Good Tuesday morning Absville!
Ya know, I just realized that I have been neglecting one of my mayoral duties. :blush: Why didn?t someone tell me? OK, it?s my first time doing this job, so hopefully you?ll cut me a little slack. But the first person to post a reply every day is supposed to get a prize, paid for by the city! And some of the prizes are pretty nice. I forget who it was during Gabby?s reign that won a motor home ? was it Brigid? Gina? Anyway, be sure to jump on board and post first thing?. The city council has approved a large budget for this week?s prizes. And I have some catching up to do on doling them out!!
Also my hypnotherapist got me to thinking (I know, dangerous, huh) about what are the benefits I get from drinking. I mean, human beings don?t do anything without a payoff. We?re pretty selfish that way. Even when we think we are doing something charitable, there is still a payoff (it makes us feel good that we?re being charitable). So if we keep on drinking in spite of how miserable it makes us, what?s the bloody payoff? That?s what I want to know.
I can accept that my brain has some screwed up wiring, and that maybe I?m genetically predisposed to abuse the stuff. But what does it actually do for me? Hmmm.
I can also accept that I should not ? no, cannot -- drink any more. I?ve used up all my drinking tokens. It?s just not an option. So whatever it was that drinking accomplished for me, I have to find another way to achieve, or live without having that need met.
So for instance, here are just a couple of examples.
?Drinking helps me to relax.? OK, well, I suppose this is true. So would Ether but I don?t use that. Does that mean I can?t relax without alcohol? No ? I was perfectly capable of relaxing without it for 21 years before I started drinking. However, I am grossly out of practice doing it, and need to re-learn this skill. This will be a challenge for me in recovery.
?Drinking helps relieve stress.? Oh yeah. Right. It does ? for a few hours. Then the next morning I have rebound anxiety, and the stress is worse. So this is not really a benefit, but an impairment. It causes more stress in the long run.
?Drinking helps me to be more sociable.? Hmmm. Well, yes and no. It certainly removes inhibitions. And if I happen to be around other people I will talk to them more. I might even tell them things that I shouldn?t tell them ? things that I would regret telling them, if only I remembered telling them the next day. That?s one benefit of blackouts, I guess. And maybe it is considered to be more sociable to walk up to complete strangers in bars and plant a big drunken kiss on them. Yeah, that?s sociable all right, until you get punched in the face. But the last year or so of my drinking I became an isolated, stay-at-home drinker, because I was too scared to drink in public. I was afraid of what I might do or say, and end up in our local small-town paper. So it is hard to be sociable alone in one?s apartment, unless you count chat rooms or the telephone.
OK, so far alcohol has scored about half a point for relaxation, and that?s it. What else did it do for me?
I think the two main things it did for me were these.
1. It kept me from facing reality. I didn?t have to deal with emotions. I didn?t have to grow up and have real relationships. I didn?t have to face certain aspects of myself that I didn?t like.
2. It served to reinforce my low self-esteem. I believed that I didn?t deserve to be happy or healthy. Maybe I got used to the constant drama of drunks and hangovers and the turmoil surrounding them. The routine of drinking, remorse, swearing off, relapsing, the whole cycle just served to show me I was a failure. And I think that is why I had such a hard time letting it go.
So ? it did serve a purpose in my life. It did do something for me. It wasn?t something positive, but it was something I apparently wanted or needed on some level.
We all drink for different reasons. If alcohol has any true benefits for you, and your goal is to stay sober (even for a short time) then you must find an alternate way to meet those needs. So I?m curious ? what makes the ?drinker? in you tick? Can you identify any of the things that alcohol truly accomplishes for you?
Ya know, I just realized that I have been neglecting one of my mayoral duties. :blush: Why didn?t someone tell me? OK, it?s my first time doing this job, so hopefully you?ll cut me a little slack. But the first person to post a reply every day is supposed to get a prize, paid for by the city! And some of the prizes are pretty nice. I forget who it was during Gabby?s reign that won a motor home ? was it Brigid? Gina? Anyway, be sure to jump on board and post first thing?. The city council has approved a large budget for this week?s prizes. And I have some catching up to do on doling them out!!
Also my hypnotherapist got me to thinking (I know, dangerous, huh) about what are the benefits I get from drinking. I mean, human beings don?t do anything without a payoff. We?re pretty selfish that way. Even when we think we are doing something charitable, there is still a payoff (it makes us feel good that we?re being charitable). So if we keep on drinking in spite of how miserable it makes us, what?s the bloody payoff? That?s what I want to know.
I can accept that my brain has some screwed up wiring, and that maybe I?m genetically predisposed to abuse the stuff. But what does it actually do for me? Hmmm.
I can also accept that I should not ? no, cannot -- drink any more. I?ve used up all my drinking tokens. It?s just not an option. So whatever it was that drinking accomplished for me, I have to find another way to achieve, or live without having that need met.
So for instance, here are just a couple of examples.
?Drinking helps me to relax.? OK, well, I suppose this is true. So would Ether but I don?t use that. Does that mean I can?t relax without alcohol? No ? I was perfectly capable of relaxing without it for 21 years before I started drinking. However, I am grossly out of practice doing it, and need to re-learn this skill. This will be a challenge for me in recovery.
?Drinking helps relieve stress.? Oh yeah. Right. It does ? for a few hours. Then the next morning I have rebound anxiety, and the stress is worse. So this is not really a benefit, but an impairment. It causes more stress in the long run.
?Drinking helps me to be more sociable.? Hmmm. Well, yes and no. It certainly removes inhibitions. And if I happen to be around other people I will talk to them more. I might even tell them things that I shouldn?t tell them ? things that I would regret telling them, if only I remembered telling them the next day. That?s one benefit of blackouts, I guess. And maybe it is considered to be more sociable to walk up to complete strangers in bars and plant a big drunken kiss on them. Yeah, that?s sociable all right, until you get punched in the face. But the last year or so of my drinking I became an isolated, stay-at-home drinker, because I was too scared to drink in public. I was afraid of what I might do or say, and end up in our local small-town paper. So it is hard to be sociable alone in one?s apartment, unless you count chat rooms or the telephone.
OK, so far alcohol has scored about half a point for relaxation, and that?s it. What else did it do for me?
I think the two main things it did for me were these.
1. It kept me from facing reality. I didn?t have to deal with emotions. I didn?t have to grow up and have real relationships. I didn?t have to face certain aspects of myself that I didn?t like.
2. It served to reinforce my low self-esteem. I believed that I didn?t deserve to be happy or healthy. Maybe I got used to the constant drama of drunks and hangovers and the turmoil surrounding them. The routine of drinking, remorse, swearing off, relapsing, the whole cycle just served to show me I was a failure. And I think that is why I had such a hard time letting it go.
So ? it did serve a purpose in my life. It did do something for me. It wasn?t something positive, but it was something I apparently wanted or needed on some level.
We all drink for different reasons. If alcohol has any true benefits for you, and your goal is to stay sober (even for a short time) then you must find an alternate way to meet those needs. So I?m curious ? what makes the ?drinker? in you tick? Can you identify any of the things that alcohol truly accomplishes for you?
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