Started this morning with a protein shake laced with All in One and al of my morning supps. Today promises not to be so crazy as the last seven or eight so I'm hoping to take all supps, etc on time and even get a walk in today. It's kind of like starting over - But I'm feeling better. Had a good night's sleep and muich less to drink last night - what a difference that makes! Jennah, St. Judie - where are ya? Haven't head from you lately - Hope everyone has a good day!
-
Trish In Omaha
Shepard James 'Shep' Walker: I think it can best be said..."The road to hell is paved with good intentions."
Sidda: Well, what about the road back? What's that paved with?
Shepard James 'Shep' Walker: Humility.
"Divine Secrets of the Ya Ya Sisterhood" -
August 17th - A Brand New Day
Hello all
Hello to everyone
I am here - I know I have been quiet. The last couple of weeks at work have been very very busy (translate - h*ll - and I have been kind of going through a bit of an emotional withdrawal thing...not sure why....I guess I am struggling with where i am going with life and where I see myself with my work, where I want to live, etc....lots of things going on but don't worry - I am not abandoning the program or you guys! I love you all to death and I have been around the boards reading - just not posting as much - I swear this has mostly been because of lack of time).
I hope everyone is doing great.
I didnt drink anything last night. Wanted a night to reflect on things. I was lying in bed last night and realized how terrible my self-esteem is (like, how I honestly don't think - somewhere inside - I deserve the basic things other people have). Isn't that absurd? I wonder why I feel this way?? I never realized i really felt this way until it dawned on me last night lying in bed...
I guess this is something i need to address.
Oh guys, so sorry to be negative. It wasn't intentional. Have just been reflecting a lot lately. These are issues I will work through, I promise. I love you all - hope everyone is well. On the bright side, I feel great today - full of energy and its a bright new day!
Hugs all
Jen:h :lOver 4 months AF :h -
August 17th - A Brand New Day
Good Morning,
My internet was down this morning so I was really bummed because one of the first things I do in the am is read posts from the night before. All up and running now
Hubby was out of town and came home late Tuesday night. I had, oh, let's say two too many drinks by the time he got home. He was upset with me (wait, I thought I told you I had a PROBLEM with alcohol???helloooooooooooo). I had been waiting to implement the entire program (still waiting for the baclofen and the last child to start school to get on an excercise schedule) and have it working to some degree before I told him about it.
Well the alcohol took over and I told him everything. I told him about the medication I had ordered ,(by the way it is taking FOREVER/the interception by the FDA didin't help) the forum here and the program that I was going to start to the best of my ability while under the influence.
He took my beloved bottle of vodka out of the house and I still don't have any medication. I did not drink last night but had some left over hydrocodone from a couple of years ago and decided I needed to take the edge off somehow (just what I need, to trade one addiction for another:no:
I am just praying today is the day for the baclofen to arrive from the UK. It's been 9 days since I placed that order, hopefully this one is not intercepted in customs.
Despite not sleeping well because I was itching all night because of the hydrocodone, I feel pretty good today and have energy to spare
There, that was depressing yet uplifiting at the same time:heart:
RYL:h :h :h :hComment
-
August 17th - A Brand New Day
H all,
You know the boards are a place to vent and it is OK and good even to say what struggles are coming through with this new found sobriety. Never meant to make anyone feel that they are not welcome or they should not vent. This is a TOUGH road to travel and we need to be real. When you are first starting out and in the middle of these thoughts that that seem nightmarish, can I do this, why do I feel such angst, I need a drink etc. ( there are tons of them that grab you and make you rethink life in general.) finding something to smile about can help with recovery! When we feel dark, finding something that can bring in some sunshine also is a help. . . at least for me.
Trish and Jen, I went through that stage about 6 weeks to 2 months into the program. Just didnt' want to post and just couldn't handle some of the stuff running through my head.
I have had an incredibly tough couple months now. It hasn't ended either. I was over at my parents until late on Tuesday night as my dad has been really sick. By 3:00AM I am driving back over there to take him to emergency. Long and short of it, he is quite ill, he would have died yesterday if I hadn't done that. they sent him by ambulance to the larger hospital downtown. running more tests today. It may be pancreatic cancer, a blockage in his bowel, he has pneumonia for sure, dehydrated beyond belief. (killer is my mom's immune system is shot right now and she really shouldn't be hanging around the germs in the hospital. She is just one month out of full mastectomy and has a lung disease that is killing her immmune system.) Neither of them ever smoked a day in their lives. Seems unfair they shoud have so many cancers. she also is not grasping the depth of his illness or is shining it on so she doesn't have to look at it. Damn though, that could have killed him. Not malicious just not seeing . . .cause then maybe it will go away? I dont' feel like I am getting a break what so ever!
I do have something to smile about this morning. My sons just got back from the Virgin Islands Tuesday night and they came to the hospital last night and were nurturing and mothering my dad so nicely. It was quite touching for me to see that love. My oldest said he had asked grandpa on the phone how he was, he says, even if grandpa had a leg hanging off he would respond with, doing pretty OK. He said last night, grandpa said, not so great Chris. so they got it together and came to see him. tonight my youngest gets his white coat as he is inducted into pharmacy school, my dad had tears in his eyes when he said they won't let me out of the hospital to see you get your coat. Brian replied, I will come by the hospital and model it just for you! My dad smiled and went back to drifting in and out of sleep.
I am truly blessed with my sons and I feel truly blessed that all you wonderful ladies are on board with the mods.
May or may not be posting for the next few days, just depends on how it goes with my parents.
Hugs and Love to all,
MaryComment
-
August 17th - A Brand New Day
Perspective
Mary:
I am so very sorry to hear about your parents and certainly didn't mean to discount your "e-mails" from the universe. In fact, I love them so much, I found the website and ordered the books! I know how hard it is to see parents failing and not be able to do a da** thing about it. I lost my darling mother about 2 years ago after a long illness. She was pretty much bedridden for her last 2 years of life. 10 months before that I lost my husband to liver failure due to alcoholism - he was only 54. At any rate, it sure helps the rest of us to sometimes put things into perspective when we see what our friends are challenged with every day. Since Mary didn't post this - I will - here's the e-mail from the universe today:
"Just for the record, there isn't a single thing I would change about you." The Universe
Mary, you must be so proud of your sons! I certainly would be. You and all our other friends will be in my prayers today.Trish In Omaha
Shepard James 'Shep' Walker: I think it can best be said..."The road to hell is paved with good intentions."
Sidda: Well, what about the road back? What's that paved with?
Shepard James 'Shep' Walker: Humility.
"Divine Secrets of the Ya Ya Sisterhood"Comment
-
August 17th - A Brand New Day
Mary, I am so sorry to hear about your dad, your parents were doing so well there for a while. So many of us now have aging parents that your situation really hits home. Prays to you and your family!
Jen, glad you are having a good day and nice to hear from you, I am really in that 6 week to 2 month bad space Mary referred to, so I need to "keep swimming" until September.
Imagine brought up an interesting note on substitution that I thought might make a good topic. What are we trading booze for these days. Sometimes it's good for us stuff, exercize, meditation, etc and other times it is not. I know for me, there have been many nights that I wished I smoked P*T. I grew up in a house where if people where not yelling at each other they were high, so doing this is not an option for me, but it would take the edge off. Instead I seem to be eating. I have tried to stay away from the high sugar, like many of the abbers are doing, but it's almost like my brains says, your not drinking, why not eat what you want.
LauraHumor is just another defense against the universe!Comment
-
August 17th - A Brand New Day
Mary,
I am so sorry to hear what your are going through with your parents.
My mother died of cervical cancer many years ago. I will never forget the pain I felt as I watched her slip away at the age of 52.
I didn't have the resposibility of a family then so I was very fortunate to spend every day she had left by her side.
Just know that even though no one can ever understand what you are going through, I will keep you close in thoughts and prayers :l
RYL:h :h :h :hComment
-
August 17th - A Brand New Day
Thank you for bringing that up Laura,Frmca wrote: Mary, I am so sorry to hear about your dad, your parents were doing so well there for a while. So many of us now have aging parents that your situation really hits home. Prays to you and your family!
Jen, glad you are having a good day and nice to hear from you, I am really in that 6 week to 2 month bad space Mary referred to, so I need to "keep swimming" until September.
Imagine brought up an interesting note on substitution that I thought might make a good topic. What are we trading booze for these days. Sometimes it's good for us stuff, exercize, meditation, etc and other times it is not. I know for me, there have been many nights that I wished I smoked P*T. I grew up in a house where if people where not yelling at each other they were high, so doing this is not an option for me, but it would take the edge off. Instead I seem to be eating. I have tried to stay away from the high sugar, like many of the abbers are doing, but it's almost like my brains says, your not drinking, why not eat what you want.
Laura
I forgot to tell you that after taking my bottle of vodka out of the house and watching me try to keep myself busy all night, during my "late evening snack "..... my loving husband says, "You eating because you're not drinking?" !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Well, what if I am??????
Rachele:h :h :h :hComment
-
August 17th - A Brand New Day
Hey everybody. I'm back. Been MIA, with some tummy trouble & weird head space combination... not good. Needless to say, I feel like "Queen of the Throne"...not in a good way! So of course, not feeling good, and no appetite,... it only makes since to try & feel better by drinking as much as I can!
I think with the combination of my B-day & reunion....the whole Family thing combined, I felt pressured, and had a slow reaction to it or something! Maybe it was just a flu bug with bad timing! I still didn't get as bad as I used to... but close enough... Definately time for me to straighten out my thinking!
Mary, I'm so glad your sons are home. You must be so proud of them! Many prayers for your folks...:h It's good you have some support there now.
Sorry I haven't been on board for the past few days. Just really haven't felt up to it. Hope everybody is hanging in there.
And no, Mary Ann, we havn't left for Vegas yet! That's another stress factor coming up for me! We leave Monday! I'm working the next 4 nights right up untill then... so I guess I'll be packing, puking,& racing to the throne, in between!
The only thing worth stealing is a kiss...:flower:
zwink:Comment
-
August 17th - A Brand New Day
Mary my prayers are with you
Love you!
I am glad you have such great sons - though it doesnt surprise me because they have a super mom!:h :h
Thinking of you hon
Love jen
Happy - glad to see you back! - its so strange several of us seemed to have entered a negative head space all at around the same time!!Over 4 months AF :hComment
Comment