Wed., Sept. 20

[soccermom]

Hi beautiful Ladies!
You know---I'm going to give my husband a hug too becca and tell him that it's just me having a rough patch and I'm better now...he deserves that. I need to get off this negative energy flow! It's draining!
I did walk this morning....did drink 2 glasses of wine last night...becca--I tend to drink about 2-3 per night, wish I could just say forget it some nights. I don't measure them out..and they're not little glasses...so who knows...but I'm waking up with out headaches and hangovers...something wonderful for me...baby steps right??? Laura, I can so relate to the Supermom thing--having to feel like we have to overcompensate for all those nights that we stumbled around trying to put the kids to bed.
Mkr--I'm praying for you/thinking of you always and you are so inspiring to me.
Rachele--PLEASE--let us know how things are
Mary Ann--it's okay your on a slippery slope right now...we love you...we're here!
Molly, Dilayne, E, Jen, Waves, Judie! Love you all and have an awesome day!
sm-mary

[soccermom]

Wed., Sept. 20

.........AHH...and Trish too..have an awesome day..and I don't want to leave anyone out...
Love to yoU!
sm--mary....AHHH...late to work again..!!

[Quiescent]

Wed., Sept. 20

Still no period I really don't think I am pregnant. Strangely I'm not really worried about it.

So last night I wrestled with the devil and the devil won.

The strange internal arguments I have with myself to justify my drinking are what I call "haunting" because it's like having a different person inside of me telling me all things opposite I know to be true and right.

Weather it's one drink or ten, why can't I just say no, I don't want any. I do think that someday I will have to end my relationship all together with it. I just hope that I don't have to hit, what I hear people call "rock bottom" before that happens.

I mean, do I really have to destroy everything that I love and that means anything to me to stop? I hope not but I've heard so many people call alcoholism a progressive disease. I see it progressing with me. It's very slow and I am kicking and screaming but I am still going in that direction.

Just my thoughts today.........I'm in a funk

[trishinnebraska]

Wed., Sept. 20

Hi all...

Home with the flu today - ugh...Ache all over yucky. Some interesting reading here yesterday and today. I was so tired yesterday - thought it might be the Topa but I think it's the flu - yish I HATE being sick. Sent someone else in my place to the Chicago meeting I was supposed to go to - that doesn't break my heart. After 20+ years those "meetings & conferences" are not nearly as much fun as they used to be. At any rate - I'm going back to bed - force fluids (the non-alcoholic kind and lots of naprosin). BTW, y'all don't know just how comforting it is that we all struggle with the same demons.

Rachele - could it be that you're pre-menopausal? Not sure of your age but it can start late 30's early 40's - I had to have a hysterectomy at 37 and believe me, even though it was sad (I never had children) getting rid of that monthly was sooooo nice...

Thanks for your thoughts SMS and everyone else have a good day...

Achoooo....

[InnerStrength]

Wed., Sept. 20

Good morning all
I am starting to wonder if we are all having the September blues.
AF last night but was NOT in a good mood again. Good news was I didnt take it out on hubby. Just kind of laid on the couch and watched a movie (Walk the Line - actually a great movie, i thought!) and was silent. But also didnt do any cleaning or anything so my house is a pig sty. I need to clean tonight. Ugh.
Guys - we all know how hard this is. Lets try not to get down on ourselves ok? Remember - we cant beat ourselves up. We need to learn everytime we give in though, I think. I think the important thing is to learn what our "triggers" are so that we are better equipped next time that situation comes up (ex - if we overdo it - go over what we said we would, drink when we said we wouldnt - I think we need to try to look at the situation and discover why it happened, and that way we can learn what causes these "slips"). The reason I say we should really place importance on learning from our "slips" is that we can arm ourselves with important tools so we can get better! (I guess I am just afraid that if we take the attitude TOO MUCH that "oh its ok, I slipped but its a new day!" we will allow ourselves too much leeway to not get better...does that make sense? or am I rambling....anyways I love you all....I am sending you all positive vibes.
Let's fight this thing!
Hugs
Jen

[lushy]

Wed., Sept. 20

Welll Jen I come to you with my tail between my legs. I was not AF last night. No excuses but I was literally crawling out of my skin with PMS yesterday and I was taking it out on my daughter and sadly a few glasses of wine mellowed me out so I was not a lunatic. I am sorry I did not uphold my end of the bargain. I go to my "anger management" therapist today. Maybe that will help but it is really hard to get a grip when my hormones are so out of balance during this week. During my "good weeks" it is much easier to be rationale and not want to drink. Don't want to sound like I am making excuses because I am not. I guess if I can work on some AF days during my bad week that is a great start. Trish, hope you start feeling better! I hate being sick too. Have a good day everyone!!!

[MKR]

Wed., Sept. 20

Good morning all you wonderful mods!

Universe says: I am going to try and visualize . . . some time OFF!!
______________________________

If it were fun and easy, would you do it?

If the pay was out of this world; more than you could ever spend?

If signing your autograph and being adored by fans never got old, and you truly relished retelling your story again and again?

Brilliant, because all of the above can be imagined whenever you visualize.

You are just ace -
***** The Universe
----------------------------------------

Thank you all for your prayers and sweet praises. You are so suportive, I have tears of gratitude that I have a group I can say YIKES! some parts in my life are not better. . .

I did want you to know that I wrote yesterday's post to help bring hope to everyone who is in the middle of the struggle. As we are changing, I think we kind of expect our significant others to really "get" how hard this can be and give us space to be cranky or bitchy whatever it is we are feeling. Laura hit it on the head for me. When I have nothing to be guilty about . . .I feel like I could expect more out of my husband. Ain't happening though! We have to just take care of our own needs in that department and anyone who really has a super supportive significant other is a lucky girl! Anyone who wants and needs to vent . . . I say this is the place to come as we have each others support.

Well, Wednesdays are suppose to be a day off - guess what? It is not today, although I don't feel obligated to answer the phone I can just be productive instead.

Feel better everyone. PMS is a bitch so is peri-menopause, been doing that one for over 10 years now. Doctor says I have a couple three more years of that from my hormone levels. Had a hysterectomy 3 years ago but still have those ovaries that still make me swell even without that equipment. Defies explanation as far as I am concerned! I feel the CDs really help calm me down overall though. Probably why my hubby is still alive!

Hugs and Love,
Mary

[dilayne]

Wed., Sept. 20

Mornin' Glories,
My husband and I split a bottle of pinot last night with dinner. It's the first time I've had any wine since I went off the Topa. I feel good..it's how I'd like to have my wine..with dinner in moderation. I did arm myself with carbs, I think it's a good idea in general.

I read a book recently on 'The Shadow'..the author suggested some of us drink to keep the 'shadow' down..think Dr. Jeckyll and Mr. Hyde...the idea is that if you don't acknowledge your shadow side, it can take you over, if you are being the 'good girl', the 'super mom', pleasing everyone all the time, eventually your shadow is going to come bite you in the ass..so the theory is that you 'own your shadow side'..acknowledge it..have some 'bad girl' time..whatever it is, NOBODY is perfect...priest have their dark side, everybody does..if you can acknowledge it and find some healthy way to express it, we are not as likely to be taken over by the shadow or try to drown it...Just a thougth for the day..By the way, I think my shadow is a hungry little girl..starving for some attention...my husband is my main trigger..if he does anything that slightly offends the 'hungry little girl'..that is when I can go 'off', but now that I've recognized that hungry girl..(OK, it took a while to get in touch with her..) I can acknowledge it and am much less likely to react with a binge or by attacking him.

It's a BEAUTIFUL day here in Georgia today! The weather is cooling off and I slept with the windows open last night. Ahhhhh

Have a good day everyone...I'll check in later. (((Big Hugs)))

[InnerStrength]

Wed., Sept. 20

Hey Lusc

Hey Lusc
You gorgeous girl
Dont you dare apologize to me! At least you were honest. Some people might not have been! Maybe they would have been ashamed etc. Hey you had a good AF day under your belt and believe me I know how hard it can be especially on a bad week. Hang in there. Just try again today, my dear (if thats what ya still want to do,not telling you what to do anything .
Love ya
Jen:h

[lushy]

Wed., Sept. 20

Thanks for not yelling. Yes, one AF day is something that has never existed for me before finding this site and I have accumulated almost a weeks worth now over the last month. Woo Hoo!! Will try again today.....Dilayne and Mary, your posts are very insightful. I think that is part of our "problem" as women. We are such deep thinkers that sometimes it can backfire on us because we expect more out of others. I know that is my case. I have very high expectations of others which they cannot possibly meet and then I get upset or offended or whatever and then I drink. I need to expect more out of myself first and that starts with not drinking so much. All right. There is my profound two cents for the day.

[InnerStrength]

Wed., Sept. 20

Hey Lusc
I completely relate to what you are saying. I absolutely feel the same way. I tend to have high expectations of others as well and have been told on many occassions that I am "too sensitive" when I get upset because they disappoint me when they dont measure up. Sound familar?

[lushy]

Wed., Sept. 20

Yep except I am usually called a controlling bitch, not too sensitive.

[Saint Jude]

Wed., Sept. 20

Morning Everybody!
Another busy day in the neighborhood here!

Had a fun day shopping with Mom yesterday, she didn't find a dress, yet. She did find a pants suit she likes, and still has a couple of weeks before the party to keep looking...We found a store w/ these flashy embroidered jeans & sequined vests(1960's style physchadelic colors), so I took a pic of her dressed up in an outfit to e-mail to my sis as a joke, telling her it's the outfit we found for Mom!! We were laughing so hard!! My Mom & I are not quite as serious as my Sis(who's the one that's organizing the party....) Actually it was Mom's idea to "dress-up" in the outfit...hope we didn't offend the store owner....

I found 3 dresses in a re-sale store for myself!! So much for shopping for Mom!! I can't help it ...I love vintage clothing!! And this black velvet halter dress w/white lace neck..., & the blue sequined backless dress...OHHHH! Plus they were VERY reasonable!! And they fit like they were tailor made!! Don't know where I'll ever wear em...but Halloween's coming!!

SM Mary, No headache in the AM & a walk is definately a great way to start the day! I can still remember those really bad days before I found MWO...when I'd wake up & just dread that it was getting light out... again... My first thought was, "Is there anything left in the house to drink, where have I hidden anything, or all of my resources & hiding places exhausted"... Not a good way to start the day... or the rest of your life... pretty grim.

Rachele, No I don't believe you have to hit "Rock Bottom". (But I'm sure I came very close), Thankfully, I didn't loose everything ... That in itself is a miracle... I guess my Hubby is the real "Saint" here, even though I still b***h about him sometimes! Hang in there... Those funks are just part of it... they come & go... You'll be laughing before ya know it.

Trish, Get some rest, Sweetie. Hope ya feel better soon.

Jenneh, That was a good movie, wasn't it? He definately had his demons...
Maybe I'm too lenient w/myself... I just know how bad I've been before ...& I figure, I've come a longggg wayyy! So I don't beat myself up. Just try to be VERY Diligent, easier said than done. But "Progress.. NOT PERFECTION!!"

Lush-us, Uggh, "hormone heaven", I'll be right behind ya w/that ...soon to be the "Hormonal Psychopath from H***"!!

MKR, You crack me up! "probably why my Hubby's still alive" That's too funny! Reminds me I haven't done my CD's in a while.. Today would be a good day to get re-aquanted w/em.

Dilayne, Who is the author of the "Shadows" book? It sounds interesting. Makes sense to me ... I think.? If anything ever does...

Well how's that for a loonnngg post? I think I wrote a book! Guess that'll do for now! Hugs to All! Hope I have'nt missed anybody! As fast as I type ther's probably 15 more posts since I started!!

[Saint Jude]

Wed., Sept. 20

Ooops Becca!! I missed YA!! How're ya Sweetie?:l

[dilayne]

Wed., Sept. 20

Judie, I think Carl Jung may have coined the term 'the shadow' but here are two good books; both would be consider 'deep psychology'.

John Sanford, EVIL: The Shadow Side of Reality
(JS was an Episcopal priest/psychiatrist...wrote some great stuff, also did a great book on dream, Dreams: God's Forgotten Language, another great book on relationships is Invisible Partners)

Robert Johnson, Owning Your Own Shadow: Understanding the Dark Side of the Psyche
(I love reading his stuff, he also wrote three books that gave me great new insights on relationships, He, She and We, amongst several others, including a really good one on working with your dreams)