My story of excuses

[Guest]

I don't really know when I became an alcoholic...I suspect it was just before my divorce in 1995. I had drunk beer in high school and drunk heavily in the Army...but I had never felt the "craving" that I do now. I have been drinking heavily on a daily basis since then...and making excuses as to why I do it. Thank God I found this site. I tried AA and was really turned off by it..I'm sure it works, but the whole culture of it was....I don't know...not helpful.
I have never really tried to quit until now...I have gone a couple of weeks here and there...just to see if I could do it, and it was hell.
My drinking is making my wife distance herself from me....and I know exactly why. I could not imagine if our roles were reversed.
Don't get me wrong, I've always maintained...as most of us do. I use every preventive measure known to man to stop a hangover and conceal it to my co-workers. And so far, I've done pretty good. I've been promoted to upper managment in two jobs in the past ten years.
The problem is I am tired of it...of all the negatives alcohol brings versus the positives. All the hiding, sneaking, arguments...etc.
The biggest thing I miss is the clarity......how clear things are when you aren't hung over or drunk...it's amazing to me.
But I always find a "reason" to imbibe the beer again....lets list them..."stress", "joy", "football",....."awake"
I can find any reason to drink, but there are many more reasons not to. Thats why I downloaded the book and ordered all the supplements I could. I read the book and found it inspiring...I look forward to completing this journey with all of you

[wellseasoned]

My story of excuses

Congratulations on making a most significant first step to recovery! Just admitting to yourself that you have a problem with alcohol is HUGE!!! I have found great support at MYO - the members are all so wonderful - everyone with their own story and personality yet all with the same struggle and desire to make a change in their lives. YOU CAN DO IT!! I have been involved since April and while I have had some ups and downs, I can honestly say that for the first time in my adult life I am being totally honest with myself about my alcohol addiction. My husband has been absolutely amazing - so encouraging - not judgemental - so supportive. I pray that your wife will offer the same. It does help. You do need to be strong, though, and ready to do the really hard work on your own. That is where the support of this great group is truely a blessing. On those days or at those moments when you are feeling weak or that you might not make it, just log in and read some posts or reply to some. It really does help and give you strength and inspiration.
I will be praying for you and your family. Keep putting one foot in front of the other, don't get discouraged if you trip and fall along the road to recovery and remember that there are many who WANT you to succeed at finding a better, clearer and more personally rewarding life!
Jenn

[Guest]

My story of excuses

Thank you Jenn for your prayers and words of encouragement...I really needed them.You are right about this community...it is indeed a rock of strength to just hold on one more day God bless you and everyone else here who are trying to make a positive change...

[RoseKat]

My story of excuses

Hey, N, it’s like the old cliché: every journey begins with a single step. We all took the first steps by finding this site and having the desire to make the change. You don’t have to call yourself names first to simply want to get healthy.

Jenn is so right about the support on this site. After reading the posts here for two days, I was inspired in a way I had never felt before. I went to my local health food stores and bought the supps and got started on the program right away. You will be surprised how much the l-glutamine and kudzu will help fight cravings, even if you can’t get Topa.

Welcome to the program and I wish you every bit of success!

(Any luck with the mod mgmt chat group?)

[Eliziby]

My story of excuses

Welcome to the group. All Jenn and Kat have said I ditto. We all find strength in each other. If one is down, he/she can come here and find someone who is up for encouragement and support, and the other way around. It works both ways. Stay tuned, you'll get what you need.

[wellseasoned]

My story of excuses

Hey, how are you doing, Niznusan?

Jenn

[ckg819]

My story of excuses

Hi Everyone!

Something about Niz's title "excuses" caught my eye. That is me. I am new to the site. I actaully have the CD's and read the book along time ago, but I never participated in the site and now I think that is what was missing!

Niz, I too miss the clarity. I have drank socially for most of my adult life but only in moderation and only at parties etc. WHen I had my son (7 years ago) I didn't drink for almost two years. Then slowy I arrived at where I am today. I am tired, foggy, forgetful. I am going to reread RJ's book and start again. I think I have found the missing componet - listening to all of your stories and sharing mine.



:thanks:

[mojomuppet]

My story of excuses

i am the excuse queen. thanks to some people here i dont use them quite so much!

[Chris]

My story of excuses

I need help

actually just coming onto this site was a big deal for me. I am actually scared right now. I own my company and have been caught drinking in my office several times. Most times, I am considered to be functional, but lately I am getting really scared. I got pulled over about two months ago by a state trooper and failed the field sobriety test at 11:45am on a workday. Fortunately (or maybe not fortunately) I have a good friend who is an extremely high ranking person in the state police and he heard my name come across the radio. He immediately came and got me and drove me home.

I have lost two marriages, largely because of this and now just lost a girlfriend that I thought I would be with forever. I have four kids and my two oldest have said things to me. I recently lost a $600k home to foreclosure due to a changing market that my business is in which made it even worse.

My brother heard that i was very depressed about a year ago, and came by my apartment to check on me and found me drunk at 9am on a workday. He then told me that he was taking me to rehab. I refused and he told me that if he had to go find my other brother and 5 of their biggest friends to force me, that he would do it. Therefore I went and checked myself out after two days because I found it to be extremely embarassing and demeaning. I have gone to several AA meetings and found the same thing with them.

I wake up at 12-1am every night and have to have a drink. I try to not keep liquor in the house because it makes it worse. Right now, I have not had a drink for 4 hours (I wasnt drunk this morning) and I am sweating and my heart is pounding. I cant concentrate or think because all I keep thinking about is how I pissed my life away, and a girl that I actually feel that could be the one for me is slipping away from me right now.

I am a big guy and I feel like an absolute pussy right now because I am on the brink of crying in my own office.

[lushy]

My story of excuses

Chris, your story made me so sad this morning. It sounds like you are a heavy duty drinker and I do not think going cold turkey is the safest thing for you. Perhaps you should start by tapering down your drinks every day until you feel you can go without a drink for a day or two. Baby steps. When I first found this board I did not want to stop drinking at all, or even cut down, but after checking in here and learning about new supplements and just chatting with people who have the same problem as us is soooo helpful. I have had five days without alcohol in the last two weeks which is a record for me. My goal is to be a casual drinker on the weekends. I am still a long way from that but I can feel the changes taking place in me. How about if you stop the getting up in the middle of the night and having a drink and then go from there? I feel like you; that I am pissing my life away, but then we must realize that we have some say in that. So go ahead and have a good cry in your office and then resolve to do something different today with regards to your drinking, even if it is a little something. Have you read the book and looked into the supplements? They are not a quick fix but they can help reduce the cravings. Give it a chance. Most importantly keep coming back here for support. We are a good group of people despite being alcohol-challenged. Don't give up.

[InnerStrength]

My story of excuses

Chris
You have come to the right place. Don't give up. We have all been where you are, at some stage or another. Have you downloaded the book? There are tons of wonderful people on this site who have really gotten help and turned their lives around (including me) because of this program! I mean it - please dont despair. We are here! You can and will find your way - if you are willing to try.
Hugs
Jen

[Chris]

My story of excuses

The part of being depressed so much is what is killing me. I left out that I went to see a psychiatrist who also told me to NOT stop, which I found to be absurd at the time. She said it is dangerous, so it made me almost feel like I had a free license to keep going. I had an uncle (by marriage, not related) who died of alcoholism and I remember when I was young that I never could understand HOW and WHY he gave up on life, in and out of hospitals then left behind 3 beautiful daughters, of which the youngest was only 2 at the time. NOW I am mad at myself that I even criticized him.

[Mackeral]

My story of excuses

Chris, you sound like you have just hit another rock bottom. But in the same day you have found this place and reached out for help. I'm a married man with kids and i've balled my eyes out through utter digust with myself.......Why...what have i done to deserve this....what have my family done to deserve me.
You can turn it around, it's never too late...i've drank once in the last nearly 3 months.....And thats after ( like you ) being told not to give up without hospital supervision...and a coarse of librium.
The point is you CAN do it....turn your life back around....Iknow it sounds impossible...but if i can....you can..
Sometimes you have to hit the bottom so you can start climbing again...
Please stick around and keep us all posted on how you feel...what your doing...and how your doing.
You,ve already done the right thing coming here....Its easier to ignore and just keep drinking.
Good luck mate....and keep in touch...........Macks

[Chris]

My story of excuses

rock bottom

I have hit rock bottom, and I am afraid that I cant turn it around. I was sitting on my computer at my desk and had serious chest pains (believe it or not I am in very good shape if you looked at me) started to sweat, got giant anxiety and had no choice but to go to the local mini mart and get a beer to calm me down. I drove around with it until it was gone and I actually do feel better of WHICH PISSES me off even more now. I dont binge drink, I just do it to keep calm and sane. Yes, on the weekends it is easy to go through a bottle of Vodka in 24 hours, but I have resolved to NOT allow it in my house ever again. I dont know that if I have another bad day at work, or bad situation with a relationship that I can keep that promise to myself.

This is really pissing me off that this happened to me.

[Mackeral]

My story of excuses

Your attack Chris sounds like the DTs...I had a 8 week wait to get a place in detox ( 12 days in a secure unit ). And my Doc told me if i get like you did while you were in your office..sweaty uncontrolable shake, seeing things, i had to go and get some alcahol straight away....Its a slim chance he said but about 8-10 in every hundred can die from this...somthing to do with brain tempreture......I'm not trying to scare you i'm just letting you know you did the right thing....This doesn,t mean when you get the shakes it is an excuse to go on a 12hr session, it's just that a small amount of alcahol is needed sometimes untill you get proper medical attention.
Have you seen a doc Chris..?
Anyway i'm not trying to worry or scare you in any way,i'm just trying to give you the benefit of my exsperiance....You can turn it around...3 months ago i was worried if i'd be here this time next year...Or if i'd be alone because my wife and kids had left me....Its up to you what you do with your life....And i know how difficult it is to see the future as anything else but a dark lonely place....It dosn't have to be like that.....Keep your chin up.....Read as much as you can on here...Your not alone....Everyone here is or have been where you are.....Its a scary place to be......Best of luck....Macks