AF Daily: Thursday, December 11th

[SAUSAGE]

:welcome:

Hi everyone

Thought I'd start this thing off - seing as I didn't have time to post yesterday. I did however read through the thread and there was some very thought provoking stuff. I also liked the NYT article which I will keep in mind over the festive season - which still scares me - still can't imagine staying AF!! but i've just got to keep on hanging in there. It's a bit like before I went on holiday in Oct - I couldn't imagine being AF on holiday - and of course most of you will know I wasn't - spoilt my run of 54 AF days - back to Day 1 on Nov 3rd on my return. So I hope it doesn't go the same way over Christmas / New Year.

It's the first of the Christmas festivities / parties I have to get through tomorrow - my work Christmas lunch - everyone drinks really heavily so we shall see......... Maybe i'll find it quite amusing as an AF "on looker" my boss and co-workers getting rather merry

Well still haven't exercised now for 2 weeks - did post on the abbercisers thread the other day - feel really guilty but eyes are still playing up (conjunctivitis) although my cold is definitely better, just can't motivate myself and the weather here is so cold and frosty too.

Will burn off a few calories wrapping Christmas presents now, and will check back in later.

Have a good AF day everyone

Sausage xx -

[Doggygirl]

AF Daily: Thursday, December 11th

AACK!! This is what happens when I don't be a good doggy and "mark" my place!!!

Let's use this thread.

Sausage, you don't have to "hope" to stay AF through the holidays or the lunch tomorrow. You can DECIDE to drink, or DECIDE to not drink. This may sound harsh but I believe it to be the truth. When we make statements such as "hoping" to stay sober, we are setting ourselves up for a decision to drink. At least that's what *I* would be doing with a statement like that. I would be setting myself up for "I hoped I could stay AF but I couldn't." And that's hogwash.

What a nasty bug you got!!! I bet you are sick of being sick! Hopefully you are getting ALL your bugs out of the way early this winter!

Love you girl...YOU CAN STAY AF IF YOU DECIDE TO!!!! You are strong enough.

DG

[SAUSAGE]

AF Daily: Thursday, December 11th

Yes DG - I know you're right - with that attitude. I'm setting myself up to fail - think I went away on holiday with a "don't believe I can get through this AF" attitude which was way I drank. I can decide not to drink so I will decide not to drink tomorrow!! A lot of people will be shocked that I'm not even having a drink at the Christmas party but I can use my eyes / recent health problems as an excuse ( a couple of my close co-workers know but not everyone, that i've decided to stop drinking)

[AAthlete]

AF Daily: Thursday, December 11th

Good morning all and happy Thursday.

Sausage, I know that one of the tools that I use to help me through the holiday season is the concept of personal responsibility. I have to remember that I am responsible for MY sobriety each and every day. Not only that, but I am also responsible for maintaining a good attitude and making sure that I am doing the thing I need to be doing to maintain a healthy sobriety.

Cause I know when I was drinking I tried to blame all my problems on everyone else. It was my wife's fault that I wasn't happy at home, it was my bosses fault that I wasn't doing better at work, etc. If I want to live sober, I can't allow myself to slip into this mode of thinking. "What is my responsibility in this?" is a good question to ask myself when starting my day or whenever a challenging situation arises....

[momof3]

AF Daily: Thursday, December 11th

Good Morning AF Warriors,

I'm just back from my workout in the rain. At least it was warm.

Yes, yes...our internal dialogue about alcohol is so important, isn't it? I am taking notes on all of the great things folks have said about how they choose to go through the holidays. "I will not drink," "I am responsible for my actions." Saying we "hope" we will not drink is not going to cut it. That provides way to much wiggle room for us. We have to be warriors...strong, focused, and courageous.

I also liked Brigid's comments last week. She said that she approaches going AF during the holidays as an achievement not as a challenge. So Sausage, you are going to achieve great things this holiday season...we all are.

I have a party coming up on friday. I'm happy to say that I am not worried about drinking. I'm more worried about what I'm going to wear!

[retteacher]

AF Daily: Thursday, December 11th

I love the personal responsibility idea. I just want to say that last year I was AF through the holiday season. Perhaps I don't have the quantity of parties w/AL that other people have. However, I do have my share of get-togethers w/AL. As soon as I walked through the door of someone's home, I said to the hostess: "I'll start off w/soda." That puts off the drink & after the first 5 mins. it's easy. In my own home, I ask my husb to do the drinks (we only serve wine or beer here). I don't look at it, & again when I don't have drinks w/everyone else, the feeling fades (if I even have it in the first place). I want to live in the world where some people drink. I have to make the decision not to. The more I do it, the easier it gets. I'm noticing that my friends stock up on my fav non-AL drinks & offer them right away. It's nice.

On one of the daily threads recently, someone questioned whether there really is such a thing as a mod drinker. I do think there is. My husb is. Most of my friends are. They can have one drink (which can last them a good long time). Tomorrow night, we're having a dinner for 5. I bought one bottle of wine. Since I won't be drinking, that bottle will be more than enough for the other 4 people. When I see normal, mod people drink, I know, for sure, that I'm an alcoholic. Because as soon as the first sip passes my lips, the obssession to have more sets right in.

I'll check back later. Mary

[greeneyes]

AF Daily: Thursday, December 11th

Morning!! I agree with DG on the decision part. You can't leave the door cracked just a bit, you have to shut it and lock it. Fortunately for me, I'm like momof3; I haven't had an issue with not drinking. I just say I quit drinking. If I didn't know the person, I'd say I don't drink, but I haven't run into that yet. (read: need to get out more) :H Good point on responsibility AA. I was thinking this AM about behaviors and the rationalizations used and then to kick it up a notch to justification. Accepting responsibility keeps things honest. Sausage, you can use this first party to set the stage for the rest!

[Tom 4.0]

AF Daily: Thursday, December 11th

Hi everyone!

Mary, I agree, some people do moderate the amount of alcohol they consume. I guess what I was thinking is that no one is immune from the effects of alcohol. It effects even moderate drinkers, doesn't it?

From there I would like to expand yesterday's discussion of Driving Under the Influence to what I'm going to call Living Under the Influence (LUI). Drunk driving is stupid and irresponsible and, but for the grace of God, I could have killed some innocent sole or my foolish, drunken self. But what about the small damage we cause when we are not behind the wheel? Living Under the Influence, we cause emotional, physical, and financial damage to everyone around us and ourselves. We don't perceive situations clearly, use poor judgement, and can't control our reactions. Of course, the police don't show-up and it doesn't make the morning news, but the damage is done.

[on my way]

AF Daily: Thursday, December 11th

Great thread this morning. DG, get the mark on!! I love the personal responsibility and not leaving the door cracked. These are things I know?.I can?t function while drinking. I can?t take care of my family in a way they deserve. I know al affects my moods, self esteem, sleep patterns and decision making; all negatively. I do not want to live my life that way any more. I make the choice every day to be a functional, healthy and loving person/parent and wife. Booze has no place in my life anymore!

As far as moding...my hub can, I can not. I accept that and have moved on.

Something to note from yesterdays thread. When I was in 1st grade my teacher?s dad was killed by a drunk driver. In 2nd grade, my best friend?s mom, sister and brother were killed in crash caused by a drunk driver. 3rd grade, teen age twins in my neighborhood were killed by a drunk driver. This went on for another 3 years? AL and driving don?t mix.

To all my friends on the southern and eastern coasts, take care today!!

nat

[momof3]

AF Daily: Thursday, December 11th

Wow! Great, great posts...always. I need get started with the day but can't tear myself away from this discussion.

OK, Tom, "Living Under the Influence" is an awesome way to look at things. I was thinking yestereday that I escaped from doing major damage or breaking the law while drinking, but what about the more subtle damage that my drinking caused my family, my friends, my work colleagues? Living under the influence does cause damage...we can't escape that.

One other thing. Normal drinkers such as my husband don't think about "modding." Only people who struggle with Al talk about modding.

[retteacher]

AF Daily: Thursday, December 11th

Drinking & Driving: I'm ashamed to say that I've done it...not a whole lot, but I have done it.

Other ridiculous things I've done while under the influence:
-cleaning & chores
-going to Alanon meetings (yes, I've done that)
-going to plays
-baby-sitting (I was a nervous wreck & crabby besides)
-hosting dinner parties
-etc.

Why did I think drinking would make the above activities better? I don't have the slightest idea. Often the cleaning & chores were left undone half-way through. Who can remember a play when you're drunk? Dinner parties were endless when coming off a binge. Awful. These are the things I must remember when romantic notions of AL set in.

As for drunk-driver catastrophes: The daughter of one of our Alanon friends was recently hit by one & lost both her legs. She was loading the back of her Dad's van w/her luggage, & a DD slammed into her crushing both her legs w/his front bumper.

My son was arrested for DUI last March. Thank God for it! That night in jail kicked him into AA, & he's been sober ever since. BTW, he's still dealing w/fines, court, & lawyer fees...small payment compared to what might have happened.

Mary

[retteacher]

AF Daily: Thursday, December 11th

Mom3: Great thought about modding. Normal drinkers probably don't even get that concept. They do it automatically. Mary

PS: All the more reason for me NOT to even consider it.

[A Work in Progress]

AF Daily: Thursday, December 11th

Just a quick check-in, from me.

I am TOTALLY in agreement with all your remarks about taking responsibility (which is taking charge of our own destinies), not leaving the door cracked open, etc. And of course the language we use reflects our attitudes. One of the extremely beneficial aspects of meditation/mindfulness practice is that we learn a disciplined way to carefully and compassionately observe our own thoughts. It makes it much easier to notice when we are using language that reflects the beginning stages of relapse. Most of us do not even notice that we have slipped into thinking in a way that leads to relapse, such as Sausage's excellent example of "I hope that I will... " do (or not do) whatever. That sort of tentative and passive way of constructing our world leads us into a way of living in which we exist at the mercy of our impulses, and we become something like robots. And we tend to use that language only about behaviors that we are ambivalent about.

I have never heard anyone saying: "I hope I will feed my children (or my dogs) tonight," or "I hope I will put some gas in the car before it runs out." We just DO the things that we recognize are essential, or very important. That's why I like the mantra, or phrase: "I don't drink." It keeps things very simple, and it makes a statement about the way things ARE, rather than the way that I hope they will be.

Sausage, good for you, for switching that language/message around!

[AAthlete]

AF Daily: Thursday, December 11th

retteacher;492334 wrote: ....When I see normal, mod people drink, I know, for sure, that I'm an alcoholic. Because as soon as the first sip passes my lips, the obssession to have more sets right in.

Mary, that is an awesome description of my affliction! Normal people can take it or leave it after one - whereas one just gets me started. To me (and me only), counting drinks or presetting limits of consumption is no way to go through life. I'd rather be done with it and focus on things that make me happy.

[namaste]

AF Daily: Thursday, December 11th

Oh yeah, I definitely know people that can take it or leave it but I do think people in general have a tendency for addictions...shopping, eating, exercise, religion, relationships..it's our nature. WIP said it with Jungs quote about spirits...we're all craving something and we look for it in something else. For us, we gravitate to alcohol and overtime and history, I guess as many believe, even our genes have been altered. I'm not sure if I personally believe in that, but even so, it doesn't matter to me, because I still have a responsibility to take care of myself.. overtime we have genetically been altered to depend more and more on shelter and certain kind of foods for our survival, so on some level wires got crossed and we associated our emotional survival on alcohol..well, we have to fix the faulty wiring, and I think science is proving that we can do that. It's pretty amazing to me really..the science of addiction. I'm sure everyone has watched and talked about the film, What the Bleep...absolutely loved it... there is an animated piece about addiction and what goes on with the neuro transmitters, What the Bleep Do We Know!? & What the Bleep!? - Down the Rabbit Hole

Gotta run (not as in exercise..unfortunately) I'll be hopping (NOT) on the Abberciser board before long, it's the next BIG (yes) thing for me...I WILL lose 15 pounds by spring. It's just been a cacoon for me and I'm ready to shed it. I'm reading it and I'm getting inspired. I have gotten on the treadmill a few times rcently, and want to do some yoga which is the best thing for me..so I'm taking baby steps.

19 days AF