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**tinkerbell** · November 7, 2006, 07:48 AM

8 November, Tuesday

Sorry to here about the accident, did you bang your head cos its the 7th isn't it? (thats meant to be a joke...sorry!)

So, I signed on for benefits today, its a nightmare, but the good thing is I managed to get up at 7am and felt really good!

I went out today and bought the kudzu and a strong multivit, am going to try this way first rather than meds.

Not looking forward to going out tonight as am feeling lazy, but I haven't seen my gay friends for ages, I've been very solitary lately. 4 drinks is my limit...I hope

hugs to all!

xxx

**Quiescent** · November 7, 2006, 09:30 AM

8 November, Tuesday

The 7th......

Okay.....Trish was up in the middle of the night when she posted that's why she thought it was the 8th. Trish, you can go in and edit the title of your post if you want....if not, It's no big deal you see how many times I've posted, I'll post anywhere:H

Good Morning,

I'm going to copy part of a post that I posted in "just starting out" because it is so true!

I was just sitting here last night....not having a drink (shhhh....I'm an alcoholic too) and I was thinking. This is just like when I quite smoking! I'm grumpy and irritable and I want to have a gosh darn drink. Kinda like a little kid who wants what they want when they want it

Once I told myself "No" for long enough, and I finally resigned myself to the fact I wasn't getting what I wanted, it wasn't that hard.

Now, if I can just do that for enough days in a row to make it a new habit

I'm still learning as I go.

I think it's worth noting that the topa was really rough at first with the side effects. The brain fog, the tingling, the fact that I am taking it without a doctors care, the sleepiness.

All of it is soooooo much better and so worth it. I wouldn't be where I am today without it and almost all the side effects have subsided. Even the sleepiness is getting better but the effectiveness on the drinking is just as powerful.

I know I modified my plan but I have come so far from where I was when I first found MWO!.

July, 2006 I had a hang-over at least 4 days a week and I was drinking every night of the week.

August, 2006 found MWO

September, 2006 Started to moderate my drinking

October, 2006 Did not have one hang- over

November, 2006 Already have had 4 AF days out of 6

Progress baby, progress here!!!!!!!!!!

Now,

I could not have done this without you all and I just want to say.....(tearing up) I love you, and thank you.:h

Becca, Miss Dixie, Preciouspinot, Mojo, Tawny, Lush, Mary Anne, MKR Mary, Soccer Mom Mary, Jenneh, Laura, Judie, Gypsi, Fsophiah, Allie, Mary8305, Eustacia, Hundi, Waves, Trish, Dilayne,Whitney, Pinkmilk, Mike, Pussycat, Brian, Tumadre, Freckles, MMII, and Cheeks, Lilyluvr56, GermanBrewer, WaitingtoExhale, FayeC, Tinkerbell, Oh and Pedro (Did I miss anyone?)
I love you all!

**tinkerbell** · November 7, 2006, 09:35 AM

8 November, Tuesday

Trish, I was only teasin' sweetheart

xxx

**Allie** · November 7, 2006, 09:57 AM

8 November, Tuesday

Good mornin!
I had a really good day yesterday, which was much needed considering we had to drive four hours to Charleston (my husband and I) to buy a car for our daughter, as she totaled her other one about a month ago. (Not her fault, thank goodness and she was okay). So we had a hard time finding exactly what she wanted, thus the drive. But anyway, we were gone ALL day and left out early morning and got home around 9:30 last night. We got the car, and everything went well. So by the time we got home, we were really tired and of course our daughter was all excited and wanted to go for a drive, so it was a good distraction. I went right to bed and woke up feeling so good today. I am off to the gym to get this workout over first thing, and then have a full day of various appointments with painting quotes for the house, etc. Hoping to stay busy cuz that helps a ton to keep me from feeling depressed. I think part of the reason I have been down is that the holidays are coming up and I am afraid they will be the last with my Mom. She is always such a big part of that time of year -- we cook together, decorate, get all into doing fun things together and shopping that I just cant imagine her not being a part of it. But I know that some of you already have been through this with a parent or loved one, and your encouragement has been so timely and appreciated!

Hope all of the rest of you (I'm terrible with listing all the names) have a great day and Im grateful that each day gives us new opportunities and is the first day of the rest of our life. May we all make the most of what we have today!

Hugs all around!
Allie

**Quiescent** · November 7, 2006, 10:00 AM

8 November, Tuesday

Okay, Jenneh and Mike where are you

**Mighty Mouse II** · November 7, 2006, 10:43 AM

8 November, Tuesday

Hi Everybody, I'm home. The overall trip went extremely well. My son did well on his interview. He spent all day there and they have invited him back to stay for three days on campus. He will attend classes of his interest, live and talk with undergrads. They said it will help him prepare for his final interview. They indicated that his GPA was fine given the school and his Honors and AP's and said they were impressed with him. So, we're keeping our fingers crossed. All of your help was extremely appreciated. My son indicated that he used some of the information that some of you had provided, said it was extremely helpful and wanted me to thank you. Please accept our genuine expression of appreciation.

As far as drinking, overall, I felt I did well. Got off to a rocky start - 4 glasses on Saturday while preparing to go (one more than my Saturday budget). And I did not space them out. I was very disappointed. I wanted to blame it on the screw-up in my hotel reservations that kept me up until 12:30 a.m. (had to get up at six am to leave). But, honestly at that point, any excuse would have worked. However, I did not drink all the way up (I drove the whole way). Only had two drinks the whole day - one cocktail, one at dinner, and declined my husband's offer to get a bottle of wine. I had none yesterday - was at Harvard from 9 to 5. Left for home - we were supposed to stop for dinner, where I was expecting to be able to enjoy -- but my son was so excited, he wanted to drive straight through so he could get up this morning and work on his application right away (he has off from school today). So, I drove the whole way straight through only stopping at service areas on 95 (no alcohol). My second AF in a month, but neither were planned, they just happened because of circumstances. But, I'm still proud of them because both times, I could have made arrangements to drink but chose not to because of the circumstances. And I usually stop on the wy home for a bottle no matter what, but last night I declined my husband's offer.

It all worked out well because when I got up this morning, my son was already reading the Harvard Application Prospectus. We have an application already as they invited him to apply months ago, but it is still in the envelope. He was genuinely inspired by the trip -- it was great for me to see no matter the outcome.

Hope all is well for everyone. Trishinnebraska, sorry to hear about your bad tidings. I hope things get better for you. Allie, I'm glad you have some good things happening. I missed all of you while I was gone!!! Fan, love the underdog, though I kinda miss that dashing man you first had when I arrived. Both are great, just different -- you have great taste in ICONS - and I loved the giants (especially Mighty Mouse)!!!

Nice to be back, but I'm two hours behind!!!!

MUST FLY!!!

MM

**lushy** · November 7, 2006, 11:18 AM

8 November, Tuesday

Good morning all!

One main reason I drink is to squelch the anger I feel. Right now I am seeing red at my family because I feel like I am never heard. I am sick and tired of being the mom who disciplines while dad floats through life in a bubble, I am tired of being the one to try and keep my daughter doing responsible thinks like not forgetting homework at school, having her backpack all ready to go the night before so we are not rushing around and then have her consistently forget. I am tired of laying my feelings out and telling people of my expectations and yet they are rarely met. I try to tell my family they are lucky I am not one of those people that stuffs all of my emotions and then they come out in an explosive rage later; instead I am always honest and forthright about what I expect and what I need but it does not seem to make one bit of a difference. My husband says they do not intentionally try to let me down, but that they are just a different personality type than I am, but is that an excuse he should be allowed to use when I am so upfront about the few things I need to stay calm??? Sorry to rant right now but I am sooooo angry right now. My daughter left for school in tears, my husband looked at me like I was nuts and I made to feel like I am the bad guy. I do not want my daughter growing up thinking she has such a mean mom but I am sick of never being heard. Can anyone relate to this????!!!!

Okay, enough of that. Jen and Fan, where are you? Please, please, please come back. Jen, I made a big confession over in Once Upon a Time...is that why you are staying away?

Rachele, sorry for badgering you into changing your avatar but appreciate you "hearing" me!

See? Someone heard me. Yeah!!!

Jude, are you still sick? Allie, I think you are right on about staying busy. Idle time gives you too much time to think. I am glad you are still here.

Our group is getting so large it is getting hard to address each and everyone but I wish you all a good day and hope you reach your goals for yourself. Thanks for letting me rant........

**MKR** · November 7, 2006, 11:36 AM

8 November, Tuesday

Good Voting morning to all!

OK, yes I am very political and have even worked on a local candidates campaign design. I hope she makes it.

Trish, yes, I actually could "feel" the energy on the note from the Universe this morning when I read mine. I am sorry to hear about that. My B-I-L got that about 3 years ago. It took a couple weeks for the inital symptoms to calm down and it did take awhile for the whole thing to totally go away. . . But it did go away! I wish peace and health!

Rachele, that is just incredible and you are right, day by day you change the habit. We are all so proud of you. Very pretty stained glass photo of you!

MM, good for you that is the start and you are right it is a conscious decision whether to buy the bottle or not!! Congrats on your son!

Tinkerbell, we all need help from time to time. Take it now, it is when you need it. You will bounce back soon!

Judie how's the kittie?

Lushy, Allie and Eustacia, No one really knows how tough depression is unless they have experienced it. I have a younger sister who is Manic depressive. she has such a hard time getting through some simple tasks in life. Then I have an older sister that can't understand her and doesn't particularly try to give her the space to be who she is. Of course I have my husband also. He can be all over the place without his meds. On his meds, he is one of the nicest guys you would want to meet. All I know from the outside looking in is that I can only be there for both of them to listen to them and love them for exactly who they are. I can not particularly change how they feel or what they are thinking. I can try to encourage them but it is only if they want to be encouraged to go forth. I wish you all peace. No EWWW factor here ladies. We love you.

We vote at the rec center next to my office so I gotta run - I want to be able to jump outta here the second I see less cars traveling that road by my window.

Lush, sometimes with only males in the house, I did not feel like I was getting heard. By the time they were teenagers with cars, I made one family meal per week that upon penalty of death or a very good reason, everyone needed to be there. It was usually fun but the intention was to also hear what we each needed to get through the week and how each of us were responsible for our own lives. It was the time to suggest, if I had a slow one who could not get it together in the morning that something had to go by the wayside in the evening to alot for the time it took to be ready in the morning. It was nice because it did allow everyone a time to say what was on their mind. . . .AND FEEL like they were being heard.

Love you all,
Mary

PS: SM, Mary and Gypsi - we are all praying for you!

**lushy** · November 7, 2006, 11:42 AM

8 November, Tuesday

Thanks Mary. I was JUST sitting her thinking we are going to have a big family discussion this evening to prevent happening what took place this morning. Of course, I am feeling sick to my stomach now that my daughter left in tears.

Trish, I am sorry, I did not mean to forget you. I am so glad your accident was not anything more serious but, man oh man, not good timing. I am also sorry that the ER doc gave you the wrong information, but at least you know it will go away. MM, sounds like your son did a great job. You must be proud....

**Waves 2** · November 7, 2006, 01:40 PM

8 November, Tuesday

Hi all,

Trish, sorry about the news from this latest doc. Lusch, Your daughter will probably be too busy in school to still be worrying like you are. Allie, Your mum may be spending her last physical holiday with you but she will always be there in your heart. MM, glad the interview has sparked such enthusiasm in your son. Imagine, you are doing brilliantly. Jenneh, you are really being missed on here. I hope it's just your silly computer again. Fan, you are far too quiet at the moment, are you ok? Dilayne, your post on abs is so deep I nearly drowned!!! Eustacia, with those eyes rolling on your little picture you will never persuade me there isn't a hint of craziness in you! Gypsi, hope things are progressing in the way you would like them to. Tinkerbell, hope things improve for you soon.

Everyone else, hope you are fine. Has anyone any advice on tiger control? ( see Once upon a time )

Love to all as always
Waves x

**tinkerbell** · November 7, 2006, 01:54 PM

8 November, Tuesday

oh dammit, i'm in a foul mood now, bloody women. Sometimes I think I should have stayed dating men.... must remember to stick to the four drink rule.

x

**lushy** · November 7, 2006, 01:58 PM

8 November, Tuesday

Wow Fan, it is as if you were in my brain this morning. I am aiming for AF tonight but WANTING to go buy a bottle of wine BADLY. I want what you want; to not want. Some days are easier than others. I applaud you for recognizing that you should stay clearheaded with all that is going on in your life right now. And I am also happy you are not wanting to because that will only help you achieve being AF. The wanting is so much more than a craving for me. It is hard to put into words. It is a mindset that is a continual work in progress. Thanks for verbalizing what I had been thinking about this morning.........

**eustacia** · November 7, 2006, 03:50 PM

8 November, Tuesday

Waves--

You've got my number! One of my most cherished qualities is my wackiness! It's so boring to act sane!

:nutso: E

**Quiescent** · November 7, 2006, 07:33 PM

8 November, Tuesday

Mike,

Are you going to take the topamax....it really helps me get past the "want"

Sure I "want" but I look at it like one of those patches that people use to quit smoking. It helps me kind of sail over the want easier.

I don't know kind of hard to explain but as long as I take the medication at the right time and keep myself busy and don't torture myself. It's really gotten a lot easier.

:l

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