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**Guest** · October 9, 2006, 09:59 AM

Monday October 9th

WOW.
I missed a lot yesterday.
Gypsi, I'm glad that by the end of yesterday, you started feeling a bit better. Remember that you are doing so much better than you were, and you are doing this for YOU. You are allowed to be a bit selfish! If your friend was the one who pointed you to this website, she must have been concerned about your drinking, and I just don't understand why she's not at giving you a bit of encouragement for moving forward. Guess it goes back to those people who "don't have a problem". They don't understand. You are doing great! From 7 days to 2 or 3 is great step forward for your health and well being. You keep it up! Hopefully you and she will work it out in the best way suited for both of you.
Waves, keep that positive light on! Hope you have a happy monday! There's only up from here, right?:l I hope you got some sleep last night.
Judie, sounds like the party was great. You will forever have those dang glass-sniffers, won't you?? What's up with that? Man, that would annoy me. Gotta find a way to sabotage your drink... put sulphur in the one in your hand or something... or something to turn their nostrils green. You sip secretly out of a secret chamber hidden under your dress and threaded up through a straw just tucked inside your bra...I think I'm on to something:H
Dilayne, hope your sessions are all going well. Let the creative juices flow, and don't forget to let me know when your stuff goes on EBay! I already told hubby I wanna bid. Hope this week goes well as far as you meeting your moderation goals.

To the topa increasers: Jen, SM Mary, Rachele: I'm glad you guys are at the exact same spot...noticing 150 is helping quite a bit, but tentatively going up still. I had 10 LESS DRINKS than I had been drinking (average) over the last few months. (was in the 30's or so, last week had 23). Before the program, was in the 50 range:egad: . Shocking, but true. I didn't even realize that until I started writing it down, but if you drink 1-2 bottles of wine a night several times per wk... it adds up! I figure I'd drink about 30 drinks just over the weekend alone. ANYHOW, my moderation goal is to ultimately and forever drink a total week average in the teens. 1-2 per day average. Not that I would be drinking every day, but that on average, I'm not putting down a frigging bottle of wine or more per day.
OK, here's my little problem of the moment. I can't go above 150 for 2 more wks. Until after the race. My system can't take the added fatigue and spaciness! The willpower of knowing I have to run that race is enough, so I'm ok. I'll dose up after that, but I'll be a bit behind you all.

13 more days until San Fran!!! Last long run tomorrow before tapering off... getting very excited! I could use some good ideas for fun songs to load into my ipod if anyone has favorites! Thanks!

THANK YOU EVERYONE for responding to Saturday's hubby issue thread. I've read through it 3 times. It seems like everyone has had some sort of experience with this and it's common. That at least gives me comfort knowing that I'm not alone in this, and you all also reminded me that this is new for HIM too. I'll be patient

. It does feel great to not have to be stumbling over yourself to constantly be making up for whatever it was you did that you don't remember last night, huh?
Here's to us, muffins! Happy Monday! Enjoy some Columbus Day shopping! I'm going to buy some new RUNNING SHOES! and sunglasses.
Bye!

**Guest** · October 9, 2006, 09:59 AM

Monday October 9th

Lush, Are you home yet?

**InnerStrength** · October 9, 2006, 10:27 AM

Monday October 9th

Good morning

Good Monday morning my wonderful muffins
Well, today is officially Thanksgiving Monday in Canada and in light of that - I hope you guys wont mind - but I am going to propose that we do a brief thank you for the things we have to be thankful for in life. I think I may have done this briefly before in the mods group but I am going to do it again now because I think its really important that we remember how much we have to be thankful for..and I think we should all take a few minutes to do the same thing....trust me, you will feel good after

SOOO, I am thankful for:
1) My wonderful, brave mother who blew my mind with her courage in entering treatment voluntarily and has come out stronger than ever and who always listens to me and accepts me despite what I have to tell her. She has a heart of gold and I am so proud of her. (Now she cant wait for another 6 months to go by so she can volunteer at the rehab centre). I am thankful to have such a wonderful mother.
2) I am thankful for having a wonderful father with a heart of gold who loves his girls to death, even though sometimes he doesnt know how to deal with alcohol problems, though he tries. I am thankful for my father who does his best.
3) I am thankful for my sister who is always there for me and who has seen me drunk far too many times, and whose heart I have broken too many times by my drunken confessions, or drunken behaviours, lies etc. I am thankful to have a forgiving, patient sister who is also my best friend.
4) I am thankful for a good husband who, although I want to strangle him a lot, is also one of my best friends and has proven himself to be a rock, especially lately.
5) I am thankful for having good friends who are there for me when I need them.
6) I am thankful for you guys - who are great friends of mine now and who I have come to think of as my family. I am SO thankful for each of you :l :l
7) I am so thankful for living in a country and in circumstances where worrying about where the next meal will come from, or where I will sleep that night, etc. is not a consideration. I am thankful for living in a safe country where I do not feel I have to worry about the constant threat of suicide bombings,etc. I am grateful to be living where I am.
8) I am especially grateful to be discovering for the first time in my life a sense of spirituality which I have never experienced before.

Thank you.
I love you all
Jen:h

**lushy** · October 9, 2006, 10:28 AM

Monday October 9th

Hi all! Yes, I am sad to say I am back. It was just a beautiful weekend and I am now in vacation letdown. However, at the same time I am not feeling good about myself today. I drank way too much this weekend and I am slowly realizing that mods might not be for me. I am in a really bad cycle that I just cannot seem to break and I am sick of it and I am sick of me!!!! I can go AF without problem but when I choose to drink I am drinking too much. However, I am not implementing all the parts of the program so that is my goal for this week. That, and to exercise. Looks like I missed some good discussions over the weekend. My hubby is definitely an enabler but he has no choice because when, in the past, he would ever say he was concerned about how much I was drinking I would yell at him. He knows this is only something I can do for myself. Anyhow, sorry to keep this short but work is calling me.....ick!!! Becca, is it possible? Did you maybe miss me a little?? I missed all of you but it was good to get away from my computer! Have a great day Muffs! Great job Jenneh on so many days AF!!! You are an inspiration.

**lushy** · October 9, 2006, 10:31 AM

Monday October 9th

Jenneh, we were posting at the same time.......Happy Thanksgiving to you! I loved your post, and I too, have much to be thankful for. Thanks for making me focus on that this morning instead of my self-imposed pity party. I am thankful for my husband, my beautiful kind hearted daughter, my home, and so much more. I am thankful to have found this site because it is getting me to where I need to be. I am thankful to all of you for the laughs when I so desperately need them............

**InnerStrength** · October 9, 2006, 10:37 AM

Monday October 9th

Lusc
Did you get my PM? I TOTALLY missed you. In your honour I inserted you into my continuation of the "once upon a time" thread - take a look...
Love you
Jen

**Allie** · October 9, 2006, 10:54 AM

Monday October 9th

Hi everyone!
Wow Lush -- can totally relate to a little vacation letdown. We got home LATE last night after 12 hours of travelling (including layovers). We are so unbelievably exhausted and taking the day "off" to recuperate before we make the transition back into the real world!! But I was thankful to have the opportunity to go, and although it was a business trip for my husband, I on the other hand, had tons of fun and refreshment just from the sheer beauty of the island and getting away from the kids and the stress with my Mom that I have been under.

So I imbibed a bit too much, as the company paid for everything and there was an "open bar" policy for the whole week. There were tiki bars at the pool, 12 restaurants inside the resort, and I couldnt even go lie on the beach without a waiter coming up to ask if I wanted a drink! But I moderated really well considering. I am not much of a drinker during the day, so that was pretty easy. I would have a pina colada here and there while lying by the pool and beach, but I think it was as much for the flavor (OMG were they good!) as to complete the "picture" in my mind of ultimate paradise. Evenings were my biggest challenge, but hubby was always with me then to help me stay on track. We both cut a bit loose and he never got upset with me or anything, and we both went to bed feeling "pretty good" every night, but I dont regret it a bit. It was a blast! Thankfully, I feel all "partied" out right now and am ready to get back to a bit of routine and back on track with all my supps, etc. Think I'm gonna do a few days of AF to cleanse a bit too after all the food, sugar, alcohol etc that I have consumed!

Jenneh, Happy Thanksgiving as well and for the reminder to constantly keep our focus on that which we have to be grateful for rather than allowing the negatives to cloud our thought life. I am especially grateful to have such an incredible Mom and that she is still alive today. I pray she will be around this time next year. And I am unbelievably grateful for this site, what it has done for me and for the friendships I have made along the way. And to my husband.... wow. I love him more and more every day for what he has been for me and the turn-around in our relationship. Life is hard, but life is good!

If anyone wants to see pics from my trip, sent me a private message with your email address. Some of you I already have.

Allie

**lushy** · October 9, 2006, 11:08 AM

Monday October 9th

Welcome back Allie! It was nice that you could keep in touch with us while you were away. I will PM you my e-mail because I would love to see pictures. Jen, got your PM and you just sound like you are in such a good strong place. Bravo my friend!!!! Oh and your incessant cheering on the muffin bus had me laughing out loud. Becca, how long is this run in SF? I MUST get out exercising this week. I just must!!! I believe the three pounds I had lost has plopped back on my muffin over the weekend.........

**MKR** · October 9, 2006, 11:08 AM

Monday October 9th

Good morning mods!

Wow, this weekend was quite a soul searching journey here. I am sorry I missed yesterday. You ladies are so full of wisdom and introspective thoughts, it was quite sad and heartwarming to come read yestrerdays posts. I love you all so much! Those struggling know we are all here for each other!

Still have my part time guy for today so I have to run again but will try to make it up to you ladies later in the week.

Had about one and half glasses of wine on Saturday evening. It was a pino noir and man before I was halfway through the second glass (about 3 hours later) I had that headache, not hung over but the one I get from red wines often. So, AF yesterday and lots of water.

Hugs and Love with Gratitude that you are all here and wonderful friends!
Mary

**Guest** · October 9, 2006, 11:27 AM

Monday October 9th

Jen: I can't believe I forgot to wish you a Happy Thanksgiving!!! Canadian Gobble Gobble! Wonderful post, by the way. Send my love to your family. Especially your mom. It sounds like her strength is growing every day and your mutual admiration and love is, as well. That's incredible.

Welcome back, Lush and Allie! Heck, yeah, I missed ya, Lush! I know what it's like to get back from vacation... tough to get back on the "wagon"... mods, AF for a few days or whatever. Jump back on! We're here if you need to be here extra.

To answer your question, Lush, the run is a half marathon. 13.1 miles. I'm not quite at the full marathon status yet and don't know if I ever will be... that takes training that almost involves compromising other areas of your life. Seriously! I've had a hard enough time training for this and with the fundraising and all. You all know how obsessed I've been!! (bet you'll be glad when I can shut the heck up about it!! hee hee--that aside, you have been so supportive it warms my heart tremendously).
My goal for the run: I did the Virginia Beach 1/2 marathon in 2 hours, 28 minutes, so I just want to beat that time! Simple enough. Since I've started running in the spring, I've gone from barely being able to trudge through a mile and a half, to being able to get through 5 miles with lots of breaks in 1 hour flat, to longer runs, to increasing my speed (Friday I did a 5 mile trail run in 46 minutes, 10 seconds--whoo hOOOOOO!). Planning my last long training run tomorrow. 11 miles, I think. I'll let you know my time!
So again, I'm out the door to get new running shoes. Been wearing the same ones since I started and they say you should get new ones after about 300-400miles. Crazily enough.... by my guesstimate, I have about that many miles beneath my feet.

Be back later!

**Quiescent** · October 9, 2006, 11:32 AM

Monday October 9th

Allie,
I'm glad you had a great time on your trip!

Jenneh, you are wise beyond your years. Thank you for the opportunity to be thankful today.

Lush, I'm sorry your feeling down on yourself today. We've all been there and can relate to the dance between thoughts of moderating or abstaining. I still don't have a decision! Reading about Allies vacation doesn't help, I can't imagine taking such a vacation and not drinking

I am thankful for:

1) My Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Who gives me strength to move forward.
2) My three beautiful children, who are healthy rays of light in my life.
3) My husband who is always willing to try when I ask.
4) Our church Pastors who run a caring and loving ministry. Everytime I start to drift away, they gently pull me back.
5) All my great friends here at MWO, RJ for giving me these tools and putting me on this road!
6) My best friend Debbie, who has always been there for me.

I have so much to be thankful for!

**Saint Jude** · October 9, 2006, 11:37 AM

Monday October 9th

Allie, Oh yes INDEED I want to see pics! Not ALL of them...Ha (especialy the kayaking ones!)... you know!!
Glad you're home & had such a great time! I really think moderation can work, if you're determined. I do think the topa is a major part of that... I know I was wayyy suprised in Vegas, when I had all my time "free" to play. I just know from experience, what I'm capable of, with alcohol available... 24 -7!!

Jen, love your post on gratefulness... I could write a book! There's sooo much! But a most of it starts right here. Without this program, so much of my life was slipping by unoticed. Before I found MWO, I was at a point where I wasn't enjoying much at all. I was just hiding out & drinking & isolating. Not a good place to be.
Now that I have my life back,a great husband,a wonderful family, I also have my self respect, health, I wake up in the morning glad to get up! Instead of dreading the light of day... Now there's something to be grateful for!!

Becca, I like the straw inside the bra idea! Except you shouldv'e seen the dress I was wearing!! Strapless!! Black velvet! Pretty fancy! I just love those vintage stores...$14 bucks,... looks like a million! HA!

Rachele, hope you sleep better tonight. Hugs back at ya!

Welcome back Lush! We missed you! Don't get down on yourself. You were on vacation... you'll get back on track.

Love to all,... :l :h Judie

**Waves 2** · October 9, 2006, 12:03 PM

Monday October 9th

Hi, Once again thanks for the words of wisdom. 3 hours sleep in total last night- not good but did manage to stay AF so that is a positive. I am thankful for my senses which help me to see the beautiful sunsets and feel the cold autumn breezes. :thanks: :h hugs to all:l You are wonderful

**gypsi** · October 9, 2006, 12:07 PM

Monday October 9th

Chicken Soup for Thanksgiving

Happy Monday, Muffins!

It's a great day. Yesterday (and all that yesterday was) is over, I was AF last night (it was actually easy to do) and another week is here. Before I get too far into my post, let me give you Chicken Soup for today -

In every journey there can be meaning; every conflict, growth; in every action, there can be purpose but only if I allow it to be so.
I will look at my mistakes as learning what works and what doesn't.
Today, I will allow meaning, growth, purpose and learning in my life.
-Brenda Nixon

And -

Be not afraid of growing slowly; be afraid of standing still.
-Chinese Proverb

Today's soup seems to be speaking to you, lush. Try not to beat yourself up for what you did/did not accomplish with your drinking goals while on vacation. Use it instead as a learning experience; figure out what the triggers were and move on from there. I think that's one of the hardest things I've had to learn; how to forgive myself when I choose to drink. I am much like you - when I drink, it's gonna be until I can't stand up anymore.

Things that I am thankful for -
[list type=decimal][*] My health. Despite the years of abuse by alcohol, I still have relatively good health.[*] My husband. He's been my rock this year while the pain of loss keeps crashing on me. My cats. What can I say? No matter what I do or do not do, they love me anyway (as long as their food dish is full!)Where I live. Living in Alaska has given me the opportunity to experience so many different things; fishing while wearing bunny boots, peeing while a wolf puppy sniffed my butt (shoulda been standing up, I guess :H), barbequeing at -70 during Super Bowl Sunday.[/list type=decimal]I have so many other things to be thankful for, but I want to get this posted before the power goes out again.

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