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[Janice]

i have never posted here. In 2 years I've never been bad enough to feel I needed to. The more you relapse the worse you get. I wasn't ths bad 2 years ago?? This morning I had my first AF night and I felt great....so what happened??? I'm not unhappy with my life. I love my husband, my kids, my home, my family, I wouldn't change a thing...so why? This is getting worse. I'm moving to a new level.

[startingover]

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Hi Janice, are you going through withdrawals? That could bring on depression.
What are you feeling right now?

[Janice]

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I'm feeling like I wish I'd put the kettle on at 1 o'oclock when I was ironging.

[startingover]

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Are you drinking now?

[Evie.Lou]

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All I can tell you Janice that is that I needed Meds to stop me from taking that first drink I wasn't strong enough in the beginning to do it without the extra power that the meds gave me. They gave me the extra strength I needed to get enough AF time under my belt that I could see clearly the things that I really needed to do to get and stay sober. I don't think I personally could have done it without their help. Have you at least tried L~Glut and kudzu ???

[Janice]

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No. I'm not. I'm in on my own till my son gets in. My husbands away tonight. But I did open the bottle at lunchtime - when I felt good. The bottle is now empty - and I feel crap.

I'm on water now ...and thats the pattern isn't it? I know I won't drink for the rest of tonight...but why am I so weak to give in to those few hours???

[Evie.Lou]

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I always drank til the bottle was empty.I think the reason is because I am an alcoholic .......LOL
That is a disease that I took medicine for ...just like if I had diabetes I would take insulin
I wouldn't think I was weak because my body didn't produce the right amount of insulin ???
I would think that I was a diabetic and I need meds for it ...right ???
I feel the same about alcoholism.

[Janice]

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No Evie, this is something I have control over. And I'm just not getting my act together. This is a choice. Its down to me. I know I can choose to drink or not drink. I can choose to put the kettle on or open the bottle. This is my problem, I need to sort myself out.

[Janice]

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but thank you for replying to me.....xxx

[Evie.Lou]

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Do you really have a choice Janice ??? Seems to me that you posted that the worse it gets the worse it gets ??? If what you have been doing for the pasted 2 years isn't working it may be time to try some thing else...YOU ASKED and this is just a thought, (it might not hurt for you to give it some thought) ????
There is no shame in finding something that works and using that as a tool to get yourself healthy. RJ uses Meds along with other tools and so do many others here on this site. I saw do what ever it takes to keep yourself of the bottle !!!

[Loppy lugs]

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Janice,

Have you considered going to your GP and getting some antabuse. It is a big step, but it means you can't drink. You can't drink for quite some time after taking it. It gives you time for drinking to stop being a habit. It is still an addiction which has to be dealt with but...

Of course when you stop taking it relapses are possible but...... Anyway it gave me a long period of sobriety and I used it again for the first week this time, to give me a bit of sober time as a head start.

At first I felt pretty rubbish having to talk to my GP about my drinking but by that stage I was so desparate I didn't care.

Anyway sleep tight, hope you feel better in the morning.

[Boss.man]

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Janice it's not just you and the bottle. Use some support. At the very least come here. We've all been there too. Part of AL dependency is that your brain is hooked. It is VERY hard to unhook that portion, no matter how much "logic" we use, we are fighting our own brains. Please keep trying. It's definitely worth it, and the brain thing settles down after a while.

[bloggy]

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Evie.Lou;617766 wrote: I always drank til the bottle was empty.I think the reason is because I am an alcoholic .......LOL
That is a disease that I took medicine for ...just like if I had diabetes I would take insulin
I wouldn't think I was weak because my body didn't produce the right amount of insulin ???
I would think that I was a diabetic and I need meds for it ...right ???
I feel the same about alcoholism.

I agree completely with Evie, Janice.

Some people manage to stop without meds, and some of us can't- we just don't have enough control over it.

I have been on Naltrexone for over 3 months now, and have just got Baclofen- as back up if I feel I need it. It is no bother to carry a few little pills around with me- if I feel I am going to drink I take a Nal. It reduces my cravings, and if I do still drink, I have usually had enough after 2 beers- sometimes I manage 3. For the first time in 25 years I have control over the state I will be in when I go to bed- I am happy to say I don't even remember the last time I went to bed really drunk.

Why keep struggling?
There are easier ways- the scenario with me would have been I started the ironing- felt like having a drink, so I take a nal. The craving would probably have disappeared- if it didn't I would have had a drink but not been able or indeed wanted a second one, and certainly not a third....What would have been better?? The Nal way or your way?!

It may not work immediately, you might need to take it for a few weeks before you really start to see the difference but it you hang on in there, you will find it works.

[gyco]

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hi

Janice;617754 wrote: i have never posted here. In 2 years I've never been bad enough to feel I needed to. The more you relapse the worse you get. I wasn't ths bad 2 years ago?? This morning I had my first AF night and I felt great....so what happened??? I'm not unhappy with my life. I love my husband, my kids, my home, my family, I wouldn't change a thing...so why? This is getting worse. I'm moving to a new level.

hi janice i missed this thread the other day,the words i wouldnt change a thing struck me,i have been trying,for 2 years,i beleive anyone can stop drinking,staying stopped,and wanting to,is a different story,alchoholic,is a title,which most,dont relate to,nor want to,beleive me,there is astigmatism attached,to the title,that is a hole different story and opinion,which we,are delighted to go full,force at, so all leave that alone,now alcoholism ? interesting,just got half way thro a new book,HEALING THE ADDICTED BRAIN by DR H.C.URSCHEL,over drinking for years is like a train wreck,car crash and ect ! damaged goods . [the brain never gets a chance to heal.i have four books , and the computer siting by me,the Webster dictionary,the bible, large print, a wedding gift, a AA BOOK, a GIFT from a friend,and the new book HEALING THE ADDICTED BRAIN,but as someone said earlier,you have here,other people like you,no one knows a [heavy]drinker,better then a [heavy ]drinker.im here for ya janice one day or 10000 we only have to survive it one at a time gyco i wish you well

[Janice]

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thanks everyone....I do feel better today but very mad with myself. Janicex