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View Full Version : mod squad oh my! july!



letgolaughing
July 1st, 2010, 11:48 AM
thought i'd start this thread on a positive note...i did an AF day yesterday, June 30. first in 2 weeks!
couldn't log it in the drink tracker cause i didn't log it yesterday and you can't go back to the previous month!

so, just thought i'd log it here :)

hope july is kickass for all of you

canadiangirl
July 1st, 2010, 01:42 PM
Good for you, Letgo! I'm finding that the small psychological victories are the ones winning the war.

I've had a change of plans for Canada's birthday - it's AF today, toasting with sparkly water. It just seems like the symbolism and the optics are better this way.

Happy (and moderate) Canada Day, all.

letgolaughing
July 5th, 2010, 09:19 AM
well, glad you could get an AF day in on Canada Day.
i have not had the same scenario for our 4th of July weekend -
i drank more than i should, but way less then all the folks i've been hanging out with this weekend!

i had 3 and half drinks friday night - then Saturday AND Sunday , we had DAY drinks - for me it was 2 beers while at the pool in the early afternoon. then 2 glasses of wine at night.
so it was spread out over a long period of time, but i'm still feeling guilty about it.

what is up with the guilt? no one else around here seems to feel guilty for enjoying a holiday weekend....

Eve11
July 8th, 2010, 02:27 AM
Hey gang,

Cute title for July's thread LetGo.

I've been busy with school and vacation so posting here is on the downlow but still interested in seeing how my MWO buddies are doing.

Here's to a successful July!
Hugs,
Eve11

canadiangirl
July 23rd, 2010, 08:08 AM
Well, folks, the moderator-bashing continues. The relevant threads, in order, are:

http://www.mywayout.org/community/f9/what-sober-43786.html

http://www.mywayout.org/community/f9/what-hell-happening-here-43832.html

I really don't know what to do now. I liked coming here, and I got so much for my fellow mods. I think of you as friends. I don't know how I can post honestly here anymore with so much judgment and dislike evident towards us. Ironic? Wow. It seems likes it's My Way (or the Highway) Out. Or perhaps My Way (is Far Far Better and Nobler than Your Way) Out. What did the mods do to deserve this? We stayed in our own corner, commented little or at all on anything going on outside, never posted drunk. never did "drama"...

Like I say, I don't know what to do next. Judging by how quiet it's been around here, I'm thinking maybe some of you are feeling the same way.

Take care, everyone. :l

Eve11
July 23rd, 2010, 12:16 PM
Canadiangirl,
I've been out of the loop with homework so haven't been able to come here to support my friends.

Everyone can take things so differently and sometimes too personally on these online sites. Don't get discouraged.

The only time I ever got bothered was when an AFer would come to our mod site and nitpick everything we were posting because she didn't believe anyone could truly moderate. There would be big arguments between her and a moderator who felt very successful with their moderating lifestyle and it got to be very negative. This mod board should be our safe site so if someone is coming here and posting and putting modders down then that is wrong.

I did read the "What is sober?" site and I felt it was an honest question by someone who sounds like they're trying to go AF and get discouraged when they struggle so hard to maintain sobriety and then someone else comes along stating they drank on Friday night (as an example) but consider themselves sober. I didn't see the post as any kind of attack against moderators but just an honest question by someone struggling to go AF and wanting things to be fair in the AF world of what that definition is.

Keep coming here CG. We love you here on the mod squad. I need to try to come around more often because I miss everyone.

Take care. PM me if you need to vent.
Hugs,
Eve11

canadiangirl
July 23rd, 2010, 12:50 PM
Actually, it wasn't Road's original comment that got me. He and I have spoken on many occasions, and he knows that I "get" what he was saying. There were a few gratuitous jabs at mods after that, not much. Then the other gentleman started the other thread, there were more jabs, and I thought "okay, it's not just me" and I added my $0.02. Should've let it go, for sure. I was a bit surprised by the "if you don't like it, then leave" approach. It's not my idea of inclusivity, but it might be good advice...

Anyway, I'm sorry to anyone here if it looked like I was speaking for the modders in general. It was just for me. Take care all. And yes, I know my place now. Right here.

Sunbeam
July 25th, 2010, 05:08 AM
CanadianGirl,
I hope you stick around, I enjoy your company. I believe when people say these things, they are projecting themselves on others. When they say things like "moderation doesn't work" they include us in the conversation because they really can't moderate, and it is easier if they believe no one can. Just keep out of the conversation. At times this dialog appears on the mods thread, and I do feel really irritated, but I'm getting better at ignoring, and it hasn't happened in awhile.

I will pm you so we can get together on our garden date. I'm hoping the weather is ready to cool off just a bit.

fennel
July 25th, 2010, 08:45 PM
canadiangirl, just put the negative peeps on "ignore". There's so much nastiness around here lately, I resorted to that. It saves you a lot of aggravation. :cool:

spuddleduck
July 26th, 2010, 06:24 AM
hello peeps, just popping my beak in here. hope youre all well. i just want to say i have probably been guilty of saying things about moderation. purely with the intention of helping people that are struggling. i tend to hop about the threads and may accidentally have replied in the mods section. i cant speak for anyone else but i have nothing but great respect for you modders. i would love to be able to do it but cant, maybe in the future but im not holding out much hope for myself. you never know, maybe one day ill find myself fluffing my ducky feathers here with you guys. well done to you all

canadiangirl
July 26th, 2010, 02:29 PM
Hi fennel - how nice of you to come all the way over here with your encouraging post! Thank you. BTW, when I check in on the Nest, I alway enjoy your posts. You are one funny squirrel.

Hi spuddle - Nice to see you too. Your posts have always seemed fair and honourable to me. I hope you notice that I put on my best Easter bonnet for you. At Eastertime. It's getting very hot and sticky in here...

I think it's important to keep in mind that modders are real people, with goals and plans and accountability and a support network, too. I sigh in frustration when people sign on to the forum, jump in here and say "Wow, sounds like a great idea", get stinking drunk and then post elsewhere that modding doesn't work. Then, as likely as not, they aren't heard from again at all. It really does give an inaccurate picture of what modding over weeks, months, and years looks like. And I don't pretend to be "there" yet - I look up to people like Eve and Sunbeam as being true, long-term modders. It takes some work. Plus, even if all modding ever really does is get people here for long enough to know that they can't do it, at least by then they are part of a community that can help them with abstinence, and that's of value, too.

:l

canadiangirl
July 26th, 2010, 02:35 PM
Eve and Sunbeam - well, I will certainly stick to my low profile in the future. And I will keep in mind that some people just cannot deal with any talk of drinking at all - even on a website designed in part to help people learn to moderate. *shrug* Tolerance does not have to mean acceptance...

Thanks for your companionship over the last six months or so, ladies. I hope for it to continue.
:thanks:

spuddleduck
July 27th, 2010, 08:31 AM
thanks canadian, i popped in here early on to ask about modding and got a good response. most people said to try and get some AF time under my belt which i did, and realized that unfortunately modding wasnt for me at the moment. i drank after almost 3 months sober and sadly the 'just one' turned in to too many... just as it always had. i guess im just one of those people. im actually enjoying my sober life.i hope you guys dont stay away because of any unhelpful posts. as you say, you also need your support network and its inspiring for other potential modders

stirly-girly
July 27th, 2010, 10:23 AM
canadiangirl;918030 wrote: Well, folks, the moderator-bashing continues. The relevant threads, in order, are:

http://www.mywayout.org/community/f9/what-sober-43786.html

http://www.mywayout.org/community/f9/what-hell-happening-here-43832.html

I really don't know what to do now. I liked coming here, and I got so much for my fellow mods. I think of you as friends. I don't know how I can post honestly here anymore with so much judgment and dislike evident towards us. Ironic? Wow. It seems likes it's My Way (or the Highway) Out. Or perhaps My Way (is Far Far Better and Nobler than Your Way) Out. What did the mods do to deserve this? We stayed in our own corner, commented little or at all on anything going on outside, never posted drunk. never did "drama"...

Like I say, I don't know what to do next. Judging by how quiet it's been around here, I'm thinking maybe some of you are feeling the same way.

Take care, everyone. :l
Hello everyone.
I just now read this thread and to be completely honest, I think it is the first time that I have read a thread in the Mods part.
Personally I take my hat off to any and all of you who moderate successfully. I think it takes a lot of strength to keep it to a couple of beer during the day and a couple of glasses of wine at night or just some wine with dinner. I could never do that. I cannot drink just one or two - I always go for over the limit. So AF is the only way for me to kick my problem with AL. But I just wanted to say that I think it's fabulous that you can moderate. Good for all of you. And IMHO anyone who posts anything against modding is not showing respect for those of you who have chosen that path. This is an open forum. We are all here because we had or have a problem with AL. And how we chose to deal with that problem is a right that each of us have and should be respected. I recently read a post here that said that Roberta Jewell started her search for all the tools to help in beating her addiction with the idea of moderation in mind. I have just re-read "My Story" and this is an copy and paste from it.....Alcoholics Anonymous may have seemed the obvious route, but it was out of the question for me, as reputable a program I understood it to be. I didn't want to quit drinking entirely-I just wanted to gain control over it.
So maybe those who were "judging" you for moderating could check out the history of Roberta Jewell and MWO to get a better idea of how and why this forum was started. And from what I understand, even after starting MWO and making available the MWO book and all the CD's and supplements, that she continued to moderate.
That's all. Just wanted to add my support to "The Mod Squad".
:goodjob: Stirly

frances
July 28th, 2010, 04:16 PM
Hi everyone - on the latest topic I just wanted to say that I've never really taken offense to anyone's comments about abstinence - I take those comments for what they are (i think) meant to convey - that abstinence is truly the only way for many people. I truly think that people who feel that way don't have a problem with modding per se, nor with people who mod. But they might be frustrated because they know it won't work for everyone though and so maybe they feel like it's something to be discouraged.

I hope all modders or attempting to mod are doing well! Things are going OK here - right after I got got back from vacatino I had a mini-vacation but did much better on that and since I got home I have been back on track, and happy to report that!
Keep in touch everyone!!

Frances

Sunbeam
July 29th, 2010, 05:13 AM
Hey Frances,
Glad to hear you are doing well! Thanks for posting.

Guest
August 1st, 2010, 03:35 PM
frances;921441 wrote: Hi everyone - on the latest topic I just wanted to say that I've never really taken offense to anyone's comments about abstinence - I take those comments for what they are (i think) meant to convey - that abstinence is truly the only way for many people. I truly think that people who feel that way don't have a problem with modding per se, nor with people who mod. But they might be frustrated because they know it won't work for everyone though and so maybe they feel like it's something to be discouraged.

I hope all modders or attempting to mod are doing well! Things are going OK here - right after I got got back from vacatino I had a mini-vacation but did much better on that and since I got home I have been back on track, and happy to report that!
Keep in touch everyone!!

Frances
I so agree too. The problem with alcohol issues is that an integral part of alcoholism is denial, and alcoholics jump at any chance of an idea they might be able to moderate. This can lengthen, and nearly always without fail prolongs their suffering. So we have a real problem with those who may have a drink problem then convincing themselves falsely that they can moderate. Do we stand back and say "Yes moderation is something you might try" and let that person put themselves at great risk?However there will be some people for whom moderation is a way.

It is up to each individual to make their own decision, but it doesn't stop others being concerned for them. It all depends upon whether or not you have truely crossed that line. I know after hundreds of modding attempts that it isn't for me. And I've made the abstenance choice - but that's me only.

frances
August 1st, 2010, 07:38 PM
Hi Sunbeam! Good to hear from you too! And thanks for your comments UK. I agree that it just depends on whether the person trying to mod has crossed that line or not. I think I have not, and that I can be fine modding. AL has done nothing particularly destructive in my life except perhaps a slight hangover here and there, and maybe a serious one about once a year or so - but, I did develop a habit of daily drinking, and sometimes more than I thought I should, and I began to worry that I would progress to crossing that line if I continued how I was going. I witnessed a friend's mom cross the line not too long ago after years and years of 'functional' drinking and that is one of the things that triggered me to take a closer look at my drinking. I believe moderation is possible for me, and I don't think (though I guess how can you really know?) that it is denial making me feel this way. But I totally understand the concern (and experience) of others that many people may be fooling themselves if they try to head down the moderation path. You have every right to express that opinion - but, as you know, it will ultimately have to be the decision of the individual one way or the other, and it's rare that any advice will impact that until somehow they come to it on their own. But no harm in trying (well, maybe there is some harm as some of these posts have indicated!). I would recommend to any modders that seemingly negative words about moderation be taken in context and that they are spoken with your best interests at heart and (my assumption) not at all something to be taken as a personal criticism - keep in mind, everyone is different and though moderation doesn't, at all, work for many with alcohol problems, it can be a viable option for some. But be honest with yourself when you assess your own situation.

With that, I think I'll take Sunbeam's advice not to really speak to much about this topic so as not to generate negative feelings or perpetuate them. This is a modders thread after all, so there should be nothing but support here for moderation as that is the whole idea!

Frances

canadiangirl
August 3rd, 2010, 08:12 AM
Well, I almost wish I had never started this, except for the fact that dialogue is always good, and *often* furthers understanding. So thanks for everyone who spoke up. I understand the situation a little better now, and the other comments, well... water off a duck's back from now on.

I agree with you Frances - I don't think I've crossed that line, either, and I don't think it's denial telling me that. The only problem AL ever caused me was simply drinking too much of it for good mental and physical health. However, I think there may be several lines that can be crossed in the course of creating a drinking problem. For instance, I don't imagine I will ever be a normie, even if I manage to act like one. If that makes sense? The sometimes-used definition of a "true" moderator being someone who drinks a couple of times a year and couldn't care less one way or the other. Nope, not me. Not ever, I don't expect. It will likely always be something for me to be vigilant about. Maybe it's a bit like a lifelong overeater (not a problem of mine, so I'm reaching here), but that the habits are so ingrained that it takes a degree of peripheral awareness that normal eaters don't need... Anyway, I'm babbling here. Have a great August, everyone!!!