Just checkin in to let ya'll know that i aint been institutionalised. doctor was absolutely crap..apparently i dont warrant for phcyatric assesement because i have a drink problem. never mind the fact that iv beeen depressed on an off since i was about 7... so obviously the deppresion is what causes the drinking ( a way to block out the crap that iv been blocking out on my own for years!)
the fact that i asked to be addmited so that i coulld be properly assesed by a qualified team in order to ascertain what kind of deppression i have was just poo pooed by him, when you think that one of the most common symptoms of bi polar is drink or drug dependance...an i also show more that one of the other symptoms he jus wasnt interested. thing is if you have bi polar an your being treated for clinical then it can make you worse..which is so whats happening to me, but he just didnt wanna know told me to go to this horrid clinic which was full of junkies an properly drunken people who live in hostels! even the councelor i saw said "you shouldnt be here" so what do i do??? i need to be properly assesed by a team of pyshyciatrists to determine what my ilness is but i cant get that...im gonna try a different doc nxt wk..she if she is more understanding. my mum even explained that i am a danger to myself an others but all he said was "they wont touch you if it alcohol related" why cant they see that its not..its cause im not well an havent been since a child!! god so sorry bout the rant im just at the end of my tether with all this...i really do feel like just giving up and ending it all again...noone wants to help me they just think im depressed cause i drink but im not...i have had so much crap in my life, from start right up till last year an i need help with this an i need to be on the correct meds for my condition...which needs to be determined, but they wont do that for me...so where does that leave me??? im just so desperate to stop feeling like this, i think thats what the suicide attemps are about...i wouldnt wanna die if someone would just help me to feel better, but that jus aint happenin an all i want is to be released from how i feel an if noone will help me that is the only option...i dont wanna spend the rest of my life feelin like this and the way i see it...if iv actualy gone an asked for help an they wont give me it...i only have one other choice, cause i aint livin at the moment im just existin i need help i need to tell people stuff that iv kept inside for years...i need to heal the little girl inside me who still wants to destroy me an stop me bein happy cause she cant understand why she never was.
Really really sorry again bout alll that heavy stuff, i just had to get out how im feeling at the moment, im in such a mess at the moment...so dissalusioned. Thanks for listening as always guys.
Lou-Lou x x x
the fact that i asked to be addmited so that i coulld be properly assesed by a qualified team in order to ascertain what kind of deppression i have was just poo pooed by him, when you think that one of the most common symptoms of bi polar is drink or drug dependance...an i also show more that one of the other symptoms he jus wasnt interested. thing is if you have bi polar an your being treated for clinical then it can make you worse..which is so whats happening to me, but he just didnt wanna know told me to go to this horrid clinic which was full of junkies an properly drunken people who live in hostels! even the councelor i saw said "you shouldnt be here" so what do i do??? i need to be properly assesed by a team of pyshyciatrists to determine what my ilness is but i cant get that...im gonna try a different doc nxt wk..she if she is more understanding. my mum even explained that i am a danger to myself an others but all he said was "they wont touch you if it alcohol related" why cant they see that its not..its cause im not well an havent been since a child!! god so sorry bout the rant im just at the end of my tether with all this...i really do feel like just giving up and ending it all again...noone wants to help me they just think im depressed cause i drink but im not...i have had so much crap in my life, from start right up till last year an i need help with this an i need to be on the correct meds for my condition...which needs to be determined, but they wont do that for me...so where does that leave me??? im just so desperate to stop feeling like this, i think thats what the suicide attemps are about...i wouldnt wanna die if someone would just help me to feel better, but that jus aint happenin an all i want is to be released from how i feel an if noone will help me that is the only option...i dont wanna spend the rest of my life feelin like this and the way i see it...if iv actualy gone an asked for help an they wont give me it...i only have one other choice, cause i aint livin at the moment im just existin i need help i need to tell people stuff that iv kept inside for years...i need to heal the little girl inside me who still wants to destroy me an stop me bein happy cause she cant understand why she never was.
Really really sorry again bout alll that heavy stuff, i just had to get out how im feeling at the moment, im in such a mess at the moment...so dissalusioned. Thanks for listening as always guys.
Lou-Lou x x x
Please do not be apologetic that you wrote this--I am glad that you reached out!! 
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