I'm Hurting

[YoungAtHeart]

I got a call today from a friend of mine. The first one I've ever gotten that started with, "Are you sitting down?" Actually, I was driving, and just about to pull into the parking lot at Costco. So I did. It was my oldest and dearest friend here in Maryland, although we are not in as frequent contact as we were ten years ago. Her awful ex-wedded died the other day of a massive heart attack at age 48. They were best friends with my awful ex-wedded and me. They divorced a few years before we did. I last saw him when their daughter graduated from high school two years ago.

I cannot get my mind around this at all. I am in shock. One minute I am crying. The next, I am okay. My friend asked me to call my ex to let him know. Of course I don't expect her to do call him, but it isn't a task that I relish at all. I have a call in to him now. I'm wondering if he will respond, maybe thinking that I just want to "bug" him about something. I hardly want to leave a message saying "Oh, just wanted to let you know that G--- died the other day. Take care."

Anyway, just wanted to post this. Maybe belongs on the daily rant, but I feel too vulnerable for that, not the anger and ooomph for a rant. Part of me wants to drink, but part of me feels disgusted with drinking, too. I'm going to stick with that part--the part that feels disgusted. Damn it, I'm Young!!! Young At Heart--I guess I'm angry too--I'm too Young to start having my contemporaries start dying on me!!!

I would love to call my mom, but she just had another friend die on her last week. That's 6 contemporaries in the last 7 months for her. She's 80. I can't dump this on her!! Thanks for listening, everyone. Sorry if this is a little raw. I'm a little raw.....:boohoo:

Love, Kathy

[Mackeral]

I'm Hurting

Hiya Kathy,
I'm really sorry to hear about your friends ex, i wish i could give you some brilliant advice, or some pearl of wisdom like you always seam to manage to give to me. And i don't envy the task of you having to tell your ex either.
All i can say is that its not fair, i know you got your own problems to deal with every day and sometimes all it takes is a little nudge to push us over the edge ( never mind a big shove like you have just had ).
I hope you do the right thing drink wise because i think i know you and you'll beat yourself up afterwards...Or maybe i dont.
I get the impression your relied upon quite a lot by a lot of people and people like us dont really need that kind of pressure....Sods law i think its called..
Anyway, im thinking of you Kathy and i hope this is all behind you as soon as possible....I wish i could be more help....Take care mate.........Wayne.

[Guest]

I'm Hurting

sorry to hear this kathy.
life is tough sometimes.
good luck
Brigid

[YoungAtHeart]

I'm Hurting

Hey luvs,

Mostly, I need to know that you all are not too far away!! I just got off the phone with my sisters, and they were great. Still haven't heard from the awful ex-wedded. At 10pm, I will just send him an e-mail and consider my duty done. It's his problem.....

Thankfully, I'm sober. I've stayed here on MWO and on the phone, and I've made it. Not long until bedtime.......Still hanging in there...Thanks for your responses.

XOXOX
Kathy
PS: Wayne, brilliant advice isn't everything--time is love, too. Sometimes a hug is worth more than words, and just being there is best of all. Thanks for everything , and you too, Brigid!

[gabby]

I'm Hurting

Kath, I'm so sorry. Big hugs. I hate stuff like this. Gabbs

[sujul]

I'm Hurting

Oh Kathy, I'm so sorry...and what mixed-up feelings you must have right now.... I don't have any words of wisdom but please know you're in my thoughts and prayers--PLEASE be extra, extra gentle and careful with yourself....
:l
susan

[nomorewine]

I'm Hurting

Kathy - Just catching up after being away for a while. This stinks and I am very sorry to hear this news. You are right - sometimes there is not much that can be said that will help other tha, "I'm here." So, I'm here. And so is everyone. Please take care of you today.

Kate

[gabby]

I'm Hurting

Kathy, Have you heard from your almost X yet? And how are you feeling today? Just thinking about you this am. Gabby

[YoungAtHeart]

I'm Hurting

Thanks all, I'm here--still standing, pretty exhausted. I did talk to my ex- last night. He was stunned. We didn't talk long. Part of what is hard for me about all of this is that it reminds me of a time when I was happy with my ex-, and that is painful. So much has happened since then! Thanks for your thoughts; they mean so much to me.

Hugs,
Kathy

[vinophile]

I'm Hurting

Dear Kathy,
I just came back and read your post. I'm so sorry about the death. I certainly understand the fear of having a "contemporary" die. It makes us feel so vulnerable.
I'm sure you mourn the loss of this man but his relationship with you as the ex of a friend with whom you and your ex were friendly probably makes you sad for a time when things were good between you all.Complicated issues with a hole mish-mash of feelings. I know I have a tough time sorting these kinds of feelings out.This was when wine always numbed feelings I couldn't sort out and put into proper perspective.Great for you that you were able to do it without the alcohol.This also comes for you at a rough time as you doing the paper work for your divorce....very emotional
Let us know how it goes...we are here to listen.
Janet

[gabby]

I'm Hurting

That was a good way to put it Janet. I share that. I dont know what it is about this death stuff....as gabby as I can be I just am not as wordy on this subject. But the connection with the dynamic of age and married friends and ex and doin papers....you hit it good. Kath....still thinkin about ya lotts. Gabby

[YoungAtHeart]

I'm Hurting

Thanks All!

Thank you Everyone,

Yes, having a contemporary die at my age IS scary, and the feelings are very complicated. I feel for my friend's daughter, who has many complicated feelings about her dad, just as my daughter does about her's!

I'm doing much better this morning. I was good for me to go out and volunteer yesterday, even though I felt brain dead, but it was a good distraction. I was in bed last night by 10 and slept pretty well. That also helped a lot!! Today I feel like I'm back in the land of the living, and that feels good!

Just to clarify, I've been divorced for over 10 years. The papers that I'm working on are an agreement as to how my ex is going to pay me for the back child support that he owes me--a very substantial sum. He doesn't really have the money at this point, but he will have a fairly decent inheritance down the road. We have agreed to handle it this way, as his current wife (I'm fairly certain) has NO IDEA of the amount of $$ he owes me, nor does the rest of his family. So this stuff will be merged into our separation and divorce agreement. It is just difficult because I have realized that it is better for my mental health to have as little to do with him as possible. So I am looking forward to getting it over with and signed, and putting it to rest.

You have all been great to me, and I appreciate it so much. When things go wrong now, I am finding that I am thinking of running here to all of you at least as often as running for the bottle. That is a good shift in my thinking!!

Blessings!
Kathy:l

[gabby]

I'm Hurting

Me too Kath. Kinda funny when I think about it. gabby