Is this normal?

[Tryphena]

My partner has confessed to being an alcoholic... yesterday. He has had no alcohol since Wednesday night.

Last night he had soft drinks. He was very irritible and went to bed early. I expected that.

But this morning, he has just phoned me from work to tell me this:

A woman at work commented on the fact the milk was spilt in the fridge. He replied, has it gone sour? She said, I don't know, I haven't bent down to smell it. But she didn't look at him she looked at someone else in the office and smiled.

He thinks she isn't talking to him! He rang me to ask why she "behaved" like that... I cannot see any problem really. In fact, I think he sounds a little paranoid! Especially as he was ringing up about it and whispering!

Do any of you know if this is normal in the early stages of being sober?

[tiptronic_ct]

Is this normal?

Tryphena,

Sounds like he might be going through withdrawal, which can be extremly dangerous if you don't know what to expect. Have you gone through the thread.

I suggest you read through this thread: https://www.mywayout.org/community/f7...wal-13412.html

I also went through the 1st thread you posted. I think you're underestimating the seriousness of your situation. As a fathe rmyself, I think you're making a mistake to have him sit down and explain himself to your kids. It's way too ealry in the process of getting himself out of the alcoholic hole he is in.

Please eb careful, and stay strong!

Tip

[tiptronic_ct]

Is this normal?

Phew - please excuse my spelling - I wasn't watching what I was typing, because this and your 1st threat is unsettling.

I'll think of you...

Tip

[hippie37]

Is this normal?

Morning Try.

The problem is, the mind of an alcoholic works very differently from that of a 'normal' person and the slightest things can be taken offense at even after years of recovery. We have seen ourselves and the world through very negative eyes (although some may argue). I used to put on many masks during my drinking days to hide from my true self. When something as easily as someone ignoring me came up my thinking was immediately to think that person hated me or was out to get me because they could see through me and see the real me.

Only 2 days of the drink though is a very difficult stage to be at. What support does he have? does he attend fellowship meetings? Has he engaged with any drug/alcohol support agencies? He is going to need a lot of support in these early stages that I'm afraid to say you may not be able to give him if you are not alcoholic yourself.

It IS very normal behaviour so please hang in there.

Also reading it back I wonder if she happened to smile at this other co-worker with some kind of sexual connotation in mind. Maybe that's why she directed her glance and smile at him rather than your husband. I'm just guessing here having worked in an office environment myself for a number of years!! Also I know when I was very fragile in early stages of withdrawal my nervousness and feelings of self worthlessness tended to make other's around me quite nervous too. Maybe she is picking up on that and may feel a little nervous herself and is looking at his co-worker for support for that awkwardness she may feel around him. Lots of possibilities here just try to accept that this is normal phase your husband is going through.

I hope you both get the support you need.

Peace and Love
Phil
xx

[Tryphena]

Is this normal?

Thank you for your replies and reassurance.

Firstly, it was his idea to talk to the kids, we have now decided thats not a good idea. He is home from work now and told them he is drinking fruit juice for a break, and they seem ok with that.

Regards to meetings, the first on is on Tuesday evening. So we need to get through to then. The only addiction I have ever had is an addiction to caffeine and I went through four dats of a banging head when I gave it up... so you're right, I have no idea what he is going through. He won't go to the doctor at the moment. I am taking things slowly with him, the last thing I need is him running off to the pub because I'm nagging! So i'll ask him again in a couple of days about making an appointment.

I know it's not easy, I told him i thought he was being very quiet in the car and he said he wanted a drink, and this is the hardest it's ever been going without. At least he is being open with me.

[hippie37]

Is this normal?

Try it's good to hear he is being so open and honest with you about how he feels rather than trying to say everything is fine. That's a good start. As you say easy does it. Any excuse at this stage could set him back into drinking. I looked for every excuse in the book to get back out there!. Weather was crap, got the shakes and need to control them, girlfriend is getting on me case again. It didn't matter. If I wanted to drink again I would find whatever reason I could to drink so yeah be careful. It's not gonna be easy treading on egg shells around him for a while but if that's what it takes then so be it.

Keep checking in and letting us know how you are coping with all this as well. It must be hard for you too and you have feelings too in all this. Feel free to let off steam here if you want and share how this is effecting you and your family life. I'm sure their are times when you're gonna feel angry and resentful and unloved and isolated. It's bloody tough and I have every admiration for spouses who have to go through this ordeal. I could not for a long time put myself in my ex partners shoes and imagine how hard it must of been for her over the years and even worse when I was trying to quit. We alcoholics are very self centred and self obsessed creatures believe it or not!!!

Peace and Love
Phil
xx