boyfriend problems

[stacey]

Hey this is kinda wierd but I have no where else to turn so here goes!

My boyfriend had serious problems. He's an alcoholic and gambles all the time. It's really getting out of hand. Every night he goes to the pub and wastes his whole pay cheque on the pokies and alcohol. He comes home and passes out and I end up having to drag him to bed with a bucket. Now we've had so many arguements about this and he admits he has a problem but never does anything to change. Tonight when he went to the pub he spent $800 and when he came home i'd packed my bags and I was ready to move out. He started crying and I felt so guilty but I left anyway. I walked down the street and sat there for a couple hours and then I came home. He'd punched a hole in every door in the house and furniture was all over the place. I love him to bits and I really want to help him but nothing seems to be working. Thank god we don't have kids ay. Anyway, I'm sitting here now trying to decide whether or not to actually move out tomorrow or to stay and get sucked in to the lies again. So help me please!!!!

Stacey:new:

[lushy]

boyfriend problems

Stacey, in my opinion as long as you stay he is not going to get better. You deserve better than that as well. I would suggest moving out and if you really want to help him you can help him without living there and picking up the pieces for him. I had a boyfriend a long time ago just like him, minus the gambling, and leaving him was the best thing I could do for him. He has now been sober for 15 years. Please do not even consider having kids with him unless he has been sober and not gambling for a loooooooong time. You deserve a healthy partner and he does not sound like one.

[gypsi]

boyfriend problems

Hi Stacey, welcome!

I have dealt with violent boyfriends before, so I suggest that you immediately get out before he hurts you! He may not mean to do it, he may be very sorry afterwards, but you must take care of you, and for now anyway, taking care of you sounds like getting out of there, and getting to a safe place where you can evaluate the situation with a clear head and figure out what you really want. Once you get that figured out, you can go from there. But please, first take care of you and get to a safe place.
I'll be thinking of you. Let us know how you're doing -

[stacey]

boyfriend problems

i know

i know but i cant leave!!!!
ive been trying to convince myself that its the best thing and everything but its just not happening

[gypsi]

boyfriend problems

Are you not able to leave because you are physically unable to, or is your mind telling you that you can't? Perhaps it's a money thing, I don't know -
What I do know is that convincing yourself to leave is one of the hardest things you'll do, but when it's done, you'll wonder why you stayed so long...
Is there someone there (a friend) that knows the situation and can help you with this decision?

[J S]

boyfriend problems

Hey Stacey,

Tuff times I know. Been there myself.... You love him. but he's dr jeckly and mr hyde. You see the good in him and you hope one day it will all be different. and you are hanging in there waiting for that day. What you don't realize is that he is taking you down with him. I bet you most of the time you rock yourself back and forth feeling like a volcano about to erupt.

Here's the question. Do you like how your life is right now? If so stay.... If not... do something about it. Nothing ever changes.... unless something changes... Do both of you a favor. Walk forward. It could be for six months, it could be for a year, it could be forever. But by walking you have opened yourself up for change. Staying there, you just keep spinning the same wheels.

I have a story (very similiar to yours) I would love to tell you. Don't want to solicite it uninvited. Tell me if you would like to hear more.

In the mean time.. feel free to email me direct. If you don't have the mental capacity to leave tonight, make sure you have "get away" clothes and things in the car for the moment you decide you must leave and you must leave now.

I will be thinking of you in this very confusing time. I know you love him. I know your not sure how to put one foot in from of the other. But you must do it. You loving him, is not enough for him to get help. You need help too. You need to surround yourself with loving, supportive people. I'm here for you.

Jeanette

[stacey]

boyfriend problems

hey thanks for your support guys..
i had a really long chat to his brother last night (after i cleaned up the vomit everywhere yuk)
he calmed me down and were gonna get him help
i havent left...i know i know but i think things are going to be ok this time.
his whole family knows about his problems now...which is kinda odd cause i only just found out last night from his brother that his mums an alcoholic and his dad was a gambler haha go the jeans + his brother had a drinking problem too. his brother managed to get through it and now hes getting married next year etc etc so ive involved him in helping his brother. so yeah wish me luck! having big talk to him tonight..
thanks guys

[stacey]

boyfriend problems

id love to hear your story

[gypsi]

boyfriend problems

:flower: Well then, let's hope that his family gives him his 'wake-up' call and he begins to straighten his life out. I truly hope that things work out for you, however, I agree with JS, wouldn't hurt to put that 'get-away' back in your vehicle, just in case.
Let us know how the talk goes, and I'll keep you in my prayers and thoughts today.

[Butterfly]

boyfriend problems

Hi

I'm 28 and my boyfriend is 33.
:new:
It's nice to hear that I'm not the only person going through the same kind of problems.

Unfortunately, I have twin girls from a previous relationship involved in my problems (meaning they are caught in the middle of our problems).

I'm sitting and saying to myself that they don?t deserve to grow up like this. My boyfriend has a drinking problem since the age of 15 and still thinks he is coping fine with his problem.

Last night he took all his belongings and said that he will be moving out. This morning he came back wanting to know if I will be able to forgive him and give him another change to prove himself.

He stopped drinking for four months and things were going great. I thought to myself, that I couldn?t be happier. He then started drinking again beginning of December 2006. For 3 straight days he didn?t sleep at the house. When he came back he acted like nothing was wrong. I don?t know what to do either, I love him but it hurts so much to go through the same kind of problems every time.

I don?t know if I should be there for him or to let go of him. When he's sober he is loving and caring but when he gets drunk I'm nothing to him in his eyes.

:new:



I love him, but every morning I get up in the morning for my girls. I don?t want a live like this for them.

[Mrs Macks]

boyfriend problems

Butterfly, I know exactly what your going through been through that should i stay or go thing myself...It was only when i said to my husband that i don't want our kids to think living like this is right..that he really thought about what he was doing, i have 5 kids and had put up with my husbands drinking for about 10 years.. Read my thread Mrs Macks my story..it might help you a little, hope it does...and always put your girls first...thats what i did..keep posting please..
:l Lisa x

[buddy]

boyfriend problems

hi everyone

hi everyone ive spent the last hour or so reading all what is on here for help and advice for my partner of nearly 5 years hes always liked a drink but now has told me he is a AA drinking 2 bottles of neat vodka !!!!!!!!!!!!! not good i have stood by him and helped him as much as i can i no longer drink and no longer want to been drink free for 6 weeks now but i didnt have a drink problem done it to support him went doctors he done a home detox prog lasted 4 weeks then boom back on the vodka got a phone call from police saying they were called by some kids who found him unconscious in phone box they called me to come get him but then i had to rush to get there as he was not responding and was being sick and turning blue he went straight to resuscitation and i was sent to the quietroom and that meant they were trying to keep him alive ....my world fell apart i was alone ........ but they got him stable after a cpl of hours and i was allowed to see him even though he didnt know i was here or even he was in hospital he was evently sent to a ward at 3 in the morning i went with him untill they got him booked in then went home at 3.30 ....... got a call from hospital at 8.45 as he asked them to phone me to let me know were he was ... he had no idea that id been there with him the night before they done ct scan blood tests xrays all come back ok hes home now but suffering big time detoxing again hes on some medication to stop him being sick but needs to get back to hes doctors and the help clinic he wants to stop drinking and find out what triggers it to hes mum killed herself i think thats the main stem for all this as hes never had any help for breavment all i want to do is help him and get some help and advice for helping him as at the end of it hes a vey nice person hes never hit me when hes had a drink and eveyone deserves a chance at life im new here and would love any help or support or advice for the both of us

[Beaches]

boyfriend problems

Hi Buddy and welcome.
You sound like you a wonderful support for your partner. One thing I would like to say is that you also need to take care of yourself. I understand you want to help your partner however he has to want to be helped as much as you want to help him.
Would he ever come to this site and read any of this. Do I understand correctly that he's currently going through withdraw symptoms? Would he be open to counseling to help him deal with losing his mother?
I wish you all the best!! I really do.

[Beaches]

boyfriend problems

Stacey,
Welcome to you too. I hope that you and your boyfriends brother can help him out HOWEVER I agree that if you are in danger you need to leave.
Remember that love does not hurt. You should feel loved, respected and cared for the way you want to be. Nothing less.

[DidItForMe]

boyfriend problems

Hi Buddy:
wow, you have been through the ringer on this one. I am so sorry. this sounds like such a tough spot for you. Beaches is right, your partner needs to be really ready (heart, mind and soul) for this. It can be a rollercoaster physically and mentally. Please make sure to take care of yourself during this time. Whether he sticks with it or not, you need to be strong and healthy so please take care of yourself no matter what. Hang in there!