:new:
Oh please tell me I may have found an answer to this mess I am in!
I am printing the PDF of the book as I type, 5:00AM here in California and I am been up since 2:00 ... can't sleep, stressed out, another morning that I tell my self YOU HAVE GOT TO CHANGE THIS!
I can't tell you how many days I have said that to myself. I am SO hoping that with a bit of help, there may actually be a path that I can find ...
I'm 52 and single, and have been a heavy wine drinker (what IS it about wine and us women?) for years now. I would guess about 2 bottles a day of nicer wine. On non-work days, I would start with that old excuse of a Bloody Mary ... or a champagne and OJ ....
This last 2 years .. things have REALLY rocked out of control. And getting worse by the week. I MUST change this ... and am looking for all the help I can get!
About 5 years ago, I attended AA for a few months and completely quit. The daily cravings mad me INSANE! I was counting hours each and everyday ... and then finally gave up .. went to the store and bought a bottle of wine ... and here we are again ...
I'm a successful business woman, no kids, was able to buy my dream home 7 years ago, and used to be the most energetic person on the planet. Even with the drinking ....
Now, I there is just no longer any joy in life. It is as tho "something" is going to happen, some grand change .. and I am just sitting on the sidelines waiting ... It is the oddest feeling ... and sad.
Three years ago (ok guys, cover your eyes) I had a complete hysterectomy. After about 7-10 months later, I seemed to start losing interest in things. And drinking more .... I used to have the most amazing gardens, loved to cook, blah blah blah .... I blamed it on hormones, and have done every adjustment I could ... I feel worse, am drinking more, getting depresssed, so I drink more, get stressed, so I drink more, which makes me more stressed .... AHHH .. there has to be an end to this cycle!
This past summer, my best friend and his teenage daughter who I helped raise, moved out of state to able to buy a house they could afford. A few weeks prior, my sweet golden of 14 years, who has been LITERALLY my shadow at work, home, church, etc. for 14 years passed over. Close after, I chose to end a relationship of 3 years as I think we were supporting each others drinking and I discovered that he had other drug issues as well.
So it was a summer of loss ... hence a summer of more drinking. I am totally out of control.
Fortunately, (or maybe not) I own and run my own business. This allows me to make up all kinds of excuses for not being there, or even drinking at work. How sick is that? And then I drive home!
I don't drink to the point of falling down or blackouts .. but I maintain that wine buzz almost all waking hours after Noon. And of recent .. the bloddy mary buzz just to kick start the day.
The depression is realy getting bad. No thoughts of suicide or anything of that nature ... but I am just so flippin un-inspired by anything. Garden is going dead ... I now eat fast foods ... make excuses to not even go out anymore. My business is slipping .... and I KNOW those around can see what I am doing.
So ... there you have it .. my sick little story and a hand reaching out here ... I will be reading, reading, reading today ...
Thanks for the ear ...
Waiting To Exhale
Oh please tell me I may have found an answer to this mess I am in!
I am printing the PDF of the book as I type, 5:00AM here in California and I am been up since 2:00 ... can't sleep, stressed out, another morning that I tell my self YOU HAVE GOT TO CHANGE THIS!
I can't tell you how many days I have said that to myself. I am SO hoping that with a bit of help, there may actually be a path that I can find ...
I'm 52 and single, and have been a heavy wine drinker (what IS it about wine and us women?) for years now. I would guess about 2 bottles a day of nicer wine. On non-work days, I would start with that old excuse of a Bloody Mary ... or a champagne and OJ ....
This last 2 years .. things have REALLY rocked out of control. And getting worse by the week. I MUST change this ... and am looking for all the help I can get!
About 5 years ago, I attended AA for a few months and completely quit. The daily cravings mad me INSANE! I was counting hours each and everyday ... and then finally gave up .. went to the store and bought a bottle of wine ... and here we are again ...
I'm a successful business woman, no kids, was able to buy my dream home 7 years ago, and used to be the most energetic person on the planet. Even with the drinking ....
Now, I there is just no longer any joy in life. It is as tho "something" is going to happen, some grand change .. and I am just sitting on the sidelines waiting ... It is the oddest feeling ... and sad.
Three years ago (ok guys, cover your eyes) I had a complete hysterectomy. After about 7-10 months later, I seemed to start losing interest in things. And drinking more .... I used to have the most amazing gardens, loved to cook, blah blah blah .... I blamed it on hormones, and have done every adjustment I could ... I feel worse, am drinking more, getting depresssed, so I drink more, get stressed, so I drink more, which makes me more stressed .... AHHH .. there has to be an end to this cycle!
This past summer, my best friend and his teenage daughter who I helped raise, moved out of state to able to buy a house they could afford. A few weeks prior, my sweet golden of 14 years, who has been LITERALLY my shadow at work, home, church, etc. for 14 years passed over. Close after, I chose to end a relationship of 3 years as I think we were supporting each others drinking and I discovered that he had other drug issues as well.
So it was a summer of loss ... hence a summer of more drinking. I am totally out of control.
Fortunately, (or maybe not) I own and run my own business. This allows me to make up all kinds of excuses for not being there, or even drinking at work. How sick is that? And then I drive home!
I don't drink to the point of falling down or blackouts .. but I maintain that wine buzz almost all waking hours after Noon. And of recent .. the bloddy mary buzz just to kick start the day.
The depression is realy getting bad. No thoughts of suicide or anything of that nature ... but I am just so flippin un-inspired by anything. Garden is going dead ... I now eat fast foods ... make excuses to not even go out anymore. My business is slipping .... and I KNOW those around can see what I am doing.
So ... there you have it .. my sick little story and a hand reaching out here ... I will be reading, reading, reading today ...
Thanks for the ear ...
Waiting To Exhale
zwink:
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