I am so sad...

[crybaby]

I cannot stop crying. I am a horrible person, and feel like my life is terrible (through my on doing). My children are constantly disappointed by me, and they have a right to be. I hate myself so deeply. Once I start drinking I DO NOT STOP until I pass out. I feel there is no hope for me.

[lukalee]

I am so sad...

Don't be sad; there is hope for you. You must change your thinking! If you think you can't do it, you won't. Have you read the toolbox in the monthly ABS. My favorite is page 9. Today is my first day to a sober life. Want to join me?

[scrubbly]

I am so sad...

Cry, there IS HOPE, as evidenced by you posting here. Have you gotten the My Way Out book?

This program is a lifeline for many of us, as are the boards and the good people here.

Keep posting, keep reading, we are here and listening and ready to help you!!!:welcome:

[choppersmom]

I am so sad...

Cry :l and welcome. Yes, there is hope and YOU are not a terrible person. You have made this crucial first step. Stay close and keep posting. We are all here ready to help you.

[crybaby]

I am so sad...

Thank you for posting to me. I have read the MWO book. I'm afraid of the drugs. I just want to get through the day so I can go back to sleep. The depression that hits me is just so palpable. I'm nervous for my kids to come home from school. I know I was a jerk last night to them, and I know that they worry about me. It's not fair for me to keep putting my kids through ths hell.

[Lynnie]

I am so sad...

What did you do last night Cry? Maybe talking about it will make you feel better? We've all been there and have regretted some of the things we have done in life

[choppersmom]

I am so sad...

Cry, have you considered the supplements recommended in the book? This is the beauty of MWO, everyone can tailor their plan and what works for them. I am so sorry that you are feeling this terribly. Are you able to get something to eat? Sometimes this helps me.

[crybaby]

I am so sad...

I started out having a lovely chinese food meal then continured on w/ wine and more wine. When we brought the leftovers home for the kids, I was noticablly drunk, stuffing food into my mouth...just acting like a real ass. The kids were pissed at us, so we left to continue our binge at a friends house. Don't know when we got home...I just can't stand myself anymore.. I thought of killing myself last night...make everything go away.

[Lynnie]

I am so sad...

How old are your children? PLease don't do anything irrational. Maybe when they get home apologize firstly and then spend some AF time. You will feel better in time....I promise!

[crybaby]

I am so sad...

My kids are 12 and 14...they've seen me drunk way to many times. I used to actually think I was able to hide it.

[Lynnie]

I am so sad...

You say your kids were pissed at "us". Is it their dad that was with you? Please try and talk to your kids when they get home from school. They may be more undertstanding than you think! Are you feeling better now that you are here?

[universal]

I am so sad...

Crybaby,

I too suffer from horrible depression and can understand the debilitating feeling. I know it's difficult but I did go to my doctor regarding the depression and have had some solace in some medications. If you are afraid to take medicine there are quite a few herbal remedies that also can greatly help with depression. AL is not one of them - that is what makes you think the irrational thoughts such as killing yourself. Believe me, many of us here have also had those thoughts while drinking, thank god we haven't acted on them and are all here to help each other.

The thing about children is they are resilient and you are the only mother they have - they will forgive and love you unconditionally - especially if you show them how much you are trying to get better. Do what you need to do for you - have some self care - even if that is just a hot bath with a cup of tea and a magazine. Or come here and chat - whatever you have to do. Your children are old enough, have a conversation with them. It sounds like your hubby drinks too, have a conversation with him as well about what you are hoping to accomplish.

You can do this, we are all here with you - you have a lot to live for and you CAN get healthy again.

Love and Hugs,
Uni

[42cat]

I am so sad...

Crybaby .. ((hugs)) ... Nice to meet you. Hang in there, OK?

One thing I've been keeping in mind lately, and maybe it will help you along, is to focus on the positive things. If you can't think of anything positive, then create something positive (even if it's just a small thing, like complimenting your kids on something they've done, or their hair, or clothes, or whatever, and build onto it from there). Another positive thing I'm keeping in mind is I want my kids to learn (by my example) that drinking is not the norm. I don't want them growing up and turning to alcohol in an attempt to solve their problems. I want them to be stronger than that - stronger than I am.

You can turn things around. You have the power to do this. If I can, I know anyone can. I was drinking a quart of hard liquor, morning to night, every day... for a long time.

Like you, I don't like taking drugs. I do, however, take supplements (L-glut for cravings, milk thistle for liver health, St. John's wort for mood/nerves, and vitamins) ... They really seem to help in so many ways. Give them a try. You can get them at your local health food store or try your pharmacy.

Read through the boards and threads here too, and google your head off. Try some different strategies, ideas, tips, etc. Find what's right for you. I found that as I was reading and learning, my thinking started to change ... and that gave me the start of the control I needed to fight this fight.

And for your and your kids' sake - never, ever give up that fight. Identify what you really want and make your plan to get there .. and if it doesn't work the way you wanted it to, change it around a bit and try again .. and don't stop trying. Your kids are worth it, right? And so are you... You obviously care, or you wouldn't have posted .. and that says a lot about you .. that's a great thing.

{{{ many strong vibes to you }}}

[blondechick]

I am so sad...

:l:l You are NOT a bad person.

[cymru]

I am so sad...

We are not bad people here. We are SICK people who sometimes do bad things because of our disease. Medication can help us in our recovery, but it is only ourselves who can truely do something about our alcoholism.