AF Daily - Monday January 19, 2009

[Doggygirl]

Good morning everyone!

AFM, I read your posts late yesterday afternoon and needed some time to think about the topic before posting. First off, I'm so sorry your in-laws treat you like that. Unfortunately, we can't change other people's choices to act like ass hats. Where my thinking about your situation led me was to this - if we are to build a sober life, then we CANNOT drink, no matter what tragic circumstances have happened in our pasts or our "todays." And we all will face difficulties somewhere down the road in the path of life. To be sober we have to find a way to choose not to drink on the good days and the bad days and all the days in between. And as one who is no fan of my own in-laws, I will just say that NO WAY will I ever hand over my hard won sobriety to them no matter what they ever say or do. (same goes for anyone else for that matter) I don't know that this thought is helpful to you AFM (probably not) but each situation shared here is good food for thought for me.

I am sorry to read about the drunk driving accidents that have hit so close to home for you Mary and LVT. I am disgusted when I think of the times I have driven after drinking and consider myself incredibly lucky that I have not gotten a DUI (best case scenario) or killed someone (worst case scenario). The laws in IL were tightened up as of January 1 and now more people who are arrested for DUI will have the devices in their cars where you have to blow sober to start your car. I think that is a good step. But it won't stop everyone from drinking and getting on the road. I am just mortified that I have done it before so many times.

Hulagirl, I was very happy to read your post because YOUR day reflects the very wonderful side of getting sober! I can imagine you and your husband and son enjoying a special day in the sun with such a beautiful Hawaii view before he returns to college. You not only avoided the "dark side" of drinking but you had one of those extra special days that is so positive. THOSE are the days worth being sober for!!!!! Where does your son go to school? What is he studying? You must be very proud of him.

Welcome back Janice!

Hello to everyone yet to come.

Mr. Doggy is on an e-bay kick and is busy cleaning out the basement. It's ALL GOOD!! He is determined to make enough money selling the old stuff to get himself a new metal detector. There are lots of sites around our old town that have a rich history and who knows what little treasures under ground. E-Bay is sure proof that one man's junk is another man's treasure.

Today my normal Monday meeting is cancelled so I am going to double up my workouts and go to Curves, then run some errands, then go to Yoga. US Nationals starts in figure skating today. It's only the Novice competition but who knows what stars of tomorrow are out there to be seen!

Mary I've been meaning to tell you that your examples of where you are using meditation techniques to stay (or get) calm and centered have really hit home to me. Between you and WIP I'm convinced I need to learn more.

Have a great sober day everyone. NOTHING IN LIFE IS SO BAD THAT ALCOHOL WON'T MAKE IT WORSE.

DG

[greeneyes]

AF Daily - Monday January 19, 2009

Morning DG & all to come!

You're right-on about our inability to change others and circumstances. I watched Jerry Osteen last night and he talked about our personal power. Our right to a peaceful, happy day / life. And if we let someone change that then we give them our power. (Translate to our right to be sober.) And if we try to be nice to someone and they don't accept it, it comes right back to us so we have more. (the more you give, the more you get).

So I thought about this and think that when someone acts in a certain way and "makes me want to drink" it is the same thing. Not only will I not drink, but I will not let them take my happy feeling. He also talked about some people being like garbage trucks and they have to dump garbage sometimes. So keep your lid on. :H Really, he said that.

Have a good day, and keep your BGPs on and keep your lid on. Keep an eye out for back up lights!

[AAthlete]

AF Daily - Monday January 19, 2009

Morning all and happy Monday!

You're right, we cannot control people or their actions and attempting to do so is futile - we can only control our reactions to them. I heard a saying over the weekend that it is not enough to have the DESIRE to want to change, you have to take the ACTION needed to effect the change.

I can desire to get more physically fit, or to stop drinking, or to not let people's reactions bother me, but simply wanting it to happen doesn't cut it. I have to be willing to do something about it, to take the necessary action in my life to make those things come true, right? I have to put a plan into place, and then actively work that plan so that when something that someone says does bother me, I can react to it in a normal and rational way as opposed to getting upset and internalizing it.

[retteacher]

AF Daily - Monday January 19, 2009

Hi DG & Greenie: Great stuff already! As far as meditation: I found a tape in my husb's bedside table & have been using that. It's a guided meditation...there's someone on the tape leading you into a meditative state. Sometimes my mind is going full-speed, but even if I have a few clear moments, I'm happy. I have been tuning into my body throughout the day to locate any tense spots...usually they are in my abdomen or chest. I then just loosen those up. Sometimes I even do that when I'm w/people & have a sudden feeling of tension. It's very helpful. Anyhow, it's not very complicated & pretty easy to do. A trip to the local library would probably be the place to find such a tape or CD.

Yes, I only have control over myself. Bad moods, nastiness, thoughtlessness, etc. doesn't have to effect me unless I let it. I like my in-laws, but they are a complicated, dysfunctional tribe. I do my best w/them but realize that ultimately I'm responsible for myself alone. I won't let anyone (& that includes my husb & parents) drive me to drink. I am determined to stay sober no matter what!

We've gotten yet another snowstorm. Yesterday, I was snowbound, & it was all right, but today, I'm going to plow out & take the dog for a long walk. Cabin fever is not good for my sobriety. I'm going to a meeting tonight. I have to go to any lengths to stay sober, & if I have to brave the freezing temps, that just what I'll do.

I'll check back later. Love, Mary

[retteacher]

AF Daily - Monday January 19, 2009

Hi AAth: We cross-posted. Mary

[greeneyes]

AF Daily - Monday January 19, 2009

Yes, you're right AA. On a simple level, I need a job and one dropping into my lap is unlikely. I have to send out resumes, etc.

Mary, you might find Suzanne Bovenzier's web site interesting. She talks about chakras, their locations and the emotions that are related to them. This along with guided meditations for each accompanied by aromatherapy suggestions.

[dill]

AF Daily - Monday January 19, 2009

Good morning all! Once again, I'm 'listening' and learning. You all have given me more to think about though out this cold, snowy day. I know it to be true that I am in control of me and nobody else is, and that action is more powerful than wishing or hoping or wanting. But it is good to be reminded.

Have a wonderful day, all!

[on my way]

AF Daily - Monday January 19, 2009

Good talk today, I have enjoyed reading and thinking.

I had a great weekend, actually caught up on sleep and house work.

Mary, I am so happy for you, the days are stacking up behind you, impressive!!!

All of you are so important in this recovery and reclamation of life; it's very helpful to have some guidance.


Happy Monday to all, nat

[Sweaty Betty]

AF Daily - Monday January 19, 2009

Spot on!

''I can desire to get more physically fit, or to stop drinking, or to not let people's reactions bother me, but simply wanting it to happen doesn't cut it. I have to be willing to do something about it, to take the necessary action in my life to make those things come true, right? I have to put a plan into place, and then actively work that plan so that when something that someone says does bother me, I can react to it in a normal and rational way as opposed to getting upset and internalizing it.''

Thanks AAthlete. For whatever reason these words really hit home. I have a plan for tomorrow. Will let everyone know how I get on. Thanks to everyone who posts and shares. B:thanks:

Sorry - couldn't work out how to do the quote in a different colour!

[caysea]

AF Daily - Monday January 19, 2009

Hi All
Don't usually drop in but AA something you said about action reminded me of what my old karate instructor would say.It is through your actions to get in shape that you will get in shape.He said you can't talk about it and not do your exercise and expect any thing to be different.Also you can be the richest man in the world but you can't buy being in shape or pay someone to do it for you.You have to do the work .
Stopping drinking and living a sober lifestyle is not talking but action.We have many tools but when the day is done it is our hard work that will give us the results.

Stay Healthy and Keep Fighting
AF 5-16-08

[Accountable for Me]

AF Daily - Monday January 19, 2009

DG, you are right. I am totally p'd off at myself for losing control. I can't even tell you how upset I am about it. I have been up since 3am just kicking myself... I know it doesn't help; but I am at a point in my life where I actually want to have a life. This alcohol problem has caused nothing but problems for me. With all of my relationships, illegal stuff, and my kids. I will never lose control again because some one told me to f-off again. It only made me feel worse and depressed.

I have cut off the communications with them. It all came about when I went to pick up my cat a week ago. I guess they needed to lash out at someone; and that would be me. I guess they were put off that I actually looked and acted like I was happy in my life. I was... finally reaching that point.

I learned a valuable lesson here. Thank you all for your support. I do appreciate it.

[Doggygirl]

AF Daily - Monday January 19, 2009

AFM, I say good for you. ALLOW yourself to feel that anger about making a bad choice no matter what the circumstances. Sometimes here at MWO the standard answer is that "drinking was OK - you had a tough situation - just dust off and carry on..."

That's fine if you want to be drinking, feeling bad about it, getting a group hug, dusting off, and then doing that whole sequence including the drinking over and over again.

GET MAD. BE MAD AT YOURSELF. YOU are the one who can stop the madness and that will only happen by deciding that NOTHING is worth drinking over - NOTHING.

Then do what you gotta do about the in-laws, or whatever junk in your life needs some change, which it sounds like you are doing!

Great posts Greenie, AA, Caysea. What you describe IS what is required to get and stay sober.

DG

[Accountable for Me]

AF Daily - Monday January 19, 2009

I agree with you on the getting mad part.

This problem will never go away until we get mad at it. Get mad at ourselves. Sure, we make mistakes but we will never learn from them if we keep going in the same circles.... over and over again.

I am MAD as heck. I have had it. I am sooo pissed off. and, yes, I have to dwell on what happened because it was a poor decision and I am choked that I was weak. A lesson truly learned here.

[Janice]

AF Daily - Monday January 19, 2009

Hi......got day 1 under my belt and had the best sleep ever. Feel good today as I tackle day 2.

Janicexxx

[on my way]

AF Daily - Monday January 19, 2009

Hi Janice (((hugs)))) It's so nice to see you!!

nat