I'm the problem

[hopefulspirit]

I need to find a therapist for my 12 year old. I don't want an old school (non-disease) type to speak to her but she needs to speak to someone. How do find or research the right person? I have seen a few therapists myself in dismay at how antiquated their thoughts are.

Your feedback will help... Thank you.
HS

[Marshy]

I'm the problem

Hi hopefulspirit,

How about Al-Anon/Alateen? She can talk to other young people who are affected by their parents' drinking (if that's what you mean). I don't know if they have an online forum but that might appeal to a 12-year-old too.

Welcome to Al-Anon and Alateen

[hopefulspirit]

I'm the problem

I'm just afraid to damage her more by putting her in a 12 step type program. I found AA degrading and was hopeful to find a progressive therapist that would do a one on one. She just called me on drinking for the first time. I am attempting help with Bac and the tritation up can make you a mess. I usually do not drink (in excess) in front of my kids but the combination of the drug and drinking was ugly.

[Doggygirl]

I'm the problem

When you say "progressive therapist" what does that mean to you? I'm hoping to understand what you are looking for.

DG

[Determinatrix]

I'm the problem

Try your local rehab clinics. They often schedule outpatient meetings.

[gyco]

I'm the problem

hi hope,interesting,the old sayinng comes to mind,dont touch fire,or you will get burnt,what goes around ,comes around,a mother or father xplaining to there children not to do something,but they do it,i remember that so well as a child,i got spanked cause i recognised my parents over drinking,not that they did it all the time,i said they were gonna get drunk again,i got thrashed,the reprocussions of our doings, thro life i was not one to speak out to elders,even in treatment,due to the reprcussions i might suffer,the councillor i went to was fabulous,put up with no crap,told it as it was,he always asked where my wife was,she only attended once,just like th AA meetings i was asked to attend,are you gonna go with your child,is your husband gonna go,children,beleive me,wont lie,they will tell you whats in there heart,i was told that in treatment,where i was forced to go to,the damage to chilren is done in the 1st 5 years of there life,the chances of your child being just like you is 50 percent,you are a wonderful mother to be concerned,dont just drop them off,i hope it helps gyco

[hopefulspirit]

I'm the problem

By progressive I mean that I don't want to send her to someone that doesn't understand that this is a disease--I don't want someone that won't tell her that I'm less of a human than she might already think I am. I need her to admire and love her parents.. she needs that. The wrong counselor could make things worse. When I admitted to her that I had a disease and it wasn't a personality defect -- she came to life. There's so many other issues though.. my husband, her father, drinks as well. Not like me but it's around and I think he's drinking during the day. He's not a kind-spirited person to begin with so you can only imagine. She's only 12 and I love her with all my heart... I want to do what I'm capable of doing to help her.

[MommyDearest72]

I'm the problem

I do too..im so afraid for my kids...shes 16 and he's 12 ...what am i doing to them. thanks for the suggestions with alanon and alateen...

[Doggygirl]

I'm the problem

MD, one of my good AA friends has kids and her two youngest are only slightly older than your kids. 17 and 15. My friend was the speaker at an open meeting recently and her kids were there. She spoke with honesty about how she felt her drinking had impacted her children. She spoke with honesty about their risk, statistically speaking, of becoming alcoholics themselves if they choose to start drinking. (50% odds was mentioned due to family history)

At the end of this meeting, they open the floor to comments. Near the end, her daughter stood up and THANKED her mother for not only working on recovery, but for being so honest about how alcohol has affected her, and very well could affect her kids. The daughter felt that this information is helping her to choose a sober path and not experiment with alcohol given the risks.

I know every kid wouldn't react that way, but to my friend, it was worth the risks she took with all that honesty.

I also enjoy hearing many of the Alanon speakers. It gives me insight and understanding into the feelings of those who have been on the recieving end of my drinking for all these years.

AA / Alanon / Alateen really does have something to offer to families that IMO is worth at least taking a look at.

DG