i have been on the site for almost a wek now - ordered my supps a few days ago - paid extra for teh RUSH delivery - just asn't gotten here yet. i hope i don't bore you to tears!
My dinking began almost 7 years ago - an off and on thing after not having ANY ETOH for 17 years, even at mass. I had quit because my husband was a navy jet pilot and involved with the beginning tail hook scandal and was having another affair (the first one was with a hooker in teh phillipines while i was 8mths prego and he gave me disease and had to have a c-section). drinking was the problem - so i quit with him. boy, when they say "if you pick it up after you have quit, it is much worse" and that is true in my life.
My husnad of 22 years had basically (litterally) told me to "go have an affair". I didnt for a long time and then I did. I was STARVED for recognition and affection. Being quite atractive - I had no prblemfinding a younger guy who said "YOU ARE THE ONE!" OMG! ME? THEE ONE???? So I took a WALK ABOUT and leanred how to drink: I was so naive I didn't even know the names OF VARIOUS THINGS : i BEGAN WITH FINE WINES AND NOW Have ended with middle of the road vodka. I found out the "ONE who couldn't live without me was gay" and I was a beautiful hood ornament of his masculinity...beating myself up for not being able to satisfy him...like my husband. i got beast implants (which I hate and did not need). as the stress mounted between teh 2 relationships i went to therapy and decided to leave my 22 year marriage and leave the young gay hunk with his problmes and begin aknew.
i bgan aknew with a devout christian man - who has never had children and a history or train wreck relationships - but vowed fidelity. Christian? Fidelity? I DO!!! So i left my family fo rthis.
There is a problem marrying someone with no children...they know noting of being a family and staying around...FUN is the menu of the day. He is older than I - and I really DO suspect he doesn't notice my drinking since it has escalated. We live in an exclusive area of Colorado most of the year. At first he would just leave me there in the winters...snow up to 10ft. I would forget what day it was and was stuck in this place so beautiful and -27 degrees for weeeks on end. No gardening to do - but we had satellite TV and ALCOHOL. I would loose track of the days. As I said I am a therapist and had an office in town - but some days I couldn't get plowed out to get to work. We began renting a new place in the city for the hard months - but still I was left alone. I could work ...depending on his schedule and how much I wanted to follow him around. So stability has been an issue. We are NOT wealthy and he is off riding horses in California somewher for the next 2 onths. I feel guilty for not being grateful for what i do have. No he does not fool around - but he also keeps it a tight secret of how much money there is. He gives me a small allowance to get by - like health and car insurance for both of us. I began staying in one place so i could build my practice. So that is the "why" as to how my drinking began.
I do't know if I am being winy or expect too much - but the isolation is incredible. Even my practice is isolating - seeing only pain and not being with others. Dinking became over a slow period of time a way to comfort myself, give me confidence and to stave off unspeakable boredom in 6-10ft of snow. So I think thats it in the smallest nutshell I could find.
El
PS I was SO NAIVE that when asked to make a Margarita - I used VODKA! I ruined the whole mix container for the party! and wasted a whole bottle of vodka. THAT is funny!
My dinking began almost 7 years ago - an off and on thing after not having ANY ETOH for 17 years, even at mass. I had quit because my husband was a navy jet pilot and involved with the beginning tail hook scandal and was having another affair (the first one was with a hooker in teh phillipines while i was 8mths prego and he gave me disease and had to have a c-section). drinking was the problem - so i quit with him. boy, when they say "if you pick it up after you have quit, it is much worse" and that is true in my life.
My husnad of 22 years had basically (litterally) told me to "go have an affair". I didnt for a long time and then I did. I was STARVED for recognition and affection. Being quite atractive - I had no prblemfinding a younger guy who said "YOU ARE THE ONE!" OMG! ME? THEE ONE???? So I took a WALK ABOUT and leanred how to drink: I was so naive I didn't even know the names OF VARIOUS THINGS : i BEGAN WITH FINE WINES AND NOW Have ended with middle of the road vodka. I found out the "ONE who couldn't live without me was gay" and I was a beautiful hood ornament of his masculinity...beating myself up for not being able to satisfy him...like my husband. i got beast implants (which I hate and did not need). as the stress mounted between teh 2 relationships i went to therapy and decided to leave my 22 year marriage and leave the young gay hunk with his problmes and begin aknew.
i bgan aknew with a devout christian man - who has never had children and a history or train wreck relationships - but vowed fidelity. Christian? Fidelity? I DO!!! So i left my family fo rthis.
There is a problem marrying someone with no children...they know noting of being a family and staying around...FUN is the menu of the day. He is older than I - and I really DO suspect he doesn't notice my drinking since it has escalated. We live in an exclusive area of Colorado most of the year. At first he would just leave me there in the winters...snow up to 10ft. I would forget what day it was and was stuck in this place so beautiful and -27 degrees for weeeks on end. No gardening to do - but we had satellite TV and ALCOHOL. I would loose track of the days. As I said I am a therapist and had an office in town - but some days I couldn't get plowed out to get to work. We began renting a new place in the city for the hard months - but still I was left alone. I could work ...depending on his schedule and how much I wanted to follow him around. So stability has been an issue. We are NOT wealthy and he is off riding horses in California somewher for the next 2 onths. I feel guilty for not being grateful for what i do have. No he does not fool around - but he also keeps it a tight secret of how much money there is. He gives me a small allowance to get by - like health and car insurance for both of us. I began staying in one place so i could build my practice. So that is the "why" as to how my drinking began.
I do't know if I am being winy or expect too much - but the isolation is incredible. Even my practice is isolating - seeing only pain and not being with others. Dinking became over a slow period of time a way to comfort myself, give me confidence and to stave off unspeakable boredom in 6-10ft of snow. So I think thats it in the smallest nutshell I could find.
El
PS I was SO NAIVE that when asked to make a Margarita - I used VODKA! I ruined the whole mix container for the party! and wasted a whole bottle of vodka. THAT is funny!
Comment