New, confused and afraid.

[pussycat]

I don't know how I found you but I did.
I'm a woman who used to drink a couple of glasses of wine about four days a week. Two years ago my husband and I split up after infertility treatments and numerous miscarriages, took it's toll on our relationship. I now drink up to one bottle of wine a night. The warm feeling and sense of well being that few drinks would give me is long gone. I'm now desperate to get home and have that first drink, I keep drinking and I feel shitty most days. I avoid activities in the evening that would interfere with my drinking. I'll go to a party or out for dinner because I can drink but not to a class or something. I'm tired, anxious, and very ashamed. I think it is affecting my memory and I feel bitchy and anxious a lot. I have tried to cut down but I lie to myself and keep drinking.
How do I begin? I don't want to take topomax because I'm very sensitive to drugs and I just had a really difficult time getting off celexa but i'm off now and I'm glad of that. I take ativan to help me sleep and I'm probably dependent on that , too because I've been on it for one year.
My goal would be to lower my tolerence and eventually be able to drink moderately, not more than two and not every day. Sounds normal, huh? But right now it's impossible.
So, how do I begin, what can I do today?
Pussycat

:new:

[InnerStrength]

New, confused and afraid.

Hi Pussycat and welcome!
You have come to the right place!
We all know completely where you are coming from. We all know all too well what you are talking about - that feeling that you know the drinking is not good for you, but you just cant seem to stop, the lying to yourself etc....
I know that all too well.
What can you do today? Well, I would start by downloading the book, taking a couple of hours and reading that and the various posts oin this site. (I am pretty sure you can still download the book for free- go to the main page on this site - at the top of the screen you will see "My Blog" as an option - cliick on that - you will go to Roberta Jewell's blog (she founded this site) and I am pretty sure you can download the book from there. The book explains the program in detail.
Believe me. you probably feel completely alone right now, and I really do understand - it can feel like no one else can possibly comprehend where you are coming from and how your are suffering. But you have come to a place where are all in the same boat. We all know what its like. So welcome home.
Feel free to ask any questions. You will find tons of support here.
Hug
Jen

[pussycat]

New, confused and afraid.

Thank you.

For your supportive comments! I feel better just reading your letter. I read the book online. What do you do to break the pattern, to put the bottle away and stop after one or two? Is there a techniqu(s) for that? It's just me myself and I and one of us, the one that wants to keep drinking, seems to be in charge, You know?
Where are you in this process?
Have a great day.
P

[lushy]

New, confused and afraid.

Welcome Pussycat. You have come to a good place. We are all in different stages of drinking/not drinking here as you will soon find out. Some of us abstain and others moderate. I am a moderator but still not doing what I need to be. I know the love affair with wine and the buzz and the relaxation.......but we must find a way to deal with life without needing it. Stick around here and get to know some people; it could be life changing for you.

[Saint Jude]

New, confused and afraid.

Hi Pussycat & welcome:welcome: . Glad you're here. You'll find some wonderful support here on these boards. It really helps to be able to relate to people who know exactly what you're going thru. Before I found this program, I was waaayyy beyond control. Drinking myself sick, daily. Not able to function, let alone work, and forget about being a companion or wife, or enjoying myself, or anyone else for that matter. The self loathing is THE WORST! Basically, alcohol was controling my life... I wasn't in control AT ALL. Now I feel I've turned that completely around, thanks to this program... It's a wonderful journey to have your life back! Keep reading & posting. Glad to meet ya!:l , Judie

[pussycat]

New, confused and afraid.

Thanks judie and lush for the welcome!

You have all made me feel welcome.
Best, Pussycat

[Mary Anne]

New, confused and afraid.

Welcome!!

:welcome: Hi there pussycat!! Welcome, just keep coming back, read the book, I am sensitive to meds too, but doing well on the topamax, you may want to try it & see how you do (?)

Anyway, you are in the right place, and like others have said we are all at different levels of our recovery and have eachother to lean on, which is great.

Happy reading!!

Mary Anne:h :l

[YoungAtHeart]

New, confused and afraid.

Hey Pussycat,

Maybe it is good that you are sensitive to medication. You might be able to take topamax but not need very much of it to have it work! Even if you don't want to use it, the supplements like the kudzu and the l-glutamine have been very helpful to many people in reducing their drinking.

Do a lot of reading, both the book and the posts, and don't be afraid to ask questions. This site is the best, and so are the people. I think you will begin to find a lot of answers to your questions and a solution to your problem here. You will have to work at it, but I have faith that you can do it.

All the best to you!
Kathy

[pussycat]

New, confused and afraid.

Thanks Maryanne and Kathy!

Your comments are very helpful!
Pussycat

[julie]

New, confused and afraid.

Hi Pussycat. You sound very much like me. I too love wine; it gives me something to do with my hands. I too had some fertility problems and when I did have my son, I was affected by pretty severe Post-partum depression. Fortunately, and very difficultly, my husband & I survived and my son just turned six last weekend. All is well on that front now. In the past, my husband & I were big partiers...out to dinner all the time and drinks all the time. but then I quite for several years.. I just got fed up with the "day after crap"...like you said, feeling shitty, tired, bitchy, and especially the weight gain. See for me, drinking makes me hungry so I eat, then the next morning I have to eat otherwise, I'm sick.

Now I'm back to drinking and my husband stopped 5 years ago. He's very strong willed.

Question, Do you have little willpower? I do and I bet you do to. Like you said, probably every morning you say "I've got to quit this. Dear God help me to stop. I don't like the way I look and especially the way I feel." I do this just about ever morning after drinking. I have low willpower, but more importantly, I feel like I can solve my own problem (drinking....infertility) without help. I feel like I can do this on my own.... You probably can, but you just need to get to that point where you say...."I do not want to feel like this anymore."

As much as I am looking for help and suggestions, my suggestion to you is.....keep yourself busy, do a crossword puzzle or try Sudoku (this is a new # puzzle and it's really, really cool) If you're a tiny bit obsessive compulsive, you'd like it! Don't sit and watch tv only. You can watch tv & do puzzles at the same time. TV along will only make you want a glass of wine in your hands. Might I suggest having a glass (in a wine glass) of Perrier water or Pelligrino, or Seltzer. If this won't do, you could make a white wine spritzer (wine & seltzer). It would give you the effect of drinking, yet not get you as buzzed. For me, if I don't have things to do...making dinner, eating dinner, cleaning up, doing/folding laundry, then I just go to bed. You can't drink if you're sleeping. Let me know if any of this helps.

Thanks for writing. you sound so much like me. I bet you're young and beautiful with lots of confidence, yet you're harboring this habit.

Talk soon and take care. Julie.

[pussycat]

New, confused and afraid.

Oh Julie!

Yes I am a lot like what you say! How'd you know? I do have that conversation every morning with myself..
I've gained weight, I look tired, I have bags, all adding to feeling bad about myself. I have pretty good will power except with this demon!! And the TV, you're so right, just makes me want to drink, it's so mind numbing..I really appreciate your suggestions..I think that I might have to abstain because when I cut back it makes me drink more the next night or the night after.
The infertility is a scarring experience, just terrible. I'm so glad for you that you have your son and that your marriage survived. So, how are you doing and what stage are you at? I'd love to hear more about your situation..And I know what you mean about going to bed!! Sometimes I just go to bed so that I won't drink any more! For me re-framing is very important-I've learned this in counselling- so you really have to watch "how" you talk to yourself and what labels you might give yourself. Feeling that you are not powerless and that you are working on gaining control is key..Negative self talk is REALLY self defeating. So i've dropped , "I have a problem", I'm a problem drinker, I'm failing. Instead it's, "I'm drinking too much" I want a healthier lifestyle. I want to feel good about my days and this is interfering. I am getting stronger everyday and these are my baby steps. Some days will be better than others, it's okay to have a bad day, I can still do this. Etc.
Best to you girl!
PC.

[julie]

New, confused and afraid.

Good Morning PC. Thanks for writing back and thanks for the advice on being positive on yourself. I usually don't beat myself up though but agree that it's so important to not make it a bad thing. What I've found so amazing at this site (and with you especially) is that their are actually people out there just like me. For me, alcohol is a habit, plain and simple. Once I break away from it, even slightly, I'm okay to be away from it. I don't really have those cravings. Can't say I never had them though, when my husband & I were younger & partying, I could taste the wine in my mouth on the way home from work. I just loved the whole concept of drinking....it was so fun. but soon thereafter, I decided to quite the crap. I was tired of the side effects the day after. You know what I mean.

I'm feeling great today. No wine last night plus my husband went back on LA Weight loss (he's kicking up his tv career) and wants to drop a few,...50 lbs. So, I'm riding the wave too. I'm doing the same diet as him, just not paying the price. I'm very exciting.

I really wish you luck on quiting the wine habit, but I know it's not easy since you're all alone. I do my best drinking by myself curled up in a chair. No one to make comments about "how many glasses have you had?"

I've also started to read the printable version of the book you can get here. It's very well written, and very inspiring.

Keep up the good work. I'll make you a promise that I will not drink tonight! How you can do the same with me. Talk soon. J.

[pussycat]

New, confused and afraid.

Hey Julie,

Thanks for your comments. I'm not abstaining yet. My goal right now is to start later, finish earlier and cut back measurably every week. When i get down to two glasses a night, I want to have every second day be AF. We'll see..Last night worked but I find it hard with the days getting shorter and I work a lot from my home..What are your goals and how are you doing with them? I take it you are in the process of abstaining..
Best,
Pussycat