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DeeBee
October 1st, 2009, 10:41 AM
A pinch and a punch for first of the month.

I am tired of feeling tired. My first priority is to get this body moving. I have joined the local running club and begin next Thursday with a friend of mine. I've never been one to exercise with friends but then again I've never stuck to anything so hopefully we'll be able to give one another the encouragement we need.

October is my birthday month which I share with about 12 other family member and close friends so lots of pre-planning will be required on my part to achieve my goals for this month.
My first challenge is a Pimms Pool Party on Sunday but I intend to be AF and just drop in to say Happy Birthday and won't stay long.

What is everyones plans for this month?

Sending loads of support and good vibes to Moo and KTAB for their OctSober challenge -- you guys rock!!

Let the fun begin:)

tassimo
October 1st, 2009, 11:42 AM
Hey there,,I'm joining the October Mod Squad!!! DeeBee,,good for you for starting an exercise plan. Tiredness is a catch 22,,,you feel tired so you don't want to get off the couch or exercise,,but exercise will give you loads of energy and it will probably spill out onto other areas of your life. I find when I'm exercising regularly, I want to eat better, I get more done around the house and I'm more focused mentally at work. You go girl!!

It is tough when there are lots of social commitments, but I guess that is all part of life and we need to still maintain our friendships and relationships with family members. I have some social stuff going on to but I have a plan! Here are a few things I MUST do in order for moderation to work for me:

I WILL NEVER DRINK VODKA AGAIN EVER!!!! IT IS POISON FOR ME!!!

No "Pre-drinking" before a social event....you probably all know what i mean,,,;)

If I choose to drink, it will be with others, never alone, and I will "sip" my wine or beer, like a "normal" person would...

I will have a glass of water between drinks

I will only have 2-3 drinks on these social occasions

This will only happen once or twice a month, and the rest is AF

I will stick close and read posts and be diligent about my exercise plan.

I know moderation is a tough path, and if I find after a night of having a few drinks that my cravings increase, I will re-think this plan....

Thank you all for your insight and support. I'm looking forward to reading tips and plans from the rest of you moderators! Good luck to all...

DeeBee
October 1st, 2009, 12:01 PM
Welcome Tassimo!!
I like your plan. It is very similar to mine.
Not drinking by myself has been a huge step for me and it's something I am proud to say I haven't "slipped" on for the last year and a bit.
Strength to you on your mod journey:-)

Eve11
October 1st, 2009, 12:07 PM
Hi gang,
I had a fairly good September. One slip the beginning of the month (where I finished off 1 bottle of wine in a night at a birthday bash) but didn't go over my total of 7 for the week and did much better the following 3 weeks.

I have come to realize that my body is affected by even small amounts of alcohol. Hubby and I celebrated our 19 year anniversary the other night with 2 glasses of wine with dinner. The next day (yesterday) I have to say I felt it.

I definitely don't sleep as well when I have had more than 1 drink and usually don't even feel like I'm at my best until the afternoon.

So, I have to realize that I truly pay a price for drinking and I have to constantly ask myself if it's worth the price I pay. So far it is, but I must say I admire the folks that just say "To heck with it" and go AF.
No more planning, thinking, worrying, etc. Just be DONE with it!!

As long as I can continue to drink safely - (NIAAA states no more than 7 drinks per week for women for health reasons) I will continue for now keeping in mind that breast cancer increases something like 28% when one drinks more than that, there are risks for impaired driving if in an accident (in some states even with 1 drink in your body!) and many other health maladies far worse when one really overdoes it. Severe alcoholics are nutritionally compromised, etc.

So, keep your eye on me. My goal is no more than 7 per week on the drinktracker.

I am SO glad the drunken behavior is gone. Was driving my son to shcool today (hangover free) thinking how would life be different if I was overdrinking like I had been? I sure wouldn't have gotten up and made him a warm breakfast today or been in the mood to drive him to school. I admit to episodes (not often but have happened) of waking up and still feeling drunk. Think if you had to drive then!!

Anyway, looking forward to a great October. Hello to friends and lurkers and good luck to my new AF friends (Sarasmiles especially).

Hugs,
Eve11

mooderator
October 1st, 2009, 01:25 PM
Hey modders and lurkers alike....

HAPPY OCTOBER or OCTSOBER as it will be for me. But I am still coming here because you guys are the best.

DEEBS - thanks for kicking us off again hun x Hope all went well with your bro. You seem to have solid plans for your social events... stay strong.

Tassy - your plan is mine all over. I am having an AF OCTOBER, but will be back to what you have just stated in NOVEMBER....I am finding the AF time gets easier...not always perfectly easy, but much easier...I am also finding the urge to overdo it when I do drink has decreased dramatically. There has been occasion when I have gone over what I would have preferred, but in the vast majority the plan is working, developing and helping me be happy and live a fuller life.. Good luck with your plan..it sounds solid. x

WELL DEEBEE The bellydancing week 2...was Fabulous fun. I think it will help to tone me up more and the GIRLS, well they are a scream and have a fab social life to go with it. I am delighted with it.

Sunbeam
October 1st, 2009, 04:50 PM
Hi everybody,
Tassimo, Welcome! More regular visitors on this thread means more support for everyone. My suggestion is that you use Drink Tracker - I don't think you mentioned that. It is much harder for your alcohol intake to increase when you have a record to look at. It is very easy to fill in all those zeros at a sitting, you don't need to do it every day.

September I guess was OK for me: I had something to drink on five days total. A stretch of 12 AF days. I don't know why I drank last Friday and Saturday eve, though on Sunday I felt disgusted at the thought of alcohol. Not too much, but none would have been better since there really was no occasion. My goal for October is to have more AF days than September.

The new dog is keeping me really busy since my husband has been out of town the past few days. She is great but we are going through the dominance struggles. She hates to have me at the computer. At the moment I am typing with my feet firmly on her leash (to hold her down) so she can't paw at me. It will get much better as she accepts the rules.

fig
October 1st, 2009, 10:14 PM
Hi Everyone!

I'm starting October not on the best foot, but tomorrow is another day. I'm away from home at a conference and am off-center. In the past when I have had to travel for work I would settle into the hotel and then find a restaurant, have a glass of wine so I'd mellow out and feel like I looked at ease being alone at dinner. Then another wine, and another. Usually no more than 3 or 4. Well, last night I fell right back into that routine and before I knew it I'd had 3 glasses of wine. What is it about having to have a crutch when you are alone? Anyway, tonight I had 2 glasses of wine with dinner. Tomorrow, none. Promise. Now I know the trigger so I can figure something out. My routine is totally shot! Hmmm. There's absolutely no reason I need to drink anything but water. Tomorrow I'll take extra i-glut and kudzu and stay strong, and find something to occupy my body during those witching hours.

Wish me luck!

Eve11
October 2nd, 2009, 12:21 AM
Fig,
My problem is having the first one - haha - I know we can all relate to that one. Probably much easier to just not have one ... "if I don't have the first one I won't want the last one" as someone posted here once. It's always a challenge once we start and that's whats the hardest for moderators.

Hubby and I went dancing tonight. It's a school night and I generally never ever drink on school nights but it's a bar and it was too easy to just want to have a drink. Had only one ... but I craved and wanted a second ... I have to admit that. My trigger is coming home knowing I have wine here. What helps me is having this board, the drinktracker and all of those things to help me stay on the path I want to be on.

So, I popped an L Glut - had seltzer and water and am going to bed. Have a good night and thanks for sharing.

Hugs,
Eve11

Sunbeam
October 2nd, 2009, 04:10 PM
Deebs,
I'm delighted to see you back on Drink Tracker. You already know that I believe it is a great tool.

tassimo
October 2nd, 2009, 04:56 PM
Hi everyone,,just wanted to say a quick hello. It's friday and it's the 'witching' hour. No where to go, no responsibilities tonight which in the past would give me a free pass to indulge in a big way. Not tonight. I will have my lemon water and watch a movie with the kids. It's cold and rainy and feels like winter already! Looking forward to getting under the blankies and snuggling. I'm almost two weeks AF which 3 months ago was unheard of for me. Congrats to everyone for being smart about their drinking and Sunbeam, I often think about your signature line...Your so right! Have a good one everyone...

Eve11
October 2nd, 2009, 05:14 PM
Tass,
Good for you! Your kids will be happy and you'll have a wonderful evening, a good night's sleep and will feel rested and relaxed the next day!

Hugs,
Eve11

tassimo
October 2nd, 2009, 07:17 PM
Thanks for the very kind words Eve...you have a great weekend too!

mooderator
October 3rd, 2009, 08:58 AM
Not fitting in!!!

Hi guys...this is funny...

You may or may not know, that I started a thread about an AF october.....got lots of people interested and kept checking it and posting there. A big group got together and it was great. Then the first came and some else took it upon themselves to start a new thread for OCTSOBER..fine no problem with that, but we seemed to loose a few...and I think someone else started a similar thread and some went there....anyway since October actually started, the thread is going well and there are lots of posts...GREAT..but somehow I just dont seem to fit into it at all. I am reading with the intent to post...find I have NAF ALL to day and leave it...so I am sort of retreating back HOME to you guys...where I always feel I fit in and have something to contribute! I dont know if its because the group are perhaps those doing their first 30 days mainly and they have more in common with each other...who knows, but I am back.

Love to All

tassimo
October 3rd, 2009, 11:00 AM
hi Mooderator..I did see your thread about an AF October. I couldn't join though because I know I will have a couple of Saturday nights where I will have a couple of drinks. So in trying to be very honest with myself, and of course, everyone here, I didn't join you....But hats off to those that can do it! I'm fine when we have no social plans,,but when I get together with people who are drinking, I want to be able to have 2 or 3 and not go above that and make a fool of myself like so many times in the past. Maybe I'm in lala land, and maybe I won't be able to do it, but I'm going to give it a try. I say the more input by others the more support we all have and the more the merrier!!!!

Sunbeam
October 3rd, 2009, 12:09 PM
Moo,
I'm guessing that people were not entirely with you on that thread because your goal was not to remain AF for good, which is the goal for most who post on this site. It is probably this plus what you said: this is not your first 30 days AF.

Tass, thanks for mentioning my signature line. It has attracted comments from many, but few moderators live up to it over time. Most of us go over our individually-adopted limits more frequently than we would like. My maximum limit as reflected in that signature would be at least 1 AF week per month. In addition, I wish to drink no more than once weekly. I have barely lived up to that, so I am now setting a goal of two AF weeks per month. That is the level you mentioned, so I hope we can do this together. My husband always has wine in the house, and he drinks moderately most days, so it is way too easy to want to share a bottle once per weekend. That would still be moderate drinking, but it is not what I want. It is just too easy to fall into an every weekend rut, and I have way better things to do on my weekend. I cherish my AF life, breaking out of the alcohol bonds that were compelling me to drink.

This conversation in my head also caused me to start wondering: how long had I been drinking every weekend? I only engaged in abusive drinking over the past few years, but the habit of sharing a bottle of wine with weekend dinners had been going on for years. I drank beer in college (probably at least weekly), and remember having a couple of beers most Friday nights when I was single (nearly 30 years ago). Since it is so ingrained, it will take me awhile and additional effort to break it. I have made great progress, but I still have this distance to go before I feel completely in control. That is what I want.

I also have a weight loss goal I have occasionally mentioned on this thread, and I am finally achieving it. I lost 5 pounds in the month of September. I want to lost an additional 10 by the end of this year. I started a separate thread called "Weight Loss After Menopause" in the fitness section, if anyone wants that part of my story.

It will be two years in January since I joined MWO. My AF time was Jan - April. Sometimes I feel like I am wasting my time posting here, but I enjoy having you cyber-friends, and I continue to strive to improve my life.

Take care, all. I am off to enjoy a beautiful AF weekend.

Eve11
October 3rd, 2009, 12:59 PM
I may have a drink on occasion. Every weekend is not an occasion
Sunbeam,

I too love your signature line but I'm not sure I can ever get there.

Despite all of my reading, research, etc. I still don't have the answers I am looking for about my affliction.

The fact that I am here getting support for my "drinking Problem" has some book authors believing I am alcoholic and they would believe that everyone else here is too "because nonalcoholics don't seek help for their drinking problems."

Granted there is alcohol abuse versus alcoholism but abuse generally happens when people are young (party stage) but then they mature, grow out of it, most marry, settle down and then drink responsibly. I on the other hand went through the party stage, got married, etc. but the week-end partying continued.

I was walking out of a restaurant once with an overweight friend. On a table was an unfinished glass of wine and an unfinished piece of cake. Simultatenously we both said..."Wow!! How could they leave that (piece of cake (her), (glass of wine (me). Same feelings...different addictions.

Am I missing an enzyme that allows my body to process alcohol differently - thus giving me the vampire effect of "have to have another one!!" once I have one? Or is it an allergy response? Or is it????

I still don't have the answer. Maybe Nancy or Mario or Bossman who are avid readers/researchers can pipe in. All I know is I don't think I personally can ever be an occasional drinker. The best I can hope for is good harm reduction and work hard at trying to meet my goals of no more than 7 per week. But I am still there Sunbeam, every week-end enjoying my wine and somtimes wishing I wasn't doing that as being AF FEELS SO GOOD the next day.

Just my thoughts. Thanks for sharing yours. Love you.
Hugs,
Eve11

Sunbeam
October 3rd, 2009, 07:15 PM
Hi Eve,
WIP would have said that your abusive drinking changed your body chemistry and neruology, so that you (and I) will never be like others who can take or leave alcohol. I also share your history of alcohol abuse in the family: four of us five siblings have struggeled at some time with alcohol, in spite of the fact that our parents rarely drank. But there is the family history, of which I become more aware as I watch some cousins pour alcohol down the hatch! What's different are our emotions, which also get tangled up with our body chemistry and neurology.

take care!

Sarasmiles
October 3rd, 2009, 10:25 PM
Hey Squad!

It felt so good just now to get caught up, reading your posts. I miss you guys.

I'm glad to hear that folks are doing as well as you are...I hear the struggle, too. It's tough. Eve, I've had thoughts just exactly like yours, wondering why it is that one drink isn't enough. I was never comfortable after one glass of wine. It inevitably made me crave more. Sometimes two felt pretty good and satisfied the yearning for a buzz, but more often I wanted a third. It feels much less stressful to me to just commit to not drinking at all. But I completely understand not doing it! I spoke with my beloved sister tonight, who drinks 2-3 glasses of wine every night. She was amazed to hear that I'd gone nearly a month without a drink, and said she couldn't possibly do that. But she doesn't worry about her drinking. She seems to think 2-3 a night is okay. Maybe it is for some people. For me, that much alcohol makes me depressed.

I've added a challenging factor to my recent AF life, and once again gone off of Prozac. I'm having some withdrawal symptoms from that. I've been irritable, dizzy, and a little teary. The worst is the irritability, since, as most of you know I've got three little boys who are the center of my life. I hate to be irritable with them. It has made me want to drink in the last couple of days, but I've resisted, since I know in my heart it will only make things worse.

It seems to me that a major factor in deciding about moderation versus abstinence is the stability of one's moods. If I weren't so vulnerable to depression I would be a much better candidate for moderation. I guess I've said this before.

Mooderator, I know how you feel about not fitting in on certain threads. I like the AF daily folks, but I find the new thread every day method hard to do. I usually post late at night, and then my posts get lost by morning when a new thread starts. I'm not sure where I can fit in, but I know I need MWO. I'll keep trying. I like the company here at the Mod Squad!

Anyway, love to you all...Sara

mario
October 4th, 2009, 04:04 AM
:)eve asked me what i thought so here are a few things,hope it helps as i am no expert and have just learned a lot by reading previous posts/threads:)

Controlled or moderate drinking -- setting the Goal.

What goal you set and how you achieve that goal is ultimately your choice and your responsibility.

Setting the goal.

For most of you, you will be coming to this point from a position of heavy drinking. So, you will have to make decisions about how you get to your ultimate goal. There are three possible ways of achieving this.

First, you can take them down by reducing your alcohol consumption until you reach the goal that you have set. Those who benefit from this method tend to be people who are in heavy drinkers, and fear withdrawals. The problem with this method is that it prolongs heavy drinking.

Second, you can abstain from alcohol or start drinking at a moderate level immediately.

Third, you can start with an initial period of abstinence, usually or14 or 28 days, during which time, you can decide on the best goal for yourself.

Research has shown that those who successfully maintain abstinence for the short period of time, and more successful in the long run for a number of reasons.

Firstly abstaining for this period of time, reduces tolerance. Hence, alcohol has a greater effect at lower doses.

Secondly, abstaining from this period of time allows cognitive abilities dulled by alcohol to improve significantly.

Thirdly, abstaining from alcohol for this period of time, allows you to begin dealing with temptations, craving and social pressure to drink.

Whatever method you choose, to achieve your goal. It is strongly recommended that if you have been drinking heavily for a considerable amount of time that you have a period of abstinence prior to attempting to control your drinking

mario
October 4th, 2009, 04:08 AM
found this as well :) :)

Firstly, you need to look at the maximum quantity that you will drink in any given day. This will usually be set by the recommended limits in your country.

Secondly, you need to decide on the maximum number of days in any one week, that you will drink. Almost all countries suggest that you should have at least two or three days, alcohol free. These are minimum numbers, and you can drink on less days if you choose.

Thirdly, you should choose the maximum amount of alcohol that you will drink in a week. Again there will be guidance in your country on the maximum quantity per week.

Fourthly, you should specify the tapes of beverages that you can and cannot drink. You may have found from experience that there are certain types of alcohol that you should avoid. For example, many people specify that they should avoid spirits or hard liquor.

Fifthly, you should specify the times when you should not drink. For example, you may have found from experience that when you drink when you're angry that this normally leads to intoxication. Therefore, you rule may be that when you're angry you'll avoid drinking altogether.

Sixthly, you should specify where you should drink and where you shouldn't drink. Again you may have found from experience that there are certain places when you drink that you can control your drinking, and it never leads to any problems however, in other places you may have found the opposite.

Lastly, you should specify the time period that you will evaluate these rules over. Remember these rules are for you and they are not written in tablets of stone. If they are not working, then change them if they don't suit you, then change them.

KTAB
October 4th, 2009, 06:30 AM
mooderator;728423 wrote: Hi guys...this is funny...

You may or may not know, that I started a thread about an AF october.....got lots of people interested and kept checking it and posting there. A big group got together and it was great. Then the first came and some else took it upon themselves to start a new thread for OCTSOBER..fine no problem with that, but we seemed to loose a few...and I think someone else started a similar thread and some went there....anyway since October actually started, the thread is going well and there are lots of posts...GREAT..but somehow I just dont seem to fit into it at all. I am reading with the intent to post...find I have NAF ALL to day and leave it...so I am sort of retreating back HOME to you guys...where I always feel I fit in and have something to contribute! I dont know if its because the group are perhaps those doing their first 30 days mainly and they have more in common with each other...who knows, but I am back.

Love to All
Good morning all, Mooderator I understand totally what you are saying about the october challange because I am feeling the same way about it. In hindsight I think doing 30 days AF for me is a lot different to when I first stopped drinking and I honestly feel I have more in common in here with you guys than with the people than those who are struggling or attempting it first time round.

Mario thanks very much for your input, you have made some very valid points. I would like to add, that in my opinion, trying to taper down to modderation levels for us is just not going to work. I think a period of AF is an absolute must in order to succeed long term.
For me that was 90 days. After all if we could have tapered down surely we would have done this years ago and we wouldnt be here on MWO.
I think that modding is an achievable goal long term for some of us, however it is hard work and if it gets to the stage where it is taking up way too much of our thinking then surely abstenance is a better choice?
It was always my plan to go AF again after 6 weeks because I believe I need the clarity of thought that comes with a sustained period of AF. It is only then that I can properly decide what is the right next step.
For me modding is about creating boundries just as we have to do in all other areas of our lives. Personally this involves limiting both my intake and frequency. My sobriety was hard won and I treasure it greatly.
Just a final thought on one of the points I wrote down for myself before my first attempt at picking up a drink again, "I honestly think it is like trying to start to walk again, forget everthing we knew, all our bad habits and drinking behavour patterns and try to learn from scratch how to drink 'normally'. I imagine this is where many people fail, we have to totally change our mind sets".
Thanks for listening and sorry for the long post.

mooderator
October 4th, 2009, 06:55 AM
I am glad it is not just ME...KTAB and SARA...I think it just boils down to finding a thread with people you feel comfortable with, who's opinions you feel you want to listen to and respond to...and who you feel supported by and can try and give support to....I tried something else and found it wasnt for me at this time. I am sticking firmly with the squad and reverting to posting on my moo's plan thread as I was getting a lot out of that. I sort of lost touch with it when MIL died and I wasnt able to post for a while. In truth it has taken time just settle back down in every area of life. I am definitely coming back to it all now.

I have been AF during the week again without a second thought for a couple of weeks again. I got to friday night (PMT WEEK HERE) and wanted a beer with my pizza (we went out) so I had two beers, did not have the urge for a third and went home happy. On saturday, we had a small dinner party, just us and one other couple and I poured myself one very small (less than a shot Gin and Tonic). I drank that over the whole meal, didnt want or have any more.

For me this a very successful modding weekend. Probably my best ever. I have had plenty of AF weekends and will have many many more, but I am really pleased that somewhere along the line with all this, I am getting more able to drink less when I do drink.

So, even though I had great plans for 30 days through October, and I modded instead this weekend, I actually feel great about it, because I know my modding is improving.

SUNBEAM you once said to me that you dont think in terms of periods longer than two weeks AF. I know oftentimes you may go longer periods than that AF, but the point is you dont put yourself under pressure to achieve more. I think this is VERY WISE indeed. I dont know if you have LEARNT not to think in terms of longer through trial and error or what. But I am learning that when I start with all these grand plans. for X number of days AF, my mind starts to OVERTHINK it and makes too much of an issue of it. I starts to preoccupy my thoughts, when normally that is not the case. So I am learning from this and just planning one AF weekend at a time when it suits me....which is never the week before my period...how to set myself up for failure.

Thank you for your thoughts and research MARIO....interesting reading....

SARA I am glad you are checkin in with us...you are doing great girl...x

free bird
October 4th, 2009, 08:45 AM
WOW, I thought it was just me. No matter what I say or do it just gets mixed up with I am just starting this journey, when I have been on it for a very long time and I HAVE made some great improvements that I am very happy with. I am a modder and want to be a modder and have quit for long periods of time, but I can't put alcohol out there as the complete enemy when I know the enemy is inside of me; not outside. So I need to work on what is inside of me and control it - own it if you will.

Moo -- I feel like I know what you are talking about.

I can go days without thinking about drinking, but when it is a special occasion I want to be able to have a glass of wine (or beer with my pizza) and leave it at that and I think I can. And I have. I am still working on it, but I do believe it is achieveable for me.

I just found this thread because I was looking for something else that fits me better. I hope I can find a good place here where I am understood. I don't feel like I belong on the other threads because of the harsh criticism given to modders. I am a nonjudement type of person and just want the same in return. I don't think it is fair to judge someone based on your experiences. We are all different.

You all here have provided much need insight for me today. I was about ready to stop posting (AGAIN) because I find it difficult to find that happy medium here sometimes.....We are all not that lost and confused and bumbling along.....We are just slow....and careful.

I'll be back to let you all know what my goals (really) are for the month of October. They started out being completely AF, so for the most part, that is true. This weekend was my birthday, so I had a lovely meal at a great restaurant yesterday out in the country that serves mostly organic meals. I really felt like a glass of wine would be nice, and it was, and it was done with moderation. Sometimes, I feel like I am beating myself up over this too much and it can drive me nuts. I know I am rambling on, but it feels really good to get it off my chest (here). I really just want to be a better/healthier person that is all.

Free (like a bird)

mooderator
October 4th, 2009, 10:04 AM
WELCOME Freebird...

This thread is perfect for you if you want to keep AL in your life here and there and are either modding or as SUNBEAM calls it OCCASIONAL DRINKING. I am normally much more of the SUNBEAM camp, but for reasons life has throw at me August and early SEPT were more about modding in general. Now back to it.

I think you will find what you want here. In fact I am sure of it. The SQUAD dont judge, they encourage each other, enable growth and facilitate improvement. Or at least that has been my experience.

Look forward to getting to know you properly FREEBIRD and HAPPY BIRTHDAY.

I am just back from a 2 hour walk with Mr Moo. It was lovely, really lovely. Bit of housework to do now. Not as much fun, but I love the feeling when it is done. Sense of cleaness and achievement.

Love to all.

free bird
October 4th, 2009, 10:42 AM
Thanks Moo, What you have said means a lot to me. I kinda like the mentality of OCCASIONAL DRINKER too. Thanks Sunbeam for a new phrase for my arsenal. I was thinking the other day that same thing....Hmm.

Gots to go to Hockey and then Soccer games. Long, two hour walk sounds great too.

Free

Sunbeam
October 4th, 2009, 06:55 PM
Hi all,
FreeBird, Welcome! Is that flower in your avatar tradescantia (spiderwort)? I grow a lot of perennial flowers, and shrubs. This plant hasn't been in my garden until I bought Miss Kate this summer. The blue flowers with the chartruse foliage is quite striking. I bought it in August, and it has continued to produce a few flowers until just the past couple of weeks.

I too beat myself up a lot about my drinking, even though I don't drink too much. I'm just tired of it, though not planning to go AF. I have already lost enough time in my life to alcohol, and I don't want to lose any more. But I do feel it is reasonable to relax with some wine and friends, from time to time. I'm glad to see you are also on Drink Tracker. It is a great tool to prevent alcohol from getting out of hand without realizing it.

Moo, welcome HOME. I personally am delighted that you will be posting here instead of on that AF thread. I enjoy your company, especially since we are on the same occasional drinking path. Once a person has done some significant AF time, I think you have to have alcohol in the picture so you can continue to learn how to deal with it. That's true for me anyway, but we are all different.

Sara, always glad to see you here. Glad you are taking that prozac step, it must not be easy. I hope your kiddos are doing well in school this year.

KTAB, so you also gave up on the AF month. I did that too, in August 2008. That was when I learned that I didn't have much to learn by going another month AF. I think I did make it two weeks, actually starting in late July. And by the end of August, I did make serious changes; that was when I started to limit myself to no more than once weekly, and also began working toward the occasional drinking concept with frequent AF weekends. Live and learn. So many of us are not only getting alcohol under control, but also re-starting our lives.

OK, enough posting. I have some chores to do before bedtime. This was an easier AF weekend for me. No desire at all to have anything to drink. Cutting back even more is a good decision for me.

Take care, all.

KTAB
October 4th, 2009, 07:30 PM
Hello Freebird :welcome:

Hi Sunbeam sorry I didnt make myself clear, I am doing October AF.
But I just decided I like hanging around with you guys because hey I am an ocasional drinker now too, just not for Oct though :)

tassimo
October 4th, 2009, 08:25 PM
Hey Mooderator,,,you had a fantastic weekend indeed! Well done! You are my hero...I aim to achieve that kind of control. Thanks for inspiring...

nancy
October 4th, 2009, 10:45 PM
Hi Eve

I think you ask a really complicated question. And indeed, yes would be interesting to hear what Boss.man has to say as he knows a lot about biology.

I think I am more attuned to psychological issues as opposed to the biology. I am not a doctor so excuse over-simplifications MDs out there.

I have read that the way you are physically, neurologically, changes as a result of your behavior. But then that could be changed back. In fact, I saw a program the other night about depression. Cognitive behavior therapy has similar effect on the brain as an anti-depressant drug. So clearly your environment and relationships can affect your brain chemistry.

So is a drinking problem reversible? While the dogmatic vision is to not differentiate between degree of alcohoholism I think this is a mistake. The National Insitute for Alcoholism and Abuse offers a test to see where you are in terms of dependency. Clearly there are MAJOR differences between people who have drinking problems in terms of a psychological dependence issue and an extreme physical dependence. And then clearly there could be different solutions.

Your response at dinner with your friend? Ok there are parallels, alcohol is sugar as is dessert.

I think though it is hard to know how to advise without knowing more. The most obvious explanation, which would resonate with me, is that the alcohol is a treat for you. And for me and a lot of people, that treat is giving you a release. In that case you would work with stress issues and get better at dealing with it.

The treatment for food addiction and eating disorders is typically cognitive behavior therapy and/or anti-depressants.

There's really a very strong psychological component to all of these problems.

People can change behaviors. Be genuinely good to yourself, find substitutes for the behavior you want to change, celebrate success, address some of the underlying causes.

And minimize alcohol whenever you can. I like what Bossman and Sunbeam have written about keeping the cravings at bay by minimizing intake.

One other thing, not sure hanging out with someone who gives into addiction is great for you or your friend. Maybe next time, see a movie instead!

So Eve what is alcohol to you? A big relief? A treat? Are you in therapy?

And how much is that treat worth? So short term you get a break, long term you are unhappy. It's really very clear. A therapist once told me that everyone has their goodies and like children, we don't want to give them up.

Nahcy

mooderator
October 5th, 2009, 08:16 AM
Hi ALL

SUNBEAM..its a pleasure to be HOME. Your knowledge of flowers and gardening is impressive. Wish you lived in the UK, could pick your brains more. But I guess different climate would alter advise.

Thank you TASSI- I seem to have largely nailed the regularity of consumption and mainly keep if for occasions, or at least weekends and NOT as SUNNI says every weekend. The amounts have been improving more and more with time. I seem to be getting the idea more often than not now. It can be done.

KTAB - well done in your OCTOBER endeavour. I am AF now for a bit too. No definite dates, I find that approach isnt working for me. I am starting with next weekend AF then we shall see.

FREEBIRD - keep posting here. I doubt whether you will ever feel tempted to stop posting again.

NANCY - great post.

TO ANYONE I MAY HAVE MISSED OR WHO IS LURKING - HELLO!

DEEBS in particular...I hope all is going well with the family visit.


love MOOOO

Emmy
October 5th, 2009, 06:15 PM
:new: Hi Everyone , my name is Emmy , I just want to say HAPPY OCTSOBER and tell ALL of you that I appreciate your posts , each and everyone of you are helping me . I am trying to be AF for 30days , after that , who knows:confused: I quit smoking in June , so I feel anything is possible. I enjoy a glass of wine , I don't know if I can go the rest of my life without another one , so saying I will is like setting myself up for failure , Right now I'm just doing the 30days . Just wanted to THANK you all for being here :h Em

Sunbeam
October 5th, 2009, 08:04 PM
Hi Emmy,
WELCOME! I read on another post of yours that you are also in your 50's. I need some help here, holding up the greying end of things. I also started a weight loss thread about a month ago, just for us post-menopause gals. Glad to know you are one of the many (I think) who read this thread. It often happens that by the end of 30 days, people give up alcohol for good. Stay tuned, so much depends on how bad it was for you. The occasional drinking concept is working well for me, and I am working to further reduce those occasions.

Delta Moon
October 5th, 2009, 08:12 PM
Hi! Just checking in. I miss you guys! I'm looking to pact with someone this week until Fri. eve. Anyone interested?

Sunbeam
October 6th, 2009, 05:38 AM
Delta Moon!
It is always great to see you. I'm always AF during the week. Does that help?

mooderator
October 6th, 2009, 08:55 AM
Yes DELTA I will take that PACT with you happy. I am generally AF in the week. but this week is a little harder than others (time of the month, less will power!) So I am happy to work with you on this one.

Love Moo

DeeBee
October 6th, 2009, 09:49 AM
Delta Moon;730311 wrote: Hi! Just checking in. I miss you guys! I'm looking to pact with someone this week until Fri. eve. Anyone interested?
ME!!:l

DeeBee
October 6th, 2009, 10:16 AM
I am beginning to see a bit of light at the end of the tunnel.
I am so bloody tired of being in this funk. Every thing that has gone wrong in my life recently has just been exaggerated by my drinking.
I still have issues which need to be dealt with (won't bore you with the details) but I am beginning to feel stronger and more capable to deal with it today.
A huge trigger for me, one which I've never really acknowledged before is finances, or rather the lack of. I find discussing finances extremely difficult and as a rule pull my ostrich maneuverer rather than deal with it head on which has left me in a rather precarious position. But NO MORE!!!

DM, how are you? I hope life is treating you kindly? I will pact with you this week and into the weekend. DH is going on a golf trip this weekend so I'll probably spend some time bonding with my brother and don't have any intention of drinking except for 2 glasses with the rugby on Saturday.

Sun, I am so not proud of what my DT looks like this month. Your's on the other hand looks wonderful with all those 000's.

Vladster, I know you are lurking -- come and say hi!!

Moo, I'm sorry your October thread got a life of it's own but you know you are loved here!

Welcome Free and a belated Happy Birthday!! Another Libra yay!!
I really enjoyed your post about working what's inside of you -- too true.

Hi Nancy! As always another thought provoking post.

Hi Mario, KTAB, Tassimo and anyone else I've missed. This is what happens when I don't post daily, it has taken my about an hour to catch up on all the news LOL

I promise to check in more regularly this week.

Love and light to all.

DeeBee
October 6th, 2009, 10:17 AM
Welcome Em!! And congrats on quitting the twaks! I did too about 6 months ago and I don't miss it at all.

cyclefan
October 6th, 2009, 11:55 AM
Hello my Modder friends.

Sunbeam I should post more often, I'm 56 YO so don't feel like you are the only greying beauty here.

I'm doing OK, not fantastic with my moderation. I am drinking more days per week than I think I should but not drinking to excess on any one of them although I just recently did a 10 day AF stretch when I was having my teeth extracted and getting used to my new dentures. I think when anything medical is going on it is best to abstain, especially since I had some painkillers that I did not want to mix with anything alcoholic. I was also advised not to exercise for a week while my gums healed so now it is hard for me to get back to it. Ugh!

DeeBee congrats on your 6 months smoke free. I know you must feel much better for it.

Hi to Delta Moon I hope things in your life are settling down emotionally, it is always good to see you here.

Sara, you sound like you are doing well too! I'm so happy you are finding a path that is comfortable for you. Startingover has some perspective on the Prozac, you might want to talk with her about how you are feeling, she is a very open and supportive person here.

Emmy and Free and Tassimo nice to meet you. Hello also to KTAB and Mooderator, you posts are always good to read. Nancy and Mario thanks for your perspectives here.

To whomever I missed, it is always risky trying to say hello to all the posters, I do hope if I've missed someone you are not offended. Take care all, wishing you all moderation success.

DeeBee
October 6th, 2009, 12:14 PM
Geez, I just noticed I missed a whole page LOL!
Sara, ditto on Beths advice about chatting to Start's about the Prozac -- she's a mine of info and more than willing to help out or offer advice. I hope you start feeling better soon.

Mario, thanks for your input.
I too agree with a period of abstaining from AL altogether before drinking moderately.

The Moderation Management website has some good ideas and suggestions with regards to goals and plans -- I don't visit it often as the format of the site is rather confusing but they also recommend a period of 30 days AF.

This is their view of what a moderate drinker is:

When you have made the healthy decision to drink less, and you stay within moderate limits, you should not experience any health, personal, family, social, job-related, financial, or legal problems due to alcohol. The suggested guidelines below allow for a degree of individual interpretation, because moderation is a flexible principle and is not the same for everyone. The suggested limits, however, are more definite.

A Moderate Drinker:
considers an occasional drink to be a small, though enjoyable, part of life.
has hobbies, interests, and other ways to relax and enjoy life that do not involve alcohol.
usually has friends who are moderate drinkers or nondrinkers.
generally has something to eat before, during, or soon after drinking.
usually does not drink for longer than an hour or two on any particular occasion.
usually does not drink faster than one drink per half-hour.
usually does not exceed the .055% BAC moderate drinking limit. (see Note 1 below)
feels comfortable with his or her use of alcohol (never drinks secretly and does not spend a lot of time thinking about drinking or planning to drink).

Miss October
October 6th, 2009, 02:55 PM
Hi !

Hello Mod Squad !

So this is where all the OctSOBER people went too. You can run, but you can't hide :H

Mooderator, thanks for getting the October AF threads going. Since I am a daily wine drinker for 25 years and my tolerance has increased, it is time for me to learn how to be AF on any given day and being happy about. I also need a good 30 days to heal the distress that is going on inside my "gut". Already after having 4 AF days this October, my stomach is already feeling better and much less bloated.

So that's my goal for October. To learn how to be AF as many days as possible without being in a CRANKY MOOD.

Free Bird I was missing you over on the OctSOBER thread. I'm glad you had a happy birthday.

So if you don't mind, I would like to join in on this thread next month. I really have enjoyed reading the posts. I know I can never be AF for life, as I do love my wine, but I need to also learn how to live without it sometimes.

All I want from life is to be happy and healthy.

P.S. I'm over 50 too :happy: and I'm not gray - I'm "Dark Auburn Brown" by Clairol Natural Instincts ;)

Emmy
October 6th, 2009, 03:37 PM
i'M FEELING LIKE THE VILLAGE IDIOT ! I am having the hardest time finding posts that I read this morning , but didn't have time to respond to .. I'm SOBER , so I know they didn't disapear:) anyway , YES < i am in my 50's , YES , i have some gray , but it is totally covered ( haha) YES , I am trying to be AF for 30days and YES , I am todays village idiot ! For some reason when i click on a forum it takes me to posts that were written friggin months ago , I also need to find my way into the chat room , I'm so glad I found MWO , I just hope you all feel the same about me !;) :l Em
BTW , what is a "trackback"?

mooderator
October 6th, 2009, 04:12 PM
Hi MISS OCTOBER and EMMY...

Yes I am afraid I defected back to my FAVOURITE thread. I just feel happy hear and can post what I am thinking and feeling and there are some great people here. All of them infact!

DEEBS...great to see you back honey...hope all is going well with the family and that you can keep to your modding goals...Hey More Belly-dancing for me tomorrow. I cant wait. Plus I am buying a ticket to an Arabian Nights Night in early november when the class will be dancing. I WILL BE WATCIHING this time! Next time I will up with em!

Useful reminder post DEEBS of what we are all aspiring to.

Love to all Moo

franziasgone
October 6th, 2009, 08:21 PM
I'm wondering too


Emmy;730991 wrote: i'M FEELING LIKE THE VILLAGE IDIOT ! I am having the hardest time finding posts that I read this morning , but didn't have time to respond to .. I'm SOBER , so I know they didn't disapear:) anyway , YES < i am in my 50's , YES , i have some gray , but it is totally covered ( haha) YES , I am trying to be AF for 30days and YES , I am todays village idiot ! For some reason when i click on a forum it takes me to posts that were written friggin months ago , I also need to find my way into the chat room , I'm so glad I found MWO , I just hope you all feel the same about me !;) :l Em
BTW , what is a "trackback"?
I can't get into chat either- Eve 11 and Sunshine tried to help but I'm still getting an "error" message. I also want to know what a "trackback" is??:confused:

mooderator
October 7th, 2009, 04:37 AM
Morning Squad..

Yesterday I was a bit miserable generally. No urge to drink at all. Just a PMT day. Today I feel a bit brighter, still not 100% on form, but better. I have a day out off work, so I am going shopping with my Mum to look for dresses for the masked ball we have planned for new year (early yes, but we wanted to see what there was). Then tonight its BELLY DANCING, class 3. Love it.

KTAB
October 7th, 2009, 05:03 AM
So this is where all the OctSOBER people went too. You can run, but you can't hide
Opps busted.
Hi Miss O it will be nice to see you regularily here next month.
Hello Emmy delighted to see you and Franzia here too. Unfortunatley I have no idea what a trackback is either, maybe somebody can shed some light on that. I wonder if you guys maybe need to upgrade your software for chat.
Deebee nice to see you back among us and I am glad you are begining to see some light at the end of that tunnel.
Hi Cyclefan well done on the af stint I think I will need to take a few of them from time to time to keep on the straight and narrow but then again I seldom choose the easy path in life. I am a big fan of exercise since I came here and I think you are right about it being tough to get back after a break. For me if I can keep a regular schedule it becomes much easier and more enjoyable. Big ouch on the teeth front btw.
Hi Delta count me in for the pact, what is left of it.
Sunbeam do you find it easier to always be af during the week or does that result in cravings come the weekend? Hope that question makes sense.
Moo you belly dance your cotton socks off girl. Sounds like a blast. I wonder what the straight male equivallent is? Answers on the back of a postcard please :)
And a big hello to any of you guys I failed to mention.

Well it is day 7 AF for me today and so far it has been plain sailing on a tranquil lake I am pleased to report. That pleases me greatly. Keep safe all.

DeeBee
October 7th, 2009, 10:08 AM
Wow, what a great bunch we've got going here this month.

Welcome Miss O and I hope you're finding your way around okay -- shout if you need help.... just don't ask me what a "trackback" is LOL. Where's Vlad? She'll know.

Thanks KTAB, it feels good to be back posting again without a monkey on my back.

Well excuse me for the brief post but I am absolutely buggered from moving furniture in and out of rooms all day so that they guys can lay carpets. It is starting to take shape now but I really am getting a bit tired of shifting boxes and cupboards around the house -- this was not what I had in mind when I said I wanted to exercise more!!

I'm still with you DM -- how are you doing there girlfirend???

Happy Hump Day modders;-)

free bird
October 7th, 2009, 10:28 AM
Hi to everyone here,

Thanks for making me feel welcome and normal. I appreciate the honesty and support on this thread.

I originally started posting on the Octsober thread and really wanted to do the whole month AF even with my Birthday being in there, but I realize (for me) there is no great sin in having a glass of wine when I feel the celebration calls for it. Granted, there is no excuse for it (for me) to be more often. Being here has helped me reduce the amount and frequency and achieve some of my goals.

I was wondering too if anyone seems to drink more when they feel anxious? I have noticed lately, that to be a big trigger.

I also learned that I need to do this AF time in short incriments, so I am in with Delta for the 7 days and through the weekend and reevaluate at that time. I'd really like to do some serious AF time, but I find it very difficult in some situations. I don't really ever binge or drink in the morning, noon or afternoon, so I think my affliction is not to the point of no return. But what it is, is too much for me! I just need to learn new ways of not doing what I know I don't want to do; to be stronger and more assertive with myself.

I should try to post more often as I would like to respond to everyone, as everyone has said some very important things here, and I am getting a lot out of it. I just seem to loose track of time with just the reading part.

Have a great time today no matter what you do.

Free

Delta Moon
October 7th, 2009, 01:00 PM
Hi gals! Well I didn't keep my pact. :argh: I managed to drink almost a whole bottle of wine last night. BUT I am willing to try again today! Thats all I can do is pick myself up and shake it off and move forward. Right? So here I go.............
Thanks for all the cyber hugs! Love you all.
Blessings.

free bird
October 7th, 2009, 01:34 PM
He YaAll,

Here's a big cyber hug right back at ya. I still want to do 7 days AF....so anyone with me?

I really should clairify something that I feel is a bit misleading in my previous post: I have been coming to "The Boards of MWO" for about two years and I have done 30 days AF. I really did not notice too much of a difference in that 30 days time - physically or mentally. what I did notice is that once the 30 days was up, I was left wondering "WHAT NOW". And honestly I felt deprived. I have to say though, my drinking has not been at all excessive since then. So, I am going to stick with my "little" rewards; just not too often. I am committed to drink tracker too.

Clear as mud....good....now carry on.

Thanks

Free

Sunbeam
October 7th, 2009, 05:06 PM
Wow! quite a crew we're getting here. Welcome to anyone I haven't welcomed.

KTAB, I now really just don't drink during the week. It is pretty much off the table, though my part-time work in the summer made more week days seem like week ends. I never drank many week nights. I was mostly a binge drinker on Sunday afternoons. But I feel that some drinking on week days primed my pump, kept more alcohol in my body and paved the way for more drinking on the weekend. I think I know what you mean though, that feeling of being deprived leading to more drinking. So it can work either way, depending how you perceive it.

Deebs I believe you have been through a lot financially. I'm glad life feels a little more under control. Don't apologise for Drink Tracker. I have a harder time understanding those who don't use it, though I greatly respect everyone's individual choices. But once you can see the size and shape of your problem on this record, you can deal with it better. So much of recovery from alcohol abuse is getting honest with yourself, and this is a great tool for doing that. Denial seems to thrive in the alcohol world.

So Miss O and Cyclefan, we are all greying, just some of us disguise it well. I just like knowing there are others who are not whippersnappers.

My BIL and two kids are coming Sunday/Monday, so we will be sharing wine this weekend. An actual occasion.

Take care, all.

Delta Moon
October 8th, 2009, 10:01 AM
Good morning moddders! Life is good with a clear head! Hallelujah!
Now the trick is to keep the momentum going..........
I wish you all a beautiful day full of love and peace.
Blessings

mooderator
October 8th, 2009, 01:21 PM
Hi Modders

DM its lovely that you are posting again here.....yay!

SUNBEAM - I agree that for me too, but not drinking in the week and making sure there are weekends when I dont drink inbetween ones where I do, I am much better able to keep the beastie at bay. Where I did drink in the week a bit more through some of Aug and early sept, (although the modding wasnt too bad) I had to put in more effort to stop doing so again. It has taken a week or two to get back back to normal.

Well today has been a lovely uneventful thursday...Af tonight as always...happy to be AF at the moment I must say...as yet undecided about saturday night this week...

Love to you all

Moo

Emmy
October 8th, 2009, 03:51 PM
:goodjob: I'll do the next 7 days !! I'm trying to get to 30 and like you will decide where I want to go from there. I like "little rewards" I think i could live with that:h
free bird;731647 wrote: He YaAll,

Here's a big cyber hug right back at ya. I still want to do 7 days AF....so anyone with me?

I really should clairify something that I feel is a bit misleading in my previous post: I have been coming to "The Boards of MWO" for about two years and I have done 30 days AF. I really did not notice too much of a difference in that 30 days time - physically or mentally. what I did notice is that once the 30 days was up, I was left wondering "WHAT NOW". And honestly I felt deprived. I have to say though, my drinking has not been at all excessive since then. So, I am going to stick with my "little" rewards; just not too often. I am committed to drink tracker too.

Clear as mud....good....now carry on.

Thanks

Free

DeeBee
October 9th, 2009, 08:02 AM
Just a quick check in between moving book case and dining room table LOL!!
It's so exciting to finally be putting a dining room table into a dining room!! It used to sit in the kitchen where we would all squeeze past and invariably bump ourselves so my upper thighs would be black and blue.

TGIF Peeps.... I'll catch up with all the news a bit later.
Love
Dee

free bird
October 9th, 2009, 08:11 AM
Hi Modders,

Sunbeam, About my avater. When I first chose it, I chose it as an Iris (Japanese), but now that you metnion it, it looks more like spiderwort. I don't have any in my garden as of yet, but will look for some next Spring. I really like perinnials, but have to be careful as we are in a Zone 4 (sometimes Zone 5), and it gets cold in the winter.

I am doing well mooderating this week, but still feel the need to put in more AF days. I really don't feel like I ever want to overdo it again.....that being said.....Anyhow, I have gained some self control and really don't give it too much thought to the point where it is wearing me out. I guess it's becoming more of a habit to only have one or two. There is the occasion where it is more than that, and that is the part I am working on. What seems to work for me is to have a full stomach, so that I can't squeeze anything more in there.....So I will gain 400 pounds. Seriously, I do tend to over drink when I am hungry.

I should let you all know that I am the official whippersnapper here.....as I am only 49.

Have a healthy weekend and be happy.

Free

free bird
October 9th, 2009, 08:15 AM
Hi Dee,

We must have cross-posted. I really enjoy reading about your journey and appreciate your great avater as well.

Have fun moving furniture. And about those black and blue thighs....

Free

DeeBee
October 9th, 2009, 12:13 PM
Free, I am a bigger (or is it smaller) whippersnapper.... 34
Thanks for the support!!

mooderator
October 9th, 2009, 12:14 PM
I am putting in my bid for whippersnapper.....34 here! LOL!

Love to you all!

mooderator
October 9th, 2009, 12:17 PM
Well following an excellent modding weekend last weekend. I have had a perfect AF week. Been AF sunday to friday (today) and not given it any thought at all, except that I am really happy to be back where I was...almost. My thing for this week was to make sure friday was AF....that being tonight, its not done yet, but it will be without a doubt. I am still not sure yet whether I am going to allow some wine tomorrow or not....I will be happy either way, but dont want to make the decision until the time comes....

FREE you seem to be doing really well ....

DeeBee
October 9th, 2009, 12:23 PM
mooderator;732686 wrote: I am putting in my bid for whippersnapper.....34 here! LOL!

Love to you all!
I knew it!!:H:H

Eve11
October 9th, 2009, 02:55 PM
free bird;731495 wrote:

I was wondering too if anyone seems to drink more when they feel anxious? I have noticed lately, that to be a big trigger.
Free,

I've never felt I needed a drink when I'm anxious. My personality has always been the life of the party type (sometimes a little too much life in the old days LOL!) but I've always gone into social situations relaxed and don't drink for that reason.

My biggest drinking trigger is sadness, lonliness, those types of feelings.

Then I just want to hide and wallow in my pain.

But then I have a hangover and am depressed and need a "hair of a dog that bit me" drink the next day to feel better and it's an easy cycle to get hooked back into with daily drinking.

I did just that this week after having a pity party due to an event that really hurt my feelings (just a lot of friends not being there for me) which brought back all those childhood feelings instilled by my alcoholic dad of "You're not good enough"...and then it was like the crazy law of attraction.

Because I felt so unloved and bad about myself I kept drawing people into my life that reaffirmed those feelings. So, the dear aunt that I called to boost my spirits was busy with company and was short with me (has never been this way either) with ..."I'm busy!" and a "What do you want?" attitute. And the uplifting first cousin who usually cheers me up wasn't home and didn't return my call and I went into a spiral downward spin. So the work night with the controlled wine with dinner became drinking too much wine when I got home because I wanted to continue the nice little buzz that made me feel good about myself.

Foolish because we all know that doesn't work.

I've been in a major depression the last 3 days (rare for me) but now I can relate so much better to some of my dear friends here who have shared that about themselves.
I didn't want to post, didn't want to do things socially (missed dancing Tuesday night) etc.
Finally I said ENOUGH!!

So, I am going back to drinking responsibly and am seriously thinking of going AF if I have an episode like this occur again. Now that I really know my biggest trigger - I know that I can't fall into that hole when things occur that make me feel bad and do that again. My dear Adam12 said one time that he felt moderators could only moderate when everything was going well but because they have a problem with alcohol they are always at risk for getting into trouble with it. Thus the fear of moderating!!

That thinking probably led to some of the depression as well. It's hard to admit I really do have a drinking problem and I want to believe I can moderate and that I can drink responsibly. This last episode makes me question myself. We'll see. Meanwhile, I'll keep coming here, keep posting honestly on the drinktracker and will be here for you as well as leaning on all of you to support me.

Hugs,
Eve11

free bird
October 9th, 2009, 03:19 PM
Eve, Thanks for your honest and reflective post. It really made me wish I could reach out to you. I don't want you to feel sad and I hope you are getting out of your funk and enjoy the weekend. I wouldn't say to you not to analyze what happened, but don't be too hard on yourself either. Live and learn.

For me being anxious is not a matter of not being comfortable in social settings, which I am. I rarely need to drink to feel socially acceptable, but I do like to have too much fun. It is feeling like I need to be doing something that I am not; like my brain is in too many places, thinking about too many things. So I guess I use wine to settle those thoughts and not worry as much.


Free

Sarasmiles
October 9th, 2009, 03:30 PM
Hi Mod Squad,
Thought I'd say hello to my old buddies. Eve, I could certainly relate to your drinking during a time of sadness. But I've definitely been an anxiety drinker...Not social anxiety, but generalized anxiety...A vague feeling of something being wrong. But I think my biggest trigger is irritability. I've found since being AF for the last month, the times when I really want a drink are the times when I feel irritable and angry. I hate that.

Hubby and I went to a couple's therapy session last night, then out to dinner for the first time since before I decided to stay AF indefinitely. It was hard. I felt sad and bored and frustrated at not being able to just relax and have fun without a drink. I started thinking again about wanting to go down the modding path. Just one or two... But I didn't do it. I couldn't stand the thought that I had to have a drink to enjoy dinner with my husband, and I feared that if I did drink, I'd wake up depressed today. I do envy those of you who can now have those one or two drinks and feel good during and after. And I wonder if some day I'll go back to trying that. But that day is not today. :)

Love and good wishes to all,
Sara

mooderator
October 9th, 2009, 05:35 PM
EVE - It was moving to read your last post, because like FREE said it made me want to give you a hug and tell you we are all here for you. I wished you had picked up the phone to me! We certainly do all have different triggers. I dont believe I have ever drunk alone, save for maybe one glass of wine in the bath, but could count that on one hand) but I can understand what you are saying. For me drinking too much was about the GREAT FUN element you describe. That has AWAYS been my trigger. And on occasion generalised stress. But mostly the habit of its saturday I should be having FUN! FUN = ALCOHOL. That was all it boiled down to for me, still means a great deal of re-educating the brain.

I agree dont over beat yourself, but honest reflection (which I know you do a lot) is helpful in seeing which route you want to take for the next day, week, month, whatever...lots of love hunni..

SARA - You are doing great at the moment and I am so please you come and tell us how its going. That was a real triumph moment. Going out for dinner and not giving in - you should be really proud of yourself.

FREE I think I understand your comment about "having too much fun"! That is/was sort of how I am! Never really that great at knowing when to call it a night! Getting much much better at that.

DARLING DEEBS - We must have cross posted the same thought at the same moment...and we are the same age...god we are just the SAME.....XXXXX

Eve11
October 10th, 2009, 12:50 AM
DeeBee;732683 wrote: Free, I am a bigger (or is it smaller) whippersnapper.... 34
Well I can't brag about being a whippersnapper Deebs (LOL) so I have to tell you and everyone that, I am a cougar - 11 years older than hubby.
I'll have to watch the new cougar show in the states and see if I can relate. :H
Big hugs,
Eve11
p.s. went to a lovely blues in the garden tonight - had only 1. Getting back in shape.

Sunbeam
October 10th, 2009, 10:55 AM
Hi Everybody,
Just you you all know I know, the opposite of whippersnapper is geezer, and I'm not there yet!

Eve, I can relate to some of your reasons for drinking: loneliness, sorrow over small things. I have way more energy than my husband, and I wish he would join me in the outdoors: biking, helping with gardening, but that will never happen. We often go for a walk around the block, with the dog, but that is about it. He is not going to change, I just need to accept him. I also have some orthopedic and neuroligical problems that limit my mobility: I used to drink every time I experienced another loss. Funny thing, drinking never made anything better or easier, it just made me more depressed. My list of things I want to accomplish on a given day is usually longer than what is realistic, so I used to drink to escape that. Now, after I've done some things, I give myself permission to sit in my chair with herbal tea or seltzer. Ahhhh, relaxation without alcohol. Now THERE's something to relish! I never really was life of the party, I would just go and drink, sometime too much but I was quiet about it. Now I rarely go to larger group parties, but just share wine with closer friends.

SaraSmiles, I read your posts elsewhere and am so proud of you and happy for you, making a good choice to better your life. I lost track of where you posted about wanting to lose a few pounds by the end of the year. That is also my goal, and I'm nearly half-way there. I started a thread under fitness called "weight loss after menopause". You are not in my (concealed) greying age group, but you may find some helpful thoughts there. My significant words of wisdom are: all diets are bad (because they end). What people need is a permanant better eating plan. Just getting the alcohol out of your diet may be enough. I also often found myself mindlessly munching while drinking.

FreeBird, I am in gardening zone 5, probably 5b, not much warmer than you. So we can share gardening thoughts. My favorite plants of the moment include the paniculata types of hydrangea. I expanded the garden area in front of my house this summer, and put in a focal point trio of Pinky Winky, Limelight, and QuickFire. The paniculatas don't demand water like the macrophyllas, and they bloom reliably in colder areas because they bloom on new wood; the buds don't have to survive the winter.

This is a 3-day holiday weekend. I rarely drink on Sunday because in the past that was my day of alcohol abuse. This weekend, I will have nothing to drink until tomorow (Sunday), when my BIL comes with his two kids. I have to finish some cleaning this morning, then plan to cook and freeze tomatoes and swiss chard from the garden. It is predicted to get down in the mid-30's next week, which means frost for sure, so I have to get what I can from the tomatoes this weekend. The swiss chard will take some frost, but I still would like to get some in the freezer for winter soup.

Take care, all!

mg72
October 10th, 2009, 11:38 AM
first time responder

Good morning to all. This is my first week on my way out and so happy to find this posting of moderators. My story is I have drunk alcohol since I was 18 and am now 59. I average 12-15 drinks a week taking two or three nights a week off. When I drink I always have three or four and feel the negative effects the next day. My goal is to moderate my drinking and I really like Tassimo's plan. If I can just do the zero drinks by myself I would cut my total in half. I already track my drinks daily and will continue to do so. I am all over this new plan.

One suggestion I can bring to the group is on exercise. I am an avid yoga practicer and am now half way through a 200 hour yoga teacher training course. I teach or practice three to four times a week and it has made a huge positive effect on my life which is kind of rare for a man. I always played sports but was often injured. Yoga heals injuries, gets us in great shape and has many other health benefits such as lowering blood preassure and improves immune systems. The problem with running is the body breaks down over time. I still get my outside exercise by hiking, walking, etc.

Thanks to all five of you for your suggestions. I would like to be a permanent member of this thread. Is there a way I can do that?

mg72
October 10th, 2009, 11:48 AM
my first week on mywayout

:new:This is my first week to use mywayout and I so happy to find the moderator thread. I just joined and want to stay in touch. At this point I want to see my post happens. I will write more if it does.

Sunbeam
October 10th, 2009, 01:43 PM
mg72,
Welcome! The Mod Squad has no membership requirements nor rituals. If you permanantly post, you will be a permanant member. We are especially grateful to have another male perspective.

I also enjoy some yoga. I have taken courses the past two summers, when I only work part time. It is a stretching and strengthening regime that should be used by more greying folks. My physical therapist has been very helpful for acute issues, but concepts I have learned through yoga help me through my whole life.

nancy
October 10th, 2009, 10:08 PM
Hey Eve

You had sent me a PM before asking for comment about one of your earlier posts...

I am not sure if I can help but if the trigger is loneliness and sadness, I can relate to that a lot.

It's not an easy solution though. You said you are a cougar. I don't know how old you are...

I don't know why it takes women so long to be able to have self-esteem on our own and why we are so vulnerable to little things other people say and do, sending us into the downward mood spiral. I can completely relate to that and it's horrible and yes the buzz helps but only temporarily.

So how do you teach people to comfort themselves? It's not that easy. You can observe men who spend more time alone and seem to be ok with it. You can do therapy. You can meditate. That teaches you to observe the mind without acting on thoughts or thinking it's the end of the world if someone is not there for you.

But what it really boils down to is having a great self-support system. How can you teach yourself to like yourself?

I find some comfort in meditation, learning how to ignore that critical voice. That's the voice that tells you that you are rejected cuz someone has let you down. All thoughts are not to be taken seriously.

It's really so important to learn how to be on your own and be ok with that. So far, meditation is the only thing I have come across that helps. Basically, you feel alone but so do millions of other people. People actually are together in their suffering over being alone.

Also, we have to know that moods rise and fall. Often we get used to being around others to make these moods pass and freak out if experiencing them alone. We are actually able to handle these mood fluctuations and try it, see how much accomplishment you feel if you experience it by yourself and guess what you survive and feel ok the next day.

free bird
October 11th, 2009, 07:10 AM
Welcome MG72!

Keep posting and let us know how you are doing and How you are doing it.

What no rituals?? Then why did I have to do that thing you said I did???? Just kidding.....I somehow manage to do silly things without someone telling me to.

I too find exercise is a key to finding health and happiness.

Nancy, Great post.

What you said - "people actually are together in their suffering over being alone" is so true. If we all knew how the other one was feeling, we would not feel so issolated in our thoughts, which do tend to have a life of their own. I think I could be in crowded room and feel alone; it is definitely the connection we seek. I am not sure men need to connect as much as women. As I age and as society changes, I find I connect far less, but I am becoming more comfortable with that. I'd rather have quality friendships than quantity, but that can lead to loneliness....which starts the whole cycle over again. I think you are right, we just need to ride out the storm and know that it will pass.

I think it is important to be aware of those feelings as the begin to materialze and get them in control again by distractions. I like your suggestions and your input is invaluable.

Free

mg72
October 11th, 2009, 09:06 AM
end of first week

My first week is finished using Mywatyout and some progress was made. I had nine drinks for the week down from my normal of 13-15. I am going with "no drinks by myself" idea that many of you follow this week.

Being connected to others is a need that for me is ongoing. I retired from my job last year and left a hectic, travel every week lifestyle. I filled in my new life style by helping with two non profit groups, volunteering for another, active in my local sierra club chapter, becoming a certified yoga iinstructor, taking up golf and backpacking and spending more time with family. I sometimes think myself crazy for unending need for connection to others and have found I have to iniciate it almost all the time. I guess that is just the way it is but I do get frustrated. I have a wonderful marriage and family which is great. My biggest barrier to being who I want to be is to significantly moderate my alcohol consumption. For that I am thankful to all of you.

You all have a great day and thanks for welcoming me into your gourp

cyclefan
October 11th, 2009, 11:04 AM
Hello fellow modders and welcome mg72. Its a nice quiet Sunday for me and I actually got up early enough to enjoy the whole day. I don't have much planned but some smallish chores. Yesterday I cleaned out the junk drawer in my kitchen, there were a lot of rubber bands in it among other things. At least I can find the carrot peeler now!

I'm planning an AF week coming up, I usually do two-three days in between drinks but feel a need for a full week at least. Best wishes to everyone with their modding goals. xo Beth

Sunbeam
October 11th, 2009, 12:24 PM
Hi all,
Cyclefan, I have a catch-all kitchen drawer where I finally started puttling like things each other in their own sandwich zip-lock bag. It is better than digging through all that stuff looking for things. I don't think of myself as a compulsive organizer, but I hate to waste time looking for things.

MG 72, sounds like you are doing well using three strategies: Drink Tracker, posting, and not drinking alone. I tried unsuccessfully cutting back on my own a few years ago. With all the ideas here, I feel very successful. Sounds like you will be posting often, which will help us all. Posting is reallly a two-strategy deal, helping others as we help purselves. So I guess that actually ups your number of strategies to four.

Nancy, how is modding going for you? Your recent posts have been very insightful.

FreeBird, I have kind of a personal motto: always keep moving. I do that in many ways, big and small. If I have been reading, I get up periodically and run in place for a "quick 100" to get me going again. It makes me feel SOOO good.

mg72
October 12th, 2009, 11:50 AM
It's a good Monday in Kansas

Freebird, SunBeam and Cyclefan, thank you for the welcome into the group. At your suggestion I am now on drink tracker and will update regularly. I plan on going below nine this week. Last night was a good start, we had three friends here from Arizona and Washington. They are cycling Katy biking trail this week and stayed with us lover night. It was a great evening talking, eating and getting to know each other better. One friend had a beer, one half a glass of wine and other three of us no drinks. I am so used to drinking in that type of social occasion and I enjoyed not having any. I need to be self assured that I can enjoy myself without drinking. For me the many of benefits of not drinking are worth the self discipline. At this point I get out of my comfort zone by not drinking which I want to change.

Enjoy your day and thanks for writing

mooderator
October 12th, 2009, 01:52 PM
Agree!

I agree with what you said there MG...being sure you can still have fun without the booze is part of the process I found. I make a point of doing certaint situation without AL to challenge myself. I also find drinktracker very good....its just so positive putting a zero in the box and being publically accountable when you do drink helps to keep one on the straigt and narrow...


So...:welcome:
To everyone else....a BIG HELLO.

Had another really good mod weekend...only drank on saturday this week, only had three glasses of wine, left wine in the bottle on the table went to bed and chucked the rest in the morning..RESULT....no headaches, no muss no fuss....GREAT!

Emmy
October 12th, 2009, 03:31 PM
mooderator;734711 wrote: I agree with what you said there MG...being sure you can still have fun without the booze is part of the process I found. I make a point of doing certaint situation without AL to challenge myself. I also find drinktracker very good....its just so positive putting a zero in the box and being publically accountable when you do drink helps to keep one on the straigt and narrow...


So...:welcome:
To everyone else....a BIG HELLO.

Had another really good mod weekend...only drank on saturday this week, only had three glasses of wine, left wine in the bottle on the table went to bed and chucked the rest in the morning..RESULT....no headaches, no muss no fuss....GREAT!
Hi Moo. Sounds like everyone is on the right path , i'm having a hard time logging into "drinktracker" it keeps telling me I'm using the wrong username. any suggestions?:confused:

mooderator
October 12th, 2009, 04:24 PM
Emmy - I am sorry to say I cant think of any reason why this would happen. I have not experienced any problems getting in to DT and cant recall anyone else saying so either. Try asking a moderator?? Post a question in general discussion where everyone on the site will have a chance to comment and you will have a wider response, otherwise you got me.

Nice to have you with us by the way...Love Moo

Sunbeam
October 12th, 2009, 04:33 PM
Emmy,
I initially had intermittent trouble logging in to Drink Tracker. It seemed to work better when the site isn't as busy. I haven't had problems in a long time. I would post a question under General Discussion. There is a persona called CodeMonkey that fixes site glitches, but I'm not sure how to contact them.

Emmy
October 12th, 2009, 05:27 PM
I'm thinking maybe you need to be a "subscriber" to be on drinktracker??:confused:
Sunbeam;734809 wrote: Emmy,
I initially had intermittent trouble logging in to Drink Tracker. It seemed to work better when the site isn't as busy. I haven't had problems in a long time. I would post a question under General Discussion. There is a persona called CodeMonkey that fixes site glitches, but I'm not sure how to contact them.

Sunbeam
October 12th, 2009, 07:43 PM
No, you don't need to be a subscriber. I'm not, and haven't been in the past.

Eve11
October 13th, 2009, 03:48 AM
nancy;733717 wrote:


People actually are together in their suffering over being alone.
Nancy - How profound and how true. I remember sitting in a therapy group once and everyone felt like they were on the outside looking in - in that particular group. We all shared one night and that common denominator came out.

I loved the book "The four Agreements" and one of the agreements is not to take things too personal. I agree with the logic - I just have a hard time doing it sometimes. I was so beat down in the self esteem category as a child and had a horrible role model for a father. I've worked hard to try to get over that and have forgiven him but the one thing that comes back to haunt me is always that belief of I'm not good enough.

If I don't hear from a friend in a long time I start to worry that they don't like me anymore for some reason. It's foolish thinking because I don't gossip about my friends so there's nothing that could have happened to have changed the relationship. And thank goodness I'm not drinking (where I would tell people off) or having black outs (where I may have told them off and didn't remember!) Yikes!! But I fret and worry only to discover they've been too busy like so many people are and it was never about me.

Meditation is a good idea. And as our new member mg72 shared (:welcome: mg72) giving to others is the best remedy for lonliness. Yes, volunteer, help others, get busy thinking of how to help somebody.

I'm back on track in the drinking category. Each week Adam12 and I become more and more aware (as we're paying such strict attention) of how AL affects us. We each had 2 drinks Sat. night and there was no hopping out of bed Sunday going "Let's go!!" We are always so demotivated with just 2 drinks. He is thinking of Sat. and vacations only to have a drink. I'm still hung up on Fri/Sat but at least I only had one on Friday.

I'm reading the book "Dry" and I really like it. Am half way through and the author has really shared some insightful things. I recommend it. Remember, public libraries carry it if you don't have the $ to purchase.

Well, good-night all and hello to everyone who has posted here. Keep coming back!
Hugs,
Eve11

mg72
October 13th, 2009, 08:46 AM
another good day in kansas

Good morning all,
Once again thanks for the support from you. Mooderator, I like your attitude to challenge ourselves to not drink in social occasions where we would have in the past. Eve11, helping others by volunteering is rewardiing as is the interaction with others doing so. I find both benefits when I help with non profit organizations. I have good relationships with employees and other volunteers. Emmy, as long as I use my proper name and password drink tracker allows me to enter.

I just posted my third zero in a row on drink tracker. It is the first time in a very long time that I have gone three days without a drink. I feel alert, positive, my emotions under control, high energy level and communicative. I so want to continue this!!!

Have a great day

DeeBee
October 13th, 2009, 09:27 AM
Hello all,

Well I've spent a good hour typing our a really long post only to loose it when the electrician "accidentally" pulled the plug on me.
So, here's the brief version.

I spent the weekend with my brother, getting to know him again. It's strange because he hasn't changed a bit in the 7 years he's been away but we didn't really have anything in common because of us not communicating. Well we did do lots of talking, laughing and reminiscing. It was great fun but also an eye opener as to just how much my brother is drinking. He managed to get through a whole bottle (750ml) of Vodka and a 6 pack in one sitting. What absolutely blew me away was he didn't slur his words nor stumbled about the place drunk!! Does that mean he's used to drinking those sort of quantities!!??
He is talking about staying here now and not going back to the UK so if that does happen I'd like to speak to him about it.

WELCOME MG!
Congrats on notching up those AF day's -- feels good doesn't it:-)

I am getting goofed on the paint fumes so must dash -- hope everyone is well and meeting thier mod goals:-)

mooderator
October 14th, 2009, 07:04 AM
Where are all the modders? Its gone quiet here guys and gals....

I have to admit I too dont have much to report. All is ok in the world of AL. There was a very interesting program on here in the UK about alcohol last night, did anyone see it? All about people's relationship with it, and the reasons why they might be like that! I was able to identify with some of it.

Hope all is well with everyone...love MOo

DeeBee
October 14th, 2009, 07:53 AM
Hi Moo and everyone,
I'm here.... don't have much to say.
Tomorrow will be a better day.

free bird
October 14th, 2009, 08:10 AM
Hi Everyone,

Just thought I'd better check in so you didn't think I was checked out. I don't have much words of wisdom this a.m. either, but I have been feeling rather blah lately and three cups of java this morning is not getting the job done.

My modding is going okay (no hangovers and good numbers), but not at the point I was aiming for, which is NONE during the week and very little on the weekends. Today is a new day and I hope I can get some time outdoors today, as that always seems to lift my spirits and mood. It's getting cold though and I need to really get my arms around winter coming and staying committed to activities outside.

Have a good to wonderful day.....sending good vibes to everyone.

Free

Sunbeam
October 14th, 2009, 06:52 PM
Hi Everybody,
The dog still pesters me sometimes when I sit down at the computer, but she does learn to be a better dog every day. It is amazing what she has learned in just 3 weeks. She is SO smart and beautiful. We bought an invisible fence kit, but I returned it today after we decided that we couldn't configure it to our property to satisfy us. Instead I bought a training collar, which gives either positive or negative reinforcement. I will buy boundary marking flags, and just train her to stay inside them. I also ordered a clicker and a book on clicker training. She has the intelligence, we just need to give her the training to become an outstanding dog.

MG72,
Have you considered going at least 30 days AF? It isn't a requirement, but I believe most of us have done that. It is a great way to put your life back into perspective, and learn you can live without alcohol.

Eve, I'm thinking that you are very self-assured on the outside, and then with all that turmoil inside. That makes it harder to get the support you need, because you always sound and look so great to everyone.

My life is great! The weather is quite chilly for this time of year, but it is predicted to warm up a bit next week. Then I will need to get those fall bulbs into the ground, for an even better display in the spring.

nancy
October 14th, 2009, 09:59 PM
Hi all

Just wanted to make sure my comments about being alone as suffering together come straight from Buddhism.

To eve: I can't tell you how much I relate to what you wrote in your last post. I can't tell you how much of my life has been all tied up with worrying about what people think of me only to find out later everything is fine. Meditation can help because you get used to realizing that thoughts do not equal reality. Far from it. Also, you can look at this as a habit. Most of all, you need to learn how to be kind to yourself and forgive yourself and take it easy. Feel guilty about that? Just pass the same forgiving attitude on to everyone else. That's what I try to do. This is really so important for psych/addiction. I am only just starting to be able to do this and to Sunbeam, no it hasn't done the trick yet, though my issues are not really that bad. I am on a very slow road to change but I am very optimistic.

The other thing about taking things personally, this is a cognitive distortion in cognitive behavior therapy. The feeling can be very intense and seem real but it is not real.

Good luck to all of you who like Eve and me, suffer from a lot of negative voices inside that make it hard to bear to be alone.

DeeBee
October 15th, 2009, 09:15 AM
Nancy, I am so grateful to read your post about meditation. When Wip was here this was something she taught me in great depth and I found to be such an important part of my day.
I would never have guessed that I could learn so much about myself just by sitting.
Thank you for your post as it was just what I needed to read today.

I've been having a bit of a heart to heart with myself these last few weeks. Who am I kidding? I'm miserable, I can't stick to my mod goals, I am drinking too much, too often AND I am constantly thinking about drinking. Yesterday was a bad day but I felt confident that I could go the Abs route -- today I have already had the voices telling me that "I'm not that bad" and "It's okay to have a drink tonight, you deserve it"

I spent the day soul searching yesterday and feel like I've come to a fork in the road on my journey. I kNOW which way I should choose but feel myself so resistant to the idea of abstaining forEVER.

I just wanted to put this out there so you guys know where I am and what my train of thought is.

This group is so important to me -- not only in giving me unconditional support but also as my sounding board.

startingover
October 15th, 2009, 09:18 AM
Deebs big hugs. I think I can understand how you are feeling right now. I felt something similar just over a year ago.
Big hugs my friend. You will come through this.

Hi everyone, I love this thread and all the ideas and discussion, even though I dont contribute, I appreciate you all.

KTAB
October 15th, 2009, 09:20 AM
Hello my moddy chums. Well now my Oct AF took a little turn last night when I decided to have two beers with my son before the Ireland soccer game. Now believe it or not I am actually happy enough about this turn of events because it was an example of how I wish my modding to be. I wasnt a spur of the moment decision for I decided the day before. There were no cravings, just thought it might be enjoyable. I had my two drinks and stopped, no desire for more and no continuing to drink when I got home after the game. I will not drink again this month.
I have heard tell recently of 'white knuckling' which as I understand it is when an alcoholic goes AF, maybe for months at a time but is counting the hours till he/she can drink again. I can honestly say this isnt the case for me personally as I see it.
I am interested in your opinions on this white knuckling idea, are there some of us here who are fooling ourselves into thinking that we are successfully modding and racking up those AF days when really all we are doing is bidding our time?

KTAB
October 15th, 2009, 09:24 AM
Sorry Deebee and Starty it took me so long to type out my post I didnt see your two. So I obviously wasnt refering to any part of them. Bit scary though now I read yours Deebee.

DeeBee
October 15th, 2009, 09:31 AM
I am interested in your opinions on this white knuckling idea, are there some of us here who are fooling ourselves into thinking that we are successfully modding and racking up those AF days when really all we are doing is bidding our time?
Isin't THAT the million$ question!!

I've definetly been white-knuckling it this month KTAB.
I think the Bac was helping to a certain extent but my mindset is all wrong.

(thanks Starts:-)

KTAB
October 15th, 2009, 09:52 AM
Sorry to hear you are finding it tough this month DeeBee, you give so much back to others here.
I dont know at times, but I guess we should look at the positives. I know I am in a 100% better place now than where I was six months ago. So is MWO working for me? Absolutely. Am I on totally the right path? I dont know yet but I will find out in due time.
I know many people at MWO believe that modding is impossible once a person reaches a certain place in their relationship with AL. And I tend to agree, for an awful lot of people it really is pie in the sky stuff and abstinence is the only real choice. However I think it is totally different for everyone and depends on so many factors such as our history, personallity and mind set. I dont have a crystal ball and I think we all should listen to our inner voice, it really does know best.

mg72
October 15th, 2009, 12:21 PM
I missed writing yesterday because of full schedule and coming home to stay warm to get over a cold. This is my second week on MWO. I have been averging about 13-15 drinks a week before then. Last week I had 9. This week I had 2 drinks night before last, the other days have been 0. The 2 drinks were not good for me. When I have a cold alcohol makes me feel worse, sleep bad and prolong illness. The night after two drinks I only slept five hours and felt horrible yesterday. Last night was 0 again, slept great and feel much better today.
Sunbeam, you asked if I had considered 30 days alchohol free. I have not been 30 days alcohol free for over 40 years. I agree with KTAB that if we set goal like that are we just bidding time to drink again? I went on backpacking trip in August and had no drinks for a week. The next week had the most drinks I can remember in a week. I do not want to repeat that! At this time I will continue to go day to day and am greatly enjoying my life without drinking.
I read Nancy and Dee Bee's positive comments on meditation. I am a yoga instructor and have teacher training Friday, Saturday and Sunday of this week. I am reading two required books on mediation by Sri Swami Satchidananda. To this point I have not done meditation and will let you know how it goes. My benefits from yoga to now have been to make me stronger, more flexible, relieves muscle tension and releases mental stress.

free bird
October 15th, 2009, 01:07 PM
Hi Everyone,

Dee -- Very sorry to hear you are feeling Ucky....it sounds like you have had an awful lot going on lately. I too find it very difficult to think I will NEVER EVER have another glass of wine or whatever it is. If I try to forbid something from myself, it makes me want it even more and causes obssessive-like behavior until I get excactly what I have forbid myself from (I have found). It sounds like you really want some AF days, so go for it one day at a time. Like KTAB said "listen to you inner voice". It's usually trying to tell you something very important. (I hope I didn't sound to much like Oprah there.!!)

I also think some way or another we are all bidding our time for something; there is always something out there we are nervous about and afraid of. That is why I think living in the present is so very important. We need to relax and give ourselves all a good pat on the back and say "Today I am a lovely, caring person that can be loved and can love".

OhhOhh BABY....

It seems like I am rambling again. I hope you guys understand what I am trying to say. This cyber stuff is hard sometimes.

Good vibes all.

Free

mooderator
October 15th, 2009, 01:20 PM
(((DEEBEE))))) Massive MOO HUGS for you honey. It is true you do give so much back to people here and I want to say something fabulous to help, but I am not sure what. I suppose the only real answer is if you are not comfortable where you are, then maybe something needs to shift a bit/a lot. Only you can come to what that is. We are all here for you in any way we can be. If you want to discuss anything anytime, about modding, life , the universe, PM me please...

I am inclined to agree withe every word you say above KTAB. I would quote you, but I dont know how!!!! Techno-F***wit that I am!! For me this is working at the moment, but as soon as it does not or it feels wrong, I will look at it again.

KTAB...I also found that although I was gonna be AF for october and then made a conscious decision to mod a couple of times instead, that the modding was such a success I was so pleased with that, it matter not a drop that I had failed to be AF for a set time. I am personally a bit past all that now. I basically try to be AF as much as a possibly can, and resist any temptation wherever and whenever I can. But if a couple of drinks sounds nice and will enhance an occasion, so be it.

FREE I also agree with what you say about eliminating something completely, makes me think about it much too much. I recently had much the same happen and wrote about it on "Moos plan"...


LOve to ALL. esp. you DEEBERS. x x

Emmy
October 15th, 2009, 02:59 PM
I agree with ALL OF THE ABOVE ~ I'm doing good (so far ) with my 30 AF promise , I'm also reading Allen Carr's EASYWAY book , But , haha , there is always a BUT, I can not picture the rest of my life , NEVER having another glass of wine , so its ODAT for me , I'm not making any promises , I just want to be in control and I'm so glad I found MWO and all of you ~ thats it , i'm meeting a friend for lunch

Sunbeam
October 15th, 2009, 05:53 PM
Interesting discussion today. So much of what we post is more personal, and less about alcohol.

Deebs, only you know how your life is going. If alcohol is running things, even when your'e not drinking too much, then maybe IT isn't worth it. Like SaraSmiles, I trust you would stop by to say "hello". Whatever your decision, we will all support you 100%. I would miss you dearly, but I want what you want because you are my friend.

KTAB, maybe that "white knuckling" concept is the same as a "dry drunk". Both phrases seem to describe people who want to drink, but aren't currently drinking. One reason I keep alcohol in the picture is that I don't want to be afraid to drink. While I was doing my AF time (around 75 days), I often wondered if when I did drink again, I might quickly fall back into my old habits. I haven't done that, and I feel very good about what I have accomplished in my personal battle against alcohol. But it has taken real work. I am fond of saying I have my life back. Before coming to MWO, I was losing too much time to alcohol, especially when I was drinking instead of getting things done I enjoy doing. Those days are gone. These days, I spend some time here posting, but then I move on to my many other interests.

MG72, those of us who have done significant AF time put that time in so we could learn more about fighting our alcohol abuse. We didn't do it because we "had" to, like when you were hiking. It really is your personal decision. If you would feel forced to put your time in, you wouldn't benefit. I'm just offering experience that has worked well for me and many others.

Moo, you sound great.

FreeBird, good words to live by.

Emmy, I'm glad your 30 days are going well. I also enjoyed and learned from Allan Carr's "Easyway" book.

Eve11
October 16th, 2009, 01:31 AM
Big hugs to DeeBee


KTAB;736518 wrote:
I know many people at MWO believe that modding is impossible once a person reaches a certain place in their relationship with AL. And I tend to agree, for an awful lot of people it really is pie in the sky stuff and abstinence is the only real choice. However I think it is totally different for everyone and depends on so many factors such as our history, personallity and mind set. I dont have a crystal ball and I think we all should listen to our inner voice, it really does know best.
Big hugs DeeBee. I understand your struggle as I've been here seriously since Sept 08 and everytime I have really blown my mod limits I question whether I can truly mod or if it's just better to just go AF one day at a time.

Remember the post I shared about why we modders crave alcohol? Because we keep reintroducing it back into our lives each time we drink the cravings remain - unlike for folks who just let it go and they get to a good point where the cravings subside.

Only you will know what you need to do. I do believe in your inner voice and that you already have the answer. We're here to support you every step of the way whatever you decide.

((hugs)) Eve11

DeeBee
October 16th, 2009, 03:03 AM
"Living in the present is so important"
Thank you for that gentle reminder Free:-) I still have the Eckhart Tolle sessions saved so I think I'll listen to them again for guidance.

Thank you Moo. I don't know what the answer is but I do feel calmer and more focused about not rushing into making a decision (hope that made sense LOL)
It is due to the support from you guys that I feel comfortable enought to post my concerns, my worries and anxiety regarding AL -- it makes the world of difference being able to *speak* honestly amongst friends about how I feel.

(((Sun))) This thread is my "home" so thank you for reminding me that I'll be welcome here no matter which road I choose.

Thank you Eve -- " the more I drink the more I want to drink " is something I need to remind myself on a daily basis.

Congrats on notching up those AF days Em -- you are sounding fantastic.

Right I am off to do a photoshoot believe it or not! I haven't done one in years so it's all a bit nerve-wracking and exciting at the same time and then I'm going to visit my Dad who is back in hospital so I'll catch up with everyone's news a bit later.

I can't thank you guys and gals enough for just being YOU:-)

P.S. and a special hi to our lurker friends -- you know who you are

mooderator
October 16th, 2009, 01:35 PM
JUST HI...

Just popping in to fill my little ZERO in drinktracker to tonight....its been a busy week and I am glad it is friday...the weekend is welcome here. Next wek is set to be another busy one...so I am making the most of my two days off. Tomorrow, I am going out for a long walk in the morning as the weather is set to be nice, then I am making a gooy chocolate cake ready for a gathering of the girls at one of my friends houses....there will be wine and I will be allowing myself some...so the challenge will be to keep it sensible....I will drink lots of water before I go...take extra l-Glut and then not start drinking too quickly when I arrive. I will make sure I eat first and eat well, then allow myself a couple of glasses of wine for all my effort!!!!LOL

I really hope everyone has a pleasant weekend.....and I hope people are feeling happy and content..I am off to do some housey chores now so that I dont have to do them all tomorrow...;-)

Eve11
October 17th, 2009, 12:24 PM
mooderator;737356 wrote: ...there will be wine and I will be allowing myself some...so the challenge will be to keep it sensible....I will drink lots of water before I go...take extra l-Glut and then not start drinking too quickly when I arrive. I will make sure I eat first and eat well, then allow myself a couple of glasses of wine for all my effort!!!!
Moo,

Well said. This is exactly what moderators must do to be successful. They must always have a plan and should pre-plan how they're drinking will go. They should visualize the event beforehand. See themselves drinking slowly. Setting the glass down. Talking and socializing in between sips. Having a seltzer or non-al in between drinks. And if they take supps take them before the event.

I find what limits the cravings for more is sugar (AL is a sugar after all too!) so if I have something sweet (not great for the diet though) it will help take the craving away. A good diet friendly choice is a flavored water (no-cal) that we can get in the states when I'm "through with my two or done with my one"

My modding has been going as planned since my post about being discouraged the first week of this month so am pleased about that. Wishing everyone else success in whatever way out is working for them. Hi to all my old friends, our newbies and our lurkers who just aren't ready to come on board yet. I challenge you to send us a post. We always love to welcome new mod squaders.

Hugs,
Eve11:l

mooderator
October 18th, 2009, 08:45 AM
Hi Eve and everyone

Yes, a plan is essential...it is when I dont have one, things may go wrong. I folllowed my plan to the letter last night and had a successful mod night. I had 2-2.5 glasses of wine, one of them was topped up, but not by very much, so I have cheated a little and put 2 in DT! But I am so pleased with my results at the moment generally in terms of what I do drink when I drink And indeed that mostly I dont drink and dont mind.

I am a little dissapointed because, I feel a little under the weather today. I dont mean fully blown hangover by ANY means, just a little bit of a headache and a bit tired and listless. It could be just that I feel this way today, but I cant help but associate it with AL. It's not really that I feel that bad, it is just that on that amount of AL I would not expect to feel anything much at all....I drank a little more last weekend and was fine. Its weird, but I still find it therefore leaves me feeling JUST A LITTLE dissapointed, with myself, even though in modding terms things have NEVER been better. It could just be a mood I have today and a feeling I have today, but not sure.


I suspect that it might be the sulphers in wine that mainly disagee with me and that the less one drinks, the harder the body takes it???

In any event, I am on for an AF weekend next weekend, just because I need to challenge myself to that again and because I have a lot to do chores wise next weekend and dont want to feel under the weather at all. So I will do a run of 13 days AF and then consider what is next thereafter....

Sorry to waffle.....I hope everyone else has had a good weekend and things are going well on the modding front..

Moo

Sunbeam
October 18th, 2009, 08:53 AM
Moo,
You aren't waffling at all, just posting the results of your most recent plan, your feelings about it, what your next step will be. Perfectly organized, like a lawyer or something!

mooderator
October 18th, 2009, 07:31 PM
Thanks SUNBEAM that really made me smile...x

mooderator
October 19th, 2009, 06:12 AM
Me Again!

Just popping in to say good morning modders and have a great week. I personally am AF now until 30th October at least. What is everyone elses current plan??

Love to all modders, lurkers and newbies...Moo

mg72
October 19th, 2009, 09:08 AM
newbie reporting in

Good morning friends,
I completed my second week on MWO and am pleased with my behavior. Before MWO I was averaging 13-15 drinks a week, week one on MWO I had 9 drinks and week two I had 3 drinks. A true success was on Saturday night. I came home tired and worn out from long day of teacher trainings. I decided to have a gin and tonic, got the buzz and wanted a second. I took your advice to have a glass of water in between drinks and never had the second one. The urge decreased while I sipped the water. That is a win for me as I cannot remember stopping at one before Saturday night. This week will be more challenging. We had dinner party last night and Thursday I have out of town friend coming in for a week. He enjoys drinking so I need to have my plan to stay moderate. Any suggestions from any or all of you?

Sunbeam,
I want to do 30 days AL free. After my friend leaves town I will start mine. I like your suggestion that it will allow to see where I am and what my life without AL will be. So far I love waking up fresh, clear headed, and motivated with stable emotions. My date to start looks like the 27th of this month.

DeeBee
October 19th, 2009, 10:01 AM
Hiya friends,
Forgive me for not reading before posting but I'm short for time today but wanted to check in and say hi.
Today is DH's birthday so it's pretty busy with friends and family as well as meeting work commitments.... I'll post more tomorrow.

Sunbeam
October 19th, 2009, 04:46 PM
Hi Everybody,
Deebs, I heard your voice across the big pond!

MG72, I'm glad to see your post. I promise that your 30 days AF will be a learning experience. My suggestion was in response to your comment on how great you felt on those AF days, so now you sound even more ready to go down that road. I hope that you keep posting on this thread, because moderation is your goal, but you may want to consider also posting with a monthly AF group. A new group forms each month, at the beginning of the month, under General Discussion, usually with a clever name. This month Octsober is the monthly group. I had probably gone close to 35 years since experiencing a month AF. Wow, you got down to just 3 glasses over last week! That is a real victory. It is good to plan ahead for a start date.

Moo, I am planning next weekend to be AF, and maybe well beyond that, maybe until Thanksgiving. My plan is to have something to drink only if we decide to eat out, which we don't do all that often. At this point I have thinking about drinking narrowed down to just Saturday evening, and I want to kill the notion in my brain that having a drink is a given on a Saturday. My brain rarely thinks about drinking on a Friday or Sunday, and I want the same to become true on Saturday. Pledging to go for an extended AF time would not do that for me, though I may end up doing extended AF time on a week-by-week basis. If I didn't want to keep my options open, I wouldn't be hanging out with this group.

Saint Jude
October 20th, 2009, 02:05 AM
Hi Everybody...
I'm sorry I've been MIA for while,... busy summer & a lot going on.
It's so crazy here, it goes from fast pace "hit the ground runnin' tourist season, to "dead of winter" overnight...

I've been on an emotional rollercoaster latley. Just found out my Dad has Parkinsons. It's the type that doesn't respond to medication. We've known something was going on for a while, ... just haven't been sure what.
I still think there's more involved...
He's had a few TIA's (mini strokes) they're hard to detect.

In any case, I apologize for not being more available recently..
I know everybody has issues.

"Thanks God for our friends, for without them life would be all ends..."
Love you ALL
:lJudie

Minnie
October 20th, 2009, 04:32 AM
Hi Judie

Sorry to hear about your dad. My mum has Parkinson's and has had several TIA's too. Feel free to PM me if you want to talk

Sunbeam
October 20th, 2009, 05:16 AM
Judie,
My MIL has Parkinson's. She did very well on meds for several years. Now, the disease is taking its toll. Dementia is often part of the symptoms, and can be difficult to distinguish from those mini-strokes.

DeeBee
October 20th, 2009, 06:27 AM
Hi Judie, it's good to hear from you -- love the avatar:)
I'm sorry to hear about your Dad, I don't know much about Parkinson's but I do know how worrying and emotionally draining it is to have Dad with poor health. Hang in there, I'm thinking of you!

mooderator
October 20th, 2009, 01:15 PM
((JUDIE)))

Just sending love and support. I too know very little about the illness, but can only imagine how hard it must be. We are all here for you if you need anything....love Moo

mg72
October 21st, 2009, 09:58 AM
Judie,
I am sorry to learn of your father's disease.

Sunbeam,
I am taking your advice and will begin 30 days AL free starting today. I will get on montly abstinece thread. I will also order books "easyway" and "dry" as suggested by group. I am also going to get on newbies nest thread.

Good health and happiness to all

DeeBee
October 21st, 2009, 11:18 AM
Hiya fellow modders:)

I woke up to the most glorius sunny day only for it to become overcast again this afternoon -- oh well.
My Mum has been nagging to take all of us to Ushaka Marine World this weekend. This involves lots of scary rides landing into small pools of water whilst recieving a wedgie -- The one ride is called "torpedo" OMG can you just imagine! I feel too old for this sort of thing but can't bring myself to say no.

Other than that, nothing too exciting to report from my little world -- I have accomplished alot at work this week and the orders are starting to finally roll in.

MG, that's fantastic news -- going without AL for 30 days will be a wonderful growth period for you. Keep us posted and remember we are rooting for you.

Happy Hump Day all.

Emmy
October 21st, 2009, 02:12 PM
Judie , So sorry to hear about your Dads illness , you and your family are in my prayers .

Sunbeam
October 21st, 2009, 07:05 PM
Hi Everybody,
MG72, I am so happy for you that you are moving forward with a strong plan. Alcohol and denial feed each other, and for many it takes awhile to come to grips with reality. Your determination will produce the success of your choice.

Deebs, you had a different avatar yesterday, though the beloved ostrich is back today. Was that you? I hope you had fun at that marine park. Sounds like your weather is warming up. Ours of course is cooling off.

I had snow last week on my car windshield. This week is warmer - for the short term. I got the rest of my spring bulbs into the ground this afternoon. Now the end-of-season clean-up can begin in earnest. The ground will probably not freeze until about December 1, so I will still be able to dig in the dirt for awhile.

Take care, all.

Sarasmiles
October 21st, 2009, 08:01 PM
Hi Mod Squad,
St. Jude, I was so glad to see your name...I've missed you. I'm sorry about your dad.

I have been falling into a bit of a hole...first came the depression, and then the slip into using alcohol again. It started when my mom visited 1 and 1/2 weeks ago. I told her before she came that I was not drinking, and she supported that and was fine with not drinking herself while she was here. Then she came, and my tension began to mount, as she eyed my beloved, free-spirited kids and my husband with her critical eye... Anyway, I bought us a bottle of white wine, which we shared. That seemed okay. Pretty moderate to share one bottle. But the next day I had a couple of glasses, and have had several nights of drinking 3 glasses since then. Tonight I had four. It's the same old story. I have that important "off switch". I won't go nuts and drink more than 3 or 4 glasses. But I'm definitely back to drinking in response to tension and anxiety.

I don't know what to do. I'm starting to think I just can't do abstinence. But I'm confused.

The kids are all over me. Must sign off.
Sara

Sunbeam
October 21st, 2009, 08:34 PM
Oh, Sara, this isn't what you wanted. We understand completely, but your posts were SO different when you were AF. That seemed like the right thing for you to do for yourself. I haven't any ideas other than the old ones: start posting with an AF group, get up on the horse again. All AF days count toward your own success, so don't stop counting now. You have all of our love and caring.

free bird
October 22nd, 2009, 08:02 AM
I wanted to pop in to say hi!

Sara, I can totally relate to your post and I hope I can add encouragement. Keep up the good work and know that you have overcome some things. It takes so much time. In my case, may be a life time. I feel like we are in the same boat. I have had significant af time, but not really reaching my goals. Lately, I too, have been having wine to relieve my tension and I know that's why I do it; yet I DO IT. Why??? I also hit the "off switch" at 3. I am not pleased with that either and keep trying to get back on the horse. I TOO have three kids at various ages and I care soooo much about them, that I think about myself last.....Keep your chin up.....it's hard work - trying to make everyone else happy....

Everyone else here - I love this thread and I think the dialogue and compassion is amazing.

Free

Sarasmiles
October 22nd, 2009, 08:12 AM
Thank you Free Bird and Sunbeam. I'm off to get the kids to school but wanted to say good morning...Have a great day everyone. I'll check in later.
Sara

DeeBee
October 22nd, 2009, 08:34 AM
:confused:Yip, that was me Sun:)
There was a thread about showing our faces so I felt brave enough to post a picture of me instead of my alter-ego LOL. It started to freak me out seeing my face all over the board so decided to change back again.

((((Sara)))) I know exactly how you are feeling!!
I have no words of wisdom other than keep posting, don't retreat from the group and the support here just because you are drinking (hmmm, should possibly take my own advice).

Is your Mum still with you or has she left?

Free, ditto to you!!

I know that's why I do it; yet I DO IT. Why???For me, I think, it's so that I don't have to deal or acknowledge my feelings. Mario posted a thread about accepting our feelings which really resonated with me http://www.mywayout.org/community/f40/accepting-our-feelings-37928.html

Well, today is my birthday and I don't know what's wrong with me but I've been having these little moments of sadness?!?? A little cry in the car just now because DH asked if I wanted to go out for dinner, which I said no WTF left me sobbing behind the wheel. I am really a mixed bag of feelings today so should definitely stay away from AL.

Thinking back to this time 2 years ago and I've come along way. My DH was away for 2 weeks overseas in the East on a business trip so I spent my birthday trashed!! Couldn't even answer the phone in case he could tell.:upset:

I am grateful that it was my "rock bottom" moment.

I hope everyone else is strong and having a great Thursday -- Hi Judie, Moo, Emmy, KTAB, Vladster (if you're lurking), Eve, MG and anyone I've forgotten.

Which reminds me has anyone heard from Delta, J-Vo or Lila lately??

mg72
October 22nd, 2009, 09:18 AM
off to a good start/long journey ahead

Thank you Sunbeam and Deebee for your good wishes on my 30 day AL journey. Days 1 and 2 are behind me. I will have dinner tomorrow night with my wife, sister and brother in law. My brother in law drinks heavily so it will be my first test to not drink. I plan on ordering tonic water and lime. Saturday we have our granddaughter's birthday party. My son said he will have a cooler of beer to watch football game that night. I plan on having a diet coke. I need to stay AL free both nights and enjoy the ride being alert and social.

I hope everyone has a great day.

DeeBee
October 22nd, 2009, 09:38 AM
Good luck MG. Although saying that, it's never about "luck" but more about planning, planning and planning.
You have got a good plan there -- you'll be great:)

DeeBee
October 23rd, 2009, 08:00 AM
HEY!!
Where is everyone??

Today is the most glorius weather. I've finished work for the day and about to put on my purple-weed-eating-frock and head out into the garden to see what's been going on. I haven't spent much time outdoors lately because it seems to be always raining so I'll probably be in for a big surprise in the veg garden.

Tomorrow we are going down to spend the night with my parents and whilst the boys have a round of golf us girls are going to do something special (haven't decided what yet) and then it's braai time.

TGIF peeps:)

mg72
October 23rd, 2009, 09:50 AM
Dee Bee,
I agree with having a plan to go 30 days AL free. Two days down and 28 to go. I feel great this morning after sleeping well last night. Enjoy the good weather and I hope everyone has a good weekend.

Sunbeam
October 23rd, 2009, 04:26 PM
Hi Everybody,
MG72, I was momentarily confused when I saw your post with the same avatar I'm using, then I figured it out. I hope the sunflower also matches your spirit, it has served me well.

Deebs, maybe we should start shipping each other produce. I still do have cabbage and swiss chard to harvest, but the garden season is definitely winding down.

A friend and I are off to a performance tonight, and I will see a different show tomorrow with hubby. So it will be an entertaining weekend.

DeeBee
October 24th, 2009, 01:03 AM
WhooHoo, congrats MG!!
Stay strong this weekend, keep busy and have a plan ready:)

DeeBee
October 24th, 2009, 01:09 AM
Morning Sun and all to come,

Well, the veg patch was looking rather worse for wear -- too much rain and too little attention has got the borage growing into the tomatoes, the asparagus growing vertically instead of horizonatlly (what a sight) but the fruit trees, clemintine and naartjies are both bearing fruit YAY.
The garden at front of the house is still a big mess, with building rubble and junk all over the place. I'm hoping that the chap who comes to give me a quote on Monday is reasonable so I can get rid of it.

My brother has offered to come and spend a week or so with us to help DH finish up the million little jobs around the house. The deck is only a third built, the cupboards need handles, the skirting needs to be done throughout, the patio must get re-painted as I don't like the original colour I chose and then the biggie is to gut and re-tile the guest bathroom, passage and kitchen. This my brother has assured me is "easy".
Hopefully all of this will be done in time for Xmas when I intend to invite both the families here for Xmas lunch.

Have a great weekend peeps:)

mg72
October 24th, 2009, 08:24 AM
Sunbeam,
I did not notice that you used sunflower avatar. It is state flower of Kansas and that is why I chose it. I changed to one that reminds me of when I was a serious runner and now for my yoga practice. It really fits my personality better.
Dee Bee,
Last night went well. We went out to eat, my brother-in-law drank but I did not. It was an important step for me to get over.
Enjoy the weekend.

Sunbeam
October 25th, 2009, 07:04 PM
Well, another lovely AF Sunday afternoon. This used to be my binge time, so I am SOO grateful to just do things I enjoy. I posted a picture of my new doggy in the gallery a few days ago. The camera doesn't do her justice. This weekend I taught her to run alongside me on my bike. We only do this on a wide walking path near our house, it wouldn't be safe in traffic. It allows her to get a good run.

I enjoyed wine with a friend Friday evening, a pleasant experience for which I am also grateful. I filled in the rest of the month with 0's.

mooderator
October 26th, 2009, 05:01 PM
Hello ALL

What a lovely post Sunbeam. You sound really contented, both with your AL life and your life in general. Its a treat to hear this and I must say it resonates with where I am at the moment.

I had and AF weekend and gave it not a secind thought. I had 3 beers with my hubby while out for dinner on friday. It was lovely to drink them slowly over the night and stop happily. The Mod life is the Good life.....


So pleased you love your doggy too x

Emmy
October 26th, 2009, 10:31 PM
Moo , you'll have to share some MOD tips with me , should I decide to try to MOD , the votes are still out :confused: :l Em

Eve11
October 27th, 2009, 03:12 AM
Hi my dear friends,
I had a real struggle this last Sat. The vampire rose out of the ashes and after I'd had my planned two I decided I needed a third and then another when I got home. I am not sure how many I even drank but all mod sensibilities went out the window.

I have shared that if this happened again I would really need to consider going AF as I am so fearful of the total lack of control that happens to me sporadically and unpredictably. DH kept saying "you've been doing so well" ... it was very sad really.

I questioned whether I should be honest with my friends and post this. I decided it was worth doing if it helps just one other person really understand that moderating is very difficult. We all want to believe it can work for ourselves but for me personally the times I absolutely can't control it are frightening. Of course the changes I've made are no drinking and driving and being in a situation where I'm not in front of the kids with this disheartening behavior but still it becomes the old A.A. saying "I got sick and tired of being sick and tired". We'll see. I was doing so well as DH said, but then the vampire struck. Speaking of vampires, I'll be one for Halloween...it fits.

I'll be ok dear friends. For those of you struggling with me, I'm glad we're here for each other.
Eve11

Sunbeam
October 27th, 2009, 06:28 AM
Eve,
I think the pattern is clear, though there may be exceptions: those who mod go over their limits pretty regularly. My binge-drinking background continues to show it's head: when I do drink, I rarely stop at one or two, it is three or four (more than I would prefer). Used to be way more than that. So it is a choice we make each time we drink: will this be the time we lose control?

The thread posted over the weekend (Does modding work, really, over time?)was interesting: we all seem to agree that modding hasn't occurred in anyone we know, effortlessly as described with "Brenda and RJ" in the MWO book. Are there others here who doubt that is a true story?

KTAB
October 27th, 2009, 06:28 AM
Hi Eve sorry to hear you are struggling but you did the right thing by coming here and being honest. The day we stop doing that is the end of any hope of controling this in my opinion.
Eve what happened was saturday, I didnt hear you say you drank on sunday or monday or that you intent to today either. I wonder at times if we as moders are allowed the odd slip just as when we tried to go AF because I am not sure that if we do have one that the outcome is as bleak as we some times imagine.
But the bottom line is only we personally can truly know whether we have crossed the line and are about to slip down that long dark slope again and I think we should act accordingly. If that is the case then there is no option but to quit immediately, if not then maybe commit to some more AF time under your belt and reconsider where to go next.

mg72
October 27th, 2009, 09:20 AM
to mod or not to mod

I just made it through day 7 AL free. As I have mentioned before I have been a drinker for 42 years. I tried to stop three years ago and was not successful. I kept a diary and reading it the other day I saw where I tried to moderate. It was a gradual return to where I was and eventually a worse place. I have decided that I have to chose one life style or another, either drink too much or none. The best book I have read on Al addiction and solutions is "Beyond the influence" by Katherine Ketcham and Willaim Asbury. The chapter tilted "The addicted brain" really impacted my opinion about my options. I believe that if we continue to drink even moderately the beast(Al addiction of the brain) stays alive and haunts us.

With that said my first week AL free has been rewarding and difficult. Several times I had strong urges to drink always in situations where I drank before. I did not give in and have enjoyed a wonderful week except for some unpleasant minutes on some days. I know time is on my side. Every time I do not give in to urges I get a little stronger and the beast gets weaker. I know I am in for a battle. I get up every day looking forward to reading your posts and appreciate the support.

mooderator
October 27th, 2009, 09:21 AM
just wanted to say that I second everything you say KTAB. I have never been in a place where I would drink a second day or a third day or even during the day ever...so it is not a place I fear in the same way as some would...and to be honest had I ever been there I would not personally be seeking to moderate. For me it is possible because I was a small time binger in the sense that it was only ever one evening a week, the quantites were too much for sure, but not to the point of no return. I have managed to sort the amounts out and i dont panic too much if I drink 3 0r 4 here or there at an occasion. If it was 8/9 then I would be very concerned. It is a personal cut off point. Everything that was said above is very true ....

love Moo

DeeBee
October 27th, 2009, 09:57 AM
Eve, I too am glad that we have one another to lean on.
And yes, to anyone out there wondering if the mod route is the easy route -- it certainly isint. BUT, and this is a very big BUT, I do still believe it is possible (for some) to drink moderately.... whether I can or can't I just don't know yet.

MG, congrats on a whole week AF!!

Just a quick fly-by as I'm off to a function at the daughters school (sober:)) but I wanted to jump in and add my support to our wonderful Eve.

workinprogress
October 28th, 2009, 02:03 PM
I want to believe...

that it's possible to learn to moderate...everyone is different I guess. I wonder if RJ has seen this post? Maybe she can enlighten...


Sunbeam;745523 wrote: Eve,
I think the pattern is clear, though there may be exceptions: those who mod go over their limits pretty regularly. My binge-drinking background continues to show it's head: when I do drink, I rarely stop at one or two, it is three or four (more than I would prefer). Used to be way more than that. So it is a choice we make each time we drink: will this be the time we lose control?

The thread posted over the weekend (Does modding work, really, over time?)was interesting: we all seem to agree that modding hasn't occurred in anyone we know, effortlessly as described with "Brenda and RJ" in the MWO book. Are there others here who doubt that is a true story?

workinprogress
October 28th, 2009, 02:41 PM
Sunbeam, I wanted to say congratulations on drinking less than you used to, even if it's more than you would prefer. RJ made it seem so easy in her book, but many peoples' experience seems to be otherwise. I'm still searching...

Sunbeam
October 28th, 2009, 04:26 PM
WIP2,
We welcome your posts here! I hope you don't mind I added a 2 to your name, in honor of the person who previously used that name. She is a counselor for people with alcohol and other problems. I learned so much from her.

Thanks for your recognition. I do feel the alcohol is well under control for me. I just will never be the same as a "normal" person who drinks. I feel even better since I decided to further limit my occasions usually to twice monthly. I will achieve that in October. Since I now am AF on weekends half of the time, it is less of a challenge to keep those weekends AF.

MG72, Glad to hear you are doing so well. The first week is certainly the hardest for most, I believe. The beast is a great analogy many of us have used. I may pick up that book you mentioned. I've only read the MWO book and The Easy Way to Quit Drinking by Allan Carr. Even though I don't believe the Brenda and RJ story of magically drinking moderately, the book did give me hope. The forums here have been instrumental in my gaining control over alcohol. I never kept a journal, but there were a few times previous to my joining here when I had vowed to quit. It took the support here to enable my success. You too will find good support here, whatever route you choose.

Deebs, you sound recently like you are just too busy to make any long-term decision about alcohol.

Moo, you sound good too. Living life on your own terms. That's what we all want to do!

Take care, all.

Eve11
October 29th, 2009, 01:08 AM
Sunbeam;746435 wrote: WIP2,
We welcome your posts here! I hope you don't mind I added a 2 to your name, in honor of the person who previously used that name.

I do feel the alcohol is well under control for me. I just will never be the same as a "normal" person who drinks.

Sunbeam,

Thanks for adding to 2 to our new WIP.

WIP2, the orig WIP was named A Work in Progress thus the board allowed you to use Work in Progress for your name as it wasn't an identical name. We know you'll have a lot to offer as well and look forward to getting to know you too but we wouldn't want to confuse the alcohol counselor WIP with you so I like the 2 and am hoping you do!

Sunbeam,
How I agree with how we'll never be able to drink as a "normal" person. I don't think anyone who comes here can.

I do believe there is a difference between a hard core alcoholic who can't get through a day without drinking and the problem drinkers we see on the mod board. Some folks will never be able to moderate but I do believe a few can. They just have to be aware that just as an AF'er can relapse and drink again, they can relapse and drink too much and not meet their mod goals. It is only when they relapse too much that they should then reconsider whether moderating truly fits into their plans or whether they need to go AF.

I certainly have seen some great harm reduction in my life since I've been seriously moderating since 9/2/8 but have had a couple of times where I really lost control of modding although there was still harm reduction with that as I am now so much more aware to not drive when drinking and not drink like that in front of my kids. I have been AF this whole week and don't even have the usual inclination of looking forward to the week-end when I allow myself one or two. I just love how I feel when I wake up AF from the day before. I know we relish in the belief sometimes that the "mod life is the good life" but the AF life isn't so bad either!

Hugs to all,
Eve11

DeeBee
October 29th, 2009, 10:46 AM
I didn't post yesterday because I got totally sidetracked in the gallery looking at all the latest photos LOL. Your new pup looks lovely Sun. Is she fully potty trained now?


Deebs, you sound recently like you are just too busy to make any long-term decision about alcohol.Life is crazy at the moment. My MIL has been in hospital this last week having all sorts of tests conducted. She is such a wonderful MIL and a rock in my life but unfortunately she lives in the middle of no-where and hours and hours away from any of us so hasn't had any support or visits from us kids. My FIL also had his turn in hospital this week and it's his liver! I don't have the right words to express to you just how upsetting it is to the family because he is the most stubborn man I've ever met!! He refuses to listen or take advice and has reacted very negatively to the news.
I have asked them both to please come and spend a weekend with us as soon as they feel up to it which I know they are looking forward to.

Work is also hectic (YAY!!) and I'll be travelling next week so there's lots to prepare for that.

So to answer your question Sun, No, I haven't made a long term decision I'm just taking it ODAT at the moment. My drinking is "under control" and by no means am I a poster child for modding.

On a lighter note, we've been invited to a Halloween party on Saturday which is something different as Halloween is not celebrated in this country, well, not to the same extent as it is in the States. So, I have to take a plate of eats with a halloween theme -- any suggestions??

workinprogress
October 29th, 2009, 11:29 AM
It's me, WIP2

Eve11,

Thanks for your insights. I was thinking of changing my name altogether to Agapanthus but it seems like people are starting to think of me as workinprogress2, so maybe that should be the new one. :) I think I have to re-register but am not quite sure - I'll figure it out.

I don't expect to be like a "normal" person, either...I think having that in mind is what's starting to help me have a little control. I think it was the thought of "Oh, I'll just not worry about it, like a normal person," that would get me into trouble (among other things).

Tuesday I brought my little daughter to a halloween party at our local pizza place - Tuesdays are their family night where it's an all you can eat pizza and salad buffet and kids under 3 are free, and for Halloween they added some games, etc., so you can imagine it was a bit crazy and crowded. Another thing that could have caused stress was, it was a last minute decision and I had to get her in costume, etc., but it was fine. She is so great. Also, had I been drinking all afternoon, I wouldn't have done it, or, worse, gone ahead and gone, after drinking! Sigh....the things that I used to do....At any rate, I feel overwhelmed in crowds anyway, and my first impulse was to get a beer, but I got through it with a soda and felt so good about it. It was day 1 (again!) and I felt like, come on, can't you get through one day? Then, yesterday I allowed myself 2 beers, and then had a thought about some red wine that is left over and probably not good anymore, but maybe I could make a mulled wine out of it....and thought, no, that's not moderate drinking, no more than 2 on weeknights (since I am a woman, and petite, preferably 1 or none!) And trying to recycle old wine...also not really like a "normal" person would think. The thought returned a few times and I kept saying no. Hopefully I can keep control like that.

I think after overdoing it again the other night I realized I really have to make more of an effort. (Gee, do ya think?!?) I mapped out the next 30 days on a chart, and keep repeating to myself, if I can't moderate, I have to quit entirely. No more days off! This is the month when I find out if I can do it. I know it's better to have an AF period first, but I know I can do that, because I have, so in a way I want to go right to the hard part. Sounds a bit strange, and I know my every other day thing is probably not recommended, but breaking it up helps, and after Tuesday night when I didn't have any and felt so much better, I had thoughts of, then why do it at all? But having the option of being able to have 1 or 2 kind of keeps me from saying, "oh, what the hell..." and letting the rebel out of her cage. So far, anyway. We'll see. And on my mod days, it's not like, Whoo-hoo, I can drink! it's that the option is there and ideally, I wouldn't at all. And yes, it is such a relief to wake up after not drinking. Waking up after two was pretty good, glad that I stopped, but I would have felt better about myself if I had not had any, I guess, partly because I was thinking "even though I'm allowing a little today, I really don't feel like it" (and I usually would start to feel like it around noon, and this was about 5:30) but then I started to get stressed out when my daughter started whining and that was the trigger. I didn't go overboard, but drinking in response to stress is a bad habit. What's the saying..."drinking when you feel bad is bad drinking!" So I'm being much more mindful and aware, which is key, I think.

Sorry, I'm rambling!

Take care, all
:)


Eve11;746612 wrote: Sunbeam,

Thanks for adding to 2 to our new WIP.

WIP2, the orig WIP was named A Work in Progress thus the board allowed you to use Work in Progress for your name as it wasn't an identical name. We know you'll have a lot to offer as well and look forward to getting to know you too but we wouldn't want to confuse the alcohol counselor WIP with you so I like the 2 and am hoping you do!

Sunbeam,
How I agree with how we'll never be able to drink as a "normal" person. I don't think anyone who comes here can.

I do believe there is a difference between a hard core alcoholic who can't get through a day without drinking and the problem drinkers we see on the mod board. Some folks will never be able to moderate but I do believe a few can. They just have to be aware that just as an AF'er can relapse and drink again, they can relapse and drink too much and not meet their mod goals. It is only when they relapse too much that they should then reconsider whether moderating truly fits into their plans or whether they need to go AF.

I certainly have seen some great harm reduction in my life since I've been seriously moderating since 9/2/8 but have had a couple of times where I really lost control of modding although there was still harm reduction with that as I am now so much more aware to not drive when drinking and not drink like that in front of my kids. I have been AF this whole week and don't even have the usual inclination of looking forward to the week-end when I allow myself one or two. I just love how I feel when I wake up AF from the day before. I know we relish in the belief sometimes that the "mod life is the good life" but the AF life isn't so bad either!

Hugs to all,
Eve11

Eve11
October 29th, 2009, 12:57 PM
WIP2,

To further complicate things I just noticed we have a work in progress as well as you being workinprogress. You're not the only one with a similar name...we have startingover and starting over.
I correspond with one of them here and there but honestly forget which one is which at the moment.

So, just my meanderings but maybe a unique name like you suggested would be easier to differentiate you...or WIP2?

Anyway, thanks for sharing. Keep coming here. We can all relate!!
Hugs,

mg72
October 29th, 2009, 01:41 PM
Deebee and Sunbeam, Once again thank you for your kind words and support. I am now nine days Al free. Yesterday was kind of a hard day. I kept thinking of social occasions and wondered if I could keep my friends and enjoy myself if I don't drink. I did not drink and today is much better. I don't see any problems with me wanting to drink in near future.

Sunbeam,
The book "beyond the influence" described very well how alcohol reacts in our systems but did not give how to stop without going through some type of program. "How to stop drinking" was common sense approach to quit by yourself. I value both books and recommend both be read.

WIPII and EVE11,
I joined the moderater thread a month ago because my goal was to cut down again. Sunbeam recommended I try 30 days Al free and I agreed with her. I then read "how to stop drinking" by Alan Carr. I am now commited to move forward being a non drinker. These last nine days have been very positive with only negative of fighting urges at times. Everything I have read on the subject and on MWO says that over time urges(the beast) decrease as long as we don't keep it alive with Al. That is direction I have chosen. I also now post on drink tracker. It am very proud of the nine daily zeros in a row I have posted. More to come!

workinprogress2
October 29th, 2009, 02:36 PM
changing again :)

Hi,

Yes, I agree - I don't want to complicate things even further :)

Hopefully there's not already an agapanthus.
:l

workinprogress2
October 29th, 2009, 02:38 PM
oops

Sorry, I think I replied to the wrong thread.

Anyway, congratulations on your nine days!

Best,

me

mooderator
October 29th, 2009, 08:05 PM
Quick Hi to everyone....

Eve its really good to see you back posting lots again.

WIP (WIP2) I am watching your name change with interest and whichever name you have its great to see you posting on the squad.

DEEBS - I am sorry to hear you have more stresses with family illness, you sure have had a hell of a lot of stuff to cope with of late. Make sure you dont forget to take care of YOU x

I havent been posting masses lately. Not too much to say really. Life is just life at present. Just the usual life like dramas, but no major problems. All is pretty good. I am just in a really good place with the modding at the moment. Its great. But, I take it as always ODAT. Its all any of as can do.

DeeBee
October 30th, 2009, 11:02 AM
OMG! I've just realised that tomorrow is the end of Oct... where did the month go??!!

Congrats on your Af-ness MG!! You have nearly achieved double figures:)

I don't have too much to report from my side. A quiet night planned with hubby and brother. Some month end shopping planned for tomorrow. A Halloween party in the evening for which I'm not prepared and then Sunday is family time.

Wishing everyone a great month end weekend.

Emmy
October 30th, 2009, 02:38 PM
Hey Dee & Moo.... I'm glad OctSober is OVER ... I'm gearing up for NOvember ..

Hope you have a safe , fun Halloween weekend ! :l Em

Eve11
October 30th, 2009, 03:54 PM
Emmy;747525 wrote: OctSober... NOvember ..
Love it!!!

Eve11

Sarasmiles
October 31st, 2009, 07:38 AM
Hey Mod Squad,
I've been out of touch for a little while...just trying to get caught up. It looks like there's been lots of good support here at the squad for those who are struggling...Count me in (as supported and struggler both!)

I began to really doubt my plan of abstinence after a visit from my Mom 3 weeks ago. We comfortably shared a bottle of wine, and I felt it was normal and cheery. Of course that opened the door, and I have had several nights of drinking wine (usually 3 glasses) since then. The worst thing is that the preoccupation is back..."can I? will I? when?" Yesterday it came into my head as early as 3:00. I filled the afternoon with activities with the boys...Baking Halloween cookies, playing touch football and wiffle ball in the back yard, and then, as the sun went down, making a campfire in our fire pit. I was trying to be a good mom. I was a good mom. But in the back of my mind, the whole time, was "5:00...I'll have a glass of wine at 5:00". Then of course the fire was the perfect setting. Hubby was home early, so I didn't have to drink alone...He had a Manhattan and I had a glass of white wine. Then another, and another, and a fourth. Woke up at about 2 am, dry mouth and guilty conscience. Full of anxiety, and once again having to think, "maybe I can't drink moderately.

Tonight we have two Halloween parties to go to before trick or treating. I would so like to be able to have two glasses of wine. But what if the vampire emerges? I'll hate myself if I get buzzed when out with the kids. I have to work all day, and don't want to spend the day thinking about this. Ugh.

Okay...just joined by hubby, 3 kids and a dog. No time to work all this out. I'll check in later. Best to all. Sara

Sunbeam
October 31st, 2009, 07:52 AM
Sara! I've been wondering how you are doing. We are here to support you. You already know my perception, which is only my perception.

KTAB
October 31st, 2009, 07:57 AM
Hi Sara, nice to see you here and hello to all my fellow moders, I havent checked in for a while either.
Sara I think for me personally that it is the frequency that could be a possible down fall so I decided not to take a drink for two consecutive days no matter what the occasion. This leaves me with having to decide on one day or the other but I think that is helpful in keeping focused. I was a 7 day a week drinker and I think it is important to see triggers and patterns long before they become so again. BTW I love your tag line, it is so true but in my case I am a dad obviously.
Well today is 31st and I am very happy with my progress last month. I was AF for 30 of those days with a planned 2 drinks on the 14th. Plan now is to mod for 2 weeks and then reassess. I think reassessment will be a constant feature if I continue on the mod route.
Happy halloween guys.

mooderator
October 31st, 2009, 10:24 AM
Happy Halloween Modders....

....tonight is saturday night, it is halloween, I am meeting up with friends....and I AM AF, I am driving. .....quite happy with this situation. I like to get lots of AF saturdays/weekends in. The more the merrier!!! So to speak.

Here;s to a new thread tomorrow.....

love to all Moo

Eve11
October 31st, 2009, 11:13 AM
Sweet Sara,

Yes, when one opens the door to drinking they never know if it's the vampire who's going to come in and that's what makes moderating scary. Can we control it tonight...or will the vampire take hold and control us?

After my last battle with the vampire winning I did some real soul searching. Startingover (bless her) shared this U.K. documentary with the MWO folks (think it's on the General Discussion Board) and I watched it and it made such a difference in me. It really shows you what we have to lose if we over do it. Healthwise it's just so hard on our bodies when we don't allow our bodies to process only 1 drink per hour and for the folks in this documentary who are chronic and very heavy drinkers it really shows the price they pay.

If you only watch the 1st part of the documentary it may change your life. Of course it becomes addicting in itself to want to watch the entire thing. If you have time today though as you struggle about tonight, please watch #1.

Hugs and to a safe Halloween
Eve11
p.s. I'll be dressing as a vampire - LOL



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NP0InrPZpjg[/video]]YouTube - Rain In My Heart (1 of 10) (http://[video=youtube_share;NP0InrPZpjg)

Sarasmiles
October 31st, 2009, 09:59 PM
Hi Everyone,
Thanks for the support and kind words. Eve, I didn't see your post until just now, so haven't yet watched the documentary. I definitely will. KTAB, I agree, frequency is a problem...It leads to more frequency, which for me also leads to more drinks on any occasion.

I didn't drink tonight. I'm so glad! We went to two halloween parties, and then trick or treating. I really didn't feel like drinking. I was still a tired and headachy after having four glasses last night, and I wanted to use whatever energy I had left to make it a fun night for my boys. It really was. Even at the parties, I just drank water and talked with people, and didn't even have the nervous shy feeling I sometimes get without a drink in hand. My kids were adorable, and happy, and I just looked at them and felt grateful. I know in the morning I'll feel really good, having stayed AF tonight.

I've been thinking that sometimes what triggers my drinking is the feeling that it's hard for me to have fun without it. I feel at a loss, sometimes...wondering what to do to get that feeling of relaxation and pleasure. One thing that helps is if I'm in the midst of reading a book I love. Then I can look forward to it at night. Any book suggestions, anyone? I loved "The Book Thief", and "The Girl with the Dragon Tatoo" was gripping. I also liked "The Story of Edgar Sawtelle". I need things that I can get grabbed by fast...Not have to read 100 pages before I get caught up in them. I'd love any ideas you guys have. I just took Carrie Fisher's "Wishful Drinking" out of the library, so that's on the agenda for tonight, since sober me, I'm up and awake after my sleepy, candy filled boys and their dad have crashed!

It always feels good to come back here. See you tomorrow.
Sara

Eve11
November 1st, 2009, 02:20 AM
Sarasmiles;748355 wrote: Hi Everyone,
I've been thinking that sometimes what triggers my drinking is the feeling that it's hard for me to have fun without it. I feel at a loss, sometimes...wondering what to do to get that feeling of relaxation and pleasure.
Sara,

I am so grateful that I drank in control tonight as planned. I did take kudzu and L-Glut and found an old post of mine that I bumped up for you but when I re-read it - it helped me as well.

We went to a bar for a birthday for my dearest friend and I purposely chose club soda as I knew we were going to a party later so my choice was I would rather have 2 there then only 1 (the wine is below standards at the dancing bar). I actually was ok sipping the seltzer but I know what you mean. Without drinking and "the buzz" sometimes it's harder to keep interested in being in a place. Amazing how we can stay at the party for hours or be the last to leave when we're drinking! Everything seems so much more interesting, funny, etc.

The party was amazing - I brought a quality wine as they seem to be hard liquor drinkers there and I was shocked that when we left no-one had touched the wine. Hubby observed that about 25% of the people weren't drinking at all!! A difficult concept for problem drinkers...how do they do it and have fun?? Sure is nice though to be in control, not stumble, slur, etc. They had a costume contest and one guy stumbled across the floor and the announcer made a crack about his drinking. I felt so blessed it wasn't me!!!

Anyway, had a total of 2 in a 2 1/2 hour period and know I will have a good night's sleep and am so happy about no blackouts, remorse, etc. tomorrow.

Love the book idea Sara- something to think about that excites you other than drinking. That's a whole other subject though and I should go to bed. May post this Halloween's pix
if I get a chance.

Hugs all,
Eve11

Sarasmiles
November 1st, 2009, 06:58 AM
Well done, Eve! :goodjob:
Good Morning Squad. Woke up and the first thought that popped into my head was, "Oh, Thank God I didn't drink last night!"

Just realized it's November so I guess we're starting fresh! See you all on the November thread!