Why can't I just stop at noe or two? What's wrong with me?

[agapanthus]

My husband asked, "Why do you have to drink so many beers? Why can't you just have one or two and stop?" Yesterday I had 6. I've done worse, and I think it is less frequent than it used to be but still has to stop. Is it worth trying to moderate? I had a rule for myself not to drink during the day but yesterday I didn't think I would get carried away, but I did. I had exercised, but I hadn't eaten, or taken my supps, or listened to the cds for a while. Thought I had gotten to a point where I didn't need them, I guess. Both my parents are alcoholics. I have a 5 year old daughter, and my husband said, "I don't think this is a behaviour you want her to imitate." I feel so inadequate. No, that's too nice a word. Defective. The tools don't work if I rebel and don't use them because I don't think I need them. Is there hope for me? Sorry to sound morose.

[greeneyes]

Why can't I just stop at noe or two? What's wrong with me?

Ugh, I hate those drinking feelings. You're not inadequate, you know. I'm sure you have realized that none of us can stop at one or two. Not easily or without a lot of pain and suffering or meds or.......to get there and once there... is that moment just waiting to crash upon you? Personally I don't like to see it as something wrong with me. It's just different than those who can. Only you can answer the "worth it" question. Again, for me trying to moderate goes way past not being worth it. I cannot. I know it. I accept it. I am relieved about the knowing and accepting. Final chapter, book closed, and returned to sender.

[agapanthus]

Why can't I just stop at noe or two? What's wrong with me?

Sorry, I don't think there is something wrong with other people, just me! Strange. I get confused because sometimes I'm ok and I do stop at one or two. Then sometimes that rebellious monster comes out and it gets out of hand, one beer at a time. Insidious. Unpredictable. I want to be able to drink socially, and I hardly ever overdo it around other people. It's when I drink beer in the afternoon at home that I get into trouble. Right in front of my little daughter. It's like I don't realize I'm getting drunk. At the time I think I'm just keeping a slight buzz going, but obviously that's not the case. I'm rambling...

[agapanthus]

Why can't I just stop at noe or two? What's wrong with me?

That moment

greeneyes;785699 wrote: .......to get there and once there... is that moment just waiting to crash upon you?

Do you mean the moment when the monster gets the upper hand and I throw caution to the wind and have another drink or several?

[KateH1]

Why can't I just stop at noe or two? What's wrong with me?

Aga....just like sugar is poison to a diabetic, alcohol is poison to those of us who are not able to process it like those without our problem.....period. It is not a weekness it is a physical fact. My thoughts and feelings in regards to alcohol are exactly like greenies.....I now choose not to put the poison in my body..I am not missing anything but a lot of negative feelings and physical ills.....I too am relieved to finally have reached the point of "Acceptance".....what a huge relief!

Best Wishes!

[toughintexas]

Why can't I just stop at noe or two? What's wrong with me?

I could've written you post, any of us could. I have done the samething over and over....Moderate, and "do good", then slack off the supp's, and don't come here enough, and think I have it under control, and WHAM, it really slam dunks you! I want to be "normal" too, but I'm not sure thats possible. I'm doing an AF stint to see, my hubby says the same types of things, he will on occasion go overboard, and used to all the time. He put it down for 6 mos., had no trouble doing it, which AMAZES ME...and he's never drank like he used to, and he lived in Europe and drank wine like iced tea....lol....so maybe I can be that way later on, maybe not, it doesn't matter to me as long as I never go back to the drunken, hungover days! Just go back and start over, and in the afternoons, do something DIFFERENT....that's so key for me!!! Take your daughter and go someplace, or go to the gym, or take a yoga class, do anything except sit there in the house and pop the top. You have to plan for success, I know, cuz I'm doing it right now! Hang in and hang with us!

[agapanthus]

Why can't I just stop at noe or two? What's wrong with me?

Thank you!

[Rusty]

Why can't I just stop at noe or two? What's wrong with me?

Dear Agapanthus,

I know where you're coming from. One of my closest friends who is a recovered alcoholic of 10 years told me, "Just take baby steps if you can't handle the 'I can never drink again theory" because that was me to a T. So I told myself, "ok, have a few nights a week when you don't drink at all. I have been able to stick to that.

Start with 1 or 2 nights AF and see what happens. You might be so proud of yourself you will increase those days to 4, 5, or 7 in a row. Also, I don't know where you live but in the states, there are two excellent books that I would recommend: How to Quit Drinking Without AA by Jerry Dorsman and Controlling Your Drinking by William R. Miller and Ricardo Munoz.

Good luck and PM me if you want.....I've walked in your shoes and asked myself the same questions a few times.

Rusty

[MauMcL]

Why can't I just stop at noe or two? What's wrong with me?

agapanthus;785696 wrote: My husband asked, "Why do you have to drink so many beers? Why can't you just have one or two and stop?" Yesterday I had 6. I've done worse, and I think it is less frequent than it used to be but still has to stop. Is it worth trying to moderate? I had a rule for myself not to drink during the day but yesterday I didn't think I would get carried away, but I did. I had exercised, but I hadn't eaten, or taken my supps, or listened to the cds for a while. Thought I had gotten to a point where I didn't need them, I guess. Both my parents are alcoholics. I have a 5 year old daughter, and my husband said, "I don't think this is a behaviour you want her to imitate." I feel so inadequate. No, that's too nice a word. Defective. The tools don't work if I rebel and don't use them because I don't think I need them. Is there hope for me? Sorry to sound morose.

The more I read of your problem, also my problem, the more I feel moderation is not an option for you. 6 beers in front of your 5 year old daughter? Of course that's damaging to both her and to you. I say this because I care. I hope it doesn't sound judgmental. My daughter is 15 (I also have two sons ages 20 and 18)...Don't miss out on the best years of your life because of alcohol. She is watching -- and taking in -- everything. I will pray for you! You can do this. Maybe you have to do it in stages like some others have suggested, I'm not sure...But I do feel you need to. Can you do something WITH her in the afternoons like build a doll house or start a project that would get your mind off drinking? We all need to stay "engaged." I know I do. Or that monster rears its ugly head. Peace.

[agapanthus]

Why can't I just stop at noe or two? What's wrong with me?

Thanks for your honesty. Yes, it is bad. You are probably right. We did do things together yesterday and I didn't drink, and I feel good about that. She is such a wonderful child and she thinks I am a wonderful mommy...she doesn't know any better. I want so much to be the best mommy I can be. I guess I didn't really realize what I was doing. But now I do, thanks to my husband and you guys. Thank you for your honesty. Every time I have quit and tried to ease into moderation it has escalated again. But then I have never had a plan in place. I don't know. Maybe not "moderation", that suggests regular, almost daily drinking, as another member said. If I make it "occasional" it might not seem so overwhelming in my mind as "never", at least to get me started. Peace to you, too.

[agapanthus]

Why can't I just stop at noe or two? What's wrong with me?

Most of my posts seem to be about struggling and not making moderation work. Not very encouraging...Part of it is I only seem to post when I have slipped up and need support. I do have good days, but I can't be slipping up anymore. Hopefully I can make a new, simple plan work.

1 - try to do 30 days AF
2 - no drinking before 6pm
3 - no more than 2 drinks in any one day
4 - try to have several AF days per week
5 - take the supps regularly, and Topa till I run out
6 - listen to the cds regularly
7 - exercise regularly

If this doesn't work, then I go AF.

[savon19]

Why can't I just stop at noe or two? What's wrong with me?

Hi Aga - Are you going 30 days AF Before you try the other stuff?

Most people who even Think they want to moderate are always "instructed" to do 30 days AF first. I guess the reason for that is 1) to see if you even CAN go 30 days... and if not, then moderation is probably not a good idea; and 2) if you DO go 30 days AF, you'll have a renewed perspective at that time and may even decide you want to continue AF.

But we're all different. Maybe you're one of the few who can keep to that schedule.

Good luck, in any case!

[agapanthus]

Why can't I just stop at noe or two? What's wrong with me?

savon19;786521 wrote: Hi Aga - Are you going 30 days AF Before you try the other stuff?

Most people who even Think they want to moderate are always "instructed" to do 30 days AF first. I guess the reason for that is 1) to see if you even CAN go 30 days... and if not, then moderation is probably not a good idea; and 2) if you DO go 30 days AF, you'll have a renewed perspective at that time and may even decide you want to continue AF.

But we're all different. Maybe you're one of the few who can keep to that schedule.

Good luck, in any case!

Yes...I was craving a beer a few minutes ago but had a mineral water and supps instead. Even though I had a really rough day. Felt good about that. Today is Day 2. I have gone 50 days before (and when I was pregnant, when I was abstinent). So I know I can abstain - seems like the hard part is learning to moderate. Actually "moderate" drinking would be too much for me and lead me back to heavy drinking, so I'm hoping "occasional" won't lead to "moderate" and so forth. But I think 30 days at least would be good. And I'm not sure about even the occasional drink, given the risk, and all the problems it can cause. I guess I have to see for myself - again, with a better plan and tools in place, and if it doesn't work, then I'll know what to do.

[crown86]

Why can't I just stop at noe or two? What's wrong with me?

I know for me I can't stop after a couple because well hmm I fought this damn word for a long time ..ugh..I am an alcoholic. After two drinks the buzzer in my brain goes off and it like ok this feels great, if i drink a little more I will fell even better. Then I used to spend the rest of the night chasing and so called maintaining that euphoric high. All I ever did was knock back about 20 drinks and go over the edge like a puppy chasing a butterfly. Except I became a monster and not a puppy.

I have been doing the sinclaire method now for over a month and the results for me are amazing. I now can stop after one or two without effort 90% of the time and have not made it past 5-6 drinks in the last few weeks with no effort on my part. With the holidays and a fresh break-up with a girl I was engaged to, ended on her part by my drinking prior to tsm, the time was right to black out for 2-3 weeks. With naltrexone and the sinclaire method I went to bed every night sober or just slightly buzzed that I would call it sober by my standard of drunk.

I am not saying it will work for you, there are some it doesnt work for. I have been given a gift from God in my opinion and it has this ex- alter boy on his hands and knees thanking god everynight. It didn't get me back to church..LOL Im such a good catholic drunk.

Anyways, do a search on the sinclaire method and naltrexone and look for the book " The Cure to Alcoholism" Could be a good back up plan. I know for me moderation never worked without TSM.

Good luck in your fight.

[agapanthus]

Why can't I just stop at noe or two? What's wrong with me?

Sounds very interesting. I can't afford it though...But I have new hope for the MWO program, even though I haven't been very consistent with it in the past. I'm happy for you. I'll look into the book, too.

Best to you