I just wanted to be able to drink like a normal person

[yogagirl]

Hi all! I've posted a few times and have been lurking for a while in a 300 mg topamax induced brain fog. Don't get me wrong; the stuff saved my life. Nasty side effects and all, I wouldn't have it any other way. I had already tried naltrexone, campral, and a combination of the two to no avail.
The reason why I am writing is after I got done reading RJ's book, I was so hopeful that I would be able to moderate my alcohol consumption. As I began on a low dose of Topa, I was able to cut back from 2 bottles of wine per evening to just 1. I did struggle though. When I hit the 200 mg point it was a lot better. When I got to 300 mg. I didn't want alcohol AT ALL. I lost 30 pounds put on by drinking all of those extra calories but I found myself crying for no reason whatsoever all of the time. Not sobbing. My doctor tried to tell me it was depression but I really had to disagree. I have a m.s. degree in counseling and have experienced post-partum depression with my son before and this was quite different. My gut was telling me to lower my dose. I couldn't function. I was falling asleep on the couch at 5:30. My kids were getting scared because they thought I had a terminal illness! They have never seen me sleep so much! I am a type A personality..always on the go and never depressed. Stressed, yes.
I have lowered my dose back down to 200 mg and am scared that I will want to drink again. I realized that I am just one of those people who cannot drink. Has anyone had this experience with topa? I have been on it since September. How long do you think it will be before I can come off? I was thinking a year just to be safe. I don't trust myself yet.

[A Work in Progress]

I just wanted to be able to drink like a normal person

Yogagirl, have you read the "Tool Box" thread? There's a post in there about "how to get a plan." I would suggest that over-reliance on medication to rid you of cravings/impulses, and the belief that you cannot succeed while you experience cravings/impulses, might be holding you back. The capacity to tolerate the discomfort of cravings/impulses, without giving in to them, is one of the most important aspects of long-term (permanent) recovery from alcohol abuse... It strengthens the pathways in your brain that help inhibit impulses, and enhances your sense of self-efficacy (which medication cannot do).

best wishes,

wip

[Doggygirl]

I just wanted to be able to drink like a normal person

Hi Yogagirl. I'm glad WIP came along with a more "technical" version of the answer than I can offer! (I highly recommend doing a search of WIP's posts!)

For myself, I am happy to be alcohol free without being dependent on a drug to help me do it. I don't have personal experience using Topomax or any of the other drugs that are prescribed to help people get sober. I CAN say from experience that it is certainly possible to get sober without the drugs. I think we all have to find that way that works best for us as individuals.

That being said, it sounds like you are having some pretty life impacting side affects from the Topa. If I were in your shoes I think I would be making a plan to get off of the Topa while still staying sober. I do believe that's possible and I believe there are some here who have done it that way - started with the help of prescription medication, and then worked their way off of it while staying sober.

Oh - I too was hopeful after reading the book about being able to moderate. I suspect that nearly everyone who is a problem drinker and reads the book is hopeful they will be able to moderate. People who have used other programs that do NOT incorporate moderation options are hopeful they can moderate. People like me who KNEW better than to think I could moderate had to try to moderate. Part of addiciton (I think) is fantasizing that we can somehow get ourselves unaddicted. I found that getting sober became a lot easier once I accepted that I will NEVER be able to drink moderately. For me? Pure fantasy and nothing more. Moving past that notion is a wonderful thing.

Best wishes to you..

DG

[MissDoodleBug]

I just wanted to be able to drink like a normal person

Aw!!! I have so been where you are!!! Topamax was poison to me, I could not work and my hair started falling out. I was depressed, crying and totally miserable. I had to get off the stuff. Finally, 8 months after getting off it my hair stopped falling out! That drug is powerful stuff. It may work for others but I am 1000% happier off it!

Yes, I also came to the realization that I could not drink at all. On December 14 I decided, that was it, no more hangovers, no more living in a fog, no more poisoning myself! I dug up my MWO book and supplements and made a 5 pronged plan of attack! (I wrote it down, I just put it in the Toolbox sticky, thanks I did not know that was here!)

This time, I feel far less cravings than I did on Topamax just using the other supplements and the hypnosis CD's. And Allen Carr's book really helps with the mental aspects of addiction. And the good thing is, we only need to stay on the full program 6 weeks.

I made it so far though the holiday season with drinkers all around and (knock wood, cross fingers and toes) it was not hard! I feel great, I feel happy and that is something I never would have believed after being dependent on my 3 bottles of wine a day for so many years. Literally I would drink from noon till midnight. Alcohol is a depressant and a poison, no wonder I was miserable!

You can do this too! You have some great tools with the All-One, the Kudzu, the L-Glutamine and the True Calm.

Big hugs to you! Hang in there hon, stay strong!!!

Love,

Doodlebug

[retteacher]

I just wanted to be able to drink like a normal person

I second what DGirl & Ms. D said: It was a lot easier when I realized that I just cannot drink normally. Someone on this thread said (I paraphrase): "Normal drinkers don't have to think about drinking moderately. They just do." I made a lot of rules to drink mod (most of which I broke), & I still went back to crazy drinking right away.

WIP's suggestion about reading the toolbox thread is excellent. I read it through often. It's full of great ideas for staying sober.

I don't take any supps or meds...just my normal multi-vit.

Good luck. Mary

[inventorgtp]

I just wanted to be able to drink like a normal person

i can drink "normaly", 1-2 and stop no problem. I use naltraxone, works like a charm and consistantly. I dont have to worry about going over the edge because I have had a horrific day, I know its not going to "take me away" like it used to.just to give a counterpoint to the others here.

[Doggygirl]

I just wanted to be able to drink like a normal person

inventorgtp;503556 wrote: i can drink "normaly", 1-2 and stop no problem. I use naltraxone, works like a charm and consistantly. I dont have to worry about going over the edge because I have had a horrific day, I know its not going to "take me away" like it used to.just to give a counterpoint to the others here.

Hi there and welcome to My Way Out. Based on what I've seen over the years, you are an exception - a rare exception. You are also accomplishing moderation with the help of a prescription drug. Nothing wrong with that, but FOR MYSELF if I require a prescription drug to "drink normally" than I am still a problem drinker and for me personally, I believe the best solution is to not drink rather than play with "fire" and prescription drugs.

We are all different in our approach and it's great that yours is working for you.

DG

[Evie.Lou]

I just wanted to be able to drink like a normal person

The biggest hurdle for me has been to realize that I can Never drink like a 'normal person".
What is "normal, anyway???".
I am allergic to any fish that doesn't come in a shell. I mean DEADLY allergic.I can't even open a can of cat food without my eyes swelling shut.
So i have learned to love shellfish and stay FAR AWAY from the other...I am also allergic to alcohol...I have to stay far away from that.I am DEADLY allergic to it...simple as that .