My New Brain Pathways

[retteacher]

I've been thinking that a lot of my drinking was a result of grooves worn in my brain by habit. I absolutely see that many of those grooves have been worn smooth:
-I don't drink while cooking any more...tea is my substitute.
-I don't drink while doing mindless chores.
-I don't drink before I go out to a social function.
-I don't plan a drinking day for when my husb is going to be out.

I've also noticed that:
-I haven't wrapped up an empty bottle & tunneled it deep into the trash barrel.
-I haven't put any empties into a public recepticle in order to get rid of them.
-I haven't made a special trip to the liquor store or done the rounds of favorite liquor stores.

In spite of the fact that I've had a few lapses, all of the above were daily occurrances. I can't imagine how I carried it off. The subterfuge alone was almost as addictive as the drinking. All that clandestine drinking & disposing of bottles. I was a complete nervous wreck & had to drink to calm myself down. Talk about a vicious cycle.

Thank you again MWO for helping me. You can't imagine how much better I am than I was a mere year & a half ago. I don't ever want to go back there.

Mary

[AAthlete]

My New Brain Pathways

Nice post Mary, and I like the analogy that you offer.

It was exhausting, wasn't it? There is a line in the Big Book that talks about awakening from a drinking spree to the hideous Four Horseman - Terror, Bewilderment, Frustration & Despair. How many times did I answer the phone at work wondering if my hiding place had been found, or if the bottle of wine filled with water had been found...

It really did require us to "retrain our brain", but what a relief to be able to let go of all that and enjoy the kind of life that other people take for granted. It is never easy, but is obviously so worth it.

[swans]

My New Brain Pathways

Great post, I am a newbie, but can identify with all you said, very inspirational and good for you......

[Starlight Impress Forever]

My New Brain Pathways

You`ve come a long way over the past 18 mnths., Mary. Your post glows with pride........so very well-deserved. :l

Star x

[keeta]

My New Brain Pathways

Mary,
I can relate to many of the habits. Drinking while cooking. Drinking while doing chores. Planning drinking days (my days off were always a write off, how did I get ANY THING accomplished)

Good job at retraining your brain!!!

[Doggygirl]

My New Brain Pathways

Great post Mary. I can relate to every point you made. Isn't it freeing to realize how far we have come from some of those daily habits! With enough "practice" doing the things we used to drink through WITHOUT drinking - it goes away doesn't it? Cooking is a great example I can relate to - used to ALWAYS drink while cooking. Now I can't remember the last time where it occurred to me that a drink would be nice while cooking (even though it wouldn't be nice at all). Actually I do remember. It was late summer - August I think? When I went to can tomatoes the first time since going AF. LOL, I was really surprised when the notion of drinking came along. An AF beer hit the spot. Practice practice.

I wonder if that's why the holidays seem more difficult somehow - we are in situations at this time of year that ONLY happen at this time of year so we haven't had much practice??? Hmmm....

Anyway, great post and Mary you have come so far. You rock!

DG

[retteacher]

My New Brain Pathways

Thank you everyone.