I have decided to take this program seriously. Part of it I think is unloading my story. I will be very honest and not hide the things that I do from the world.
I am 34, married to an awesome husband and have the two greatest kids on earth. I have a great job, live in a great house and neighborhood. I also, have an awesome drinking problem. I know that I am aloholic--but prefer to call myself a problem drinker. Seems more fitting--I drink=problems.
Started drinking when I was 16. Even though the problem was not as pronounced as it is now--I look back and just know. I have always been this way. A little is great-more is even better.
Overdrank at parties and stuff, but did not make it a lifestyle until I was on my own out of college. I lived by myself had an alcoholic boyfriend and the drinking just ensued.
Somehow managed to drink yet be successful in my job and have progressed to having a great job with great money. Still have the job and feel very luckly that I have been able to "pull it off".
Got married at 25. Not to alcholic boyfriend. Funny because growing up my Dad was so much me man-you woman, I never wanted to get married or have children. Married my husband, but still did not want children. I mean afterall I could barely take care of myself. Then I got pregnant. I even considered abortion and hated every moment of being pregnant and what it meant--that now I would have to be responsible. I remember prayng for a miscarriage. I hate myself for this. Because now my 5 year old is the light of my life.
Because of my great job we were able to have my husband stay home with the baby--and still to this day his proudest career move is being a stay at home Dad. Great, but allowed me to drink like a fish. This continued until getting pregnant with my second son. Did not drink in that pregrancy. This time I was happy to be having another child because now I understood what a miracle children are. I do want to add that in my sick brain I continued to smoke in both pregnanices. The guilt is awful even though both boys are fine.
Quit drinking on 1/25/2004. Went to AA-loved it and it kept me sober for 11 months. I was so close to a year! But a woman in our group relapsed and I saw how everyone just turned on her and I left.
In the last year--I would drink very little--but it progressed. I now think about my next drink everyday. I sometimes drink too much and call in sick to work. I know that I am not being the best mom or wife that I could be. Lets face it--I am just not doing the best that I can. I know better.
My worst fault when I am drunk is calling every last person I ever met on the phone. They know that I am drunk and are disgusted with me. I have hidden my address book at work so that when I am home drunk I can't call certain friends. But yet I will think "who can I call" and look them up on the internet in the white pages, get a number and call.
Hit all time low last night when I called an old boyfriend (the alcoholic one)-who by the way just got of jail--told him about my kids and husband. He said that he wished he was my husband. My response was "are you delusional?" we used to get drunk and beat the crap out of each other. I just feel like crap about even calling him. Why did I do it--I was drunk. Now I realize he could call my husband or worse my parents.
This was my bottom on phone calls. Why when I get drunk do I think everyone needs to hear from me?
I am drinking tonight. But I am hoping to get on board with the CD's (which I have), the nutrition and exercising. Ordered meds--an will white knuckle it until they get here.
Love to hear from anyone in the same boat. And if you got this far--thanks for reading-but this really was for me. Had to get it out.
I am 34, married to an awesome husband and have the two greatest kids on earth. I have a great job, live in a great house and neighborhood. I also, have an awesome drinking problem. I know that I am aloholic--but prefer to call myself a problem drinker. Seems more fitting--I drink=problems.
Started drinking when I was 16. Even though the problem was not as pronounced as it is now--I look back and just know. I have always been this way. A little is great-more is even better.
Overdrank at parties and stuff, but did not make it a lifestyle until I was on my own out of college. I lived by myself had an alcoholic boyfriend and the drinking just ensued.
Somehow managed to drink yet be successful in my job and have progressed to having a great job with great money. Still have the job and feel very luckly that I have been able to "pull it off".
Got married at 25. Not to alcholic boyfriend. Funny because growing up my Dad was so much me man-you woman, I never wanted to get married or have children. Married my husband, but still did not want children. I mean afterall I could barely take care of myself. Then I got pregnant. I even considered abortion and hated every moment of being pregnant and what it meant--that now I would have to be responsible. I remember prayng for a miscarriage. I hate myself for this. Because now my 5 year old is the light of my life.
Because of my great job we were able to have my husband stay home with the baby--and still to this day his proudest career move is being a stay at home Dad. Great, but allowed me to drink like a fish. This continued until getting pregnant with my second son. Did not drink in that pregrancy. This time I was happy to be having another child because now I understood what a miracle children are. I do want to add that in my sick brain I continued to smoke in both pregnanices. The guilt is awful even though both boys are fine.
Quit drinking on 1/25/2004. Went to AA-loved it and it kept me sober for 11 months. I was so close to a year! But a woman in our group relapsed and I saw how everyone just turned on her and I left.
In the last year--I would drink very little--but it progressed. I now think about my next drink everyday. I sometimes drink too much and call in sick to work. I know that I am not being the best mom or wife that I could be. Lets face it--I am just not doing the best that I can. I know better.
My worst fault when I am drunk is calling every last person I ever met on the phone. They know that I am drunk and are disgusted with me. I have hidden my address book at work so that when I am home drunk I can't call certain friends. But yet I will think "who can I call" and look them up on the internet in the white pages, get a number and call.
Hit all time low last night when I called an old boyfriend (the alcoholic one)-who by the way just got of jail--told him about my kids and husband. He said that he wished he was my husband. My response was "are you delusional?" we used to get drunk and beat the crap out of each other. I just feel like crap about even calling him. Why did I do it--I was drunk. Now I realize he could call my husband or worse my parents.
This was my bottom on phone calls. Why when I get drunk do I think everyone needs to hear from me?
I am drinking tonight. But I am hoping to get on board with the CD's (which I have), the nutrition and exercising. Ordered meds--an will white knuckle it until they get here.
Love to hear from anyone in the same boat. And if you got this far--thanks for reading-but this really was for me. Had to get it out.
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