Tuesday, October 17

[mikeupnorth]

Good morning Absville!

Well you almost didn?t get a post from me this morning. That is because yesterday ? Monday ? one of the major fiber optic cables between Anchorage and Fairbanks was severed. This is less than a week after the only other cable was washed out in a major flood. So all day we had no internet, no wireless/cell phone, and no long distance. I felt very isolated!! :upset:

And I also started to panic. Here is my train of thought as Monday evening approached: ?I?m supposed to start the discussion for tomorrow. What if I can?t get online? Everyone in Absville is going to wonder what happened to me. They are going to think I?m out drinking, or that I got killed, or that I got eaten by a grizzly bear. And there is no way I can even let them know what?s going on! Oh my God what am I going to do!? I?m serious, I was about to have a major panic attack. I had to remind myself that the world would not stop turning if I didn?t get an internet connection and that you guys would find some way to make it without me.

More to the point, it just shows how ill-equipped I am to deal with the curve balls that life throws at me. I do just fine when I know what to expect: I can plan for and carry out just about any kind of task. But when something unexpected comes my way, it really knocks me off my feet. This deal with the internet connection is just a small example; life is full of much larger ones.

I mean really, when I stop and think about it, how do we go through life not knowing what is going to happen next? Isn?t that unsettling? When you plan your day to go A, B, C --- and instead it goes A, C, B ? how do you handle it? Not to mention the dreaded letters M, N, and O, which you didn?t plan to get to until next month ? suddenly they are thrust upon you when you least expect it. Doesn?t that just make you want to buy a big old bottle of scotch?

Which brings me to the topic at last. Life is full of curve balls. We cannot plan life, no matter how hard we try. It always surprises us, in small and large ways. Sometimes the surprises are pleasant, sometimes they are devastating. Nevertheless, that is the human experience. If our goal is to stay sober (or abstinent, take your pick) how are we going to deal with life?s surprises? Do we have the skills to handle it when things don?t go our way?

I have to admit that today?s little surprise, and my reaction to it, was a wake up call to me.

[Mackeral]

Tuesday, October 17

Goodmorning Abbers or Sobbers,

Morning Mike, thats a tough one. I suppose i'm hopeing with age comes exsperiance. And my ability to cope with impending highs or lows will come more naturally than it has in the past.. If there was a death in the family i would get a great urge to drink...or by the same token if i was to win the lottery i would get the same urge...If i try to plan ahead it never USUALLY works out the way i had envisioned it anyway. For me taking one day at a time has been my best plan of attack..As for staying sober when i get thrown a curve ball?? The smallest problem like you said can knock us sideways and provoke an attack...Drinking was a crutch for all of us for so many years...But now its time for us to learn to walk by ourselves.

[gabby]

Tuesday, October 17

Wow, huge topic.....getting coffee.

[Guest]

Tuesday, October 17

yes Gabby if you get the coffee (ow ow caffine) better bring the water and fruit juice for other de toxiing.

I will bring the biscuites special offer on at the moment.

Its good Mike they pluged Fairbanks back into socket. Maybe your reaction was normal to an abonormal
situation doesnt say much I know but you now have more self recgontion dealing tools ready maybe alote of none drinkers woiuld of felt more despaire dont be hard on your self but I get what the threads about and I know other will add much better contrbtions

Thanks
Farmeress I will leave the biscuites behind Ive got to go help your self to the biscuites all of you.

[YoungAtHeart]

Tuesday, October 17

It's a B*tch When.....

The internet/phone/cell lines etc. are down. You WERE isolated, Mike, from everyone but your own community, and we are no longer used to that. Remember when MWO was down for a day? We were all caving like so many dominoes! At least you didn't cave in and drink, and you did have the valuable experience of getting a wake up call!. It took you a while to talk yourself through your anxiety, but you did it, and I, for one, am grateful for your sense of responsibility to all of us. THANKS MIKE!

But you're right about the fact that we all do have to learn to deal with the curve balls that life will throw at us periodically when we're not expecting them. Case in point is that I drank over my daughter going out unexpectedly last Monday which evoked an unexpected fit of loneliness and grief on my part. On the other hand, while I wouldn't exactly say that I sailed through this stuff with my ex-husband, it has now come to a resolution, and I haven't had a drink.:yay: I was EXPECTING it to be tough, and I was prepared.

I know that I need to get to a place where I have a certain amount of serenity and quiet faith in my life. That doesn't mean that it will be front and center when a crisis hits; that would be more saintly than I am capable of being. To me, it would be knowing in the back of my head that I will be capable of getting through whatever it is, however painful and tough, and that I WILL EVENTUALLY regain my sense of serenity. As Mike says, the world won't stop turning on its axis!

This is good food for thought.

Last night Maddy called me around 7 and said she was coming home and said she didn't have much homework, and would I just like to watch some old reruns of "Friends"? I said sure. I was really touched. She remembered that I told her I wanted to spend time with her on Mondays, the one weeknight we both have off together. Despite her still being fairly entrenched in the "It's About Me" stage of her life, I can see a lot of consideration emerging. Talk about counting my blessings!!! I'm also getting more unsolicited "I love you's" from her these days. Sweet!

Anyway, I need to work some on some strategies for those unexpected things that pop up and make me want to drink. I'm feeling so much better not drinking these days. It's still a little weird, but generally, I'm becoming more comfortable with every passing day. No major cravings to report, just a passing sense of something missing periodically. When I actually think about drinking, I feel a slight aversion. I hope this continues!:crossed:

Anyway, that's all for now.

Love to all,
Kathy:l

[southernbelle47]

Tuesday, October 17

Hi Absville,

This will be short because of internet drowning in heavy rain. I understand how you feel ,Mike!
I've been dealing with isolation for a couple of years here. First it was the move to the farm and then it was due to some things changing in the church that we had become a part of here.
While it is uncomfortable in the beginning, after I "got it", it was ok. I call them "God Stops" now. It's like someone important is calling us and we're too busy to answer our phone! We're busy doing "good" stuff but never just stop and "be still"..... Part of it is the fast paced world we live in. There are too many bells and whistles demanding our attention.
Here comes the rain again.

Blood work at 1:15 today for me.....long overdue because of busy-ness.

:h to ALL who come here today ....post or no!
Nancy:l

[wwbarb]

Tuesday, October 17

Hi all - day two for me. We'll see how the rest of the week goes. I have a very busy weekend, so I may not have time to drink. My father in law's service is Sunday, and I will probably be busy preparing for it on Sat, so we'll see.

How do we deal with curve ball? I think that the best way is to put your energy into solving the problem and finding some good in it. If you can't, then acceptance is the only answer. Sure made that sound easy didn't I?

Rant and rave a bit - give yourself a time limit, like five minutes and then ask, what am I going to do to fix this. Sometimes the answer is "wait". I get so irritated when the internet goes down because I work out of my house and can't function without it. So when it goes down, I file, clean up, or sometimes just pick up my knitting.

Hi to all - running like a crazy woman today trying to get some work done. Talk to you all later.

[mikeupnorth]

Tuesday, October 17

Hi all,

Just a quick check-in before I head off to work....

Yes I can sense a theme developing here, which is take a minute to scream if necessary, then breathe, relax, and most of all, take things a day at a time. Yeah.... I know. It's sometimes easier said than done!! I do tend to be a worrier. Learned that one from my mom, I think. It drives me NUTS when she does it, and then I do the same thing.

Hmmm... also a day without the internet made me think about how life is so different than it was for previous generations. Heck, it's much different than it was just 10, 15 years ago! We are used to instantaneous information, 24/7, and uninterrupted communication. A break in the line is all it takes to cut us off, and we feel like the sky is falling. It's amazing how dependent we are on things we didn't know we needed just a short while ago.

Hi Macks: I hope you win the lottery, but not so large that you want to drink over it!

Hi Barb ~ yes, I have found that the answer, more often than I want, is "wait." Still sending good thoughts your way...

And Nancy, thanks for the term "God stops." That is a very good way to look at these little interruptions in our plans. God knows better than we do what we need. Can anybody say Amen?

Gabby -- hope you are enjoying that coffee!!

Anyway, a warm hello to everyone out there -- hope you have a fabulous day -- and enjoy the buscuits (thanks Farmeress!).

Mike

[TracyA]

Tuesday, October 17

YoungAtHeart wrote: Case in point is that I drank over my daughter going out unexpectedly last Monday which evoked an unexpected fit of loneliness and grief on my part.

I can relate to that. As we were standing at the counter last night to buy my daughter's wedding dress, it occurred to me - she's going to move very far away. Her beau is in the army, the word "tank" is in his title. I don't know where they will wind up, but we don't have much use for tanks on this continent. :upset:

I knew that on some level, but last night it became really real.

I know they won't let her go with him anywhere dangerous, but I hope that he doesn't wind up in a place so dangerous that she couldn't be with him. But I don't want her to be far away either. It feels like someone else is leaving my life. I'm just very tired of losing people.

I called my ex last night to comisserate, and he was stupidly drunk. It occurred to me that I didn't miss that one little bit.

Today I should be studying, but I think I'll take extra time to mediate first. I'm supposed to work this afternoon. Maybe I could call in and say that I can't come to work because I'm lost in the wreckage of the future. :H

Dang. Today I'll just put one foot in front of the other and keep breathing, and not drink. Maybe I'll try a light workout. Endorphins can be helpful.

[Mackeral]

Tuesday, October 17

Hiya all, just poking my head in the door....Just wanted to say Barb...sorry to hear about your father in law...and theres me going on this morning about if there was a death i the family....sorry darling...i'm as sensative as a brick...Take care of yourself...Love Macks:l

[AMELIA]

Tuesday, October 17

Hi All, yep, I am just back online after a few days having my internet server down with technical problems??!!! Felt very isolated because I couldn't check in here or even get my work emails!!!

Sigh....

Amelia

[vinophile]

Tuesday, October 17

Hi All,
It's been a few days as a few curve balls were sent my way. Youngest received a nasty concussion over weekend playing hockey so spent night at hospital. Then middle son came back from a tournament in Florida with an infection in his arm.By the time we got him to the hospital his arm was four times its normal size and he had a fever.They drained it and and gave him massive anti biotics. I did have to ask him why he never told his coach that his arm was the size of a football dangling from his shoulder. He did manage to play hocky with the arm so I guess it never dawned on him that it was 4 times its normal size..... until he got home. Anyway...aside from their decisions about their health the boys will be o.k; so that's what important.
BUT...it did throw curve balls into my last 4 days. I am great during a crisis. It's the aftershocks that knock me down. I can ride the biggest waves and then choke on a drop of water.
I drank on Sat night so am back on day 3 now. I feel my resolve is much stronger now than it was and have been reading several books on recovery while staying with my sons in the hospital. The books do help!!!!
It's good to be back. Welcome newcomers (Ihave to go back and get eveyone's name)
Will post later.
Janet

[gabby]

Tuesday, October 17

crap....I never came back did I?

[Guest]

Tuesday, October 17

gabby wrote: crap....I never came back did I?

I never saw you come back.

[wwbarb]

Tuesday, October 17

Mack - you weren't insensitive - it's true. I let it be an excuse to drink. I still miss him, we still have to deal with the estate and the service, so you were right - drinking did nothing. Thanks for worrying about my feelings tho.

When will we learn that drinking does not help our problems but enhances them and makes them harder to deal with? If we can remind ourselves before we look for a fake solution (drinking) it can get us through the "moments".