Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Tuesday, Nov. 14th

Collapse
X
Collapse
 
  • Page of 2
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts
Previous 1 2 template Next
    #1

    Tuesday, Nov. 14th

    Today has been such a frustrating day, especially since I had decided that it WAS important to stay on these boards and keep posting...then my internet went out-which means my phone also goes out. I've been missing my oldest daughter soo much today, and we had set it up that she was going to call. But the phone was out, so she couldn't, and her sister, her best friend, ended up crying cause she misses her so much. Thanks, MM, for the idea of calling the consulate, but we were able to get her passport, etc. all squared away, and she was able to move on to her next adventure. Anyone ever wants to hear about an incredible experience for young people age 17-22, with college credits, programs throughout the world, contact me...downside is, they're gone and having adventures out in the world and you just might miss them!
    Anyway, husband and I finally fix computer, I take topa kinda late in the day, start feeling really depressed, drink a couple glasses of wine, more depressed, then ask him to get me some ice cream. He doesn't jump up to get it for me. Now, I've been doing very well on Weight Watchers, and he's tired, and we're watching a movie. So I pour myself another glass of wine and say "What, you'd rather me die of liver disease than die of heart failure from too much cholesterol?" WHERE did that come from??? My mouth? I'm not a mean person! Evening went downhill from there, he went to bed, I'm here trying to figure out if the topa is making me depressed (and bitchy)...In the last few days, I've been taking it about 12-1 PM and I think that's too late. Today just sucked. Does topa make you depressed?
    Thanks for listening, muffs. (Even if you weren't on the original bus/train/cruise ship with Pedro as the lounge singer), I consider you all muffs and stud muffins...
    Tumadre
    Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle.
    Plato
    Tags: None
    #2
    Tuesday, Nov. 14th

    Good Morning my Beautiful Muffins,
    Tumadre--I have wondered over the past 5 months: Does topa make me bitchy or am I just a bitch? Surely, it's the topa!!! HA! It's a hard question. I think it has to do with CHANGE and wanting so badly to break the patterns and habits and that is very difficult. Therefore, I have found myself taking that out on those closest to me: my husband. This has been a discussion on this board before and it is very interesting that a lot of us have become very aggressive and ugly toward our spouses and it's not always been something they've deserved (oh, sometimes it has, but not always.)
    There are times when I know I want to moderate, and therefore I'm trying to change/break a habit/something that I've done for 20 years...and that's a little un-nerving so I get a bit edgy/bitchy/I say things I wish I hadn't. And than I think what you said: "well, what would you rather me do, drink myself to death?" So------my goals: (and I see this with a lot of us):
    1. Be nicer to my family (as I do love them so)---and as my husband recovers and has his fragile times and I realize that he could have died I am thankful for him and will try not to take my struggles at trying to change for the better out on him
    2. water---
    3. walk 5 miles today
    4. Becca-----I love your avatar...looks like me right now.
    Love you all! sm-mary

    Comment

      #3
      Tuesday, Nov. 14th

      Good morning everyone --

      Tumadre - I hate days like the one you described. Those are the ones that I just can't wait to end so I can just go to bed and start over! I hope it gets better. I am still weighing the Topa issue but if there is a possibility of it making me bitcher - yikes! I need to work on being less bitchy.

      Soccormom - I share your goals today. I too need to be nice to my family, get some H2O, exercise and study for a exam. Been procrastinating on the exam study but I must get on it. Thanks for helping me commit to SOMETHING today!

      And today I will be AF. :crossed:

      Have a great day all.
      Hawk

      Comment

        #4
        Tuesday, Nov. 14th

        My husband flat out called me a b*tch last wk. hmmmmm. BUT, I was getting over a cold and was on my period and he was being a moron and harrassing me (you know, being an idiot, rude sexual comments thinking he's funny... I mean we joke like that a lot, but I was NOT in the mood and he would NOT STOP!), plus with my leg hurting and all... maybe I was being a b*tch. I think I was. I don't think it was the topa!! Maybe at the beginning, but not now. Now it's just plain day to day stuff and if he annoys me, I don't run and drink a bottle and a half or two of wine immediately, I either fight back or ignore him or something. It usually resolves pretty fast, but it's just a different way we're dealing with our little scuffles lately.
        I actually think our "scuffles" have not escalated to full blown fights now because I'm not hammered and completely irrational.

        May try AF again today, but not promising like yesterday! Will see how I feel. I DO PROMISE to not go over 2 drinks today. How's that?

        Feel better, Tumadre.
        Everyone have a happy Tuesday! Hey, look under "My Story" under About Time Too's thread (Brigid). I found some nice inspirational quotes to start the day (and I don't know how to cut and paste / copy paste whatever the F it is so you have to go over there if you wanna see them ) :H :H

        Lush, I saw the Friday Meat stuff! Saw Rachele's rationale too. Understand both sides! I just don't think it's a sacrifice to eat shrimp scampi or lobster tails like we did. My 2 cents! I understand why it was created back then, but perhaps a different sacrifice would be more appropriate. Or GIVING something. I like that idea. I need to get back to church, but it won't be the Catholic church. There's a great non-denominational church here in my community that we actually have been to and are on their roster. Someone remind me to go to church on Sunday!! Hubby probably won't go, but I think it is good for the kids. My 5 year old does go to a Christian preschool. 8 yr old to public school. Both were baptized Catholic. I just want to raise them with excellent values, which I hope I am... but a little extra certainly wouldn't hurt

        Love to all muffins.

        Comment

          #5
          Tuesday, Nov. 14th

          Mornin all!
          Sorry you had such a rough day Tumadre -- I can understand about the missing your daughter thing! When we moved from North Carolina a little over a year ago, our oldest son who had just graduated from HS chose to stay there and work for a year rather than come with us. After much talking about it, we felt it would be good for him as he was surrounded by many great friends and had a free place to live for a year with some great friends of my husband and I. But I only saw him twice in that year and I had NO idea how hard it would be!

          Soccermom -- I like your plan for the day too! Exercise is high on my list today b/c I skipped it yesterday. Too much procrastination with the excuse of too many other things to do. NOT TODAY! And yes -- lots of water! Speaking of drinking lots of water, does anybody else like squeezed fresh lime in their water? If so - I had discovered this stuff called "True Lime" (they also have True Lemon if you prefer lemon), and it is crystallized lime in a little packet. There is nothing artificial about it, and you absoutely cannot tell you have not squeezed fresh lime in your water. (or tea). It has no artificial color or fake lime flavor. No calories, just 100 percent crystallized lime juice. My grocery carries them by the artifial sweetners (I dont know why). But they come in a box, and each box has like 100 little packets. You can throw em in your purse. I dump them in my bottled water and it makes it so much easier to get all my water in each day! Okay, enough about cystallized lime juice.

          Becca - you are doing awesome with that exercise despite the knee! I would be using it as "my out"... LOL. I think your idea of getting plugged in with a church you really like is a great idea for your family, especially if you already know of one that you like. Ours is non-denominational as well and very laid back. The kids all LOVE it and it has really helped all of us to connect here in a new city with some great people. Its such a cool church that we all actually look forward to going! (Ive been to churches where it was more of a chore, and I just dont think it should be that way). Anyhow -- I'll remind you!!

          Happy Tuesday everyone!
          Allie
          What happens in Vegas goes straight to Ohio....

          Comment

            #6
            Tuesday, Nov. 14th

            Hey all
            Hope everyone is well!
            Tumadre - I am sorry you had a rough day....I hope you have a better one today. Yup, we have talked about the topa perhaps making us bitchier before for sure.....I know when I started taking the topa (and when I say started, I mean, the period of starting and dosing up - so probably about a month or 2 in total ) I was really bitchy - I mean, I would fly off the handle really easily and I was really emotional! However, thinking about it, I dont really know if that was a) the topa itself or b) me putting a whole lot of pressure on myself to do well and being really scared, obsessing that this wouldnt work AND the lifestyle changes causing the mood swings.
            You see, I tend to be a little obsessive and when I came here, like many of you probably, I REALLY desperately wanted this to work. And to me, the topa was going to have to be a major part of that because I had major cravings and would get this "high" (which I now realize was cravings) that i would feel near the end of each work day (like an excited, exhalted feeling - almost manic) that would make it nearly impossible for me to imagine a night without at least a few drinks to calm down and/or just have an enjoyable evening!
            I was really really really worried about having to live with this forever. I remember telling people, "I just cant imagine how other people just come home and not drink - just come home and watch tv and dont want to crawl out of their skin with boredom etc". You see, I couldnt sit still etc. I dont know if that was the "excess dopamine/glutamate" that is apparently associated with cravings and which topa apparently works to diminish, but whatever it was, it made it nearly IMPOSSIBLE for me to say no to that drink (ok, those DRINKS) at the end of the day.

            Ok, I totally just went off topic, but my point is that - I think a lot of the crabiness came from the fact that I was terrified that this wouldnt work. I was terrified of this major life change and annoyed that I couldnt just be "normal". I was also annoyed that my husband didnt "get" what I was going through. That REALLY annoyed me. To me, he couldnt possibly understand what I was going through and that annoyed me all to hell when I was craving. Just my two (well maybe my 10) cents....
            Well, sorry for the novel guys.
            Bec - I am so sorry about your leg - but good for you for persevering as you have proven time and time again it is in your nature to do. Thats why you are here and why you will be a success no matter what!
            Allie - I will try that lime powder - sounds great - and whatever makes us drink more water is all good right? Hugs!
            Soccermom mary - I really really have to commit to an exercise plan too - good for you for your commitments!
            Hawk - good to see you - hope you are well today!
            Lusch - where are you??
            everyone else - dont be offended if i didnt name you because i love you all so very much and need to get back to work - the boss (ugh!) is calling!
            LOve and hugs
            Jen
            Over 4 months AF :h

            Comment

              #7
              Tuesday, Nov. 14th

              Good Morning,

              I gave myself the weekend to wallow in self pity. I drank too much and cried often. I'm scared. Mostly just scared of the unknown. I just don't know what this means for our family.

              When Monday came I decided to stop feeling sorry for myself and began to think of all the wonderful blessings in my life....this is just a bump in the road.

              Hubby is at home a lot and on the computer searching for a job. He has an appointment today to have his resume professionally written.

              Thank you all for your kind words and thoughts:thanks:

              I've still been walking a lot with friends and that is helping, although, I've been drinking too much since Friday

              I'll get back on track here soon.

              Lots of Love,
              Rachele
              :h :h :h :h

              Comment

                #8
                Tuesday, Nov. 14th

                Hang in there Rachele. This is a really scary time, no doubt, but you will all find your way, I promise. We are here - keep your head up, stay as strong as you can and - you know what? Cry as often as you like. It's your right, damnit.
                Love you and hugs
                Jen
                Over 4 months AF :h

                Comment

                  #9
                  Tuesday, Nov. 14th

                  Imagine, I'm sorry to hear you're having such a rough time...change and the unknown can be a very scary thing. Walking with friends sounds like great therapy for you. Keep coming around and posting.

                  Group hug to all the other muffins!

                  I have another crazy day at work and am super buzy but, I always make a little time to comeand read all your posts on this thread.

                  Traffic is really getting ugly these days with the holidays approaching. It now takes me 1 1/2 hours to get to work and same getting home. That is enough to make me a b**ch!!
                  Sometimes I wonder...."Why is that frisbee getting bigger?"...and then it hits me.

                  Comment

                    #10
                    Tuesday, Nov. 14th

                    Hey everybody..no time to catch up right now..wanted to say hey..Becca, my husband and I have been listening to Eckhart Tolle (the Power of Now)..he talks about the 'pain body' that we all have..that part of us that reacts from a deep painful place..call it ego..whatever...well, my husband now have 'pet' names for eachother's pain bodys...mind is 'fu@#*ing bitch' and his is 'psycho Mike'. :0)...of course my pain body gets a little triggered by my pet name..LOL, but I am trying to claim my 'shadow' side..so...sobeit! tee, hee
                    Thanks everyone for your wonderful encouragement on my 30 day yesterday..it means a lot! Feeling very solid with the AF, just still really need to get a grip on what I'm eating..I just have this 'i don't care' attitude..but I really do!!
                    bbl

                    Comment

                      #11
                      Tuesday, Nov. 14th

                      Hi everybody!! Tumadre, I hope that you are not being too hard on yourself about what happened last night. There could have been several exigent circumstances that caused it. I can't speak to the medication, but there seems to be enough support here that it could be the medicine. But it also could have been the trauma involving your daughter. I know if that would have happened to my son, I would be out of control!! Medical studies show that under such trauma, the body produces abnormal levels of Adrenalin that can cause side effects, with anxiety and anger being among them. Moreover, the studies show that sometimes the effects don't appear until after the trauma subsides and the body begins to return to normal. So, you might want to wait a few days until things return totally to normal before changing your medications.

                      I am just beginning to learn about the "empty nest" syndrome. My son is going to college next year. My husband wants him to go to Johns Hopkins. Its close to us and I went there. But, as painful as it is, like you and Allie, I am encouraging him to expand his horizons although I know I will hate it when he is gone. I've begun planning activities like travel, etc. knowing it will hardly ease the pain.

                      Met my goals yesterday. Today, my goal is to drink no more than three diet cokes and to share one bottle of wine with my husband tonight.

                      Allie, love the lime idea -- hope I can find some in my area.

                      By the way, as a response to some private messages I received regarding information about my religion and how my faith inspires me in tackling my alcohol, I have created a new thread under long-term moderation, called shared faith in healing. It is a place for people to discuss how they came to their religion and share ideas on how it is helping them, ask for prayers, provide inspiration, pray for others, etc. It is designed as a response to PM's to me and is intended to provide a forum where people can discuss it openly without fear of insulting or upseting anybody. Hope you check it out. Would love some feedback.

                      MM
                      Saving the day one minute at a time!

                      Comment

                        #12
                        Tuesday, Nov. 14th

                        Morning Muffs and Mr. Stud Muffin,

                        I am not on Topa so that just makes me a full fledged bitch. I say some of the most hateful things to my husband, some of it is justified because I resent asking him not to do certain things that he knows will trigger me and then does them anyway, but most of the time I am taking out my anger towards myself on him, which is not fair. I am glad to hear I am not alone in this. However, I really need to watch the words because, like some of you said, the things that come out of my mouth sometimes shock me. So that is always a daily goal for me.

                        Allie, I have tons of the True Lemon and I really like it. Have not seen the lime. I think they stopped selling it here in the NW but I know you can buy it online. Tastes just like the real thing.

                        Rachele, I am glad you are feeling a tiny bit better today and you are so lucky your husband is a go-getter. If my husband got laid off he would not know what to do; I would be out interviewing for him.

                        Feel a cold coming on so do not think I will be imbibing much today. I am not in the right mindset right now about being AF. I think it is the excuse of the holiday season or something. My supps finally got here so maybe that will help.

                        Becca, I agree about the meat issue because we always end up going out for sushi which is ultra expensive. Not much of a sacrifice. I hope you find a good church. I think it is a great thing for kids to experience.

                        To all I missed, have a great day. Jen, so glad you are back and you too Fan, my man. Precious I would crawl out of my skin if I had that commute every day. Hope you have lots of good music to listen to........
                        I'm really easy to get along with once people learn to worship me

                        Comment

                          #13
                          Tuesday, Nov. 14th

                          Luschy - hope you feel better!!!! RAH!
                          Over 4 months AF :h

                          Comment

                            #14
                            Tuesday, Nov. 14th

                            Thanks for the cheer Jen! :h
                            I'm really easy to get along with once people learn to worship me

                            Comment

                              #15
                              Tuesday, Nov. 14th

                              No problem, Moll - any time
                              Over 4 months AF :h

                              Comment

                              Previous 1 2 template Next
                              Working...
                              X