don't know where to start...
just moved three weeks ago from texas to maryland. we moved to two different countries and eight different states in the past 12 years. my husbands job.
i woke up this morning and fellt real discusted with myself, had chest and stomach pain (again) from drinking to much. i went on my pc and googled what long term affect alcohol has on the body, and came to this site. i have been reading and crying for more that eight hours.
i started drinking when i was 13. my dad was a long time alcoholic and died at 50 from the abuse. i married a very abusive alcoholic when i was 19. he was 12 years older and died 6 years ago at 46 do to liver and kidney failure. those days i only drank on the weekends i had two young boys and very little money for alcohol but managed to get a small bottle (tequila) for the weekend. drinking was my only entertainment except for my boys. i eventually married again and had my last child.
my drinking completely spun out of control five years ago when my middle child was diagnosed with a brain tumor, he had several surgeries, and a very hard and long rehabilitation. he was like a baby when we left the rehab center, couldn't walk barely talk and was on a feeding tube. my husband was traveling a lot for work, so i was by myself with the care of my son. to ease the pain of seeing my once very active son so lifeless i started drinking as soon as i had him bathed and taking care of, which was about noon and did'nt stop to about 3 in the morning. i was not staggering drunk because i had to stay allert for my son in case he gets a seizure or had to use the bathroom. i didn't think i had a drinking problem, after all my son had to have two more brain surgeries and both times i was with him in the hospital day and night and did not drink at all. so when we came home i started drinking again. when my sons condition improved and was able to attend school full time which took about one year, i started to work again, i dint drink during the day but as soon as i got home at four i started, first wine and then back to my beloved tequilla.on the weekends or on my days of i started drinking earlier in the day.
for the past few months sins our move i have been drinking a large bottle of tequila every three days.
i had to leave my two oldest boys in texas. they have their college and friends etc. both of them where still living with us and i miss them terrible we are very close.
on thursday i have to go back to texas to be with my son he has a mri and oncology visit the last visit showed a change in the residual tumor. i am scared all the time and could not stand if he would have to go to this again. i wish i could be strong and stop drinking. i love my boys more than anything in the world and want to be alive to take care of them and see them have children. i know i have to stop drinking to be there for them. it is after 3;00 pm and i haven't had a drink but i am craving one i hope i will be able not drink today.
just moved three weeks ago from texas to maryland. we moved to two different countries and eight different states in the past 12 years. my husbands job.
i woke up this morning and fellt real discusted with myself, had chest and stomach pain (again) from drinking to much. i went on my pc and googled what long term affect alcohol has on the body, and came to this site. i have been reading and crying for more that eight hours.
i started drinking when i was 13. my dad was a long time alcoholic and died at 50 from the abuse. i married a very abusive alcoholic when i was 19. he was 12 years older and died 6 years ago at 46 do to liver and kidney failure. those days i only drank on the weekends i had two young boys and very little money for alcohol but managed to get a small bottle (tequila) for the weekend. drinking was my only entertainment except for my boys. i eventually married again and had my last child.
my drinking completely spun out of control five years ago when my middle child was diagnosed with a brain tumor, he had several surgeries, and a very hard and long rehabilitation. he was like a baby when we left the rehab center, couldn't walk barely talk and was on a feeding tube. my husband was traveling a lot for work, so i was by myself with the care of my son. to ease the pain of seeing my once very active son so lifeless i started drinking as soon as i had him bathed and taking care of, which was about noon and did'nt stop to about 3 in the morning. i was not staggering drunk because i had to stay allert for my son in case he gets a seizure or had to use the bathroom. i didn't think i had a drinking problem, after all my son had to have two more brain surgeries and both times i was with him in the hospital day and night and did not drink at all. so when we came home i started drinking again. when my sons condition improved and was able to attend school full time which took about one year, i started to work again, i dint drink during the day but as soon as i got home at four i started, first wine and then back to my beloved tequilla.on the weekends or on my days of i started drinking earlier in the day.
for the past few months sins our move i have been drinking a large bottle of tequila every three days.
i had to leave my two oldest boys in texas. they have their college and friends etc. both of them where still living with us and i miss them terrible we are very close.
on thursday i have to go back to texas to be with my son he has a mri and oncology visit the last visit showed a change in the residual tumor. i am scared all the time and could not stand if he would have to go to this again. i wish i could be strong and stop drinking. i love my boys more than anything in the world and want to be alive to take care of them and see them have children. i know i have to stop drinking to be there for them. it is after 3;00 pm and i haven't had a drink but i am craving one i hope i will be able not drink today.
. There's a lot of great people here and a lot of care and support, sounds like you could really use some right now :l . I try to drink a big glass of water in between every drink I allow myself to have,.. doesn't sound like much, but it does help. Again welcome, and let us know how things are going...Hugs, Judie
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