I have been here since September 2008. It has been a much longer road than 7 months. It so much longer because my ordeal with AL started 13 years ago when I met my beloved husband.
During the first few years beer was the drink of choice and the quantities gradually increased and so did the incidents. But, when 4 years ago the Vodka took the beer's place things turned, as probably should have been expected, a lot worse.
I have previoulsy described some of the events, but they are not the focus of my posting today.
Today, I am just trying to understand why I remained in the living nightmare while my husband continued to do things he could and does not remember while I did and do.
Now he is in another "recovery" period, they typically only last a few weeks at the most.
When he is sober for a certain period of time, or at least does not indulge in the same quantities of AL, he is very clear as to whom is partially responsible for all this. To my surprise (according to him) he counts me in, as partially responsible. Apparently I did not react well to his AL abuse and when I was "out of my mind" dealing with his AL abuse, I said a lot of unkind things and had outburst of "insanity" .... you think???
It is my fault for having such great expecation vs. reality. The expectation was the hopeful reward for standing by him, sometimes well and sometimes not so well.
The reality is that I am now accused of being part of the problem. I have to say I am beside myself with his diagnose.
Everything I have read and all the professional help I have gathered over the past couple of years seem to conclude the opposite. They all tell me I was "crazy" because I was driven to it by his actions and abuse.
Little did I know I would come to find out, from him, that I am just simply a crazy person with a potential "mental" problem and it has nothing to do with what I lived through due to his AL abuse.
I am very sadden by his conclusion to my support over the years. I am very disappointed to this expectation vs. reality I face today.
Was I crazy, am I crazy? were my reactions sometimes so strong that you could think so.. yes.. absolutely. But, I am not convinced I am the problem. After all I was previously married to someone else and none of this so called "mental" issue i have been accused of was present until I faced the AL in my life.
Sorry for rambling on, but I had to share my dilemna today. To believe the alcoholic whoe has found a period of sobriety to come to this conclusion and diagnose about me or to believe the rest of the world.
any thoughts?
During the first few years beer was the drink of choice and the quantities gradually increased and so did the incidents. But, when 4 years ago the Vodka took the beer's place things turned, as probably should have been expected, a lot worse.
I have previoulsy described some of the events, but they are not the focus of my posting today.
Today, I am just trying to understand why I remained in the living nightmare while my husband continued to do things he could and does not remember while I did and do.
Now he is in another "recovery" period, they typically only last a few weeks at the most.
When he is sober for a certain period of time, or at least does not indulge in the same quantities of AL, he is very clear as to whom is partially responsible for all this. To my surprise (according to him) he counts me in, as partially responsible. Apparently I did not react well to his AL abuse and when I was "out of my mind" dealing with his AL abuse, I said a lot of unkind things and had outburst of "insanity" .... you think???
It is my fault for having such great expecation vs. reality. The expectation was the hopeful reward for standing by him, sometimes well and sometimes not so well.
The reality is that I am now accused of being part of the problem. I have to say I am beside myself with his diagnose.
Everything I have read and all the professional help I have gathered over the past couple of years seem to conclude the opposite. They all tell me I was "crazy" because I was driven to it by his actions and abuse.
Little did I know I would come to find out, from him, that I am just simply a crazy person with a potential "mental" problem and it has nothing to do with what I lived through due to his AL abuse.
I am very sadden by his conclusion to my support over the years. I am very disappointed to this expectation vs. reality I face today.
Was I crazy, am I crazy? were my reactions sometimes so strong that you could think so.. yes.. absolutely. But, I am not convinced I am the problem. After all I was previously married to someone else and none of this so called "mental" issue i have been accused of was present until I faced the AL in my life.
Sorry for rambling on, but I had to share my dilemna today. To believe the alcoholic whoe has found a period of sobriety to come to this conclusion and diagnose about me or to believe the rest of the world.
any thoughts?
but I will remember your advise. 
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