AF Daily - January 29, 2009

[Doggygirl]

Marking!! Running!! Whee!!



DG

Happy Thursday (Friday in NZ already??) to all in AB-Land. It is an honor to kick things off today. I am happy to report that the first session ever of Yoga For Inflexible People is complete. (first session ever inside the walls of my house that is!) I will be leaving for Curves shortly so today will be a good workout day. Yesterday I didn't do Curves as I planned to do yoga, only to realize I had no DVD player in my office - only CD. I am so no teknik. But Mr. Doggy came to the rescue last night, and the nice, relaxing background music was playing this morning with the DVD all ready to go! So I couldn't really slack today.

We wandered into a great topic yesterday - what happens when the little voice of AL in our heads starts chattering away that "now we know we can be sober for X amount of time so now we aren't so addicted any more and now we can have just one....." I think WIP's description of what falling for that little voice did to her was worth repeating.... (WIP I hope you don't mind!)

Great post Stargirl... I very well remember my own distorted thinking when I quit AA after 3 years AF, thinking I would try to drink moderately, and telling myself I could always go back to AA if it didn't work... the problem was, it somehow took me YEARS of struggling and misery to give up alcohol again. Again, like Chief says: much easier to quit, than to keep quitting... So I never think of having "a drink" as a one-day thing... I think of it as the gateway to a miserable life.

Lie #1 in that line of thinking is of course the "now we can have just one..." or "now we can drink in moderation..." part. But the more dangerous and problematic lie is what follows...the "hey if it doesn't work we'll go right back to MWO/AA/SMART/Voodoo/Whatever-program-that-helped-you-quit-again." THAT is the lie that IMO, really sneaks up on us, even if we acknowledge all along that Lie#1 is a lie.

My own experience with this started in September of 2007. After 60 wonderful AF days, I had those exact thoughts and took myself up on the notion to drink one Saturday afternoon. I went through the usual progression of getting tipsy on only a few drinks and thinking maybe I was "normal" now. Had a horrid hangover on Sunday and didn't even want to drink. WHEE!! That seemed sort of "normal" too. Within a matter of days I was right back to the daily drinking, high quantities and early starts that were "my way" with booze. And it took me from September of 2007 all the way until May 22 2008 to muster up the strength to get firmly back on the wagon again. THAT is the bigger reason I CANNOT DRINK. It's a bigger problem than not being able to stop at 1 in a particular 24 hour period. It's not being able to stop for days and weeks and months that is the REAL big problem. In the end it is so much easier to fight off urges - even strong ones - than it is to fight to get back on the wagon. At least that's my truth.

Well, I'm gonna get to Curves and feel good about having my exercise out of the way early today!! Have a great AF one everybody!

DG

[Marshy]

AF Daily - January 29, 2009

Morning DG & all to come!
I'm running out the door. But not marking....

[speedster]

AF Daily - January 29, 2009

Good Morning Abbers!

DG -- I read your story and you are an amazing inspiration. Can't say enough about how impressive about you're transformation.

I posted some back in Nov-Dec, but was not able to stick to being AF over the holidays. It was a conscious decision somewhat of an experiment. I’m able to reflect back more aware of how I could have been AF at several social occasions and realized big group events are EZ, no one really knows or cares what you’re drinking. Small parties and being alone is what will be hardest for me. I tend to drink when cooking.

Tuesday this week I went to a meeting at a brew pub and pizza place. Had no problem ordering water. My husband was with me and he’s in the get back in top-shape mood so he didn’t want beer either. It was not uncomfortable and I’m glad it happened on day 2, no time to fret, just do it.

I am on day 5 of being AF and stumbled across a MWO thread on some books. I was wondering how many of you know about Rational Recovery? I found the site last night and went through the crash course. The site needs the user interface upgraded, IMO, it’s rather hard to read, but the message was the important point.

WIP any thoughts on the Addictive Voice? Seems like that voice not only talks to us about alcohol, but sweets and fatty foods.

To all, have a great AF day. I will do the same!

[Doggygirl]

AF Daily - January 29, 2009

Hi Speedster and welcome back! What I like about the Rational Recovery approach is taking full responsibility for our own actions. I don't recall all the details but I believe the SMART Recovery program was at some point connected to Rational Recovery (same people I think). I believe there was some sort of disagreement that split the two programs up. But the base line concepts sure seem the same to me. I haven't been to the Rational Recovery web site (just read the book) but I DO spend time at SMART Recovery and really like some of their tools. So you might also check out SMART Recovery? | Help with Alcohol, Drug, and Other Addictions to see what you think of that site. Lot's of strategies for dealing with the AV. (I'm not WIP but I believe that sugar has addictive properties...that's a whole 'nother topic!)

I used to drink alone too - it got to where I mainly wanted to be left alone to drink my life away. I also ALWAYS had a drink going while doing anything in the kitchen. I've gotten past both of those habits and if I can, you can!!

Have a great day...now I'm REALLY off to Curves!

DG

[A Work in Progress]

AF Daily - January 29, 2009

Good morning all... I am feeling MUCH better today and thanks to all who offered good wishes! DG, very well put as to the business of thinking we can "just go back" to not drinking, or to a recovery program, after deciding to drink again... your experience was very much like mine, and I think it is clear that many, many of us have had similar experiences.... It is partly about taking this stuff seriously, which I think is another topic altogether. One thing that bothers me sometimes here at MWO is an attitude that some folks express that seems to be saying that it really isn't all that big a deal if we have a few drinks, after doing a period of time AF.... leaving aside the whole "modding" issue, I think that for MANY (not all, but many, and I would even say most) of us, having a few drinks is in fact a very, very serious thing. And, for me, I simply cannot maintain a good, meaningful life, free from alcohol, unless I take my alcohol problem (or disease, addiction, condition, whatever you might want to call it) VERY VERY SERIOUSLY.

Hi Speedster! Welcome back! I agree with DG... I like some aspects of RR a lot... you know that SMART Recovery is a sort of spin-off from RR, with many of the same ideas. Very good tools. The SMART website is very well organized, and I recommend that everyone take a look at the "Toolbox" section and also the other section called "Sky" with some excellent writing about alcohol and other addictive patterns...

And I agree that the "Addictive Voice" is an incredibly important concept and tool that helps us deal with distorted thinking about alcohol... and also about other patterns in our lives that are problematic, such as eating the wrong stuff... sugar!! Chocolate!!

OK I need to get rolling, am flying back to Florida today to deal with painters and plumbers and fencers and wood rot guys... It's like herding cats....

I hope everyone has a good day!

[retteacher]

AF Daily - January 29, 2009

Hi Everyone:

Ditto for me on the lapsing then the difficulty of getting back into my program. I went from March 08 until Dec. 08 AFing & lapsing over & over. I had much more sobriety than drinking, but the drinking was devastating emotionally & spiritually. I am now fighting like heck to stay AF throughout the month of Jan. I don't ever, ever plan on drinking again, because I KNOW how difficult it is to get back on the wagon. Chief is so right when he says that quitting is much easier than quitting, drinking again, quitting, drinking again, etc. I really never said: "Well, if I drink, I'll just go back to MWO or AA." I stayed at MWO & went to meetings throughout the March - Dec. erratica. I didn't feel good about myself, especially because some of my dearest role models were well into sobriety (DG, WIP, Char, etc.). However, I knew that if I left MWO, I would fall into a very, very deep pit of hopelessness. On Dec. 31st 2008, I said "This is it! I can't do this anymore."

It's been a long time since I believed the lie that I could have just one or two. I know what that leads to. You can't dispute empirical evidence. I've done the 1 or 2 thing (which then leads to a prolonged drinking binge) so many times that even I can't fool myself into believing it. I know that I cannot & will not drink again. It's an addicition, disease, destructive force in my life.

Since Dec. 31st, I haven't had any really hard urges. Even the small drinking thoughts are pretty fleeting. However, I don't think I've reached that critical period when I can justify that "I can now moderate." In AA the members say that the farther you are from your last drink, the closer you are to your next drink. I can see why. After a while, you feel cured. At least, that's what happened to me when I drank after months & months of sobriety. It's almost beneficial to look back on that experience, because I can see the subsequent months of falling & trying again, falling & trying again.

I thank all of you committed souls for your encouragement & willingness to share. I'm very grateful for the 30 days of AF that I have. Without you all, I would have no hope at all of licking this problem.

Mary

[on my way]

AF Daily - January 29, 2009

The 6th post....everyone must have slept in. Happy Thurday all, gotta run, nat

[on my way]

AF Daily - January 29, 2009

Ya got me Mary, have a good day!

[charlee]

AF Daily - January 29, 2009

Morning all
Mary, loved reading your post this morning.....it is filled with determination and conviction.....You are just shy of your 30 day milestone, so let me give you a huge CONGRATULATIONS!!!

There are so many tools to keep us on the right path....For me, I would have to say mindset has been key in my sobriety. I know I posted this over and over (sorry), but when I made the decision to say goodbye to AL I was truly ready, committed and happy. I knew I couldn't approach this if I was doing it for someone else, if I was to resent the fact I needed to stop drinking or if I was going to blame anyone and everything every time I wanted to drink.
My approach was to be thankful I was still alive and well to give this a go and not in some hospital bed saying shudda, wudda, cudda......It was an opportunity to start anew. I was not going to look back at all the things I lost or could have done different. It was my "day one" for the rest of my life. I was/am excited to have this chance.....It is my game to win or lose.....

WIP, glad to hear you are on the mend.....

[Accountable for Me]

AF Daily - January 29, 2009

I am glad you are feeling better, WIP! I never have had food poisoning.... thankfully.

I am grumpy today. I wrote on the subs daily what I have found out about another thing that my sister did to me intentionally. I don't feel much like writing it out again. Or copying and pasting it either.

This thread is for my happy thoughts. I am still sober; let's just say that. Although I thought of AL a lot yesterday. I dont know what it is after a counseling session.... that makes me think of AL so much. Then thinking about my family makes me want to drink.

I made it through a HUGE trigger - and for that, I am flipping proud! No one is worth drinking over anymore - EVER!

Have a great day everyone!

[stargirl]

AF Daily - January 29, 2009

Good Morning,
Wow, lot's of good stuff going here already. Thanks to everyone who is sharing their stories about what happened when they decided to go back for "just one" or just one night of drinking. This is the first time I ever really TRIED to quit. I was so scared to live w/o it I just used,used,used..that way I wasn't "failing" I was just someone who liked to drink. Everyone has their vices right? Ugh was I wrong. In becoming af I realized how much I lost over the yrs. Really sad and what a HUGE waste. We only get this one life...how sad it was that I lived so long wasting that gift.
When I found this site, I didn't know what I would find. What has truely amazed me is the level of commitment and honesty everyone oooozes. You are all amazing. I would have fallen a long time ago had it not been for you.
Enjoy your days abberooos

[greeneyes]

AF Daily - January 29, 2009

AFM, I know what you mean. I've been dealing with estranged one on a high intensity level and he really makes me want to drink. Even thinking about him makes me want to drink. I WILL NOT GIVE HIM MY POWER.

This thread is right on target for me as I am hearing that voice daily. Telling me it's OK with all I'm dealing with. I can have a couple stiff drinks, just today, take the edge off, cut the stress, it won't start a pattern, a binge......How very dangerous and destructive. I will not do it.

[Mohun]

AF Daily - January 29, 2009

Good job AFM. Use this experience to help you in the future as well. Sounds like your family can be a real pain in the ass. (no offense). Never let others cause you to drink. Don't give them the satisfaction. Hey I just realized how early it is. What are you doing up?

A big milestone for you tomorrow Mary.

Good luck to all today.

Mo.

P.S. Sorry for the long post Doggygirl.:H

[Determinator]

AF Daily - January 29, 2009

top of the morning ABland!!

gotta run...on the road as usual but you are all in my thoughts.

be well

[retteacher]

AF Daily - January 29, 2009

I ALWAYS used the "take the edge off" excuse to drink. Always. Mary