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Reclaiming my Joy and Hope

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    Reclaiming my Joy and Hope

    Well, I suppose it’s time to tell my story,

    My Mother was an alcoholic. I didn’t know she was until I was older.

    She went to work every day. She didn’t drink until she got home. She didn’t drink and drive. She didn’t drink in the morning. She didn’t go out to bars and drink. All these things made her anything BUT and alcoholic to me.

    It wasn’t until I was older that I realized she couldn’t stop drinking. I look back and realize she didn’t go to important events, not because she was busy, but because she couldn’t drink if she did, so she just didn’t. She was drunk every weekend and every holiday.

    It may even be the reason she died at the age of 52 of cervical cancer. Maybe she just didn’t want to go to the doctor for fear he would discover her “problem?”

    I found out shortly after her death that her Father, my Grandfather whom I never knew, was also an alcoholic. My Brother and oldest Sister have also dealt with alcohol issues of their own.

    My Mother passed away when I was 19. I was dealing with a cocaine habit at the time, but alcohol didn’t seem to be a problem.

    I moved back to Indiana, and lost the cocaine habit. I met my first husband in a bar but I was just out having a good time, I didn’t drink at home and neither did he.

    We fell in love and got married. We occasionally partied but we never kept alcohol in the house and didn’t drink with any regularity.

    I worked with my sister at the restaurant that I still work at today. The owner of the restaurant had a terrible drinking problem we were just young and having a good time.

    Many of the regular customers in that day and age would be highly paid executives that would come in at lunch. They would spend hours there and buy us drinks after our shift. The owner would just keep pouring and we would just keep drinking it was all about having a good time and sales, sales, sales! It was a different time then, almost twenty years ago. The drunk driving laws were more lenient and I didn’t know anyone who had ever gotten a DUIe

    I got pregnant with my first child and my partying ended…at least for a while. I didn’t drink while I was pregnant. When my first child was about two my husband and I started to have severe marital problems. I started to go out with friends after work on Friday nights.

    My husband and I separated and got back together. I had my second child and we eventually divorced.

    I had every other weekend free and then I was partying a lot. Still I was not drinking at home. But I was drinking at work more and was going out more so the drinking definitely picked up.

    When I met my current husband, we went out and had a great time together, often. When he moved in with me his stocked bar came with him.

    We got married and decided to have a child together. I did not drink while I was pregnant but after the baby came we couldn’t go out as much so the party had to stay at home.
    .
    She will be six in October. For six years, I have not gone more than four days without a drink.

    I realized it was a real problem when I started hiding how much I was drinking and when I realized how hard it was to stop for a few days….the haunting that came with not drinking was my first clue.

    Alcohol has robbed me of joy and hope for the future.
    :h :h :h :h

    #2
    Reclaiming my Joy and Hope

    Rachele
    Thank you for your honest and insightful post about your life. As you already know, you have come to the right place and we are here for you. Thanks for sharing.
    Hugs
    Jen
    Over 4 months AF :h

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      #3
      Reclaiming my Joy and Hope

      Imagine, what a story and what a life. I know that you are in the right place to take your life back and make it what you want it to be and what your dreams and goals are. You have a beautiful family and sound like a beautiful person so reach out with both hands for what you want in life, grab it and don't let it go!:l

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