Wednesday Oct. 25

[southernbelle47]

Good morning Absville,

It is early here! Makes me appreciate all the mayors that have worked so hard in the past! Thanks guys!

This week has brought some "new" folks around to Absville.:welcome: Everyone is welcome to pop in here anytime.
What we're about here is supporting each other in getting at least 30 days without alcohol which is what RJ suggest in the book as a starting point. Many of us have decided to stay here as mods has not worked very well for us.

Some of yesterday's post "spoke" about the problem of "triggers" . One of my triggers is seeing my hubby sitting in his swing up at the barn having a few beers. In the past I would go and sit there with him. That is something we can't share anymore because it is too hard right now for me . (

How about sharing your triggers with us today and how you deal with them. Janet shared yesterday about how her dog could hear the food drawer opening from far away and how the sound of the cork coming out of the bottle of wine affected her. I've noticed that wine is everywhere...tv, magazines, newspapers!
How do you deal with sights and sounds that remind you of drinking or the fact that you can't drink?
I let the blinds down so I can't see hubby in his swing.....the funny thing is, when I do that he doesn't stay there as long and drink as much!

I hope everyone has a great day today!

Nancy:l

[Farmeress]

Wednesday Oct. 25

Hello Nancy Cood Morning All

Thanks for getting up early and starting

Triggers associations maybe we start looking for them as well as when they are there as the addiction goes on Ive been looking a little info and theres so much info so dont take this as being right I dont like to say false things it could just be insigniicant info and I havent explained it well it was in context of pages.
It said how the brain cells re organise want for a better word make like a template so when we are triggered of the response uses that template first over the one we have before the addiction was there so are response is quicker to the trigger and we drink etc
OK that s nothing for sure any one shouldnt pay any attention to the theory could all be wrong and any one following I respect your opinion if you think its all twoddle
I know you will all get the topic Of Triggers back on track in the right way thank you

Have a good day ref yesterdays posts I caught up Di good to hear about 5 days and Texas Neil your hammer thread I put a hammer next to the corkscrew indoors dont use one out side dont drink drive .

[dilayne]

Wednesday Oct. 25

Good Morning Nancy, and thanks for getting us started! HI Farmeress! I actually have 9 days AF starting today! Woo Hoo! I had a headache yesterday and my stomach has been a little screwy..maybe because I started/stopped the topamax when I decided to go Abs!

Farmeress..I understand what you are saying about the template! Have you (or anyone) seen the movie What the Bleep do we Know? It's a wonderful documentary which includes a semi animated section on that very thing..it is one of the reasons I chose MWO because I understood at some level what was going on with the neuro transmitters and liked that MWO addresses that as well as the whole body!

Anyway, back to triggers...I have a list of them..some of them have been reprogramed..like money issues...money doesn't seem to cause the triggers anymore, but mine are almost relationship oriented...something happens that taps into an old old pain and I want to stop it (apparently), denie it, repress it, whatever...it can be caused by not feeling heard or acknowledged, or if I feel like I'm not being looked at for myself (i.e.if I'm being objectified)..it can happen if I do something that blows my safe cover..i.e. if I look bad. It can also be caused when I see my oldest daughter struggle through her marriage and with finances..it not only brings up those years when I was her age going through similar things, but those few years that I used A alcoholically...and not only that, but it brings it on even another level, when I was a child in the same situation..so the trigger vibrates through my whole cellular being on multiple levels. It's only been through my recent therapy that I've been able to sort those things out so that when it happens I know what is happening.

Great topic because my personal opinion is that the triggers most likely came long before the alcohol did..for me anyway.

Have a wonderful day everyone..I look forward to hearing everyone's post today!

[dilayne]

Wednesday Oct. 25

clarification...I wanted to say that my triggers are almost ALWAYS relationship oriented....I promise, I will really try to start editing before I hit the 'post reply' button!!! Sorry about that!

[YoungAtHeart]

Wednesday Oct. 25

Great topic, Nancy!

My two BIG triggers are internal aloneness and money. Internal aloneness has been there almost all of my life, although obviously, I wasn't drinking when I was 9! But yes, Di, I know all about feeling "objectified" and not being accurately seen and loved for who I was. I've learned now that it's just a fact that some people just aren't going to like you or misinterpret your motivations, and I just accept that, although it still hurts a bit. I try to cope with those triggers by not overreacting and trying to just sit with myself and my feelings and sort them out rather than just reacting and reaching for the bottle. It's not easy sometimes, but I'm getting better at it. The worst part is that sometimes, I may do very well, and then have a "rebound" and reach for a drink a few days later. I am now learning to watch myself a few days later when the "crisis" is past!

Money was never an issue for me until the 90's when my ex went into business for himself. Suffice it to say that both he and I have been through individual bankruptcies, and there were times when I seriously thought I might have to go back to live with my mother!:eeks: I have just pulled out of that in the last year on my own. It has been a very long haul, becoming financially self-sufficient. In my field in the U.S., it has become almost impossible to "make a living wage" at a job doing clinical work--the only way is in private practice. The only exception is if you are working for the county or state working with specialized populations.:yuk: So, as I am feeling more stable, this is becoming less of a trigger for me.

The everyday triggers, the liquor stores, seeing people drinking on TV, parties, I just generally avoid right now, at least until I am stronger. I may have mentioned this, but one of my very good "drinking buddies" and her husband have stopped drinking. We are planning to get together soon, and take a walk and learn to sit around and talk and drink iced tea and stuff. We realize that just upon seeing each other we will probably start salivating for wine just like Pavlov's dogs salivated for food when they heard a bell, but we figure that the only way to learn to be together without drinking is to walk through the fire, and we both feel ready to try. I'm so glad that she has stopped drinking!:yay: Topa and kudzu help a lot with controlling myself, I must say! Nancy, I'm glad that I don't have someone in the house drinking. That would be so hard to cope with!!

Anyway, that's all for now. Gotta get ready for work!!

Love to all!
Kathy:l

[mikeupnorth]

Wednesday Oct. 25

Good morning! And thanks Nancy for reminding us of the 30-day goal. I think it's very important, especially in the beginning, to state our goals clearly. When I first started out, I kept faltering time and time again. But once I had "30 days" firmly implanted in my brain, that gave me something to work toward. Now that I have passed that goal, I can look forward to "60 days" etc. When a temptation comes up, you can think to yourself, "I don't have to quit drinking forever, just put it off until I've done 30 days. Anybody should be able to do that." It puts it into perspective.

Anyway, on the topic of triggers:

I live alone so I don't have to deal with seeing someone drink on a regular basis. Thank God, because I don't know what I would do.

I've largely stopped envying other people when I see them drink in public. I sometimes don't even notice, but if I do, my reaction is either idle curiosity or pity. Honestly. I watch them sometimes to see if they are drinking "normally" or alcoholically. More often than not, it seems to be the latter. And that's when the pity comes in. Maybe pity isn't the word. It's empathy. I know what they are going through, and it's not pleasant. And if they do drink normally, well, I know that is not me.

But don't get me wrong: I DO have triggers. Some of them are:

Feelings of accomplishment or happiness -- wanting to celebrate
Stress
Feeling Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired (HALT!)
Talking on the phone with friends or family in the evening (reminds me of "drinking & dialing")

Those are the ones that come most quickly to mind. The first three have to do with physical feelings and the solution is fairly simple: just satisfy the physical need or feeling in a different way. Hungry? Eat. Tired? Rest. Stressed out? Exercise. Lonely? Find a friend. The last one, about talking on the phone, has required a bit more creativity, but not much. I have simply changed my routine. Instead of calling my friend Douglas and my mom on Friday nights, when I know they will both be drinking (and when I used to drink) I call them on Saturday or Sunday during the day instead. I just rearranged my schedule -- and theirs -- to accommodate my new, sober life. Whatever it takes.

Like you, Kathy, my drinking friends can be triggers too. But mine all live in other places so I haven't seen them since I've been sober. I will cross this bridge when I come to it, but not without some pre-planning.

And Farmeress, I also like your "template" analogy. I think it's spot on!

Mike

[Waves 2]

Wednesday Oct. 25

Mike

How many days have you under your belt now Mike?

[mikeupnorth]

Wednesday Oct. 25

Let's see, today is day 37.

[Waves 2]

Wednesday Oct. 25

Thanks. Hope reigns eternal. Two nights. Does that make day three?

[mikeupnorth]

Wednesday Oct. 25

I say how you count is completely up to you. As long as you are consistent. Way to go!

[dilayne]

Wednesday Oct. 25

Kathy, the internal aloneness is really the core for me as well..everything does seem to boil down to that for me.

[freckles]

Wednesday Oct. 25

hi everyone - i feel great, it's day 5 and everything's okay. my big trigger right now is my custody case against my oldest son's father. i had been abused by him many years ago but really have no proof and going through this process terrifies me. i have a lawyer who i haven't been able to talk to since i paid her retainer fee and i feel completely alone in this. that makes me want to drink. stress and anxiety are no joke. my husband drinking in the back yard after work is also hard. but so far, i have no problems remembering why i want to quit, or the fact that, for me, 1 beer = 6 beers = beerbelly. and yes alcohol is everywere. i had a moment while watching 'desperate housewives' were virtualy every scene had booze in it and i panicked and thought 'how am i going to watch my favorite show without a bottle of wine?' and i realized that actually it's possible and i plan to do it over and over. well anyway, have a great day and i'm glad to be here!

[southernbelle47]

Wednesday Oct. 25

Hi again!

Those are some great post! I think I learned something new about me!

Dilayne............not being heard is a BIG one for me! I sometimes write letters (hubby) or email just so I will feel like he heard me! BTW...I've found that shouting doesn't work!

Kathy & Di please share more about the internal aloneness you are talking about.
I used to feel that but started working on it for the past few years. Had to after moving here to the farm!
I read somewhere that "I am not fit to be in community until I learn to be ok by myself".

Mike........I LOVE to celebrate!! My son's wedding was so much fun! It was the first time I danced in public in years and it was wonderful that there was no alcahol there.
37 days!!!!!! Yeah!!!!!

Waves.......EVERY day counts! Yeah!

Freckles...I understand about the x and custody thing. My daughter is still having to deal with her x over visitation and $....She has two boys and they want to do sports and visit him less often(in another state) . He has two more boys so it will only get more complicated.
5 days! Yeah!!!!

Farmeress..........are you growing anything now? BTW...which side of the world are you on? It's fall here and I've put out cool season veggies. Fun! And yum!

Hi to Macks and Lisa and anybody I've missed.
Be back later!

Nancy:l

[Guest]

Wednesday Oct. 25

I have been sober now for 3 weeks. Starting to deal with some common triggers lately. My husband recently switched to night shift (3 12 hr shifts/wk) so we are home together quite a bit now. For the most part, things have been fine, but sometimes I get so irritated with him (he hasn't been the most productive person around the house) and I want to drink. He is the quiet type and communication has always been a problem between us. Got in an argument this morning and his response is always to give me the silent treatment. I went to the gym and took my frustration out there. Money issues are another trigger, especially now as I am still waiting for HR to finish up everything at my job so I can restart...should be back this weekend. I've got a lot of catching up to do once I'm back...will have to put in a few extra shifts to even things out. Loneliness is also a trigger for me. Times of celebration do me in too.
How do you like my Halloween costume?? Check back later if I have a chance. Gina

[dilayne]

Wednesday Oct. 25

Hi Nancy..the aloneness thing for me is definitely an inernal thing because I actually LOVE my solitude and have no problems being literally alone. The aloneness feels more like being alone in the universe..or lacking a deep intimate connection with others..i.e. if someone doesn't see the deep me, how can they be with that deep me...ultimately, if I don't recognize that deeper true self (I call it my true self under the layers of false self) how can anyone else..so it's a feeling of being alone on that level..in the outer world I have friends, a very loving husband and lots of children and grandchildren that I always have access too...they are all very satisfying relationships as well..does that make sense?