AF Daily Saturday 15th November

[SAUSAGE]

:welcome:
Morning all - am starting off the daily thread (but then I do live in Uk and am quite a few hrs ahead of some of you (it's 8am here)
stayed AF last night despite feeling low and an interesting "debate" from my husband when he was drinking his red wine when he moaned about how miserable my / our lives were going to be if I never drank again - never could celebrate with wine, "eating becomes just a mechanical existance, wine tastes great with food etc etc" He also moaned about the Allan Carr book and how it had altered my personality - he doen'st know about me posting on here!!!

Oh well - switched off / stuck it out and i'm really glad i'm AF this morning - feeling more positive. Hope to exercise later.

Have a great AF day everyone

Sausage x

[Doggygirl]

AF Daily Saturday 15th November

Good morning Sausage and all abstainers yet to come!

Sausage, I'm sorry to hear about that discussion last night with DH. When alcohol (or other substances) are part of a relationship, then they are not it can be challenging. I hope that you and DH can work through it. Congratulations on another AF day under your belt!

I just finished catching up on yesterdays thread and first off, it is WONDERFUL to see so many people participating these days. I too love the range of newer people to AF as well as more experienced people. Lots of wisdom here! One common theme that I noticed was the notion of drinking to relieve stress. I would like to challenge that notion as an "irrational belief" that most of us carry around - I certainly did too. And I have to challenge myself about it in my "mind speak" from time to time.

Does drinking alcohol REALLY relieve stress? I would submit that in reality, for most of us drinking alcohol CREATES MORE STRESS. Whether the percieved source of stress is kids, marital problems, on the job crap, family tensions, or whatever, how exactly does drinking help anything? For me, I would procrastinate dealing with a stressful issue by drinking instead of facing it. So the stressful thing was always still there when the drinking was over. And usually the situation would be made MORE stressful because now I might be struggling to remember what I said or did, or now I'm facing stress AND dealing with a hangover, etc.

I find it very powerful to challenge these things. These days, I don't think things like: "I need to find some alternate way to relieve stress other than drinking." I think "Drinking does not relieve stress, it creates more stress. A hot bath or a workout will relieve stress."

Does that make any sense? Maybe this doesn't work for everyone but I've found it very helpful in my own journey. I find that 99.999% of this battle takes place inside of our own heads. So taking charge of the conversations there, and really challenging the lies is so critical to my success.

I am looking forward to a fun filled morning of watching figure skating from Paris over the internet! I'm sure you are all on the edge of your seats waiting for some fashion news for the 2008/09 figure skating season. I can report after 3.5 Grand Prix events, that the women are the innovators this season. Tis the year of the Tutu and the Hot Pant Wedgie. I will try to find some worthy picture links as I suspect this might be very difficult to imagine. I will also be finishing off the Curves week with a final workout before my day off around 10AM.

Have a wonderful sober weekend everyone!!!!

DG

[river0123]

AF Daily Saturday 15th November

Sausage, I know that debate. Today is hubby's birthday and all he wants is for me to drink with him. I'm no fun anymore. I'd agree somewhat with him on that, as I am very focused on staying strong and avoiding temptation.

I know I've changed. I'm different. But I think the good outweighs the bad. I feel like I am growing, and he is pulling me down. Last night I was able to drive the kids to a school activity. It was so great to be able to do that, rather than make an excuse because I didn't want ot drive drunk.

Okay, coffee kicked in, I need to shut up. Have a great day everyone!

[charlee]

AF Daily Saturday 15th November

Morning everyone
No fun filled Sat. for me...have to work, then errands.....I cannot agree more w/DG about drinking relieving stess.....those self conversations have become a daily part of this recovery process. It takes time and training, but for me, has become part of my daily life. If we only knew what we knew now!
I am fortunate DH is not a drinker, although he can be a very negative thinker (and make no bones about verbally sharing), I too have found my off switch.....I am saving so much mental energy!
I hope everyone has a great weekend and continued success on reaching/maintaining their goals....

[A Work in Progress]

AF Daily Saturday 15th November

Charlee, good for you, for finding an "off switch." I know how difficult it is to stay AF while living with a partner who is a problem drinker... or one for whom drinking is an important part of life (could it be that these are, to some extent, the same thing?).

Sausage, River, I do believe your husbands will give up the whining and begging for you to drink, if you remain strong. People change, and people adapt to the changes that others make. All changes disturb the equilibrium of a marriage, even if they are "good" changes. The partner will resist the changes, sometimes will create utter havoc about it. And then the tantrums will calm down, if you are calm about it, don't argue about it, and don't give in. That's the idea, anyway, and it usually works... so they say... there are no controlled studies about this stuff!

DG I TOTALLY agree about the business about alcohol "relieving stress." Just another idea our minds dream up and shove down our throats. Alcohol does diminish inhibitions (it disengages the frontal lobes, like having a temporary lobotomy), and so we have less concern about things that perhaps should concern us. And it create a pleasurable state of mind, but only for a very short time. It is NOT an effective method for dealing with stress, which is a physiological phenomenon that creates all kinds of problems, and contributes to all sorts of diseases, including cancer. Some of the best antidotes for chronic or excessive stress responses include: managing one's thoughts (not letting worry and regret get out of hand); relaxation methods; exercise; and meditation (which, strictly speaking, is not a "relaxation method").

Yesterday I finished going through the main part of Mother's house in preparation for the estate sale. Still need to finish up the basement and the upstairs room, and each of them is about half-way done. This is the third time I have gone through her stuff: 6 years ago I helped her move to Kansas City; 3 months ago I cleaned and organized her house so she could come home from the hospital and live there.... but that didn't work out. Now she's in a group home for Alzheimer's patients. There will be one more time... when she dies... but by then, there will not be much "stuff" remaining. This is all really sad. These are things that meant so much to her... and she is still alive... but she can't have all this stuff in her new place, and I can't just keep it sitting in her house, as if she is going to go home to be there with it all. Putting it all in storage would just be a delaying tactic, and would require packing it all up (again), just to unpack it again, later.

It will be great to get this part of all this over.

And today I must get my hair cut... that will feel good. And will get in a workout, and sit meditation, and have a nice quiet evening.

I hope everyone has a good day!

wip

[Cinders]

AF Daily Saturday 15th November

Hello my ABs friends,

Today started off horribly with the headache and I ended up taking meds to help. I don't like doing that because they make me a little less able to withstand the onslaught of AL thoughts, but I had no choice.

So, I told hubby he needs to stick close today. That always helps. When he knows I am going through a rough patch, he tries very hard to keep me occupied and busy. He is a good man. (Though he can get on my last nerve sometimes, too!!)

I like what DG said:

I find that 99.999% of this battle takes place inside of our own heads. So taking charge of the conversations there, and really challenging the lies is so critical to my success.

This is so true. Once we are past the physical withdrawals, all the rest is mental. I have been working very hard on changing those thoughts to something else. It does help.

WIP, it will be so good for you when you finally get your mama's house sold. This is a very difficult time for you and I will be glad when some of the responsibilites and stress are off your shoulders. Until then, stay close. You are being incredibly strong and committed to your sobriety. I am very proud of you.

Sausage and River, you both also deserve kudos for not giving in when hubby is pushing and whining about your not drinking. I can't even begin to imagine having to deal with that. Good on both of you!!

Charlee, sometimes my hubby really triggers me, too. Marriage is just kind of like that, we all have our good days and bad days. My husband says he doesn't suffer from stress, he is a carrier. :H At least he recognizes it.

Mary and all to come, have a wonderful Saturday.

Love,
Cindi

[retteacher]

AF Daily Saturday 15th November

What a great start! Interesting we should be talking about stress. Something REALLY stressful happened last night that I formerly would have gotten drunk over. I MADE myself calm down by relaxing my stomach muscles. I talked the whole thing out w/the other persons involved. It was definitely uncomfortable, but I managed to get through & bring it to closure. That's something I wouldn't have been able to do if I had had a drink just "to relieve the pressure." I am so happy this morning that I didn't drink. The issue is behind me, & I don't have any residual self-loathing & guilt.

I think I'll go back & read yesterday's thread all the way through.

BTW, DG, I loved what you said about talking back to the AL voice. I'll remember that when I gets loud. I'll just outshout it.

Mary

[Doggygirl]

AF Daily Saturday 15th November

retteacher;469020 wrote:
BTW, DG, I loved what you said about talking back to the AL voice. I'll remember that when I gets loud. I'll just outshout it.

Mary

Or outsmart it. Congratulations Mary on confronting the issues you faced last night and putting them behind you rather than prolonging a bad situation by booze procrastination.

Cinders I'm so sorry to hear you have a level 10 headache today. Is there any end in sight to this? I'm so glad your DH sticks close when you need him. He sounds like a good man. (but I know what you mean...even good ones have their moments!)

WIP I can't imagine how tough this estate sale preparation is for you. I hope you will have a sense of peace or something once it is behind you. Also, I enjoyed your remarks about moving through these types of changes and how they affect relationships. It's good stuff to keep in mind.

Charlee - so sorry to hear you have to work!! That's no fun. I'm still in awe that you spend 4 hours every Sunday with your in laws. I could not do that if I consumed enough vodka to make me comatose. 4 hours with my in laws a few times a year makes me wonder exactly what I did to deserve it.

River, hang tough. What WIP said!

Mr. Doggy is driving me nuts this morning. It's one of those days where my expected role seems to be MomSecretarySparebrain. I'm going to stop answering the phone. There is no reason he shouldn't be able to get his and his dog's asses to dog training without my help.

Back to figure skating. The costumes are really something today. And the tight pants are prevalent too.

DG

[on my way]

AF Daily Saturday 15th November

Morning all, been having some major internet problems this week.....it's been down:upset:. I hate posting from the office cause people over my shoulder all the time. So it's Saturday and I'm at the office. I hope it will be back up sometime this week.

On the lighter side. My house is really clean; laundry caught up and have gotten in about 25miles worth of running in. I've had a good week except the computer issues, nothing really stressing me out, just feeling a bit bitc***about my lack of internet.

All is well, Hubs is no longer keeping beer or booze in the house (we had a talk).
I miss all of you so, checking in every morning has become so much a normal part of my daily life. Dang internet

nat

[on my way]

AF Daily Saturday 15th November

chuckle....doggy, I remember all toooooo well talk of tight pants late last winter

[on my way]

AF Daily Saturday 15th November

Mary, good for you on the situation!! Feels like a major accomplishment doing it with out drink.

[LVT25]

AF Daily Saturday 15th November

It was nice to sleep in this morning (after the deer hunters got out of the house).

Stress certainly was an excuse for me to drink--but my main triggers I've learned are the reward drink, the relaxation drink, and the social drink. I've got the first 2 handled, the last one still makes me uncomfortable. But I'm getting such great advice here! It is wonderful having a resident psychologist on board. It was also encouraging to read this morning that our families will adjust to our changing. My dh has done really well. I haven't dared to bring it up, but this week he has either been not drinking or just having a couple before I get home. Hmmmmmm....
Anyway, my son commented last night that I sure am on the computer a lot. If he only knew...
My day hopefully will be a productive one around here getting my house back in order. It could turn interesting toward evening with so many out of town friends and family around. Oh, and the football game this afternoon. I'm not worried though.

Have a great one all!:h

[Determinator]

AF Daily Saturday 15th November

Happy Saturday ABland!

wow, what a turnout, I'm impressed. and the subject of al and stress is of great importance.
I'm not sure how that blasted misconception ever got started about how a "stiff one" will see you through a rough spot when modern medicine warns otherwise.
I used to be a volunteer for the "civil defence" and we ran disaster preparedness drills etc. We were trained to counsel stressed-out citizens NOT to drink alcohol but to instead eat a snack and drink some water. that will actually help you under stress. AL will make you unable to deal with stressors both mentally and physically. Can you just imagine a neighborhood of drunk people trying to evacuate in a "calm and orderly fashion" in advance of a wild fire or flood? yikes!

be well my friends

[Janice]

AF Daily Saturday 15th November

Hi, first time on today and not had a chance to read through all the posts but will do that later when, hopefully, I've got a bit more time!!

Day 5 and this morning I was feeling down that I still don't feel right. Suppose I was expecting that once I had a few days AF under my belt, I would be bursting with energy. Not the case!! Had a few "girlie" problems this month in that my visitor arrived 10 days after the last one and has knocked me off my feet!!! Hope this isn't the beginning of "the end"!!!! I was wondering whether drinking too much can have this effect, not sure really.

Hubby is downstairs drinking his early evening wine. Its funny watching him creep into the kitchen and guiltily ask "do you mind???" as he opens the fridge and refills his glass. He's very supportive when I'm not drinking but I know for a fact it does not make it easy for him!! Its interesting that I'm aware of how many he's had whereas in the summer when I was totall AF and well into it, I was oblivious to how much he was drinking. Its early days I suppose.

Will hopefully get back on later - great night on TV here in the UK on a Saturday. We've got Strictly Come Dancing followed by X-Factor with Simon Cowell. Looking forward to curling up with my tonic water & lemon!!

love Janicexxx

[speedster]

AF Daily Saturday 15th November

What a thread today! I echo all that has been said about stress. It was such an excuse and now is clearly making no sense to me. AL is an escape.

Hubbie had fun playing pool at a friend’s house and I went to bed early with no AL issues. Today is blustery. I went to the Farmers Market this morning and scored on fresh brocolli. I bought plenty so I can blanch and freeze. This task would normally be a great excuse to drink while being productive in the kitchen but not today. I need to make the relationship between the kitchen and wine be a lot different.

Everyone is thinking differently and making good choices today. I need to catch up and read the complete thread for today. Glad that Cinders checked in but sorry to hear about the headache.

Keep up the good work!