Announcement

**wwbarb** · September 22, 2006, 08:26 AM

Friday September 22

Good morning

Lisa, Phil and Mike, welcome back! I have a tough time when I travel - I feel like nothing should count (food or booze) because I'm not in my own bed. I'll tell you, the justifications I can make . . .

Mack that stinks about the taxi license thing. Honesty is the best policy, my a$$!

Sophia, still praying. Any chance your son would/could come home?

I did a little exercise this morning. My foot hurts when I first get up and I finally figured out why. I am used to walking on the "good side" of it to compensate for the "bad side", but the "bad side" is just fine if I walk like a normal person. Guess I need to teach myself how to walk again!

How do ya know when it's the right one? Check their bank account! Just kidding. That's a tough question. I've been "in love" so many times in my life that if I had done something about it each time, I would be in double digits in my marriages. I guess you know when you can be yourself and know that they are okay with that. No role playing or games. I was with my girlfriends yesterday and someone said, "Oh, if our husbands could hear us". I thought about it - I am no different in front of him than I am anyone else.

It's not easy - you have to give and take. Many times, I am ready to throw in the towel because it isn't worth the energy. But I truly believe that you can't be happy with someone else and truly appreciate them until you are happy with yourself and truly appreciate yourself.

I know all this stuff - time to put it into practical use.

Catch up with the rest of you later.

**xtexan** · September 22, 2006, 08:28 AM

Friday September 22

hello Gabby:

Got a very good nights rest, even after a little wake up in the wee hours.

Tonight is Friday, and it's time for me to put up all the defenses. 2 mile run, or 4 miles bicycle outside, or 20 minutes bicycle indoors is the plan. Depends on the weather later this evening.

I hope Bambino is faring well.

Friday is great, but Friday is danger for me! See you later.

**Mackeral** · September 22, 2006, 08:29 AM

Friday September 22

Hiya Abbers,
Whats the topic again?....What i can grasp ( i think) is that Lisa has met a guy....or hasn't met a guy....But she likes him...Am i in the right ballpark with this or am i sniffing up the wrong tree as usual...(bit thick)
Things seam to be getting back to normal a bit more round my way now...Thank god....
Havn't got a date yet Gabby for the OP....The further away it is though the better...Call me a baby...i agree..Its supposed to be in the next 8 weeks though..Gonna milk it big time,get everyone running round after me and stuff...Wonder how long i can get away with it for...

Where is Lou going on Monday? or was it the Monday just gone?
Be back on later......Take care love Macks

**Mackeral** · September 22, 2006, 08:33 AM

Friday September 22

Why? Whats happened to Bambs?...What else have i missed?

**gabby** · September 22, 2006, 08:55 AM

Friday September 22

**mikeupnorth** · September 22, 2006, 09:10 AM

Friday September 22

OK maybe I've been away too long, or maybe I just haven't had enough caffeine. I thought it was Lisa's friend who had met someone who thought it was 'the one.' Anyway, is that the topic, G?

I guess first of all, I don't think there's just one person for any of us. Yes it's a romantic thought, that we have the one true soulmate out there, our one and only. I used to think that. But as I've gotten older and more - um, experienced - I think that there are lots of possible mates for us with varying degrees of compatibility. I think the important factors are:

similar values
ability to communicate openlyability to be yourself (as Barb was talking about)attraction (physical and just that feeling of wanting to be near that person)

Obviously, alcohol can complicate relationships. I was in a relationship for 8 years with someone who was a heavy drinker and who would certainly qualify to be a member of this community. (He's now a regional U.S. wine distributor.... and yes I guess I'm jumping out of the closet here!) Since that ended, every relationship I've been in has been colored in some way by my drinking. Usually this means that either I have to be "on guard" during the dating phase so that I don't drink too much (and I inevitably do, which scares them off) or I pick someone who drinks like I do (which scares me off). Once I dated a guy who was an active Al-Anon member -- not sure what they call themselves, maybe "recovering codependents?" Anyway that was strange, but ended up being my nudge into accepting that I had an alcohol problem.

Anyway, the point is, I don't think I'm capable of forming a serious relationship with someone else until I get some kind of grip on this alcohol issue. That doesn't mean that I have to be AF for a year, or any specific period of time. But I do think that for me, it means I need to have some level of being comfortable in my own skin without having 3 or 4 cocktails. And like you said, Barb, "you can't be happy with someone else and truly appreciate them until you are happy with yourself and truly appreciate yourself."

Another thought just hit me: my alcoholism has been a convenient way to avoid serious relationships for the past 7 years. I mean, I claim that I want to be in one, but at the same time I let alcohol sabotage every possibility. Wonder if this is a way to avoid intimacy? Hmmm.... maybe I'll have to make an appointment with Kathy to explore this.

Xtexan, I agree with you: Fridays are dangerous. I was already thinking earlier what my strategy might be for getting through tonight's witching hours. I think running would kill me, and my bike is in terrible shape. But a brisk, long walk would do me some good. Today is the last day (according to the 10-day forecast) of nice sunny fall weather. After that, rain and cold.

OK Abbers, hope you all have a great, AF day! Looking forward to checking in with you later.

**cpn1004** · September 22, 2006, 09:22 AM

Friday September 22

MikeupNorth,
Good words today. I know that most...well..hell...all of my problems in my relationship have been due to my alcohol abuse. It seems that when I abstain, wow, all of sudden I can be in touch with the emotional side of life...hmm..imagine that.
I hope y'all have a great weekend. It will be a challenge for me to remain AF, but I am gonna try.
Love and Peace,
Phil

**cpn1004** · September 22, 2006, 09:27 AM

Friday September 22

I was doing so good...

I have been on the road since Sunday night. Now I am sitting in the hotel bar and drinking bloody mary MIX only..yea!!! But last night was a slip. I made it through dining out all week without drinking and then last night I bought a six pack of beer after dinner while returning to the hotel.
And guess what....of course I drank it all. Now I did pour out most of the sixth can, but gee y'all know the story.
However I am not giving up. I am going to fight through the weekend.
Love and Peace,
Phil

**gabby** · September 22, 2006, 09:57 AM

Friday September 22

Hey Barb, I did that on my feet too when I had one injured one.Made the good one hurt for helpin the bad one. Hope ya get better.

I like the bank acct idea. But for me....I'll take happy and poor over rich and miserable. I know you were only kiddin. : )
And ya...I do agree happiness starts with yourself. Then things fall into place. (i think)

Xtexan, whew...you have a lot of work today. Glad you got a lot of rest. Your gonna need it.

Mack...the topic is how do ya know hen you have met the right one? And its not Lisa....its Lisa's friend. We dont know her. I detect some hesitation in Lisa's letters tho. When she told us about her friend. That's what made me ask. So what do you think?

Mike, closet jumping doesn't bother me. Sexual orientation has never been an issue for me.
I agree with what you said. I think there are a lot of possible mates for us all. Maybe no such think as a soul mate. Or just one. Communication is so key too. And yeppers, alcohol is gonna strain to say the least....any relationship. No matter who. You always make so much sense in your posts. I've missed them Mike. I agree in the xtra 12.95 for internet service at the hotel, but hang out for a while now that your back. We need your imput. Maybe some mayor time too!

And Phil....you see it too. Alcohol certainly messes up trying to figure out any relationship question. Cant get to the answer with a foggy brain.

Well please add to the topic for today....I gotta get to work and I am anxious to come back and see the posts. love ya all.....gabbs

**xtexan** · September 22, 2006, 10:25 AM

Friday September 22

Mike:

I hear you 100% on the relationship thing. Theres a couple of ladies I know a little, that I would like to at least have casual date with. But they are individuals who apparently don't drink much, if ever. i.e. occasional social drinkers. I need more time to sort out my sober self. Now back in the day, if I knew they were a binger like myself, no hesitation at all. Wham, bam, thank you mam. At that was the depth of it. You get a male and female binger together, and well... a lot of us know what happens. It's just a superficial relationship, that has a limited life span and is rife with communication problems. In my case it always seems to end before anything real ever happens.

So I definitely can identify with what you are saying.

On the exercise thing. Start slow if you are not conditiioned! A simple walk for 15 minutes or so is all it takes. Thats how I started. My lungs, heart, and blood pressure were in terrible shape last December. I smoked 1-2 packs a day for years. I'm still clearing my lungs, and I know my blood pressure was high due to some liver damage. But I am healing, and getting stronger every day. Feels good to be able to actually run 2 miles now. I feel like a human being again, and after a run or ride, I get powered up with a feeling that I can stay sober for a long, long time. It's a great sensation of personal power that lasts a little while.

cpn1004:

Don't beat yourself up too bad. I used to really berate myself after a binge. One of the keys to getting a fair ride of sobriety is to find a way to start liking yourself again. I can recommend the exercise very highly for this. I really feel good after a free weight lifting session. Good luck on the good fight.

**Newyear** · September 22, 2006, 02:11 PM

Friday September 22

Wow Gabby....you could feel my hesitation in just that one sentence about my friend ...boy you are good - and right!
I'm trying to figure out two things..1. am I just jealous? 2. is she rushing into this too fast and I'm a little concerned for her? Well, to be fair- maybe it is a little of both. She was married previously and it didn't work out well. She is jewish and married a christian- that ,and some other issues lead to it not working.
This time she took her mother's advice and found a nice jewish boy.
I think it does work to find someone with a similar background or at least similar values. They are both from New Jersey and both have recently lost their fathers - within the last 5 years. She has one child and he has two.
She told me the other night that she had not told him yet but she planned on marrying him! They have been dating 8 weeks now.
I think sometimes when you meet someone with similar background/religion/upbringing etc. you already know quite a bit about them. The rest is chemistry. Who knows? Maybe he is 'the one'.

I think for me I have also let drinking help isolate me....can just be easier that way- but lonely. I think you can also get used to being alone and then that feels normal.
I think there is not just one person out there for us - nice idea - but several options. Some options just turn out better than others.

ohh....gotta run....at work

Hope you are all having a great day
Lisa

**Mackeral** · September 22, 2006, 02:42 PM

Friday September 22

Hiya Abbers,

Where to start,first off where is the lovely Kathy today?, is that something else i've missed.....Is she on a trek across the Alps or something?....I know her sister is moving in soon, its more likely something to do with that......Or is it?
Mike, Good jump out the closet mate....Never saw that one coming....I agree with you about alcahol being an excellent sheild regarding relationships...It kind of takes away a lot of responcibility away.
Xtexen, sounds like a plan. Is the idea to get yourself that tired that you cant manage to lift a glass? Or just keeping yourself occupied and healthy at the same time....Proberly number 2 i bet.
Barb, really sorry about your foot....I cant remember did you break it?.....I broke mine a while back playing football...I found swimming helped....Well not actually swimming more like walking round in the pool.
Lisa, Gabby is not just good....She is a higher being..Not from this planet....She knows things.....WATCH

Gabby what number am i thinking of?

Bambs, i havn't heard from you in ages....I hope your okay....Its not the same without you......I PM-ed you....hope you get back soon.
Lou, the same goes for you....Where are you?
Phil, Yep been there too....Pouring the last of my drink away regretting what i've done.....But your here mate and your still trying.....We all know how hard it is....We all slip..

Quite a few others not here today.....NANCY...CV...and, i know theres more but i've go crosseyed if i think to hard and can't tak...lol .Be back later hopefully.....Take care Macks:l

**mikeupnorth** · September 22, 2006, 03:36 PM

Friday September 22

Hi all,

Just thought I would check in and say hi. It's mid-day Friday, and this is the point at which my commitment to stay AF could start to slip.... in other words, if the demon is going to rear its ugly head, it will be sometime in the next 4 to 5 hours. Who knows, it might not happen. A Friday afternoon without a craving: that hasn't happened in a long long time. Unless, of course, I was still hung over from Thursday night.

And Xtexan: I think I could handle a 15 minute walk a day. Probably a good place for me to start.

Glad you're all here. And looking forward to hearing from all the regulars (and irregulars!) who haven't yet posted today.

Mike

**YoungAtHeart** · September 22, 2006, 04:22 PM

Friday September 22

You Guys are So Amusing!

Hey, I'm still here, but I just had time to read the threads this morning but not enough time to post. I had to get some stuff out of the garage and piled outside for pickup for the band yard sale tomorrow! Thank the Lord that someone is coming around to pick up the donations, cause I'd never get it all in my car! I will still have a few boxes of books and stuff to drop off at the beautiful hour of 7am tomorrow, too! I WISH I was on a trek across the Alps, Mack, love! You are right about one thing, at least. My sis should be arriving tomorrow afternoon. Just one more week of work to help her get settled in, and I should be returning to the land of the living!!:yay: Otherwise, I am just SOOOO TIRED. I feel like I could lay down and sleep for hours. Yay, Dan just came and picked up all the stuff! Yahoo!

Lou is going for her appointment this next Monday, September 25th, Mack, and Bambs is taking her. I am keeping my fingers crossed that she gets the attentive and competent care that she deserves!

I wonder if your girlfriend might not be right, Lisa? Sometimes we can have an instinct about others. At the same time, there's absolutely no reason why she can't put her instinct through the test of time, either. If he's THE ONE, time will surely prove this out! So how do you know if you've met the right one??? One of my friends once said to me, "Let's make sure we don't mistake anxiety for love!" I think that there is truth to this. That old heart pounding flip-flopping stomach thing. Is that love or anxiety? Yeah, a few butterflies are okay when you are getting to know someone, but I think that a feeling of comfort and enjoyment should take over, and you should start feeling good and secure with someone after a bit. If the feeling of heart pounding continues, maybe it's anxiety, not love. I think love can feel like getting into your favorite pair of slippers after being in high heels all day.

I agree that liking and accepting yourself is the first step toward being able to engage in relationships with others; I'm with you on that one, Barb! (Also, I'm glad to see you posting regularly again!)When we accept ourselves, warts and all, we can also be more tolerant of those less-than-ideal aspects of our significant others (assuming it's a two-way street, that is!) Mike's summary of the "four points of mutuality" (LOL!) are also great. I think that I would add that two people have to be equally committed to making things work, as well. Also, Mike, I would also like to applaud your honesty about "coming out", as well. Thanks for taking that risk with all of us. I'm just a tad disappointed, cause you've dashed any little thoughts I might have had of flirting with you one of these days!:boohoo: Anyway, well done!!

Like Mike and Xtexan, I am still working on me before plunging into the world of relationships. I've been on my own for almost 6 years now, and alcohol is the final frontier. What have I been doing?? Becoming financially self-sufficient, raising my daughter, and now, finally, tackling my alcohol dependence. It's scary to think of dating without alcohol, and scary to think of who I might date without alcohol!! It's a whole new world!! Yikes! Others do it though, so I guess I can learn. I'm glad that we have you fellows here in Absville because I am definitely going to need your perspective one of these days!!

Phil, X is right, don't be too down on yourself, start building on the positives! You did a good job on all the days you DIDN'T DRINK. Today is a new day, so keep moving forward!, and I will say that I'm glad to see you here. Same to you Barb. Keep moving toward your goal, and keep stepping on your whole foot, baby!

Thanks for keeping us on track this week, Gabbington. You're terrific, lady! My feeling about money is that it doesn't make you happy, but the lack of it can make you unhappy. At least that has been my experience. Hopefully, we shouldn't have to choose between money and happiness. Hopefully, we can have ENOUGH money to meet our needs so that we can pursue the things that make us happy!

Here's wishing that we can all work on being happier in the relationships that we have or find relationships that we are happy with!

Have I missed anyone?? Special love to you, then!:h

Love to all!
Kathy:l

Welcome Guest to My Way Out Forums.

Announcement

Friday September 22

Friday September 22

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment