to do you.... tee hee...

Allie

[Guest]

WHY??????

Re: Welcome

Thank you all for your words of ecouragement. I know I am going to get through this, but its so hard cause I really only enjoy doing two things that is drinking and poker, and yes I do work for publix i am a department manager for them. We'll I will keep posting thank you all again.