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**trishinnebraska** · July 28, 2006, 08:23 AM

question for becca??

Happy Birthday to you ... Happy Birthday to you...

Have a great one!

**Guest** · July 28, 2006, 09:23 AM

question for becca??

Hi Soccermom!
Wow, thanks for the wonderful message!
To answer your question, I don't think I did actually do a post where I specifically talked about weaning off the Topa. It's been a bit rough these past few weeks. What happened to make me decide to wean off (I was at 100-125mg and have been on the topa since March) were a couple things.
-My stomach issues kept really bothering me. It would get better, than exacerbate to the point where I had to be near a bathroom and had constant cramping. It was getting in the way of my running, and just REALLY annoying. I had tried to adjust other supps, quit the all one, and still had these problems. Figured it must be the Topa causing it. I did some more reading on side effects and GI stuff and kidney stones. Thought "I'm going to try to wean off and see how I do...."
-Also, I had found that even on that amount of Topa, if I wanted to drink, I did. And the drink count was getting high again, like the 8,9, 10 range maybe once or twice a week. Still was not blacking out or getting too drunk too early or any of that, but was thinking the Topa had become a little inneffective in stopping me from pouring the drinks down my throat. Didn't want to up it more because of the stomach stuff. Frustrating.
-Lastly, I went to the zoo with the kids a couple weeks ago. Left my freaking car door WIDE open the entire time we were there. That is the 3rd time in the last few months I have done that! I'm thinking "dopa??".

So all of that stuff into consideration, I decided to try to do this without the topa.
Here's the kicker: now I have had a few times in the past month where I've been downright hammered. Stayed up drinking wine way too late on Wed night with a male friend of ours, and it upset my husband. It's like I'm letting myself get drunk on occasion, but then am HATING myself afterwards.

So I'm at a crossroads. I even took extra supps, double Kudzu wed, knowing we would be drinking, but still drank way too much.

Told my husband this morning that I don't want to go down that bad road and end up right back where I started. I've come too far!! Just a bump here, and I need to figure something out. Might need to do abs and start all over, without the topa. Like I'm brand new. Why not?

So.... after vacation starting tomorrow, I believe I'm going to give a shot at 30 days abs, and kind of restart the program from square one. Would rather do it now than to let things get too out of hand. I do want to be able to enjoy some drinks here and there, and was doing that for a few months with very infrequent slips.

So that's the plan, soccermom! Thank you so much for asking and for the concern and support. I'm gonna need you guys big time after next wk. Hubby said he would abstain with me, so that helps! We've both gotten too plastered on occasion this month, and we're training for that half marathon labor day wknd. So this ends up being good timing. I'll be in uber shape!! (I hope, I hope). Yesterday I was too hungover to exercise, and that is stupid. I read the abs board and those people seem so happy! Chrysalis was right about that. I never did do 30 days. Just 10 or 11 and then a few days in a row here and there. Might even do the hypno! Have never gotten into that, even though I tried a couple times.

Keep in touch, and thanks again. Sorry if I let anyone down with this past month.

**Saint Jude** · July 28, 2006, 11:07 AM

question for becca??

Oh Becca! Of course you haven't let anyone down...:l I was wondering about ya. I shoudv'e called you! Just figured you were busy with kids & all...

Sounds like your Hubby's being nice & supportive. I wish I could get mine to go abs with me for a stretch....(I think...

) Has been quite a while for me ! I feel like I've been getting a bit too casual with my program, especially on my days off...
I'm gonna have to be VERY CAREFUL with myself for 6 days in Vegas!

**soccermom** · July 28, 2006, 11:22 AM

question for becca??

don't ever say you let us down!

Becca,
Thanks so much for your honest answer.... the reason I asked in the first place and that I have already taken my extra 25mg of topa this morning for my b-day is because I too, feel like if I have it in my mind that I'm going to have a few glasses of wine the topa isn't going to necessarily stop me. I wondered if you had hit a magic dosage....anyway, I think the mind plays such a big part of this, and yes, the topa helps, but if my mind is not in the right spot than I can be taking all the topa in the world and well...you know....
For instance, I really would like to have a glass of wine tonight (like I've been having for the past month) and I don't want my mind to say,"oh what the heck, it's your birthday, have the whole darn bottle!!" So, I figured I'd counteract with the extra topa.
You know, ALL of you on this mod board are amazing....just so you know! I haven't read any of the ab board because I so don't want to give up my wine, but maybe that is what I also need to do for awhile...here's something pretty pathetic----as we were driving home from South Dakota Reunioun we drove all 15 hours and missed cocktail hour all together-----that was the first AF night for me in a very long time and it was not hard at all....I could have done it the next night, I suppose....just a thought that!
I love you all!
SM-mary

**InnerStrength** · July 28, 2006, 03:17 PM

question for becca??

Yeah I think we definitely have to be careful

I too have to still be careful, despite the topa. I just went up to 100mg yesterday and today being Friday I am having cravings. I am already planning to have a couple of drinks tonight with some friends after work and plan on being very moderate. I hope I can do it. Going to try to drink water in between. I dont think the cravings are as bad or anything - dont have the same urge to get "hammered" - you know that urge??
But definitely an urge for a buzz....
does this go away or is this a habit thing...am I trying to escape something? oh boy.....

**Guest** · July 28, 2006, 05:31 PM

question for becca??

Jenn, your comment "am I trying to escape something?...." kind of makes me smile (sorry, that's twisted or something!
My dr. sent me to an addictions counsellor when this whole thing hit the fan. All the counsellor was trying to figure out was "what happened to you in your childhood? Are you not happy? Why are you trying to escape?"
We went on for a couple sessions, and hell, it turns out, I just like to get drunk.... well, maybe I don't LIKE the aftereffects, the guilt, the retarded things I may do when I'm drinking, but I certainly like to "let go" and "get there". I DID. Gotta keep reminding myself that.
Sure, there were times in my life when I may have drank for escape. But now, I have an awesome house, great husband who supports me 110%, 2 amazing kids, I don't have to work...just need to get over that "habit" like you said. It's like the drinking to get drunk thing has just been a staple in my life. Catch a buzz, yeah, hammered beyond the point of remembering going to bed..... I REALLY DO HATE THAT. That has happened a couple times this past month. Thankfully, I'm on it, and have a plan.
Yesteryear, I would just keep a drinkin. Not only hammered to go to bed, but way before it was appropriately time to do so!
We'll talk soon

**Guest** · July 28, 2006, 05:32 PM

question for becca??

What?? that comment was from me. HA! not logged in

**soccermom** · July 28, 2006, 06:09 PM

question for becca??

"I'm on it and I have a plan!!" I love that!! and I think that's a motto to live by! As long as we can continue to try...to continue to know that each other is out there and struggling...for instance, even though I was away from the computer while I was at my family reunion, I thought of you all, and knew that I wasn't alone in this...so, I may have one too many one day....I may go ab for a month---we celebrate with each other, we struggle with each other. You all are the best!
Sm...mary

**Guest** · July 28, 2006, 08:54 PM

question for becca??

Mary,
That is my mom's name.
Just love you tons and understand the meaning of carrying these people "in my back pocket"! It helps. Huge.
It's 10pm here. I have been drinking. I will stop soon as I am thinking of you all. It is so powerfull!
Thanks, everyone. Please don't hate me cuz it's taking me a bit longer to get it together.....

ever grateful,

**tawnyfrog** · July 28, 2006, 09:12 PM

question for becca??

Hey Becca

Always trust your cape.

Tawny

**Guest** · July 29, 2006, 06:07 AM

question for becca??

The Cape

Tawny,
That's why I chose that little dude!
Little me, trying to be "superperson", but knowing I'm not quite equipped yet....!

I trust the cape. And I trust you all.
Thanks.
Off for vacation today. I will be joining Kathy in absville when we return.
Promise to not go overboard on vaca. 30 days is not that bad. Hubby says "drop in the bucket" compared to what I've accomplished so far.
Scale registered I've lost 10 pounds this morning. 143 to 133.
Like Shas, I "just keep swimming"...

Going to try to take this computer with us. May not have wireless up there... I'll be in withdrawl from that! OK, gotta finish packing.

Love, love, love

**InnerStrength** · July 29, 2006, 10:26 AM

question for becca??

No one could hate you Becca

:h No one could ever hate you becca. I have a feeling you and I have a lot in common - as for you "taking longer to get it together"- i dont think thats true. I think you've been doing great. So, you've hit a bit of across-roads. So what? I have to say that I think I see myself being a stubborn one around here. I am trying really hard but i still sometimes find myself in sabotage mode - do you know what i mean? Like, I want a drink - i feel i can control it but - f*^& it - I am having one anyways! (This is something I need to work on, I know). In any event, I can say for certain that thetopa is definitely helping - in the following ways: the physical cravings are definitely reduced- much easier to delay the first drink or say no. The drinks go down slower and dont "need" as much. Can stop much easier. However, I am still struggliing with the habit side. With me, a very particular thing ihave struggled with (Fridays are deadly for me though last night I was actually able to control myself better than a long time), is that "well, what the heck do i do with myself now" and "what do i have to look forward to after a grueling day of work" - for those of you who dont know - i dont have kids to go home to and my hubby is away a lot for work....but those are my own battles
love you all, and you a WHOLE LOT becca:h :h :h
Jen

**Saint Jude** · July 29, 2006, 11:34 AM

question for becca??

Hey Becca! Have a great vacation!

Wish I were there w/ya! :h :l ,...Judie

**MKR** · July 29, 2006, 12:27 PM

question for becca??

Have a great vacation Becca! We wil miss you, I think you are doing very well!

Jen, it is the habit for me, that I am sure - the cds have helped me with that. getting a better handle on the habit and mental issues involved.

Hugs to all,
Mary

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