Good morning,
I have found your site today and honestly, I never thought I'd be posting on a forum like this but I have nowhere else to turn.
My partner of three years has just rung me after finishing work. Last night he flew into a rage and smashed up our bedroom. He had drunk two bottles of wine. He tried to smash the bottle on a bookcase and came at me with it, after turning our bed over. Fortunately for me, the bottle, miraculously, did not break, but I calmly said "if you come near me with that again, I'll call the police" at which point he smashed our broadband phone to bits, pulled pictures off the wall and smashed them so my upturned bed was covered in glass, and ended up running out the house. My eleven year old daughter and eight year old son were in the bedroom below ours, she was crying her eyes out... I didn't go after him, I held my daughter. He has never ever hit me, but obviously I feel it is only a matter of time. He walked 8 miles to a friends house, took him almost two hours. (no buses that time of night!). The police came, I used my mobile phone. They said I looked worn out, and like I had had enough. They are right. They went looking for him but he hid well! I didn't give them his name, he has a responsible job and I didn't want him being arrested (I'm in UK, women here don't need to press charges against their partners if the Police think they are at risk).
This is a pattern in my life. I cry every day. I'm 41 and so tired I feel 55. So onto the phone call. He has told me he is an alcoholic, he wants to go to AA, and that drinking is killing him, and he doesn't want to lose the love I give him. He is so upset this morning. Problem: I've heard it all before. Except the AA bit, which he has never mentioned before.
I am a strong woman. I do stand upto him. But I shouldn't have to. I know none of you know if he is sincere with this phonecall, but I am going off to meet him for a coffee now. I have told him that he has a choice... I, from now on, live in an alcohol free zone for the protection of my children's sanity. He accepts that. I said if he brings alcohol into the house, I would rather go to a refuge than be here with him. He is deeply ashamed that he has made me feel that way. My children love him, they told me so this morning, but they can't live like this. They say he is lovely when sober.... I know that only too well!
So can any of you offer any advice for us? I desperately want to make things work, but I don't know, even now, whether I'll be bringing him home from our meeting as I am not sure I can take anymore.
By the way, the argument broke out last night because there was a gorgeous picture of The Acropolis on the tv, and he was in the kitchen... I said "Babe, come and look at this" and he started shouting at me because television is beneath him.... Pathetic, isn't it?
I have found your site today and honestly, I never thought I'd be posting on a forum like this but I have nowhere else to turn.
My partner of three years has just rung me after finishing work. Last night he flew into a rage and smashed up our bedroom. He had drunk two bottles of wine. He tried to smash the bottle on a bookcase and came at me with it, after turning our bed over. Fortunately for me, the bottle, miraculously, did not break, but I calmly said "if you come near me with that again, I'll call the police" at which point he smashed our broadband phone to bits, pulled pictures off the wall and smashed them so my upturned bed was covered in glass, and ended up running out the house. My eleven year old daughter and eight year old son were in the bedroom below ours, she was crying her eyes out... I didn't go after him, I held my daughter. He has never ever hit me, but obviously I feel it is only a matter of time. He walked 8 miles to a friends house, took him almost two hours. (no buses that time of night!). The police came, I used my mobile phone. They said I looked worn out, and like I had had enough. They are right. They went looking for him but he hid well! I didn't give them his name, he has a responsible job and I didn't want him being arrested (I'm in UK, women here don't need to press charges against their partners if the Police think they are at risk).
This is a pattern in my life. I cry every day. I'm 41 and so tired I feel 55. So onto the phone call. He has told me he is an alcoholic, he wants to go to AA, and that drinking is killing him, and he doesn't want to lose the love I give him. He is so upset this morning. Problem: I've heard it all before. Except the AA bit, which he has never mentioned before.
I am a strong woman. I do stand upto him. But I shouldn't have to. I know none of you know if he is sincere with this phonecall, but I am going off to meet him for a coffee now. I have told him that he has a choice... I, from now on, live in an alcohol free zone for the protection of my children's sanity. He accepts that. I said if he brings alcohol into the house, I would rather go to a refuge than be here with him. He is deeply ashamed that he has made me feel that way. My children love him, they told me so this morning, but they can't live like this. They say he is lovely when sober.... I know that only too well!
So can any of you offer any advice for us? I desperately want to make things work, but I don't know, even now, whether I'll be bringing him home from our meeting as I am not sure I can take anymore.
By the way, the argument broke out last night because there was a gorgeous picture of The Acropolis on the tv, and he was in the kitchen... I said "Babe, come and look at this" and he started shouting at me because television is beneath him.... Pathetic, isn't it?
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