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Kid Shelleen
February 2nd, 2009, 06:47 AM
Monday already?
My favorite day again at last!
The honey-haired-girl is up to breakfast; but is she up to going back to the high-school grind AFTER NEARLY A WEEK OF SNOW DAYS; that's the question???
Whoa...sorry to be you honey-child!:H

Coffee is on, the air is warmer but Winter is still whispering to me through the eaves and windows.
The clock is chiming softly (I really should wind it more often) and I have that distinct glow (at least for the moment) of perfect peace.

Obviously, Mondays are my favorite day because (though I don't work often), I often choose to work weekends at the hospital, Monday is the beginning of a string of days off.
Perhaps what makes Mondays feel all that much more delicious is the 2 or 3 days AF that I do prior to them.

"The Mod Life is the Good Life" but an essential part of "Moderation" are the cleansing, refreshing AF days.
A long term Abstainer or nondrinker might propose that we would feel this good all the time if we never drank; but a Modder knows this not to be true;
I know it not to be true.
I've done nearly a year Abs before, and I can attest to the fact that my 250th day AF did not start as joyfully as my 3rd day AF after sharing a couple of glasses of wine and some giggles with a lover or friend.
I don't understand the phenomenon, but Modders know what I mean.


Life is full of tension and flexion; dark and day, Ying and Yang.
One needs occasional sorrow to appreciate joy...
Drinking is fun in moderation, but never ENTIRELY without consequence.
Drinking even a small amount reminds me why I don't drink alot.
I know I will never binge for the rest of my life...
Wow, just listen to me!
Where is this going???
Give me 2 cups of coffee and a keyboard and I start waxing philosophical!

So, back to Earth..It was a bizarre weekend in the ER and in my heart. Now it will have to flow by on the river of my mind, into the past with not much further explanation or excessive thought...

Today, I drive the kids.
Cat worked the weekend, so I'll let her sleep and make sure the coffee pot is full when she gets up.
There is a load of laundry chugging through the cycles.
Lazydog has come down from HHGs room now, wagging his stub of a tail and wanting to know what everyone is about.
A long walk is in our near future and with some of the snow having melted off, there should be revealed some new "treasures"..

This day is going to move along with or without me. It is ripe with possibility, so I'm going to hop on the train and see where we're going!
Make it it a full day everyone,
~Kid Shelleen~

Sarasmiles
February 2nd, 2009, 07:16 AM
You sound wonderful, Kid...It is so lovely to hear that optimism on this Monday morning.

I, my friends, don't seem to be getting any better, and I am going to have to do some real work now. I'm hoping to see a new therapist this week, and find a couples' therapist as well. I'm also going to try hard to connect more with some of the friends and family in my "real" life (not that this isn't real, but I don't know how else to put it). I am really grateful for all the support I've been getting here. Sometimes, though, I think I use it as a substitute for talking to the people in my day to day life. It is as if no one else will understand or be as loving, so I don't even try. I wake up and the tears come to my eyes right away. I am sad most of the time, and that can't go on. I put on a good front for the kids, but my oldest has been sensing that I am not "myself" and giving me lots of extra hugs and concerned looks. I don't want to burden him with that.

I am going to back off from MWO, for a while, because I feel I have nothing to offer anyone else right now, and the reaching out to all of you seems to intensify my sense of loneliness and isolation. I'm not leaving forever, but I am going to try and "cut back" a bit. Love to all. Sara

Kid Shelleen
February 2nd, 2009, 10:29 AM
I'm sorry...

I'm sorry,Sara. You know we are always praying for you and your little family.
Keep us posted on the success of your therapy and what you do next.
We have come to care about you enormously and would not feel right until we hear back from you...
Everything you've said makes sense.
Keep in touch.
~Kid Shelleen~



Sarasmiles;535849 wrote: You sound wonderful, Kid...It is so lovely to hear that optimism on this Monday morning.

I, my friends, don't seem to be getting any better, and I am going to have to do some real work now. I'm hoping to see a new therapist this week, and find a couples' therapist as well. I'm also going to try hard to connect more with some of the friends and family in my "real" life (not that this isn't real, but I don't know how else to put it). I am really grateful for all the support I've been getting here. Sometimes, though, I think I use it as a substitute for talking to the people in my day to day life. It is as if no one else will understand or be as loving, so I don't even try. I wake up and the tears come to my eyes right away. I am sad most of the time, and that can't go on. I put on a good front for the kids, but my oldest has been sensing that I am not "myself" and giving me lots of extra hugs and concerned looks. I don't want to burden him with that.

I am going to back off from MWO, for a while, because I feel I have nothing to offer anyone else right now, and the reaching out to all of you seems to intensify my sense of loneliness and isolation. I'm not leaving forever, but I am going to try and "cut back" a bit. Love to all. Sara

lenaleed
February 2nd, 2009, 12:04 PM
Good Morning All --
Sara, I've said your posts about kids take me right back there. Your posts about sadness and the kids sensing that take me right back there, too. So glad you are taking steps to take care of yourself. We're here (whether each of us posts or not).

DeeBee -- Your little Ostrich reading just hit me smack between the eyes. So many things are going so well for me right now, but if I don't get my head out of the sand about some financial and professional issues, things will go from bad to worse. It's possible to focus on what's going well to the point of denial about what still needs work. I've been through to the other side of so many painful experiences in recent years that letting up is tempting. But life doesn't often allow us this luxury.

Lila and Ask, your posts about moving on after divorce have got me thinking as well. I've said before that this site cannot take the place of real life interaction (I know what you mean, Sara). I must get my own life in order before I consider getting into a relationship with a man, but I need to get off the dime and do it. So when I meet new people I will be ready for the possibility. I really enjoy my life right now but it's easy to get complacent and that could lead to isolation. My kids have their own lives and cannot be responsible for meeting all my needs for love and companionship. Friends have their own lives. So it's time to set new goals.

Kid -- Sounds like you've summoned a muse during the snow days. I love reading your posts.

Take care all -- Lena

Delta Moon
February 2nd, 2009, 12:38 PM
Hi everyone- I'm just marking and running as doggygirl says- am super busy today. Will post later to catch up.
Sara- my prayers are with you, girlfriend:l

vera-b
February 2nd, 2009, 07:45 PM
Happy Monday dear modders,

Sounds like many of us are ducking for cover, which is always OK if needed. Sara, I'm forever hopeful that things work out for you. Just know that you're AOK with all of us, no matter what is going on in your personal life. Kid, you sound like a man who's got the world by the tail. Speak, brother, speak - what's your secret??

I'm hoping all is silent on the board tonight because we're all still giddy over the Steelers winning the
SuperBowl. If not, prehaps you can log in and visit our little community?!!?


Vera-b.

Eve11
February 3rd, 2009, 12:35 AM
Wow, how did this even become a new week?
I have been so overwhelmed with FIL and his illness and family feuds regarding his care, etc. that I was almost dreading coming here as I knew I was behind a thousand posts and... whoa!! It's a new week! So, I will just read last week's post leisurely when I have time.
Sara, I wish we lived close and I would meet with you for coffee and lend you a shoulder to cry on. PM me anytime if you want a private 1:1 with someone. Always here for you.
Delta Moon, Sounds from past posts that you and Sara have some things in common. You too may be a great help to her and vice versa!
I've been doing good with not drinking despite all of my stress lately. Funny how it just doesn't have the same appeal when one starts getting healthier. Did really feel like having a glass of wine or two tonight. Watched a couple shows I look forward to on Mondays and thought about my tough week and how I didn't use alcohol to relax and you know what? Didn't feel I needed it to relax. Just felt like having one - two so I allowed myself to do that. Sipped slowly enjoying every sip. Cut myself off at two quite easily (sometimes that's a challenge to quit at two) but wasn't a problem at all.
Did well this week-end with 2 on super bowl Sunday and 2 (party no less) on Sat. and 0 on Friday which is good for me as I've always been the Fri/Sat drinker.
So, bit by bit it's getting better for me.
Very tired. FIL is awake, hospice nurse comes in a.m. and will be busy all day with FIL errands so will close for now.
Hugs to all of my cyber friends.
Eve11

DeeBee
February 3rd, 2009, 06:33 AM
Damn, I missed Monday all together.
Was too busy feeling like crap and dealing with flu like symptoms.... I am proud to announce that as of Saturday I AM A NON-SMOKER!!
Sorry to be so self absorbed but I had to take the weekend out to just focus on getting this right as I am NOT ever going to quit again.
I am happy to report -- NO CRAVINGS and NO MOOD SWINGS... amazing.


Kid, I loved your description of the "Mod life is the good life". If we treated everything in life with moderation we'd be happier, healthier peeps.

Hi Vera & DM. How was your weekend? Anything exciting, hmm, hmmmm:-)

Eve, I can only imagine the strain that you must be under with looking after you FIL. Don't forget how important your health is and take time out for yourself too.

Sara, I am going to miss your posts and *seeing* you here -- you are a very valuable part of our community, don't forget that. I can understand why you are taking a step back and I commend you for it. Sending a huge cyber-hug your way!!

Hmmm, where is everyone else???

Right I am off to go and eat some more nuts and pumpkin seeds (eeeewwww)

Kid Shelleen
February 3rd, 2009, 07:40 AM
OK, everyone!!

Who wants V-8 ??? :H
I LOVE this stuff!!
What will happen if I drink it ALL DAY ???

Hi Modders,
Had myself a cold one last night.
Cat made some kind of fantastic Spanish Paella for supper and a single cold microbrew just seemed right!

HHG is off to school and I'll be walking Lazydog in a minute, so I thought I'd say hello.

DeeBee: BEST of luck with the quitting. I've known people who get a little "fluish" when they first quit. It must be part of the cleansing process. Stick with it!
And I don't think I made that up: "The Mod Life is the Good Life", but maybe I did. Anyway; I BELIEVE it! If one learns to "moderate", (s)he can have it ALL!
Eve: Trying to send you strength, my friend!
Vera: I don't have the secret formula to anything; except as you say "I have the world by the tail". The secret then, would be 'not to let go'...:)
percolate on THAT for a minute...
Delta: Busy is good. You know what we say about "Idle hands"
Lenaleed: Have you posted in our "Plans for 2009" thread? Sometimes getting it in writing and trying to stick to a plan can help one sort things out.
Sara: We love you.:h
"Everyone else" you only get Christmas cards when you send them out!
Post in and say "Hello"!!!
~Kid Shelleen~

DeeBee
February 3rd, 2009, 07:48 AM
Is V-8 really that good? I've seen it on the shelves but don't know anyone who's ever tried it. Hmmm I might just take you up on that Kid and give it a bash tomorrow.

Lena, in my haste I forgot to say that you are so right, we can't behave like ostriches especially when it comes to finances. I find that if I know my balance is really low well then I just don't read the receipt - ja right like that's gonna help... duh!!

Happy Tuesday all!!
Come out come out where ever you are:-)

vlad
February 3rd, 2009, 08:55 AM
Hey all, having internet problems today. Was thinking...

If I can have just 1 or 2 drinks and stop does that mean I'm not an alcoholic anymore?

:H :H :H

Anyway, preparing for our trip to Finland. Think we've already had some driving practice for the Finnish roads...

Delta Moon
February 3rd, 2009, 10:35 AM
G'day all!
Well things are calming down here. I headed out of town for a few days and was able to step away from everything and see alot more clearly. Both hubby and I are committed to making this marriage work and work it will be! I am in a much better place now and able to tackle the challenges. What a blessing to be free of the chains of alcohol abuse! Life has such a beautiful clarity now.:rays:

Wow, Finland vlad! That is very cool. Reindeer and all that snow- I'm envious! Have a very blessed trip. I too wondered if I am able to moderate am I still an alcoholic? Once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic? Maybe WIP can help answer that one.

DeeBee- I hope you feel better. Are the pumpkin seeds for the cold or general health? Yes, V-8 is wonderful and offers lots of vites for our recovering bods! Good for you for quitting the ciggies! You go, girl!

Sara- are you smiling today? I wish I could give you a hug. Remember how much God loves you.

Kid- I LOVE Spanish paella. You have a special wife that cooks such wonderful things for you.

Hi vera-always good to hear from you.

Yes, life is good let us go forth and be glad in it!

vlad
February 3rd, 2009, 11:01 AM
Was kind of asking the question tongue-in-cheek really, I saw posted on another thread 'I've never heard of an alkie who can just have 2 drinks and stop.' I used to drink every day and at least 3 times a week would drink over half a litre of vodka. Was never hungover, but if I missed a day's drinking I'd feel like crap, nearly being sick because I needed a drink. Sorry, but that is alcohol withdrawal. I was at least an alcoholic.

keepwalking
February 3rd, 2009, 01:57 PM
hello everyone - just checking in to say hi, sara i understand totally why you need to withdraw for a while its part of the cycle, i have done same recently and found it refreshing although i did not stay away as long as i thought as i missed you all. kid your posts are like a comfort blanket!! lost another two pounds last night so that 8 pounds in 3 weeks, hooray! my lower back is v sore today so think i am over doing the exercise so will have to step back. eve , db et al so nice to read your posts, everyone here is such a comfort for me, sometimes i feel like its all take i wish i knew how to give some back.........! anyways stay well my friends and keep posting and of course walking!!! xx

Sunbeam
February 3rd, 2009, 03:21 PM
Hi all,

Keeps, I'm on my way to the great outdoors to do my snowshoe loop. I've not lost weight yet, but haven't given up.

I love you all!

keepwalking
February 3rd, 2009, 04:00 PM
sunbeam hope you enjoyed your walk xx have changed my avatar to reflect love and hope for february i think i will start each new month with a new avatar just to refresh me. x

Ask For Help
February 3rd, 2009, 07:30 PM
HI all: Everyone sounds so good, and Kid, I'm sending this Christmas card so I get one back. Nice new avatar.

I can relate to Kid's comment about how much better AF feels when you've had a moderating day. Or even last Saturday, a bit more than normal. I'm a person that holds everything in, lives within the lines, doesn't cross boundaries etc. etc. I'm not suggesting using alcohol to excess, but I must say on Saturday I set down to have 2 drinks and get some work done so I could enjoy Sunday. A needy friend called and we chatted about our challenging 14 year old daughters and even cried a bit and 1 had 4 glasses of wine, and instead of feeling remorseful or bad since then, I'vefelt TERRIFIC. RELEASED> I think the bit of guilt the next day got me cleaning the house and getting the work done that I'd missed. But the following 2 AF days felt like pure, pure heavenly bliss. Nothing better. Better than being AF forever. Truly. (Don't tell everyone else this tho'!)

Anyway, sweet daughter now tells me she needs computer for homework so will need to check in later.
Fondly,
Ask

Kid Shelleen
February 3rd, 2009, 07:43 PM
Ok; another day done...

Hey gang,
Kid is finishing the dishes here: because that's the deal,
Cat makes crazy new foods for me and when the meal is through,
the HHG clears the table and then I hit the kitchen.

Tonight's meal was "Beef and Shallot Stew".
I am in absolute gustatory heaven!
BTW, it also takes a WHOLE bottle of Shiraz wine in the juices to stew for 2 hours.
(PM me if you must have the recipe)

So here I am, trying to do the dishes and put the leftovers away.
I dug up some music for the occasion...Jim Morrison (The Doors)
I'm "dancing" around the kithchen to a long version of "LA Woman"...
Who can get any work done?
This is great!

It gets done eventually. The dishes are piled precariously in the drainer.
I'm kicked back in the ol' leather recliner, killing off the last swallow of wine...
I forgot to say; the recipe took one bottle MINUS one glass of very tasty Shiraz wine (Australian) that Cat saved just for me.
The Mod Life is the Good Life !!

Good Night Modders!!!
~Kid Shelleen~

vera-b
February 3rd, 2009, 08:11 PM
Happy Tuesday all,

My Tuesday night Jesus class was cancelled once again because of the weather. Dear hubby is outside clearing the driveway for the umpteenth time since Dec. These winter storms are getting far too frequent and far too annoying. I'm saying bah humbug to winter storms!!!!

Deebs, you are the best! Quitting smoking is supposed to be more difficult than getting off heroin, though I must admit I'll never personally know (whew!!). You are to be commended for tackling the beast and winning. May your lips never see a cancer stick again. Vlad, I think you're one of the most interesting friends on this site. You're no alkie - you'd never have the enthusiasm for trips to Finland or anywhere for that matter if all you wanted was the next drink. I think we've all left those days far behind, thank God!! Eve, Keep, Sun, Delta - it's always good to hear from y'all. Sounds like everyone is doing their utmost. Keep up the good attitude, even if it is the dreggs of winter.

Vera-b

zed
February 3rd, 2009, 10:57 PM
Back in Beijing this morning. What's the word on the street children? Siberia was beautiful.

vlad
February 4th, 2009, 02:42 AM
vera-b;537380 wrote: You'd never have the enthusiasm for trips to Finland or anywhere for that matter if all you wanted was the next drink.
This time last year all I did think about was were the next drink was coming from.

vlad
February 4th, 2009, 02:44 AM
Siberia Zed? Jealous.

vlad
February 4th, 2009, 02:53 AM
Oh honestly, I'm at work and just heard the words 'VLAD DOES!' (OK, I've substituted my MWO name there...). I emailed the person who the voice came from with subject 'my ears are burning' and the message 'Vlad does what?' and this was the reply...

'We were on about drinking vodka straight and J said she couldnt do it and I said that you do cos you're a hardcore russian vodka drinker. :)'

Once you get a reputation... haven't had any vodka since 03/01/09... oh no, hold on... that's a lie, had 1 double at the weekend.

Kid Shelleen
February 4th, 2009, 04:30 AM
The Honey Haired Girl...

My daughter should pick my lottery numbers
(and I should start playing):H
She has ANOTHER SNOW DAY TODAY!!!!

So I am going back to bed my friends!
(Getting that new sled out later)
~Kid~

vlad
February 4th, 2009, 04:53 AM
Morning Kid!

Something I posted on the Army Thread made me think about this.

When I was in Moscow, we were talking with a Russian about drink driving law. In Russia, you are not allowed even one drink and then drive because the government know it will never be just one drink. Their classic response was:

'Who can make one drink last two hours anyway? No one.'
(I had this image of someone nursing a 40ml shot of vodka for two hours!) :H

Hubby tried to explain you'd have one drink and then just have soft drinks afterwards.

'Oh, I suppose - I'd not thought of that.' they said.

And they concluded.

'I really like beer though.' They said it a few times.

vlad
February 4th, 2009, 05:04 AM
Another one...

A German goes to a Russian bar (they had Russian and German beers) and asks: 'Which beer is best?'
The Russian barman replies: 'Vodka!'
The German: 'Nein, nein, nein, bier, bier!!!'
The Russian's reply was: 'Well Russian beer of course - Bochka!'

The Russian barman had an obvious problem because I noticed that everytime someone ordered vodka, if none of the other staff were looking he snuck himself some in a coffee cup!

Saw him the next morning - he looked rough, great dark rings under his eyes. Reminded me of myself when I drank it everyday.

Kid Shelleen
February 4th, 2009, 06:42 AM
Chivalry isn't dead...

Hi Vlad!
OK, so who can sleep??
Even with my daughter, the dog, and myself cozied in; who can sleep knowing the Mom of the household, the center of our universe, is up getting ready for work?;)

Up I go...
I made her lunch and put it in her backpack with a bottle of water.
Oh, the car...
I go out and sweep 4 inches of snow off of it, luckily there's no ice to scrape.
Well, I'm totally awake NOW; and since HHG and I could actually use the bigger vehicle today for sleds and stuff, I might as well drive Cat to work, right?
That it correct. What other choice is there for a considerate man?
Well, I'm trying.
~Kid~

DeeBee
February 4th, 2009, 07:18 AM
ZED, ZED ZED IS BACK!!!
(from Pulp fiction in case you all thought I'd just lost my marbles lol)
What's news in Siberia BB?

Kid, my daughter bought hubby a coffee mug for Xmas that says "I'm Cooking" and you turn it over and it says "You're washing up" If I remember correctly it's one from the Jamie Olivier range.

Ooops just ran out of time.... I have to dash quick and take my poor boy back to the vet -- he got the snip (more like a CHOP) on friday and "things" are swellling up at an alarming rate so I'll see you all later.

zed
February 4th, 2009, 08:49 AM
Deebs....

"my poor boy"... that's an odd way to refer to one's hubby... but under the circumstances I would have to agree. Alarming. Lol!

Siberia...aaah... it's getting warmer, but it's still damn cold up there.

Vlad, read this and thought of you needless to say.

http://www.moscowtimes.ru/article/600/42/374157.htm

vlad
February 4th, 2009, 09:17 AM
LOL Zed! Two Russian pilots were prevented from flying an aircraft in the UK due to them being intoxicated. They commented, 'Oh, the beer tasted so weak, we thought we'd be OK!'

:H:H:H

Kid Shelleen
February 4th, 2009, 04:07 PM
Why does that say "Mod Sqaud"?

Took my honey haired girl to our local coffee shop for breakfast.
It is a very hip place and also has some of the best food around.
We earned this by walking Lazydog and then taking ourselves for a little hike.

Once our bellies were full of exotic soups, melts and warm drinks we walked until her toes got a little cold ( I warned her, you can wear TOO MANY socks) then we went home to warm up a little.

Next stop: try out the new sled...
I took her to a hill I used to go down when I was young.
It's funny how much smaller the hill seems now...but what memories.

Cat will be be impressed that we found a damaged snow board on the slope that "I'm sure I can fix".
She's amused by all my waiting projects (not).

After the slope, we went to the pet store; (we left our plastic sled, that I hate, with 2 kids who didn't have one and we're managing to have fun with ours)

We went to the pet store because we have an aquarium that has been empty since I cleaned it
and accidently killed all the fish in it last year
(the poor babies were apparently doing just fine in their toxic soup.)

The corner needed life.
I've been a little blue since an old friend left town recently, and I needed to breathe life back into something.
I hope the new fish live, or I'm going to feel like shit.

HHG dragged the garbage cans out to the curb; I helped the fishies start to adjust to their new home.

We'll warm up again before we decide what's next.
I'll have to pick Cat up from work and heat her up some leftovers.

Then..tonight "LOST" is on TV; and then maybe "Life on Mars".
I'm not a huge TV fan, but we have a big cozy couch and TV time is family time.
And families are, after all, what's most important...

Until later,Modders
~Kid~

Sunbeam
February 4th, 2009, 07:46 PM
Hi Everybody,
I'm still mostly lurking, but just can't resisist you guys. I really do have so many other things to do.

Kid, you sound so great, it just makes me smile and feel warm to read your posts.

Brother Zed, glad you're back. I never thanked you at all for that Moderator of the Year thing. I really appreciate it, made me feel like I accomplished something besides making some great friends. Not that you can ever have enough friends.

Sister Deebs, you too sound busy, but good.

Everybody, take care of yourselves.

cyclefan
February 5th, 2009, 12:24 AM
Scooch over everybody!

*scooch* *scooch* ahhh... OK, I'm here. Took long enough, but I needed to do that abstaining thingie for a couple of months there, then I needed to try out my redrinking wings over a period of a few weeks to see if I was possessed by the Beast, which I wasn't, at least so far I wasn't so, so far so good.

Hi, I'm cyclefan not because I ride but because I watch other people ride bikes, specifically young men in Europe, although I am beginning to appreciate the advances in the US cycling scene, seeing as how the US is finally starting to get their act together in the sport. I'll bore you all with details as the season gets underway I'm sure. :H

I've been following this thread with much glee over the past few months and I'm now ready to take ownership as a responsible alcohol drinker in the sense the RJ alluded to in her book My Way Out. Moderating was never clearly defined in the book, and helping people define their moderating goals is one thing I would like to help contribute to on this thread along with the rest of you who are doing such a great job with this. Like you all, I want to sit at the grown up table and not be ashamed of my behavior in the morning.

Right now I'm very comfortable with my alcohol consumption. I rarely have cravings, and if I do, I walk away, I do not want to be controlled by alcohol, because the whole point is for me to be in charge. I don't drink in anger, or from stress. I like the one and I'm done, or two and I'm through mottos and they work well for me. (I've always been a lightweight anyhow...my main problem has been an everyday drinker problem, not a drink to excess problem.)

Anyhow, enough about me, lets talk about you. What do you think of me? haha. OK, carry on.

vlad
February 5th, 2009, 04:17 AM
Welcome Cyclefan! About me? Well if you've been reading the threads as you say you have then you'll know all about me I suppose, or maybe not.

I've abstained 3 times from AL for something like 50+ days, then 40 days and then last year with MWO for 30 days. After trying to deal with my every day vodka drinking problem alone, just couldn't get that obsession about AL out of my head until I came here. Found the site by accident really because I was having one of my obsessing moments. Guess I just needed to vent and share all those strange little quirks an alcoholic has, like drinking dreams and obsessing about alcoholic rubbish in the gutter (I still do that though - caught myself only this morning eyeing up a battered, empty plastic lucozade bottle trying to see if it was an empty bottle of vodka). Once a colleague caught me looking at vodka on the internet. I used to work for a web design agency, if we were doing a website for a hotel and the client had sent photos - sometimes there was a picture of the bar - I would look at it closely to see what liquor they had. Honestly! OK, so now you think I'm crazy.

Anyway, things are going good for me at the moment, I am only drinking on occasion and when invited. How many drinks you ask. Well a max of 2 in one session mostly. I only say mostly because I had 4 on Saturday in the pub! But that is now a rare occurance.

Plus I generally try and get at least 4 days AF a week.

Going to Finland Saturday - should be interesting.

Kid Shelleen
February 5th, 2009, 06:30 AM
Good Morning All!

Modders,
It is BITTERLY cold here in the midwest!!
I got up early to warm HHGs belly with some grits with cheese (her favorite) and wheat toast with honey.
Got the car warmed up so the teenage girls (who don't tend to overdress for school :))wouldn't absolutely freeze.

Cat doesn't work today and is still in bed;
which is exactly where I intend to be in about 5 minutes!!

Lazydog even knows better.
NO indication of wanting to go out in this;
paws tucked under him curled up by the fireplace.

Oh this coffee is good...
but not good enough to keep me up!
See you all later!
(Welcome Cyclefan) :welcome:
Good Morning Vlad!
~Kid~

DeeBee
February 5th, 2009, 08:57 AM
Oh my hat Zed, I am killing meself laughing here -- "my boy" is my dog, not my hubby!!!
He was castrated on Friday and his "you know what" was swollen to the size of a grapefruit so I had to take him back to the vet for another jab.
It's always quite an experience getting my 100kg brute into my teeny little car, we certainly turn heads as we drive lol.

Kid, I just LOVE your description of how your days go -- I hear a calmness in you that I definetly don't have.

Sun, it's great to hear from you. I can't believe how much rain we have had here, it's just ridiculous -- I confess that I haven't put my wellies on this week to venture into the garden.

Finland, hey Vladster. Are you ready and packed?? When do you get back??

CYCLEFAN, welcome!! It's great to have you on-board.
Oh dear, you want a bit about me.... well I was a box (cringe) wine drinker. I would buy a couple of 5lt's a week and every evening without fail I would make a dent in them whether I was on my own, with hubby or friends. Hubby was the one who eventually asked, begged me to find a solution to my problem and that's how I stumbled across MWO. After a particually nasty bender which left me raw and faithless I made my first post and I have never looked back. With the support of the special folk here I did 60 days AF and I have been sucessfully modding for 6 months now.

I am a firm believer in the supps and have found that they are great for any sort of craving, which is wonderful as I have just given up smoking (can you feel your screen shaking?? LOL).

Right I need to go and find that parenting thread so that I can vent about my F*(&%#@#%^ing teenager.......

zed
February 5th, 2009, 01:13 PM
Greetings cyclefan. I love the way you write (and therefore think)!

I am zed. I'm not dead. Not as yet anyway. Speaking of which, I heard this great quote from Jack Nicholson, I believe: "We're all dead soon. Act accordingly."

So, that in a nutshell, is how I'm trying to live my life.

AL. The less said the better. But given that that's why we're all here, I should say something. I have been a frighteningly regular binge-drinker for a long, long time. Everything that could have happened with me drunk, has happened. Just about. And I'm not exaggerating. It's a dis-ease I live with, and will continue to live with until my last breath in this body. That's a fact.

I came to the end of a very very long rope at the start of November, after what seemed like my ten thousandth binge session (and it probably was - call it the peg that broke zed's back). Like Vlad, I too stumbled on this site by accident, one night, severely depressed and shocked into speechlessness by my behaviour, all alone, hungover, desperate to somehow, at last, begin to LIVE the way I THINK and FEEL about Life, and not to merely think and feel it... yet live another way.

I too have had a tough ride, but hasn't everyone? So that's no excuse, and there are people I know who suffer A LOT more than I do or ever can or will. But I should say that last year this time was a particularly harrowing moment in my life, and I almost broke. After another record binge session that lasted 8 months, I came out of it finally, like I said, at the start of November. Thankfully. Something made me reach out, and I did, and in a matter of seconds I received warm support and responses from a few kind strangers on this site, including one hilarious, kind and beautiful person who calls herself Deebee (watch out for her, she's bonkers!!), who guided me to this safe haven, this warm and cozy spot near the fire-place on a cold winter's night (I know how Lazydog feels), where we find ourselves now. And I soon met and was embraced in an unconditional manner, by a bunch of other equally lovely people here in the Mod Squad, each with her or his own fears, strengths, weaknesses, histories, ghosts, angels, fascinations, obsessions, nightmares, dreams, ideals, stories and motivations...most of whom are still around today, thankfully... And now, after what seems like a lot of sharing, it feels like we're old, ancient buddies and that's kind of the way we have learned to love and care for each other - in an uniquely wonderful way.

What I am after, and have been, for a long time also, is Well-Being. I am interested in constantly evolving, and trying to make myself a better, kinder, gentler, more compassionate, more happy person.

My aim is to make myself better in a holistic manner. What I mean by that is that I do feel, after having thought about it a bit, that everything's interconnected, that Life's actually one big web of connections and I can see the Unity and Oneness of Everything now, which is pretty damn cool I must day, so solving my problem with AL is not just about not drinking so much... it's to me about a lot more than that. Otherwise one problem can potentially lead to another. Simple example. I don't want to stop drinking or become a moderate drinker even, if that means that I turn into a mean bastard, who is irritable. I don't want to do so in a way that will make me eat unhealthy food to compensate (another random example). I want to do so in a way that compliments all the other parts of my life, and ultimately makes me a more Complete being on this earth, in this universe, in this dream, on this cycle... whatever or wherever you want to call it.

It's late, I'm rambling, I could go on and on, as the Squad knows... (zed's blushing).. so I'll stop here. But I hope we can talk more about ourselves, and I certainly look forward to hearing more about you, as you seem to be an Open person, and that's super, from my perspective. I tend to like people who are open, and who have open hearts.

So folks, I have not had the time as yet to catch up with the action while I was away... so I am unsure as I write this, about who has been here the last couple of weeks, and who hasn't etc. I hope that everyone (the gang) is well... I am thinking of each one of you... Lila, Peri (u around?), Vera, DB, Kid, DeltaMoon, Sara, Eve, Vlad, J-vo, the marvelous Sunbeam (you're welcome Sun for the Modder of the Year award. You deserved it. I did catch your post about that already :))...KeepWalking, I see you're back and that's GREAT, so happy you are making it, and back with us.. GOSH I REALLY HOPE I HAVEN'T MISSED ANYONE who is a regular here... If I have, I apologize, and my excuse is that it is 3 in the morning, I can't sleep, I'm still slightly jet-lagged, and I am kind of stupid to top it all.

I will catch up this weekend, and then reply and get back in the thick of things (is there a thick of things here..?)

I also have to tell you guys one or two stories from my most recent journey to north-western Germany and the Rhineland. Drank some lovely wine. Moderately. Had a MAGICAL time (nothing to do with the wine)

Lots of love to everyone here.

Z

Lila
February 5th, 2009, 03:24 PM
hi all
Zed, great post. I like the holistic viewpoint. I feel like I am in this THING now, where intuition is strong, and 'chance' encounters are everywhere, eyes open, in a non-linear mindset. I love it when this happens. Tends to happen when I am dealing with trouble or insecurity.
I have been just reading lately, enjoying everyone's posts and all, not responding, been distracted....
it is a sunshiny day here, very nice!
Lila

Sunbeam
February 5th, 2009, 07:09 PM
Hi all,
Cyclefan, welcome, and Happy Birthday!

Do you have any goals? I think goals early on are more important than rules for moderation. Just something to think about.

I have been with MWO for over a year, have achieved great success, and am trying to wean myself off of the wonderful support I feel when I come here. I'm a big girl now.

Saint Jude
February 6th, 2009, 02:51 AM
Hi Mod Squad ;)
I've been kinda MIA for a while... just popping in to say howdy.
So glad to see a Mod group alive & thriving here.
I'm still battling my demons on a daily basis... but nothing I can't live with.

Had a wonderful day driving down the coast. Picked somebody up that needed a ride, & turned them onto some of my favorite beaches along the way...That always seems to make it a bit more special, to share those hidden spots along the way...:)

Started a new job this week, I'm really enjoying. It's @ a nice restaurant, a couple of the guys I've worked w/before in diff places here in town, a few yrs back, so it's kinda like a reunion! Nice friendly mellow place, I'm enjoying it.

I was @ the emergency room last night after work w/a good friend of mine. I'm so glad she called me...
She just lost her Mom 1 month ago, her old man has not been supportive, she's been feeling alone & last night was very desperate, & suicidal.(I could tell when she stopped in to see me @ work, but I was a bit busy & she left while I was in the kitchen) She called a suicide hotline & they PUT HER ON HOLD!
She seems to be doing better today, but I'm still really worried about her. Her minister came to the hospital last night & this AM, as well, but he just left for Mex., this morn.

I don't mean to make this a bummer post, I'm just so worried about her.
Please say a prayer for my friend Jari Jo.
She's so much stronger than she gives herself credit for...

:l

DeeBee
February 6th, 2009, 06:21 AM
ZED I MISSED YOU!! Welcome Back little Bro.

DeeBee
February 6th, 2009, 06:25 AM
St J, it's great to *see* you again... don't be a stranger now, k!! I can't believe they put your friend on hold -- bunch of tossers. Jari Jo is very lucky to have you in her life - I'll be thinking of both of you.

DeeBee
February 6th, 2009, 06:27 AM
:anyonethere:

Yoooohoooo!! Where's everyone today?

cyclefan
February 6th, 2009, 09:57 AM
Hi DeeBee, over here! I'm here!! How are you doing with the smokes? (Or should I not ask?)

Saint Jude I've seen you over on the subs board on occasion and it is nice to meet you. That thing about your friend sounds like a bad joke, putting her on hold? I do hope she gets the care she needs.

Sunbeam you bring up an interesting point about goals vs. rules. Thanks for giving me something to ponder as I stretch my wings here.

Vlad, safe travels. I hope you'll be updating your journal with travel stories when you return.

Lila, Zed, Kid thanks for the welcomes. I apologize if I missed saying hello to anybody, it's not intentional so don't be touchy.

I've taken today off work again! I've had few days off since 2004. Last year both my sons decided they wanted a chance to learn the family business so I have been bringing them along slowly but surely and little by little been trusting them more. One of my goals this year not related to drinking is to take more time off work and leave more of the day to day running of the business to them. Of course I cannot totally disengage just yet, my email runs all day long and my cell phone is never far from my side. My days off now consist of staying home or like yesterday, pampering myself at a day spa and browsing in the bookstore.

Last night I cooked a simple meal which didn't warrant anything special so went AF for my birthday. I didn't miss it. I was kind of hoping someone would gift me a bottle of 18 year Glenmorangie but THAT didn't happen. ;) Hope everyone's weekend goes great.

lenaleed
February 6th, 2009, 10:12 AM
Morning all --

I've been getting my morning dose of mellow each day just by reading. Sets just the right tone. This thread has literally been a Godsend to me as I overhaul every facet of my life.

I've been stunned by the hostile posts and pm's flying around about the Sinclair Method. Those of us using it have been made to understand in no uncertain terms that we have no place on this site. We learned about the method and found each other on these boards and it certainly was not our intention to cause trouble.

I know I won't be able to resist dropping in here for a lurk.

God Bless & Love to all -- Lena

Kid Shelleen
February 6th, 2009, 10:41 AM
Lenaleed! Here's a present!!!

Give this to anyone who says you are not welcome on these threads..
Tell them it's from Kid Shelleen and I've got bigger sizes if they need them..
They'll know where I want them to put it :moon:; and I'm sure someone has told them what an oversized one they are by now!!:H
All are welcome here!
~Kid~

http://www.google.com/images?q=tbn:771_0imPEiCqwM::myword.info/images/sm_screw_1g.gif (http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://myword.info/images/sm_screw_1g.gif&imgrefurl=http://myword.info/sendword.php%3Fsm_screw_1-a&h=360&w=381&sz=6&tbnid=771_0imPEiCqwM::&tbnh=116&tbnw=123&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dscrew&usg=__zY16C19asLsWHjIiXrzQ9RtfM10=&ei=rmaMScKpN4_ftgfKsuyiCw&sa=X&oi=image_result&resnum=6&ct=image&cd=1)

startingover
February 6th, 2009, 10:46 AM
Lena, I dont post on here but I am an avid reader and love this thread, along with many others...I really am so sad to read that you feel you have to leave these boards. Everyones contribution is welcome. We all have a common goal and that is to control our drinking, the different ways that we do this are helpful to each and every one of us...I am so sorry that you feel you need to leave...please reconsider?

cyclefan
February 6th, 2009, 10:47 AM
lenaleed;539913 wrote:
I've been stunned by the hostile posts and pm's flying around about the Sinclair Method. Those of us using it have been made to understand in no uncertain terms that we have no place on this site. We learned about the method and found each other on these boards and it certainly was not our intention to cause trouble.
Hi Lenaleed

I for one have been following your threads with much interest. I haven't commented on the threads themselves because I didn't find it my place to pop in and say "Rah Rah". However I find your informal research interesting. Curious if you have been PM'd or contacted by anyone from MWO who claims to be a moderator, or from RJ herself, asking you to stop posting about what you are doing? Have any of your threads been locked?

Just curious.

Eve11
February 6th, 2009, 10:54 AM
Lena,
I'm in the dark because I've personally never come across anyone posting negative about the "Sinclair.
There are other methods as we know...AA, SMART (which I had never heard of) Rational Recovery, etc.
I'm just always curious to hear about them because any new info can be good info. Sorry you've come across others who don't feel the same way but don't let them discourage you!
Cycle Fan : Welcome! I have a blog that tells you about me. Click on the right upper side of my name when I post and you can read a little about me. My biggest reason to rejoin (started for a few mos and quit her for a year and a half) was the realization that modding doesn't work well for me without support. So...I'm b-a-c-k and happy.
Sad news for those who know me. FIL passed away yesterday so I am going back to the very cold for the funeral. Kid-if you live in SD pm me and we'll visit although I tend to think you're farther east.
So COLD weather...here I come!!
Have done very well with the modding despite all of the stressors lately.
Have to run but will stay in touch buddies.
Eve11

A Work in Progress
February 6th, 2009, 11:04 AM
lenaleed;539913 wrote:
I've been stunned by the hostile posts and pm's flying around about the Sinclair Method. Those of us using it have been made to understand in no uncertain terms that we have no place on this site. We learned about the method and found each other on these boards and it certainly was not our intention to cause trouble.
Lena, I'm not a modder, but want to join your other friends here in urging you to stay. Was just getting to know you on the "book" thread, and hope you won't let any negativity get to you. I'm intrigued with what y'all are doing, and can't see any reason you shouldn't be part of this community, and I absolutely believe RJ would support you! This seems to me to be exactly the kind of thing that she is interested in!

Sometimes things are a bit rough around the edges here... I have had a grow a somewhat tougher skin to survive here, myself. Just try not to let any nay-sayers get to you, too much.

within
February 6th, 2009, 01:46 PM
a newbie ventures out of the nest...

Hi.
I am still new to this place and thought I would take a look around the joint. How is life for you modders? I want to join you. I want to be mod. I know/hope I have it in me. As I posted earlier today..somewhere... I think I have to really start to remember the things I love to do...and then get myself to do them. It sounds easy but I seem to have forgotten. The things I love to do got replaced with the wine I love to drink and the tv I love to watch. I know there is more to life....I love life...I just have temporarily forgotten. I'm sure it's somewhere in the bowels of my brain matter...sloshing around in red wine.

cyclefan
February 6th, 2009, 03:16 PM
Hi within, I posted in your thread up in the welcome section. There is not a whole lot of activity down here in the Long Term Mod section, mostly we get together to say "hey" to one another once a day or so. The real value here (I think) is to read through some of the older threads, and get some insight on what moderate drinking means to people. There is no one size fits all definition.

Right now, if you are still drinking, or still working a plan, you may find more daily ongoing support up in the Just Starting Out section. The My Way Out book recommends that you abstain from alcohol for at least 30 days before you try moderating. This is not a hard and fast "rule", but is one that I personally think has a lot of value.

Feel free to post here, everyone is welcome and best of luck to you meeting your goals.

DeeBee
February 7th, 2009, 12:17 AM
Eve, I am so sorry to hear about your FIL. My thoughts are with you and your family -- HUGS.

Lena, I know nothing about the Sinclair method but I have been following the thread with interest... the more we learn, the more decisions we have, right. I think that you are doing a fantastic job and are approaching your journey with respect and courage -- I support you in what ever method you choose.

Hi Wip, Starts and Oney.... it's alway great when you guys pop in to say hi and show support.

WELCOME WITHIN!!!
Have you read the book MWO yet? It has a mine of info on how the program works, what supps to use and the different options on medicines, should you wish to go that route. Cycle had a great suggestion to go back and read some of our old threads, and see what our goals and plans are.
Don't be afraid to jump in and ask for help.

DM, i see you lurking -- I have been thinking of you and just wanted to say HI!!

Vladster, I imagine you are on a jet plane off to Finland (very exotic) and I'm gonna miss you -- can't wait to hear what it was like.

Hi Kid, Lila, Zed, Cycle and anyone I have forgotten. Can you believe it is weekend again.
The sun is shining so I am going to finish up here shortly and then sit in the garden and write up my Vows for Tricycle 90 day challenge -- go and check out Wips' thread for more detail.

Have a great weekend everyone.

Kid Shelleen
February 7th, 2009, 09:32 AM
Weekend PACT...

Weekend PACTs
P.A.C.T (Promissary Alcohol Controlling Tool)

Cross my heart,and hope to die; Stick a needle in my eye.."
*Phrase uttered by children after making a promise to indicate the depth of their sincerity: the speaker is so committed to the action just agreed to that they offer self-inflicted pain and a death wish as proof of their seriousness.
(Must be accompanied by a gesture of drawing a imaginary "X" across the speaker's own heart, or else it doesn't count.)

Mod Pacts INVITATIONS:
*Eve: Promising TWO DRINKS come Hell or high water!!
* Delta Moon: Saturday(2/7) thru Friday (2/13)

ANYONE ELSE??

Feel free to join in with any ongoing pact
(or start a new one)

Remember:you've :h "crossed your heart" :h
__________________

Delta Moon
February 7th, 2009, 10:25 AM
Hey all- I am just kind of 'flatlining' it- just existing and trying to get the spark back. I miss you all - welcome Cyclefan and Within. To all my buds- thanks for being here for me. Eve- my prayers are with you and your family.
I will pact for the week- Today Sat. thru next Fri. Thanks Kid for the prompting.
It is beautiful here today so I must head out the door and soak it in- God is good!
Blessings

within
February 7th, 2009, 04:59 PM
thanks for the welcome

the book is in the mail. Sound familiar?
I needed to just start.
I started this all in my mind and then found the website and then found the book. So here I am acting all mod and all.
I am going to use the drink tracker tool. Anyone find that useful?
My own pact is stop at one or two. So far I feel like my old self. My goal is to resume the activities I used to have time and energy for.
Whats it like for any of you as modders? I'd love to hear your stories.:)

Sunbeam
February 7th, 2009, 09:31 PM
Hi Within,
Many here believe you should go AF for 30 days or more before you try to drink moderately, to break the cycle and learn new habits. Learning to drink moderately is more difficult than going AF, in my experience. You can read my fuller story under Tell Us Your Story, title of My Own Path. There are many different stories here. Have you read through the numerous past threads under this Long Term Moderation section?

Ask For Help
February 8th, 2009, 11:00 AM
HI all and welcome Within!

Just checking in to report an EXCELLENT week. Completely met my goals this week. So 4 AF days/3 mod days and total of 8 drinks for the week = success.

I also started w/ my massages (2009 goal) so I can expand my range of exercise and not get my back all out of whack AND went on a coffee date with a internet guy that I LIKED!! so it was a productive week, considering I didn;t feel very well and had plumbing problems and spent HOURS working lice nits out of my 14 year old daughters long tresses.

I finally feel better physically today and the sun is out, so I'm off to get some fresh air. Just wanted to check in.

Judie: Almost jumped out of my chair to see you here! Have missed you so sweetie. Please visit often.... love ya!
Cyclefan: welcome downunderhere!
Delta: I think this is huge news that you are going to try to work it out with hubby. You have all my support.
Eve: belated condolences about your FIL.
SaraS.Thinking about you everyday.
Leena: I find the Sinclair thread v. interesting. Ignore the critics.
Sunbeam: I'm kind of glad you can't stay away. I'd miss you too much :-)
Hi to Walking, DeeBee,Vlad Zed. and anyone else I missed.
Kid I never got my Christmas card . .. but you sound wonderful!

Love to all.

Ask

zed
February 8th, 2009, 11:39 AM
zed's walking, to this place of retreat

Liebe fruende, alles gute! (German.) It's almost Spring in Peking... it's a been a lovely Sunday and I am headed for a long walk. Here's a poem by the Chinese Tang Dynasty (8th & 9th centuries) poet, Yao Ho.

A small something for you, before I head for the door... Be well


To this place of retreat,
the world does not follow;
but many old ailments
heal here.

I polish words
of old poems;
view mountains,
and sleep outside my hut.

Colored clouds
cross the setting sun;
cicadas ring
in the leaves of trees.

With this
my heart again knows happiness;
and who would have thought it,
without wine or money?





.