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Eight months AF - then BOOM!

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    #1

    Eight months AF - then BOOM!

    Ah, it was all going so well and then...

    My parents sent me a Christmas hamper yesterday as I won't be seeing them over Christmas. They know I've stopped drinking but I thought they'd probably put a bottle of wine in there, and I was ready for that and had visualised tipping it down the sink.

    But when it arrived there was a bottle of sherry. I've only ever drunk sherry when I visit my parents (my mother's a big sherry drinker), and I suppose it means warmth, comfort, something 'special' maybe. I don't know if it was the associations or the fact that I was home alone with alcohol, probably the latter.

    Anyway, I looked at it, thought about it. Thought I don't have to go to work tomorrow (today) so it won't matter if I'm hungover. Opened it, drank it.

    I suppose it confirms that I can't have booze in the house - which I haven't since I stopped drinking. Today I have no desire to drink so it's NOT going to spark a binge. I'm not really sure how I feel about it - kind of deflated. And also I suppose disappointed that after eight months AF I can't be 'sensible' with alcohol.

    Damn Christmas :H Oh, and I'm too hungover to figure out how to delete my signature at the moment.
    sigpic
    AF since December 22nd 2008
    Real change is difficult, and slow, and messy - Oliver Burkeman
    Tags: None
    #2
    Eight months AF - then BOOM!

    Hi Marshy.

    Don't beat yourself up.

    In actual fact. well done for staying AF for 8 months. Wow.

    Mistakes happen. That does not mean all your hard work was wasted.

    It's a new day. Good luck.
    AF since 15th March 2010

    The journey is the goal. As long as you're fighting the good fight and you're not giving up on giving up, you're winning. It's not about how often you get knocked down, it's about how often you get up again. Sobriety the goal for sure. But striving to get to that goal is what it's about. Not getting there. Because the journey never ends. The journey is the goal.

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      #3
      Eight months AF - then BOOM!

      Marshy...I DID the same thing! Had 8 months sober...BUT I let it send me in to a binge and depression...dont let that happen to you. It happened...it is over....pick up and move on with sobriety. Today you feel like hell but tomorrow you can feel better again...so much better, right? I am sober again and I like this life much better!!!
      Forever loved, forever missed Papa Bear

      Comment

        #4
        Eight months AF - then BOOM!

        Thanks Johnnyh & brittzak - maybe there's something about the eight-month mark?

        Definitely plan on NOT slipping back into drinking.

        I'm now going out Christmas shopping for the day with a hangover. Oh bliss.
        sigpic
        AF since December 22nd 2008
        Real change is difficult, and slow, and messy - Oliver Burkeman

        Comment

          #5
          Eight months AF - then BOOM!

          So glad to hear you are not going to let this derail you.

          I read a book called "The Heart of Addiction." One thing the author did say is that AA's "you start over when you slip" is very destructive. It does no good.

          Just get back up, dust off, and keep on keepin' on.

          Have a good shopping day, the headache will go away and you will feel better, soon.

          Love,
          Cindi
          AF April 9, 2016

          Comment

            #6
            Eight months AF - then BOOM!

            Just want to say thank you for posting this, as it serves as a great reminder to remain ever vigilant to life's little "surprises".

            And a huge WELL DONE eight months!
            You, as much as anyone in the universe, deserve your love and respect. ~ Buddha

            Comment

              #7
              Eight months AF - then BOOM!

              Marshy, at least you know now! Well done for not letting this turn into a major binge..THAT is good progress!
              Living now and not just existing since 9th July 2008
              Nicotine Free since 6th February 2009

              Comment

                #8
                Eight months AF - then BOOM!

                Marshy: I can't have AL in the house either. I also can't be sensible about it. You can be back in your program as of today, as am I. Mary
                Wisdom, Courage, Strength
                October 3, 2012

                Comment

                  #9
                  Eight months AF - then BOOM!

                  I completely understand, I would have done the same thing...
                  My brother in law does it on purpose...The prick sent us wine on Thanksgiving and then some came 2 days ago for Christmas...I had hubby take it to a neighbors house without even opening the gift wrap...I am sure it was a very good wine and I hope they enjoy it...
                  sigpicEyes on the PRIZE, a SOBER Future !!!

                  Comment

                    #10
                    Eight months AF - then BOOM!

                    Marshy, Cindi is right... we learn from our mistakes, dust off and move on. 8 months is impressive by it's self.

                    Power has been spotty and it's frigging cold here. I would have made a lousy pioneer. Coffee, computer, warm bed and warm feet rate very high!

                    Stay warm and well all. nat
                    Was an alcoholic yesterday, an alcoholic today and will still be an alcoholic tomorrow..... but I'm in charge now!

                    Comment

                      #11
                      Eight months AF - then BOOM!

                      Oh, Marshy, damn. How disappointing for you. And I certainly agree with Cindi and OMW. You learned so much from your 8 months of living free of alcohol, and will learn so much from this very short drinking episode; you know how to live very well without drinking. You know how to go about the business of not drinking. And now you know a lot more about one particularly powerful trigger. I know that you will be over these feelings of deflation and disappointment, and feeling strong and confident again, very soon.

                      Comment

                        #12
                        Eight months AF - then BOOM!

                        i made it four months then something bad happened and i've been struggling again to stay sober for two months. enough is enough. this is hard, just do ur best so that u had a one time slip, not a two month slip like me!

                        Comment

                          #13
                          Eight months AF - then BOOM!

                          Marshy,

                          I went nearly 7 months and then just had to try to mod - thought maybe I could do it. Found out really quickly (after only 3 days) that I could not. I was disappointed but in hindsight, I had to learn that lesson.

                          What matters now is what you decide to do. From your post, it sounds like you will be back on your feet quickly. I had a very rocky road back and found those first 30 days in Sept to be as tough as my first 30 days in Feb. I almost did not make it back to sober.

                          As for counting - do whatever motivates you! I told myself that if I made it to my AF anniversary date (Feb 4) without another drink I would just count it as an AF year. Not very AA, but it motivated me. Otherwise, I may just have caved in Sept thinking that I'd already blown it so WTF?. Now I am back in solid AF territory and I'm grateful that I know I cannot ever mod.

                          1967, I always kept in mind those that let that one bad decision turn into full blown relapse. I needed my drinking to be a lapse not a relapse. I know how hard getting back to safer ground is - for me it was only 30 days away - and sometimes I took it literally one minute at a time.

                          Be well
                          Beck

                          Sometimes you get there in spite of your route, losing track of your life and what it's about, the road seems to know when to straighten right out...Mary Chapin Carpenter

                          Comment

                            #14
                            Eight months AF - then BOOM!

                            Marshy, pick yourself and dust yourself off! 8 months is a wonderful achievement.

                            So, you felt a bit weak and drank it. As much as you are disappointed in yourself, it isn't the end all. Especially if you don't let it be.

                            You must feel like shit physically after being sober so long and then drinking some hard stuff? Let that be a kick in your hynee (SP) and continue on a sober path.

                            Much love to you XOXOXOXO

                            Comment

                              #15
                              Eight months AF - then BOOM!

                              point well taken Beck, thanks. i am going back to my reward system.
                              every 7 days i do something nice for myself that i would have blown the money on alcohol anyhow.
                              i can't lose sight of how important small achievement are... baby steps!

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