Here I am... again

[AllApologies]

so I guess it's kind of weird to be back here, a few of you might remember me, most of you probably not. I seem to post sporadically now, every few months or so it's another crisis, another disaster.

I was sober a month last year, nearly exactly one year ago. I modded for one month. And now I'm drinking, and it's not much, not as much as it used to be but I feel I need it more, I try and stop and suddenly it's like an electric shock through my whole body, I have to keep going, have the same amount by the same time every day. Whether I feel I want to or not, I'm drinking every day and I don't know how to break out of this cycle, I'm scared, for the first time since I realised I had a problem, I'm truly scared to stop.

please help.

[aspman]

Here I am... again

hi AP, have you been to your doctor or tryed the sups?

[byebyebridgetjones]

Here I am... again

It's a weird compulsion isn't it ?
Definitely start with the supplements mentioned in the book, if you haven't already.
I'm fairly skeptical, but I can honestly say that L-Glutamine poured directly from the capsule under your tongue at 'the witching hour' works wonders. It's temporary, but works.
Might it be time to bite the bullet and as Aspy said, see your doctor or an addiction specialist and talk about medication ? I haven't tried the meds myself, but so many people seem to have varying degrees of success.
I know exactly how you feel, and hope you can get help soon.
Bridget.

[Reenie]

Here I am... again

I can relate to how tough it is to jump off the vicious cycle of drinking. You took the right step to post here on the boards. I wonder if you have a close family member or friend who you can confide in. It would be great to tell someone that you are having a hard time stopping drinking. Once you come clean with you issue, you will feel a sense of freedom. It might provoke you to stop drinking immediately. One day of sobriety can lead to many days of sobriety. Once the AL gets out of your system, you will feel mentally healthier and more inspired to carry on. I agree with ordering the supps and drinking lots of water. At the bottom of my signature I have written, "We are only as sick as our secrets". When ever I get "caught" drinking, or when I confide in my husband I have an issue, I'm more inclined to put down the bottle. I'm on Day 3. I'm feeling better already. I wan't to get as far away from the vicious cycle of daily drinking as possible.

[Cindi]

Here I am... again

It is scary to stop when you feel so crappy. Like you literally can't live without it. I was recently AF for 3 months then about 2 months ago I started my old ways again. I am on day 8 AF again and it feels sooo good. Yes I have anxiety and the first few days were Hell I was so tempted to drink to feel better-isn't that a joke. So glad I stuck those first few days out. Nothing feels as good as being sober feels. When I started drinking again I was miserable! You can do it.

One day..no...one minute at a time.

[TakeHeart]

Here I am... again

Hang in there!

I'm just on day 2. Just wanted to let you know that I'm cheering for you. Starting is the hardest part for me. And, I'm not as afraid to stop as I am that I can't do it.

But, we have to try, right? Certainly aren't going to turn this problem around if we don't at least try. And the sooner, the better because there's a better life waiting for us.

Blessings!

[Lavande]

Here I am... again

Hi AllApologies,

We both started MWO last year at the same time - welcome back! This is a good place & the program does work if you stick to it.
Jump back on board, you know the routine. Stay close, check it & post everyday, it's really helped me tremendously.
Drop in the Newbies Nest thread, I still post there everyday. It's good to feel connected, discuss things with others going through it too

Wishing you the best!

Lav