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I am a middle-aged mother of four. My husband is a very busy business executive with long, long hours so in many ways I often feel like a single parent. Busy with kids school, activities, etc.
Never drank in my entire life until five years ago. Started drinking a little wine at social functions and then gradually found myself purchasing wine and drinking some at home. Don't know how it happened----honestly, it just snuck up on me----I now drink one bottle of white wine a day. Sometimes even a little more.
What I hate is I want to quit and it has been a shock that I haven't been able to. I know it affects my health, energy level, and motivation. I am not near the mom I could and should be because of the alcohol----it makes me lethargic and puts me in that "I don't care" mood----don't the laundry, the house, meals, etc. to the degree that I should. Late paying bills because I just don't feel like sitting down and focusing on them. Would rather sit down with a book or TV and a cold glass of wine.
Every morning when I wake up I am so mad at myself that I drank that bottle the night before and swear I won't do it today----ha,ha---always do.
Wake up calls to me:
***My family has no idea that I drink at home at all!!! I'm tired of buying bottles secretly, hiding them, getting rid of the empty bottles clandestinely. My husband has suspected sometimes that I'm drinking, but I just tell him that "Yeah, I had a glass tonight."
***Secretly drink a couple of glasses of wine while getting ready to go to a social event so it will only seem to my husband and others that I only had one or two classes for the night. Then come home and secretly drink another big glass at home.
***Realizing that there have been times when I should NOT have been picking up or dropping off kids. Having to make up excuses about a terrible headache so my husband or 16-yr-old son rearrange their schedules to do the pick up.
***Regret things I've said or how I've acted occassionally when around people who had no idea I had been drinking. Wondering if I'm pulling off acting normal enough or are people silently suspicious?
***Buy my bottles of wine at different stores because I was afraid the one right down the street was suspecting me of being an alkie. Found myself making up reasons to the people who work there for why I was buying another bottle (or two) today. Ridiculous!!!
***I feel and look like crap. No motivation to exercise or take care of myself like I should
***Sweating all the time---even though it may be hot I will be sweating profusely (especially my hair and face) while no one else is. I finally realized about a year ago it had to be all the alcohol.
***Taking too many pills to combat effects of wine. Ambien to sleep at night so I won't wake up at 3:00 am sweating, anxious, and unable to go back to sleep. Energy pills and pain killers in the morning to get rid of the aches and the brain fog.
***Lots of Nexium.
***Tired of making excuses for things I should have had done for volunteer and community activities. Alcohol makes me an even bigger procrastinater than I already tended to be.
I have read and read and read from this site and feel more motivated than I ever have before. It has been good to discover that I'm not the only one. For so long it seemed that everyone around me was completely normal and I had this awful "abnormal" secret.
Anyway, AF starts today!!! I've got my supplements and kudzu.
I am a middle-aged mother of four. My husband is a very busy business executive with long, long hours so in many ways I often feel like a single parent. Busy with kids school, activities, etc.
Never drank in my entire life until five years ago. Started drinking a little wine at social functions and then gradually found myself purchasing wine and drinking some at home. Don't know how it happened----honestly, it just snuck up on me----I now drink one bottle of white wine a day. Sometimes even a little more.
What I hate is I want to quit and it has been a shock that I haven't been able to. I know it affects my health, energy level, and motivation. I am not near the mom I could and should be because of the alcohol----it makes me lethargic and puts me in that "I don't care" mood----don't the laundry, the house, meals, etc. to the degree that I should. Late paying bills because I just don't feel like sitting down and focusing on them. Would rather sit down with a book or TV and a cold glass of wine.
Every morning when I wake up I am so mad at myself that I drank that bottle the night before and swear I won't do it today----ha,ha---always do.
Wake up calls to me:
***My family has no idea that I drink at home at all!!! I'm tired of buying bottles secretly, hiding them, getting rid of the empty bottles clandestinely. My husband has suspected sometimes that I'm drinking, but I just tell him that "Yeah, I had a glass tonight."
***Secretly drink a couple of glasses of wine while getting ready to go to a social event so it will only seem to my husband and others that I only had one or two classes for the night. Then come home and secretly drink another big glass at home.
***Realizing that there have been times when I should NOT have been picking up or dropping off kids. Having to make up excuses about a terrible headache so my husband or 16-yr-old son rearrange their schedules to do the pick up.
***Regret things I've said or how I've acted occassionally when around people who had no idea I had been drinking. Wondering if I'm pulling off acting normal enough or are people silently suspicious?
***Buy my bottles of wine at different stores because I was afraid the one right down the street was suspecting me of being an alkie. Found myself making up reasons to the people who work there for why I was buying another bottle (or two) today. Ridiculous!!!
***I feel and look like crap. No motivation to exercise or take care of myself like I should
***Sweating all the time---even though it may be hot I will be sweating profusely (especially my hair and face) while no one else is. I finally realized about a year ago it had to be all the alcohol.
***Taking too many pills to combat effects of wine. Ambien to sleep at night so I won't wake up at 3:00 am sweating, anxious, and unable to go back to sleep. Energy pills and pain killers in the morning to get rid of the aches and the brain fog.
***Lots of Nexium.
***Tired of making excuses for things I should have had done for volunteer and community activities. Alcohol makes me an even bigger procrastinater than I already tended to be.
I have read and read and read from this site and feel more motivated than I ever have before. It has been good to discover that I'm not the only one. For so long it seemed that everyone around me was completely normal and I had this awful "abnormal" secret.
Anyway, AF starts today!!! I've got my supplements and kudzu.
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