ONE HELL of a fight with hubby

[lil.michelle]

I had a drink yesterday, i wasn't drunk or anything. I've been REALLY ill with the sickness winter bug. I guess i thought it would make me feel better, give me some much needed energy. Hubby came home early and flew at me. He treats so like a child when i've drunk, taking the piss out of me as a person, being disrespectful towards me ect ect. I ended up slapping him round the face. He took it way to far. I blew.
I know i used to be horrible and suicidle when i used to drink while i had postnatal depression. I used to drink a bottle a night, every night, i hated myself, my life ect ect,. I know how i was is still fresh in his mind so i know i need to completely stop. It's just hard for me everytime i get to day 3 or whatever.

I'm really upset. It just seems no matter what i do it's never enough. He has all my money, all my cards so i can't buy anything. He checks my mobile everyday, checks my email, my mail. He breathalysers me every night. I'm not allowed to talk to people online i don't know so i'm stuck home all day, alone with a child and my only contact with a person is him. It's hard for me. I'm such an outgoing person.

I shouldn't have drunk. I love him soo much. It's just so hard. It was hard seeing how he was last night, so hurt, upset ect ect. We've made up but i'm still hurting, i guess he is too.

[Rachelita]

ONE HELL of a fight with hubby

Although he overreacted over one drink, it scares him. I think this is why the fight was so bad. Children are involved. I wish sometimes I had one, because I know I would stop if I did. But, what a terrible reason to have a child, just to stop drinking.
I sincerely hope that you are going to be ok.
p.s. I do not know what postpartem depression feels lke, but I have been clinically depressed for 12 years. It sucks.

[gyco]

ONE HELL of a fight with hubby

lil M,ouch,tough to give advice,but here it goes,he s very controlling,but he s concerned,probably cause he loves you,my dear he has to realize he and the child will never be able to control your al problem, which you no you have,if you didnt you wouldn't be here,ne of the first steps you might take is counselling,one on one 1st, second after a few sessions with him if he would participate,get a baby sitter and go together,he mt only go once,then theres treatment which your doing already,this site, if the problem is worse ,does he have coverage for treatment,if so, as many said to me depending on what facility you go to,normally its a 28 day program,sometimes longer,doesn't always work, but it will give you a different view on your addiction,lil M .in all does not mean your alcoholic, the place will let you decide that, after you get out,you'll have plenty of time to decice,i thot id add, ive been thro treatment, of late ive been studying Doctor Silkworths studies of alcoholism, its on the net, underwww silkworth, it wont hurt to look,explains a lot,i do wish you well,any other questions I'm more then here for you gyco

[FloridaBoy]

ONE HELL of a fight with hubby

You have a decision to make...your family or AL. :l

[bloggy]

ONE HELL of a fight with hubby

lil.michelle;530227 wrote: I had a drink yesterday, i wasn't drunk or anything. I've been REALLY ill with the sickness winter bug. I guess i thought it would make me feel better, give me some much needed energy. Hubby came home early and flew at me. He treats so like a child when i've drunk, taking the piss out of me as a person, being disrespectful towards me ect ect. I ended up slapping him round the face. He took it way to far. I blew.
I know i used to be horrible and suicidle when i used to drink while i had postnatal depression. I used to drink a bottle a night, every night, i hated myself, my life ect ect,. I know how i was is still fresh in his mind so i know i need to completely stop. It's just hard for me everytime i get to day 3 or whatever.

I'm really upset. It just seems no matter what i do it's never enough. He has all my money, all my cards so i can't buy anything. He checks my mobile everyday, checks my email, my mail. He breathalysers me every night. I'm not allowed to talk to people online i don't know so i'm stuck home all day, alone with a child and my only contact with a person is him. It's hard for me. I'm such an outgoing person.

I shouldn't have drunk. I love him soo much. It's just so hard. It was hard seeing how he was last night, so hurt, upset ect ect. We've made up but i'm still hurting, i guess he is too.

I don't like the sound of this AT ALL. How dare he check your mail and email? And to breathalyse you- what the hell is he- a cop?

I realise you may have done stupid, wrong things when you have been drinking, but he has no right to belittle you in this way. Your post has made me see quite red- can you get to see a councillor? I think he needs help more than you- he is horribly controlling and this cannot be helping your sobriety.

[Popeye]

ONE HELL of a fight with hubby

I know he probably thinks he's trying to look after you michelle, but I think getting breathalized every night is a bit too much, and having your emails read and your contacts with the outside world monitored wreaks of something not good. He knows you have a problem and he knows you're trying to address it.
I hope you can work it out rationally, between you both.

[upnorthgirl]

ONE HELL of a fight with hubby

WTF???

I agree with Marbella--this is not just concern, it is control. Check your phone and email? Breathalyzer? Are you in PRISON?

Yes, you have a problem with AL as we all do. Yes, people can help you out in a myriad of ways, including being go-to people, support, someone to talk to or remind you what the choices are.
But for heaven's sake! You are a grown woman, a mother, a person in your own right. You can't just hand over your life to a control freak..you need to fight this battle on your own terms...not be a prisoner in your own home.

Grrr...my first marriage was to a control freak--decades ago--I did not even drink then. But I know that doormat behavior, succumbing to another's power, feeling like crap, giving up my independence. YOU ARE BETTER THAN THAT--time to take control and take back YOU!

Time to tell hubby thanks but no thanks--I am a strong woman who appreciates your support but I need to do this on my own terms. You can do this--we have your back.

[aidanspappa]

ONE HELL of a fight with hubby

LilMichelle,

The things we allow others to do to us is our fault; what we do about it is our responsibility and the result of such action/inaction becomes our story.

Your story awaits to be written differently, according to your post here. I along with everyone here love and respect beyond just relating to you, as your story is our story with different characters playing our roles. Your pain is our pain both past and present. We may help to hasten the pain, yet our overall goal is to expand your experience of joy. Why? When you experience joy, we do as well.

Yet while such words are comforting, they can no more serve you than eating your lunch for you; yet do not make the mistake of feeling alone.

We are all one, together as one, experiencing this life as one. You are not alone, seperated or disconnected from any of us...which includes everyone in your life. Recognize this connection and take action. Don't be afraid. We are all afraid of something, so again, you are not alone. It is when you are afraid and fear seems the greatest you must act; as the action you take while being afraid is the very definition of what it means to be courageous. The Poem below is something I keep to remind me of what to do when I am afriad I believe it fits for any gender or race. It's called "IF" by Rudyard Kipling

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you
But make allowance for their doubting too,
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:
If you can dream--and not make dreams your master,
If you can think--and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings--nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much,
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And--which is more--you'll be a Man, my son!


--Rudyard Kipling

I am not an expert, but your relationship is familiar to me. I was married at 20, later divorced at 25 (I am now 39-today!!!). The woman I was with [whom I loved deeply to a fault] was just as dysfunctional as me; both of us didn't want to be alone. We knew the marriage was over a year into it, but it took 4 years later before we finally and peacefully left each other to find ourselves.

Wishing you peace in your now, today and forever.

Big hugs to you both.

[skinny cow]

ONE HELL of a fight with hubby

i'm really very sorry to hear of what you are going through and you sound like you are in a lot of pain. I know you are strugglin with al and your husband has probably been very frustrated in the past.
But i agree with marabella and the others. Breathalizing you every night and especially checking your emails and phone seems like an incredible invasion of your privacy. everybody needs some kind of personal space.
Personally, i need space in order to recover!!! Some things my husband just would not understand and i need the space to share with other people who know what i am talking about.

Perhaps you need to find someone to talk to about this situation - a close family member or friend. But this seems serious to me, beyond just the drinking problem

I really wish you all the best and willl be hoping things work out for youo

[sunshine_gg]

ONE HELL of a fight with hubby

Lil.M.... I also agree with Marby and everyone thereafter. :l

I cringed when I read your post. Monitoring your activities and isolating you screams control. Not good. Even if your hubby thinks he is helping you or looking after you... just not good. Please try to talk to him when you both have calmed down and I also think that some sort of therapist may be helpful.

Good luck hun and keep your chin up - we are all here for you. All my best!

Hugs.

[peacenik]

ONE HELL of a fight with hubby

not only is he controlling, those are signs of abuse. you do not deserve to be treated that way no matter what you have done in the past.
try to make a plan for yourself dear. you are right to feel upset by his behavior. stay sober so you can think clearly and rationally during this difficult time. alcohol will only make things worse for you.

best of luck hon.

peace

[AMELIA]

ONE HELL of a fight with hubby

Lil.Michelle,
I would have to agree with the posters that have called your hubby 'controlling'. Having a drinking problem does chip away at our self respect and self esteem. He should be trying to build you up!

Sure your husband may be frightened that he may loose you to the bottle, but the action he is taking is very demeaning and belittling and more likely to lead you to feeling like having a drink.

It sounds like he is creating a situation where you rely on him TOTALLY. That is really unhealthy and unbalanced. He is taking away all of your power and chipping slowly at the very things you need to build up...your self esteem and confidence.
Make a stand for yourself Lil.Michelle. We really do teach our partners how to treat us by accepting the way they treat us. Your money, phone, email account, body and mind are YOURS!!! Not your husbands.
Reclaim them and set some new healthier boundaries in your home. Go out and meet some new people. If hubby doesn't like it, ask yourself a serious question 'why?'. I wish you strength. Keep us posted. x

[lil.michelle]

ONE HELL of a fight with hubby

The thing is, i understand i screwed up by turning to the bottle when i had depression. I understand that.
How can i rebuild my life if i'm just made to feel shit and made aware of all my screw ups, belittle, disrespected. I AM very aware of how i used to be, i've come sooo far, i'm a different person now. You know, i have no money, no nothing. He has EVERYTHING. I feel i'm not allowed any life. It's just so hard.

[A Work in Progress]

ONE HELL of a fight with hubby

LM, it might help you to look at these as separate issues. Sorting out your relationship with your husband, the money questions, the control issues, all of those are complicated problems that are going to take some real work, and that partly depend on his behavior, his choices. Drinking alcohol, on the other hand, is completely under your control, and yours alone. And, when you make the choice to drink, it will always tend to make you less capable of dealing with all those other, more complicated issues.

Can you consider taking it one step at a time? First, get yourself off the alcohol. Get your mind cleared up. You will begin to feel better and your brain will begin to function better (and that includes your thinking, your emotions, and your capacity for making good decisions). Then, begin to take a good look at what kind of help you might need to work on your relationship with your husband.

[dexterhead]

ONE HELL of a fight with hubby

lil mich, he is using your drinking issue to control you. I have known other couples like this. Do you work? You need to find a way to get control of some income and a bank account in your name only. just MHO Sorry you are going through this.