This is an open letter, an answer to an inquiry I received.
The question, basically: "Should I Mod or Abstain?"
The identity problem; Modder vs. Abstainer
You know, of course this is the one thing you have to decide for yourself.
I can tell you how it was for me; but I can't decide for YOU
I didn't know what to call myself before coming to MWO.
I was a self-made Modder.
I thought I was alone in my pursuit until a friend introduced me to MWO
where I found others also pursuing a moderated alcohol intake lifestyle.
I have no plans to ever abstain permanently at this point in time.
I'm adamant...
I'm SO glad to be a Modder that I could just jump up and down, laughing and yelling.
It is one of the best things I've ever done for myself.
My motto is : "The Mod Life is the Good Life"
Now I know that whatever life has to offer, I can partake of it, taste it, try it...
just NEVER overdo it!
I love how I feel when I'm AF; but I enjoy my drink.
I tried Abs for almost a year. I KNEW it wasn't right. I was sad. I hated it.
I felt like a child; like a person with a deficit.
I hated that my lack of self control had brought me to the point where I had to abstain from something that had added,
what to me was, some richness and romance to my life.
(It brought plenty of bad things too, don't get me wrong; but that was MY fault, not the alcohol's)
While abstaining, I would occasionally obsess too; "White-knuckling"...
When I slipped, I would binge.
I knew that come tomorrow, or a couple of days, or whenever, I would have to commit to abstaining for life again;
so I would "make the most of it", and binge.
For a number of reasons, I just decided one day that I was going to conquer this, and learn to moderate.
Now, with moderation, everyone has to find where it works.
Everyone has different rules. I'm OK with that.
I tried and failed at different approaches; but I wasn't going back to abstaining.
A failure at successful Modding just meant I wasn't doing it right;
it didn't mean I couldn't ultimately moderate my intake.
I had used REBT tools and the SMART system to change my behaviors so I could abstain.
I used the same thought processes and tools to cut down on my intake.
They didn't like that at SMART.
They banned me.
Think about this:
WHATEVER IT TOOK TO HELP YOU DRINK ZERO DRINKS PER DAY
CAN BE USED TO HELP YOU DRINK ONE DRINK PER DAY...
Is that not the simplest concept EVER???
My wife loves that I mod. This is reliable; this is something I can do forever.
There were times when I was abstaining (trying to be something I wasn't) that I would binge.
She never knew when this might happen.
She knows I won't binge now.
I may go over my preferred limit now and then, but bells and whistles are going off;
and by "practicing", by doing AF days, EVERY WEEK,
I'm gaining the strength to stop before I get carried away.
I have heard the discussion about how many days to abstain before trying to Mod;
14 days, 30 days, 90 days...it doesn't matter.
I believe a person should abstain long enough to prove they have some control.
They should obviously abstain long enough to get the alcohol and its byproducts out of the system;
breaking the physical and most of the psychological addiction.
After that I believe one should never drink more than 2 or 3 days in a row.
It takes 3 days to grossly detox the system
and I think that third day of drinking begins an addictive cycle that is harder to break.
If you drink 3 days; you will want to drink a fourth day, etc...
I believe one should not drink more than 2 drinks on the drinking day.
That third drink numbs the frontal lobe and makes us think we are less drunk than we actually are.
Numbing the frontal lobe also inhibits impulse control and sets one up for "stupid behavior".
Then of course, there's the next day...
These are some of my thoughts to get your own thinking started.
Write if you have more questions...
And remember: "Sobriety" and "abstinence" are not synonymous.
~Kid Shelleen~
The question, basically: "Should I Mod or Abstain?"
The identity problem; Modder vs. Abstainer
You know, of course this is the one thing you have to decide for yourself.
I can tell you how it was for me; but I can't decide for YOU
I didn't know what to call myself before coming to MWO.
I was a self-made Modder.
I thought I was alone in my pursuit until a friend introduced me to MWO
where I found others also pursuing a moderated alcohol intake lifestyle.
I have no plans to ever abstain permanently at this point in time.
I'm adamant...
I'm SO glad to be a Modder that I could just jump up and down, laughing and yelling.
It is one of the best things I've ever done for myself.
My motto is : "The Mod Life is the Good Life"
Now I know that whatever life has to offer, I can partake of it, taste it, try it...
just NEVER overdo it!
I love how I feel when I'm AF; but I enjoy my drink.
I tried Abs for almost a year. I KNEW it wasn't right. I was sad. I hated it.
I felt like a child; like a person with a deficit.
I hated that my lack of self control had brought me to the point where I had to abstain from something that had added,
what to me was, some richness and romance to my life.
(It brought plenty of bad things too, don't get me wrong; but that was MY fault, not the alcohol's)
While abstaining, I would occasionally obsess too; "White-knuckling"...
When I slipped, I would binge.
I knew that come tomorrow, or a couple of days, or whenever, I would have to commit to abstaining for life again;
so I would "make the most of it", and binge.
For a number of reasons, I just decided one day that I was going to conquer this, and learn to moderate.
Now, with moderation, everyone has to find where it works.
Everyone has different rules. I'm OK with that.
I tried and failed at different approaches; but I wasn't going back to abstaining.
A failure at successful Modding just meant I wasn't doing it right;
it didn't mean I couldn't ultimately moderate my intake.
I had used REBT tools and the SMART system to change my behaviors so I could abstain.
I used the same thought processes and tools to cut down on my intake.
They didn't like that at SMART.
They banned me.
Think about this:
WHATEVER IT TOOK TO HELP YOU DRINK ZERO DRINKS PER DAY
CAN BE USED TO HELP YOU DRINK ONE DRINK PER DAY...
Is that not the simplest concept EVER???
My wife loves that I mod. This is reliable; this is something I can do forever.
There were times when I was abstaining (trying to be something I wasn't) that I would binge.
She never knew when this might happen.
She knows I won't binge now.
I may go over my preferred limit now and then, but bells and whistles are going off;
and by "practicing", by doing AF days, EVERY WEEK,
I'm gaining the strength to stop before I get carried away.
I have heard the discussion about how many days to abstain before trying to Mod;
14 days, 30 days, 90 days...it doesn't matter.
I believe a person should abstain long enough to prove they have some control.
They should obviously abstain long enough to get the alcohol and its byproducts out of the system;
breaking the physical and most of the psychological addiction.
After that I believe one should never drink more than 2 or 3 days in a row.
It takes 3 days to grossly detox the system
and I think that third day of drinking begins an addictive cycle that is harder to break.
If you drink 3 days; you will want to drink a fourth day, etc...
I believe one should not drink more than 2 drinks on the drinking day.
That third drink numbs the frontal lobe and makes us think we are less drunk than we actually are.
Numbing the frontal lobe also inhibits impulse control and sets one up for "stupid behavior".
Then of course, there's the next day...
These are some of my thoughts to get your own thinking started.
Write if you have more questions...
And remember: "Sobriety" and "abstinence" are not synonymous.
~Kid Shelleen~
Comment