Saturday, September 16th

[YoungAtHeart]

Good Morning Absville!

I hope you all had a restful sleep and you are waking up in a serene and happy state of mind, ready to face your day!

Brigid brought up such a good point yesterday, in that she has gotten to the point where she consistently remembers the bad things about drinking and doesn't idealize the good things. I know that that is a trap that I can still be vulnerable to. I'm sure that is true for a number of us here in Absville! I hope that today, we can all remember the "cons" of drinking if we run into temptations. Some of us are more stable than others in remembering those "cons". I hope that those people can continue to help everyone else remember the reasons why we are all here in Absville when temptation threatens us!

Anyway, I am looking forward to a relatively peaceful weekend. My only big job is sewing, but that is always a joy to me. It "blisses me out" just as good as a glass of wine, maybe even better!! Now that I'm near the end of that work, I'm not feeling stressed about it, so, yeah, weekend! College football, NFL, bring it on, yeah, okay!!!

Hugs,
Your Honorable,
Young At Heart:l

[YoungAtHeart]

Saturday, September 16th

Bump!

[cv1]

Saturday, September 16th

Good Bump Kathy. I haven't read through all of yesterday's yet so I'll get to that, but perhaps my biggest factor in not going abs earlier is not remember the con's but remembering all of the pleasant fun times and experiences...of course, that was before moving, having not met new people except in pub settings, etc.

So, since I sometimes tend to use a pollyanna outlook, right now, I'm just not thinking about it at all. Using the same philosophy on the drink right now as I am on the food and just trying to focus on the "benefits" that I'm getting from abstaining and cleansing. Now and then something pops in my head like a salad with goat cheese, something gooey, but then I have to think...hmmmm, you've charted a course for a journey, do you really want to turn back 1/2 way and not see the end result?

I think it was Gabby who said that day 45 was a turning point for her so perhaps I'll extend the abs and the cleanse to 45 days...I haven't made up my mind because the scheduled end date is October 1 and I know that I will make that, because I have too!

As always, reading your posts and responding to some keeps me on point and regain focus when the weak moments of temptation come in.

Well, I'm rambling now, but want to tell everyone thanks for all of your words of support and right back at you.:thanks:

[mikeupnorth]

Saturday, September 16th

Great topic -- especially heading into the weekend.

Our culture is so saturated with alcohol that it's hard not to idealize it: the conviviality of cocktail parties with friends; the ritual of champagne at weddings; the "pleasure" of a fine wine with an even finer meal; maybe a martini with a friend after work. All of these images evoke a pleasant feeling for me. And these images don't come from out of the blue, either. They are deeply imbedded in our culture and all you have to do is see a movie or two to know it. And the way my brain has been pickled, it's that much more likely to think only of the "good times" associated with alcohol.

The list above turns out more like this for me, though: the panic of waking up in the morning and wondering what exactly I did or said at the cocktail party; having had too much champagne at the reception, insinuating to the new bride that I thought the husband was a jerk; knocking things over on the table at the meal; getting blasted on 5 martinis after work and then proceeding to get a DUI.

So no, alcohol use, for me, is just plain ugly. And the truth is that it's ugly for more people than we know. They just hide it well, from themselves and from others. [We all know how that game works....] So no matter how deeply imbedded alcohol is in our culture, it's still a DRUG. It's a powerful, addictive drug that destroys many lives. Like any other drug, it should be treated with extreme caution. Instead, we treat it like some kind of harmless substance, which it is most definitely not.

A lot of what I'm working on right now is "changing my mind" about alcohol. It's taking some time and effort. But I think it's necessary, in the long run, if I'm going to achieve any long-term change in my behavior. I won't be able to abstain if I'm still glamorizing alcohol, and pining after the "good old days." Nope, the good old days weren't all that good. In fact, the best days are still ahead.

Have a good day, Abbsville. I'm off to Vegas!!

[Newyear]

Saturday, September 16th

Good Morning Kathy, Cv and Mike!!
I like this subject a lot and I think it applies to all of us - some more strongly than others maybe
I think I have glamourized drinking in my mind so much that it is going to take some real work at changing that image.
But, I think this is something I can really work on. I'm so glad this has come up.
When I think about drinking there is almost a tape that runs in my head as to what that will be like. I visualize the drinking experience. In the vision, I am relaxed and happy and funny and charming....everything is just easier and more fun. The reality almost starts out that way...and then I go for drink number three and then four and then..not so good anymore. I think after two I start thinking - hey this is great more would be even better. But it never never ever is better. But by the time I've had two drinks my logical side is no longer there and it never makes sense to stop drinking...so I say- 'sure I'd love another glass of shiraz'.
I've got to come up with a new tape to play in my head. I'm going to work on that today. I need to think of it ahead of time so it is automatic. So, when someone says hey - want something from the bar? I can play that tape in my head and say - 'nah- thanks though'
Ok...I'm going to get my tape (video maybe ) planned. I will work on that today.
Thanks so much...great thoughts for today. BTW..today is also known as day 6 for me

Everyone have a wonderful Spectacular Day Today !!:happy:

Lisa

[Guest]

Saturday, September 16th

I do think our society is more warped about alcohol than anyone really realizes. Just mention a "dry wedding" and watch those normal drinkers go nuts. Since everyone in my husbands family is so "concerned" about me (yeah right) he mentioned that maybe the Christmas party this year could be alcohol free--well all concern went out the window as soon as they even remotely thought it may effect them--it was met with a restounding "no way". I would never expect this from eveybody--but interesting note on their reaction.

Even my episode last night was not glamourizing alcohol. For that few minutes I wanted to get good and drunk alone in my own home. For anyone still glamourizing alcohol--just watch people when they drink--it is really eye opening the change in them after even one drink. Are there people who fit our ideal--sure--but we don't ususally see them for any length of time--because alcohol makes them tired and they go home. All I need to know anyways is that I'm not one of them--end of story period.

Perception and reality are two different things. Many times two ends of the spectrum. I really hate how the advertising world protrays alcohol--but I have to accept that it is business--they would not sell very much product if they went to a bar and filmed real people acting like jerks after drinking their product.

Now I am off for a day with the kids. So grateful that I am not laying sick on the couch.

Kim

[gabby]

Saturday, September 16th

Ya....this is a good one.
I dont look back and think of the bad memories of alcohol. After all the years of daily drinking I fortunately didn't make bad scenes that I look back on and cringe.
Okay a few....maybe. lol Not the public kind tho.

But where it is negitive to me is just that. Making private and personal decisions. Now after having these days of sobriety I see the difference in the decision making I have with daily life stuff.
And not just the decision making but how I deal or cope with the problem itself. Drinking, even if it was only at night effected all that. And during the day how I was feeling from draggin, to lookin forward to drinking again that evening. And this was all in between parenting, business, self care, relationships, etc. Well -- all that suffered. So Now when I think of drinking I see how all that will be sabotaged again and that is the BAD picture that comes to my mind of why I dont want to go back there.
Drinking was fun until I used it as a crutch to deal with the weight of all those burdens. Which would still be in the now!
So anyway....it isnt in the past of the bad the I dont miss or the good that I do miss the is the miss issue for me.... it's the now part.
I am so glad I am not drinking in the now part of my life because it hinders the decisions that I have to make in parenting, business, self care, relationships, etc.
So I'm not missin out on anything. I am only bettering myself and making myself strong.

Now I need to TRY to edit cuz I have been interupted at least 5 times while I was tryin to write this. Here you're on a roll in brain waves and ZAP goes the thought with the phone, or a kid, or something. Then you come back and try to remember where your brain wave was and it is impossible to bring it back.

Kath, my heart was with you in your post last night. I saw you really wanted feedback. My kids were having "teen run a muck" night and I couldn't sit long enough to reply.
Mostly I give you so much credit for stickin it out on your own commitment while giving your daughter the freedom and faith to make her own decisions. Even if it makes you squirm a bit. You're a good girl.

Lisa, Happy day 6! Keep goin....gets easier later.
Kim, Happy day 40 somethin....aside from that what happened the other day....tell Lisa it gets easier.

Hi and bye everybody else I have 12 hours at work ahead of me. (gotta get a laptop)
love ya all, gabby

[southernbelle47]

Saturday, September 16th

Goodmorning Absville,

Beautiful day here in Bama!
Opening day of hunting (bird)! Belle will be in my lap all day...........she hates loud noises!:upset:

Kathy.......I do have to remind myself of the "Yuck" part of drinking. Satan is a liar and he keeps telling us about the "fun" we're missing. " Speak"(scripture) rebuke to him and he will flee!

Cv.........you get the prize for clean..girl!!!!!!!!
Ms. Mayor.....what is her prize?

Mike....I guess we need to make some "new" warm fuzzy memories to relace the old drunken ones. Tear down those lies in our minds and put up new thoughts! Whata you think?

Lisa.......Joyce Meyers has a book and tapes called "The Battlefield of The Mind".... There are many other good ones out there also.... Hang in!

Kim.......it's funny that you mentioned a "dry wedding"....We're having one in two weeks. Our youngest son is getting married. I will have the rehersal dinner. It is a "Taste of Italy" ...I have one guy that won't come because it is "dry".........he is the brides uncle...
He just doesn't know what he is missing by not being with his family!
Have fun with your kids...thay grow up fast.

Check you guys later
Nancy & Belle:l

[southernbelle47]

Saturday, September 16th

Hey Gabbs........missed you as we were posting same time!

Love you!
Nancy & Belle:l

[sujul]

Saturday, September 16th

Morning Abs!
I haven't caught up on yesterday's posts (or today's for that matter)--but I just wanted to pop in for a moment...

I DO think that idealizing and romanticizing alcohol is the hardest thing to change....even after all these MONTHS I continue to have fantasies of how "civilized" it would be to sit down with a glass of red wine at the end of the day. But as you so rightly pointed out, Lisa, for us it never is ONE glass of wine....

I realized a while ago that actually after the first drink we are simply not the same person! We are literally different people because our brain processes have been altered by the alcohol. So, any decision that we made BEFORE the drink ("I'll just have this one glass," etc.) is no longer operational AFTER we have had that drink....

For me, this has helped to explain why it is that even with a great amount of initial determination I have never been CONSISTENTLY able to limit my intake. Oh yes, I could do it sometimes, but not at all predictably--because I would become a different person! And sometimes (ok, often!) that different susan would get all defiant and say: F*ck it--I'm gonna drink as much as I want! One drink? Two drinks? Ha!! Watch this!" and other times that different susan would assume a seductive tone and say, "See, susan, you CAN handle this! Have another one... Come on, you DESERVE it..."--and I would believe her!

So, the only real decision the REAL susan (the one I want to continue to be) gets to make is the FIRST one! After that, "she" takes over.....

Works for me!

Okay, sorry not to acknowledge anyone else this morning--I'll check back in later.

But, one last thing... Kathy? :l :l :l! I have a lot to learn from you in terms of keeping my commitments....thanks for being such a wonderful role model not only for your daughter but for all of us here! You have worked and are working so hard and your wonderful daughter is your gift to the world--and we are grateful. We SO need a new, more responsible generation of GOOD PEOPLE! Thank you. (And just remember that that manipulative so and so has to live with him/her self...you've got MUCH better company!)
:h
susan

[Guest]

Saturday, September 16th

Happy Saturday Afternoon all Abbsvillans - really interesting stuff about the so called "pleasures" of our drinking experiences. I'm just starting out on my way out, but I didn't drink anything last night and for me that's unusual on a Friday, normally two bottles of white wine. Went to bed early, got up early, cleaned my kitchen to within an inch of it's life and then - oh, oh - my neighbour asks me to go to the pub for a couple of hours cause she's got someone to look after her kids and she needs a break - guess what I did? I went - and I drank two bottles of orange and cranberry J2O (fruit juice and spring water if you've not come across it) and very nice they were too - she drank pints of Stella and was I "bovvered" - did I look "bovvered" - NO! I acutally went to the pub, relaxed, chatted and stayed completely and utterly sober.:happy: I even went to the supermarket on the way home and bought my hubby some red wine for tonight - don't worry I hate red wine - I would rather die of thirst than drink that stuff:yuk: But, and this is the minor miracle, I didn't buy any white wine, so I have absolutely nothing alcoholic in my house today that I can drink - how is this possible, and will it last the rest of the weekend - here's hoping and here's a glass of J2O to everyone in Absville - thanks again for all the support - I am keeping on the boards over the weekend and I've got my wee stubborn Jock head on!

Orrra best
Tartan Terror

[cv1]

Saturday, September 16th

Excellent job Tartan!!! That was really fabulous and puts you in a much stronger position for the next time!:l

[Lou]

Saturday, September 16th

Hi

Hello and good day to you all...

Yes well done to you tartan, brilliant start!

Just a quick check in as im off to wtch X factor now!! back later

Loves to all

Lou-Lou x x x x

[YoungAtHeart]

Saturday, September 16th

Boy oh Boy!

Hi All,

Back in for a few minutes before I hit the sewing grind!! Then off to the "Band Preview Show and Picnic" GRRRRRR! Thanks for all your support, both here and on the other thread! I feel VERY SUPPORTED NOW. Verrrry nice! I also talked with my daughter. I am sick of calling her "my daughter" on here, so I asked her what she would like her name to be on MWO, and she has opted for "Madison". So Madison also says :thanks: for your support of both of us!!!

Yes, it is amazing how some of us idealize drinking, isn't it. I believe that for MOST OF US, there really were GOOD OLD DAYS--those days when drinking was REALLY FUN AND SOCIAL, before we started using it for self-medicating of one sort or another. I have so often tried to go back to drinking in that GOOD OLD WAY! When I was younger (in my 20's), I naturally would share a bottle of wine with a friend over a good meal, and I would naturally drink water during the meal, too. I didn't have to think about this. I just did it. My point was to enjoy the experience, and wine was just a part of the experience. Now my point would be to be very careful about controlling my intake, making sure I didn't drink too much or too fast, DESPERATELY TRYING TO RECREATE SOMETHING THAT REALLY DOESN'T EXIST ANYMORE!!!

Susan, just change the names, and this could be me!:

For me, this has helped to explain why it is that even with a great amount of initial determination I have never been CONSISTENTLY able to limit my intake. Oh yes, I could do it sometimes, but not at all predictably--because I would become a different person! And sometimes (ok, often!) that different susan would get all defiant and say: F*ck it--I'm gonna drink as much as I want! One drink? Two drinks? Ha!! Watch this!" and other times that different susan would assume a seductive tone and say, "See, susan, you CAN handle this! Have another one... Come on, you DESERVE it..."--and I would believe her!

I know for me that de-romanticizing alcohol is staying in the present and continuing to remind myself of how I am now--not how I was 20 or 25 years ago. Topa helps a lot, but I am smart enough to outwit topa, I already have, several times.....(what an accomplishment, huh?) I almost forgot it this morning, even, but I caught myself!

I wish I could say something to everyone right now, but I've gotta run off and sew. So I'll just say a general hi, and say a few things.

Awesome work, Tartan!!! I wish I had your ability to resist red wine!! Kim, it is amazing how the "support" can dissipate when you ask someone else to do without for a few hours, eh?? And Gabbs, I know you are always there, girl, so thanks!

Take care everyone else! I'll be back after the picnic! Urgh!

Hugs,
Kathy:l

[mikeupnorth]

Saturday, September 16th

Well here I am stuck with an unexpected 3-hour layover in Anchorage.... I'm sitting in a Chili's where, in times past, I've taken the opportunity to have several pints of ale. Today, instead, I came in to eat a filling lunch and am spending time catching up on reading posts. (Some of the people around me are having the ale, and that's just fine....)

Anyway, Tartan -- well done! It sounds like you are off to a good start.

Susan, you are SO right when you talk about not being the same person after the first drink. I might start out the evening with every intention to have 2 or 3, and have a safe and sane evening. After the first one, though, my brain has been altered -- so all bets are off. I might somehow make the right decision, but most likely I'm going to just go down the same old road, which is drink more, and more, and more.

And Kathy, how funny you mention that you can "outwit" topa. Yes we are clever, aren't we? I can conveniently forget a dose or two, I can run out of time for my cd's, I can miss my kudzo -- knowing full well how that can become an excuse later on for a "slip."

I agree, Nancy, that it's time to start forming some new positive images -- ones that don't involve alcohol. Some of the most fun times I had were as a kid or as a teenager, or in college before I started drinking. Certainly I can have fun without it ! (?) Maybe that's a topic for another day: fun things to do without alcohol. Anyway, like Gabby was talking about, I would like to have the satisfaction of simply making good decisioins, and feeling good about myself for a change.

Hi to Lou, and CV and Kim and Lisa -- and to everyone else in Abbsville. (And the rest of MWO as well.) Hope you are all having a great day. Ahh... let's see. I have 45 more minutes until my plane boards. I'm glad the Anchorage airport has free wireless!