Sunday 12 Nov - First abs try!

[blondie]

Hi all
I joined MWO a few months ago and had varying success (decided I wanted to moderate, as the thought of life without alcohol-fulled "fun" would be unbearable!) but today realised I need to give abs a go. I know I've tried before and felt great but always tripped and now my situation has changed and I just keep thinking I'm on my own so there's no way it'll work. But the last couple of days I have been so deeply affected by loneliness (I read the other posts on this and it struck me as very timely!) and such deep sobbing I've gone through!
So here I am at day 1; I've passed my witching hour but I'm not in the clear yet! I was so excited today to think I could be 30 days AF! I am trying to focus on that! I've spent hours reading the boards again to keep me occupied.
Great to be back (need to try and fix my CD player for my hypno CD - bought it new for this and I don't know if it or the CDs went funny but they started skipping so I gave up on them!)
So look forward to journeying with you and your wonderful support again!
blondie

[keephanginon]

Sunday 12 Nov - First abs try!

hi blondie

welcome, i'm on my 3rd day AF and like you, keep logging in to keep me focused on not thinking about drinking.
i'm going for a long walk now to take my mind off it - good luck.

[dilayne]

Sunday 12 Nov - First abs try!

Good Morning and welcome Blondie and Keephanginon!
Tomorrow marks one month AF for me. I'm so enjoying how I feel. I just posted on the moderation board, because that was my home for a while before I chose abstinence..I want to post it here too..Tumadre posed a really good question that I think my be good here to....the question being something to the effect of 'What is it that brought you to the point of knowing you needed to make a change". I'd like to share my here as well.
I guess I have to confess that when I hear the question, 'what made me want to change', I personally can't answer it specifically relating to the drinking because my desire to change has been to change everything and that the behavior of drinking is just one small piece of that..for me it was a symptom of something deeper in me that needed to grow, heal..and change how I am relating to my 'self', to people and to life in general. But, I will say that the desire to quit drinking in 1986 was for the kids more than anything...I stayed sober until about 4 years ago when I started dabbling again with the drinking..this was the beginning of a huge transitional phase in my life..I believe full heartedly that my drinking was more a response to the need to change/grow then the other way around..I drank to resist the changes that needed to occur..because in order to make the changes necessary to go on to the next level 'of consciousness'..I was going to have to feel and heal..and every cell in my body resisted that, and drinking was a way to numb out that battle within..SO, I moderated the best I could for the past few years, but would binge..I actually deliberately chose to allow myself to drink instead of telling myself that I had to quit...because I accepted that I was doing it for a reason and that I was going to find out what it was...I've done that with a year of psychotherapy..all along being honest with myself about my drinking..I think the process helped me to address some important things at a core level which in turned helped me to let go of the drinking behavior when I did..the need to numb myself and to resist the growth and change that life was calling me to make began to subside, so finally, with the help of MWO and the topamax specifically, I was succesful in moderating and then quitting...I chose to quit because it could not be denied that I drink for a very specifica purpose (I'm not a socialite, it's not a social habit..I drink to medicate myself..yes, I love the taste of wine, but that is not why I've ever drank) I had to make an honest decision about my drinking and finally ask myself if I wanted to continue to medicate myself...or to honor my desire to feel my feelings, to be in touch with the depths of my LIFE..I knew that I couldn't do both..the battle between these two 'opposites' is what caused me so much pain..the hangovers only reminded me of this to well. I realize that everyone drinks for different reasons and don't have the same relationship with alcohol as I do..it's such a personal thing. I really wish I could have my wine...I actually do love the romantic side of it, the nice lull of the buzz, I love holding a wine glass and I love that it makes me uninhibited..I miss being able to have that, but it's the battle that had to go on inside of me in order to enjoy those things..it just wasn't worth it anymore, it was such an inner contradiction to a deeper urge, a deeper desire..I had to feed one of them, or to be tormented..I mean, I had to either feed the urge to drink, or the urge to reach the depths of my soul..my existance..I couldn't do both and have any kind of peace..that is what made me 'change'...as for the specifics..well, let's just say a few trips to hell and back were motivators as well!

Oh, and Blondie, I relate to the lonliness..I felt such a piercing lonliness when i drank..even when I have many people that love me and arms length..the drinking really amplified that lonely feeling..I'm so happy to not feel that way today..of course I've addressed it in other ways by working on a deeper and more intimate relationship with my husband and making the efforts to learn how to communicate my feelings and needs to him, and having him help me..that has actually been a miracle.

Anyway..I have soooo much to do today, so better get on it.
Have a lovely day dear friends!
Dianne

[Guest]

Sunday 12 Nov - First abs try!

How nice to wake up and see "new faces" in Absville! Welcome blondie and keephanginon. Congratulations on your decision. I look forward to getting to know you both, as well as Mauigirl who posted yesterday. Keep reading and posting. It helps a lot. The freedom is so worth working for!
Have a great Sunday everyone! Love, Gina

[YoungAtHeart]

Sunday 12 Nov - First abs try!

Welcome Mauigirl, blondie, and keephangingon. I hope that Absville will be helpful to you all on your journey!

Not much new here. I'm up to my ears in getting things ready for my accountant tomorrow. Ugh! Well, at least it's a rainy Sunday, so I don't feel that I'm missing out on much! Ummm, football and math. I guess there are worse things.

Have a good day all, and take care.

Hugs,
Kathy:l

[helen mary]

Sunday 12 Nov - First abs try!

Hi Blondie and everyone! I really recommend that you read "A Piece of Cake" by Cupcake Brown. It is very easy to read and takes you on her journey through her life to now, its the most inspirational book I have ever read and really accompanies trying to stay sober. Every time I have a craving I think of Cupcake. She has double trouble as she was a drug addict and an alcoholic. Hope you are OK.

[mikeupnorth]

Sunday 12 Nov - First abs try!

Congratulations Blondie and Keephangingon for the decision you've both made. Oh, and Mauigirl too! I know what it takes to get to that point -- and also what it takes to get to 30 days. I tried many times without success, but I've made it past 30 days this time (day 55 now ). If you really want to make 30 days (or more) here are just a few things from my experience that might help.

• Come here every day, read AND POST something.... it's a way to stay accountable to yourself, and let people here get to know you better.
• Remember that cravings will come, that they don't last forever, and that NO ONE EVER DIED FROM ONE!
• If that little voice in your head starts talking to you about drinking, or how nice it would be to have a drink, don't give it the time of day. Tell it to shut up and then find something else to occupy your mind. You may have to do this over and over and over, but it works.
• Try to think of alcohol in a negative rather than a positive light. Example: it is not something to be desired or enjoyed. Instead, it is a deadly, addictive, poisonous drug, similar to crystal meth (which is actually true) and it offers no benefits whatsoever (which is also true). Believe this.
• Take care of yourself -- body, mind and spirit.Consider the supplements that are suggested in the MWO book -- they really can help restore the body's balance and reduce cravings. I found the hypnotherapy to work well, too. I also chose Topamax but that is a very personal decision and there are many who do not use medication of any kind.Remember H.A.L.T.! When you have a craving, ask yourself if you are Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired. These are big triggers. Also if you are thirsty, try some water!Do not doubt your decision to remain abstinent or change your mind. NOW IS THE TIME!Just don't drink, even if your ass falls off! (Sorry if that sounds crude, but that's something I've heard in AA meetings and nothing else quite captures the sentiment of the phrase...)

Of course you will find what works for you and what doesn't. The list above came from my experience of trying to make 30 days sober -- and failing many times before succeeding. I offer it to you so that you can learn from and hopefully avoid some of the mistakes I made. There is no reason you cannot make it on your first try. Please do! I will be rooting for you from the sidelines.

And a very good day to everyone else in Absville.

Mike

[lucky 2.0]

Sunday 12 Nov - First abs try!

I like the list Mike!

I will not drink alcohol today. Now- I have said it and I am accountable to it.

Happy Sunday to all. I am going to buy a new ipod with more memory.

[gabby]

Sunday 12 Nov - First abs try!

Happy day 55 Mike

[irishlady]

Sunday 12 Nov - First abs try!

Hi Everyone, just checking in to let you know i am now 43 days alcohol free and I have never felt happier. All the other times I tried and failed to stop drinking was because thats all I did, I just stopped drinking but my life and everyday habits carried on as usual, and after a few days of not drinking I would be back on the wine again thinking I could control it. ( SO STUPID ). No, I had to make lots of changes to my daily routine, some quite small and a few big changes. Now that I'm getting used to this feeling of being sober every day there is no way I would give it up. One thing I did the other day was to take a sheet of A4 paper and fold it in half, at the top of the left hand side I wrote REASONS FOR NOT DRINKING and at the top of the right hand side I wrote REASONS FOR DRINKING. In the left hand column I couldn't write fast enough to keep up with my brain whereas when it came to filling in the right hand column I couldn't think of one damn reason to drink. If anyone is having cravings for alcohol please before you pour that first glass go get yourself a sheet of A4 paper and try that little exercise for yourself, it may just work.

Love to you all
Louise xxx

[Paddy]

Sunday 12 Nov - First abs try!

G'day everyone - and welcome to our new members.

Happy 55th Mike. I hope i'll be there sooner or later, grin ... Ditto with Blondie. Moderate drinking just doesn't work for many of us. It sure doesn't for me. And Mike, you're one hundred percent right. I gave in to my cravings yesterday. And again, I could kick myself. Why is it that we let ourself be ruled by the great dictator 'our booze brain', instead of just telling it to shut.

So, really, distraction is the key to make it shut up.

Anyways, enjoy your Monday all you Abbers.