Oh God...what happened..

[drylifeahead]

I am in awe of my stupidity.
Can NOT believe, after 70+ days of feeling so healthy, happy, and energetic, I am now right back to where I was.
After all the cautionary tales here, after all the warnings of what WILL happen should I be stupid enough to
actually think I could handle a drink. Those 70 days zipped by. Life was happening. Nothing bad has occurred to
me - yet, but I know it will.
I've done many 2-3 day no alcohol times since. What the hell happened to my resolve???

Re-reading 'what I hate loathe and just cannot stand' thread. I need to dig deep now. :upset:

DLA

[Time4Change1]

Oh God...what happened..

what happened? how much did you drink?

[hart]

Oh God...what happened..

((DLA)))

How bad did you slip? If it was only one day I would really look on it as a slip. Irregardless, 70+ days is fantastic! I'm only on 22 and I'm feeling good.

If it were me, I would look why you drank. Did the beast assure you that you could have one....(very common) and it won.

Did a social situation come up you didn't want to say no? What caused this and how can you handle it in the future?

[drylifeahead]

Oh God...what happened..

hart;794447 wrote: ((DLA)))

How bad did you slip? If it was only one day I would really look on it as a slip. Irregardless, 70+ days is fantastic! I'm only on 22 and I'm feeling good.

If it were me, I would look why you drank. Did the beast assure you that you could have one....(very common) and it won.

Did a social situation come up you didn't want to say no? What caused this and how can you handle it in the future?

T4C1-way too much.

hart, no, this isn't a slip. Why did I drink ??, well, for some RIDICULOUS reason, the retarded thought came into my head I could handle it. Actually let that f'n beast seduce me into thinking...it's ok honey..you're a strong girl and have learned your lesson..

And hart...EXCELLENT on your 22 days!! Fantastic!!
DLA xo

[Kimberley]

Oh God...what happened..

drylifeahead, this happened to me too - and it took me a lot of time to 'get back on the wagon' fully. After nearly 4 months off al, I had a drink cos I was really depressed. Well it did help on that day - it stopped me crying my eyes out. But after that I was back to binging about every fortnight or so. Never managed to get back on track in the same way.

It knocks your self-belief, i think, which is why it is harder the second time around. I have had a lot to cope with during all this time as well, but a lot of it is finally going away. I would suggest sitting down for a long time in peace and quiet and REALLY reviewing what happened when you were AF, thinking over when you slipped, why it is harder to get back on track, what it would do for you if you did get back on track, what would happen if you didn't. Really really think it all through and make another plan.

I am going to do this - hadn't got around to it due to all the tough stuff, but I must do it and in your case as this seems to have happened fairly recently to you, the sooner the better if you can. Hope this helps - can't hurt I guess!

[stirly-girly]

Oh God...what happened..

Hi DLA.
Most of us who have managed AF for any length of time have gone through what you're going through. Kimberley is absolutely right. Take yourself off somewhere quiet and peaceful and think things through. Write it down on paper if it helps, write it on your PC and then print it out, whatever is easiest for you. But think it out and write your thoughts down so that they are there in black and white and so you can read them again to help you remember - 1. How good it felt to be AF, 2. What triggered you into taking a drink again and 3. What you need to do to not fall into that trap again.
Be honest with yourself, that is the only way to get through and over this. And don't beat yourself up about it, just do what Kimberley said and get back on the right track as soon as possible. The longer you put it off, the harder it will be. You can do this. You've already done 70 days so you know it can be done. Make something positive out of this stumble. Make it a lesson on how to hold your ground and not give in no matter how strong the temptation. AL will always be there. A little voice in the back of out heads, a foot stuck out to trip us when we least expect it. We have to learn to ignore the voice and be ready to steady ourselves when we go to stumble. You can do it. You know you can. We all can, individually and together. That's why we're all here. To live a healthier life. Be strong...
Stirly:h

[Guitarista]

Oh God...what happened..

Hi Drylife,
Don't panic just yet!.......;-) Firstly, well done on 70 day's. I've done the same as you have, many times, and now, thankfully, my boof head get's it, and has learned.
Now, get angry. Get angry at your choice to drink again, and where this takes you. You are angry and dissapointed at you, but try to get angry at the situation instead, and use this anger, frustration, dissappointment as an energy. As you will be well aware, the easiest thing to do now, would be to think, 'oh well, feck it! might as well keep drinking' etc....This is the turning point for you, the crossroad's. You will have to choose again, just like you chose to have a drink. Just remember how great you felt and looked, mind, body and soul. How truly free you were, and can be again. It is simple. It is as simple as a choice. A choice to live? or a choice to slowly suicide.
You know your path. Follow it.

[dancelot]

Oh God...what happened..

DLA -

Get right back on the horse and make that sucker go forward! That's what riders have to do when we get dumped. Plus remind that pony where dog food comes from.

AL is a sneaky devil - be aware of his tricks, look the little bastard in the eye, and face down his sorry evil ass.

I agree with all the previous advice as well about the triggers, etc. Good for you knowing it's not a "slip" (I know some people use that term - I don't like it personally because it sounds so harmless). It's an eye opener, for sure - if you nip it in the bud, kick it's ass hard and move on, it's a "sobering" (no pun intended) lesson learned. Think of you've got 70 sober days, then 1 day not - give more weight to those 70 AF and move on. 1 Day of an eye opening lesson. That doesn't excuse or minimize or give permission - it's seeing it for what it is, and then leaving it.

Get back up - you can do it!

[Zeppie2]

Oh God...what happened..

Hiya Dry - the same thing happened to me and I'm sure it has happened to many of us. I got 4 months under my belt and then tried to moderate and ended up back to were I started.

I have now decided that I do not even want to attempt to moderate ever again and I am happy with my decision. Some of us can't moderate.

Well done on your 70 days anyway and here's to the next 70 and beyond

[drylifeahead]

Oh God...what happened..

Thank you Kimberley.
I was so strong, and now find myself a weepy ughhhh omg yucky mess. Al did not give me strength. It makes me cry, and I just hate!!
feeling so weak. I'm hoping it won't be so hard this time around, and if so, so be it. Fecking done with this crap. Yes, I'm doing a lot
of soul searching tonight, and thank you for your helpful words.

stirly-girly, that I have not done yet. Write my thoughts on paper. Can not do on pc...may yikes, actually send it to someone. sheesh!
It's very hard to not beat myself up however. I swear, once on tract, this was such a damn valuable lesson, I will never forget.

Guitarista, it is hard to not panic. I know how much AL can, and will destroy everything I have worked so hard for. I thought I
'had it' too. And, I am soo pissed at myself, you've no idea. I will use this anger as my stepping stone to get right back to where I was
in the beginning of Dec.

dancelot..it is sneaky...the f'er. Damn damn damn. Never again. This, however was not a 1 day slip...more like a month plus of increasing
craziness. Need my sanity back. Need that strength, and love for life back.

Thank you Zeppie2. Here`s to a lifetime of being DRY. xo

DLA :l :l

[Guitarista]

Oh God...what happened..

That's the 'spirit' Dry!
From now on, you are alcohol free. Today, right now. New lesson's learned, new life. You are free again. For me, this kind of thinking helped.

Best wishes, and nail it!

[dancelot]

Oh God...what happened..

DLA -

Like Guitarista said, get mad at AL, not yourself, and use that anger to fuel your resolve. It's still a lesson if you use it as one. That little evil voice tells us bad stuff, tries to make us feel guilty, and when we feel guilty we want to drink again. That nasty little shit AL! It is like "cunning, baffling, powerful" as the saying goes. One day, hour, minute at a time - you know the drill.

[Doggygirl]

Oh God...what happened..

Welcome back DLA! Go look in the mirror, and say "BITE ME, AL!!" 10 times loud. OK?

I went down that road too. For me, it was at the 60 day AF mark that I decided maybe I was fixed. (well, AL whispered that lie in my ear and I listened!) I too went right back where I came from. I wish this lesson didn't have to be learned first hand, but it seems for most of us, it does. So now you have learned it, so now get back on the wagon.

The good news is that AFLand feels just as good the second time around as it did the first!

DG

[jessie]

Oh God...what happened..

Hi Dry. I'm sad for you as well - and it frightens me because it is such early days for me. How about a more positive name? Drylifeahead makes the future sound so joyless. Just a thought.

[KateH1]

Oh God...what happened..

Hi Drylife....good to see you!

Damn....all I can think of is the phrase "Alcohol is Cunning and Baffling"...and indeed it is! For me, it was at 28 days of sobriety that I decided that maybe I was "cured" and that I could handle a drink.....NOT! But, I began again the next day and yes, I did learn a huge lesson!

So, get back on board....we are here to support you and help in any way we can. By the way...your 70 is a huge accomplishment and you still Own That!!

xxx Kate