Hi,
Well i dont really know where to begin with my story and i must appologise if its a bit of a long one!
Im 29 years old and havent really been myself for as long as i can remember, i spent my childhood being abused and watching my mum being beaten by my step dad. got away from that and ended up in a couple of abusive relationships..thought that was the norm!!
Met a wonderful guy when i was 24 and we were v happy for a while..i went back to uni an got my business degree, got a good job an all that. but then things started to go wrong an we both started to drink to much cause of it, i started to remember stuff bout my past and he couldnt deal with what i was going through. This ended up in me falling out of love with him and becoming so obsessed with myself and drinking to forget what i was in some way trying to remember.During this time i realised that i really did love and need my man and i had just shut him out cause i didnt want him to know the horrid things id been through
So after 3 suicide attempts last year a mutual friend took me to barcelona for a wkend break just to give me some time out. unfortunatley while a was there i was attacked which took me back to all my previous issues and as soon as i got back i was in hospital again. This time my friend told my ex how sick i was and he came straight away...took me home from the hospital, took time off work to take care of me, we made plans to try again and after 3 days he left me alone.
So of course i turned to my best friend vodka again...this time though i had the common sence to call my mum who was an absolute angel and stayed with me as well as stopping the doctor from sectioning me. I gradually got better although i still drank every day, and then he got back in touch and stupidly i went. Spent 6 months so happy together, really thought id cracked it and then one morning in march completely out of the blue told me to leave...no reason, just pack and go...In hindsight id call it revenge. What a bastard.
Which leads me to where i am now..wasnt too bad till April when my nan (whos more like a mum to me) was rushed in to hosp for major emergency surgery..she was in I.T.U for ages an we nearly lost her, completely did my head in. So out came the 3 bottles of red a day again!! which has now progressed to the vodka..again!
Talk about a stitty few years eh... dont get me wrong i aint writing this feelin sorry for myself, to be honest it just feels good to get it off my chest.
But im back to drinkin to much an im off work with depression an if im honest... im scared cause i dont know where to go from here.
Would appreciate some feedback, advice...i promise im not nuts!
Cheers for listening an sorry bout the essay!
Lou x
Well i dont really know where to begin with my story and i must appologise if its a bit of a long one!
Im 29 years old and havent really been myself for as long as i can remember, i spent my childhood being abused and watching my mum being beaten by my step dad. got away from that and ended up in a couple of abusive relationships..thought that was the norm!!
Met a wonderful guy when i was 24 and we were v happy for a while..i went back to uni an got my business degree, got a good job an all that. but then things started to go wrong an we both started to drink to much cause of it, i started to remember stuff bout my past and he couldnt deal with what i was going through. This ended up in me falling out of love with him and becoming so obsessed with myself and drinking to forget what i was in some way trying to remember.During this time i realised that i really did love and need my man and i had just shut him out cause i didnt want him to know the horrid things id been through
So after 3 suicide attempts last year a mutual friend took me to barcelona for a wkend break just to give me some time out. unfortunatley while a was there i was attacked which took me back to all my previous issues and as soon as i got back i was in hospital again. This time my friend told my ex how sick i was and he came straight away...took me home from the hospital, took time off work to take care of me, we made plans to try again and after 3 days he left me alone.
So of course i turned to my best friend vodka again...this time though i had the common sence to call my mum who was an absolute angel and stayed with me as well as stopping the doctor from sectioning me. I gradually got better although i still drank every day, and then he got back in touch and stupidly i went. Spent 6 months so happy together, really thought id cracked it and then one morning in march completely out of the blue told me to leave...no reason, just pack and go...In hindsight id call it revenge. What a bastard.
Which leads me to where i am now..wasnt too bad till April when my nan (whos more like a mum to me) was rushed in to hosp for major emergency surgery..she was in I.T.U for ages an we nearly lost her, completely did my head in. So out came the 3 bottles of red a day again!! which has now progressed to the vodka..again!
Talk about a stitty few years eh... dont get me wrong i aint writing this feelin sorry for myself, to be honest it just feels good to get it off my chest.
But im back to drinkin to much an im off work with depression an if im honest... im scared cause i dont know where to go from here.
Would appreciate some feedback, advice...i promise im not nuts!
Cheers for listening an sorry bout the essay!
Lou x
....Sometimes it does feel like alcohol is the only reliable friend around! But in reality, it too can be very deceptive... especialy, if we go overboard with it. I hate that self loathing,..Glad you found us! Hope ya stick around, and keep posting. It will get better.:l , Judie
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