Losing resolve.. and sort of don't care!

[savon19]

I thought today how it seems understandable that I'm drinking, if you consider that I lost my mother, my boyfriend and my job within the last couple years...

In a certain way, I guess I've been strong. But I am someone who has a hard time letting myself express feelings - yet, when I drink, the feelings come out.

And I wonder if it could be therapeutic??

I keep my emotions bottled up. (When sober!) But they come flooding out when I've had a few (or more!).

It may be that it's like a cheap shrink. Am I trying to justify? Perhaps.

Although I've gone without drinking for Weeks - and I DIDN'T die!!

I guess I just need to see (again) why NOT drinking is good! Why I am even questioning it is beyond me...

[A Work in Progress]

Losing resolve.. and sort of don't care!

Sorry you have had a difficult time... and that you are drinking... But it's great you are reaching out...

You probably know this, but here goes, anyway: Having somebody else tell you why you shouldn't drink is never the answer, of course...

Most people (those who do it) find that writing down (actually, physically, taking some time and writing it down) a cost-benefit analysis can be really very helpful.

Four columns, each with one question:

What are the benefits of drinking?
What are the costs of my drinking?
What are the benefits of not drinking?
What are the costs of not drinking?

Be really, really honest and specific. See how it goes. Let us know.

p.s.: I think that most of us who have done it would agree that getting drunk and crying is not all that healing or therapeutic... not at all, really...

[BecomingMeAtLast]

Losing resolve.. and sort of don't care!

Savvy!

Read your old posts, buddy, read them. Read when you were AF. Please go back and read what you've posted here. I remember them. Yes, I truly believe you are justifying this right now. But, you already know this is up to you. You know we are here for you and you can open up to us any time. Read what wippy wrote. You know in your heart what's best.

I notice you wrote "sort of" don't care and posted here. So, you do care?

I'm thinking of you,
Be

[1morechance]

Losing resolve.. and sort of don't care!

Savon I can't tell you if you're justifying this or not and just as a work in progress said we can't tell you to stop drinking but I'll share with you my experience with lose, grieving, and AL I hope it helps.

In 2000 I lost my mother, the following year I lost a brother, and the year after that I lost my father. That was almost 9 years ago. I feel like I prolonged my grieving process and the suffering because of my drinking. Using alcohol to deal with the pain does not help, it just makes it more difficult to go through the grieving stages. crying when I was drunk didn't help because I was numbing the pain that i should have been feeling so that I could move on. When we're drunk we might be able to voice our emotions but the pain does not go away. We have to be sober to be able to go through this process

I finally went to a therapist and I'm learning how to get through these grieving stages so that I can continue with my life without carrying the pain of the lose and stop using AL to numb what is natural when we loose loved ones.

Hang in there, don't loose hope because that is all we have

[upnorthgirl]

Losing resolve.. and sort of don't care!

just listen

1 More and WIP have it exactly right. Drinking is like turning out the lights. that way you can't SEE the monster under the bed, but it is still there and in the morning light it will rear up its ugly old head.

Answer the four questions WIP posed (which by the way are the ones my therapist posed to me today when I tried to rationalize not starting Antabuse until after my vacation). they make good sense.

Then she double-whammied me by reading the letter my daughter wrote--could you have someone write you a letter stating how your drinking affects their life. Trust me--it is an eye-opener.

BUT for now--do not drink. You sound sad and are wavering--you know you want to stay AF so liste to that part of you.:l

[dill]

Losing resolve.. and sort of don't care!

Savon, You have received some really good and sincere advice from the above friends. I can't add any more except that care and hope you do not give up.

[savon19]

Losing resolve.. and sort of don't care!

Thank you all for your wise words.

I just hope they will stick in my brain!

[polaryzed]

Losing resolve.. and sort of don't care!

Journalling

Yes, I too have been through a number of loses as well. Have you considered journalizing? It might help you be able to start showing your emotions (while being sober).

I have to agree with the others here, drinking would only exaggerate you feelings and then that would Not be Your True Self Talking.

We change so much as we grow, you'll find your way . . . :l :h

God Bless!

[BecomingMeAtLast]

Losing resolve.. and sort of don't care!

savvy, like I alway say...

If I have to stop this car one more time!

Just kidding, take care, I hope you're feeling ok.
Be

[A Work in Progress]

Losing resolve.. and sort of don't care!

savon19;545630 wrote: Thank you all for your wise words.

I just hope they will stick in my brain!

So... remember, it's up to you to STICK 'em in there (in your brain), and hold on to them tightly! Otherwise... they will always slip right on out onto the floor!!!

[savon19]

Losing resolve.. and sort of don't care!

It amazes me how I feel you are FRIENDS. I hope you feel the same about me...

I forgot to add to my list that my... sort of... boyfriend?? DUMPED ME yesterday! I realized that I had never been dumped before (and I don't mean that to sound egotistical - just that it either just faded away, was mutual or I dumped Them!).

His exact words: BACK OFF. Omigod. Even tho' there was no other logical outcome (he's 11 yrs. younger and lives 3 hrs. away...)... it still HURT.

Yet, I also know that I subconsciously made it happen. I set it all up for failure. Pushed him beyond the limit... (yes, somewhat due to alcohol)

So now I just have to FEEL it and be done with it. What's maybe the hardest is that we would talk, sometimes for Hours, EVERY day. Feels very hollow now.

Just gotta pick myself up. Wasn't meant to be...

[upnorthgirl]

Losing resolve.. and sort of don't care!

WE can be your friends..

Hey, Savon. So the infant dumped you--his loss. Grieve a bit, stick with us, and we can see you through this. There is too much you have to offer, too much you want to accomplish, too much good you can do for the rest of us who are struggling.

DO NOT LET THIS ADD TO YOUR WEAKENING RESOLVE! Right now you need to be strong--find something positive to do. What do you enjoy (besides AL). Call some friends, go for a walk, read a book, rent a good movie, exercise, post a whole lot here (would this be a good time to share old secrets or tell jokes). Oh, visit the joke site here. I did for the first time the other day and laughed myself sick..

The point is, we are all in this together--:groupluv:

[A Work in Progress]

Losing resolve.. and sort of don't care!

Ditto what UNG said. Savon, it really hurts, I know... hang on, you know it will get better, and NO SITUATION IS SO BAD THAT ALCOHOL WON'T MAKE IT WORSE!!! Right? Yes.

[savon19]

Losing resolve.. and sort of don't care!

upnorthgirl;546082 wrote: Hey, Savon. So the infant dumped you

OK, UPnorth - you made me laugh!

Actually, I mostly slept today. Will probably regret it come about 3 AM when I'm awake...

Kind of funny, too: he sent me roses... but to the wrong apt.!! So I had to go find them...

I know that he sent them Before he got fed up with me!! OH dear.