Any Successful moderators?

[Sunnyvalenting]

I am curious if there is anyone on this site moderating long term successfully.
If so please raise your hand and tell me what YOU mean by moderate drinking and if you still "struggle" to maintain moderation vs overuse.
Thank you,
Sunny

[mollyka]

Any Successful moderators?

Hi Sunny, I wish!!! I would love to be able to moderate but not for me I'm afraid. What I would mean by moderating is to be able to regularly and consistently be able to have 1-2 drinks in a social situation with no 'white knuckle' aspect to it and no risk of escalation.
Molly

[gyco]

Any Successful moderators?

hi sunny it was to either say somthin here or on dogladies thread,so as you see i came here,what woud you like to no,is one ever successful at modeation,i beleive so,ive been thro the hospital several times,plus detox once and rehab,they all tot you not to drink,rehab was intense,i recommend it to any who hav a drinking problem,i also hav to say ive never had a problem stopping,staying stopped and wanting to,is the question,in my view ? forever is a long time,ive been doin this stop start thing since 1984,my greatest success was 16 years without drink,then 2 years and many one year stints since 1984,you hav to realise i was and beleive i was born with this illness,and it is an illness of sort ? remember,as many beleive,it is not Normal to drink,it is and at one time not less then 100 years ago it [alchohol] was used as a relaxent,sedative,and for just plain gettin intoxicated,ive found over hte last 2years,ive researched it up the ying yang,once you feel comfortable in your own skin,youll lern how to stop or moderate ? hope it helps gyco

[Sunbeam]

Any Successful moderators?

Hi Sunny!
I believe I'm successful. I did 2.5 months AF when I joined here approaching three years ago, and have been drinking pretty moderately most of the time since then.

[Sunnyvalenting]

Any Successful moderators?

FYI I am asking for my curiosity an understanding. I have no intention of moderating. If I could have I would have and wouldn't have become alcohol dependent.
So far I see 3 responses only one of which claim to be moderating and only then by trying "hard" and at times failing to succeed in their self imposed limits. Anyone else out there being successful at this approach?

[canadiangirl]

Any Successful moderators?

Sunnyvalenting;998548 wrote:
So far I see 3 responses only one of which claim to be moderating and only then by trying "hard" and at times failing to succeed in their self imposed limits. Anyone else out there being successful at this approach?

Ooooh, SLAM!
I generally have a lot of respect for your posts, Sunny. But please don't be too surprised that the modders aren't lining up to be taken out here. And it should be obvious why the lady removed her response to you - she answered genuinely and honestly. I doubt that you consulted with her before summarizing her words to make sure that your assessment represents a fair one. If you really want to know what modding is like, we've all been very honest here on the boards, and there is a wealth of information in the archives available to you.

[Eve11]

Any Successful moderators?

Sunnyvalenting;997903 wrote: I am curious if there is anyone on this site moderating long term successfully.
If so please raise your hand and tell me what YOU mean by moderate drinking and if you still "struggle" to maintain moderation vs overuse.
Thank you,
Sunny
Hi Sunny,

I was curious as to what prompted you to ask this particular question, so I did a little detective work and noticed on another thread that an AFer was giving you their opinion about moderating. Some of what she stated was:
The book My Way Out was written primarily about learning to live successfully while Moderating with the help of Topamax, Exercise, Self Hypnosis and Supplements. Moderating as described in the book is Not Daily Drinking, Drinking to Excess, nor continuously fighting the negative and harmful affects of alcohol. Moderation is described as being able to take it or leave it when it comes to alcohol. Having NO Compulsion to over do it and definitely not a continuous battle with alcohol in order to continue to abuse oneself. Unfortunately the term "Moderation" no longer seems to hold true with the original intention of Roberta Jewel. Anyone truly wanting to try the MWO path to moderation should really read and follow the book to see if it works for them!

Moderation and perpetually "Slipping" are not the same, not even close.

So, I know her opinion got you wondering if moderating was really possible for some people.

I personally don't believe it is possible for any of us who come here with drinking problems that we will attain what RJ writes about as never having a compulsion to over do it or can develop a "take it or leave it" attitude and equate wanting alcohol like we want butter.

Nope, just not gonna happen.

People who come here for help have a drinking problem and I think we all know that. The difference is, some people are truly alcoholic dependent and other folks are alcohol abusers. The hope is, through behavior modification, support of fellow moderators, learning skills of how to cope with urges, asking if the negatives outweigh the positives and visualizing what consequences we might suffer if we overindulge, we make the choice to try to keep alcohol in our lives by working a difficult program of fighting urges and cravings. The cravings continue for us, because unlike people who go AF, we keep re-introducing alcohol back into our bodies, so the cravings keep occurring.

So, we make a choice. Is having a little alcohol worth the battle we fight to stay in control when we drink? And what is drinking in moderation as you asked. Per the National Institute of Alcohol it is 7 drinks per week for women, 9 for men. This week I had 4.

Since joining in 07 have I always kept it to 7 a week? No. Do I have a continuous battle in order to abuse myself as the writer above wrote. No. I don't think I abuse myself too often and I don't have a continuous battle of struggling not to drink. But I think she's right that the moderators have a continuous battle to some degree. Mine is being able to stop at only 2 - especially during big or long events, e.g. weddings, reunions, gradulation parties, etc.

What is the reward for my particular battle? I do have the pleasure of enjoying a fine wine with a meal and a 2nd one as a nightcap on an evening out. I like the fact that I can go to a brunch and have a mimosa if it's on the menu. I like that a friend can invite me to something social like meeting for a drink and I can have only one and feel satisfied. I like the thought that hubby and I can go on vacation and look forward to a nice drink in the executive lounge of the hotel we stay at. I enjoy keeping alcohol in my life so the struggle of maintaining harm reduction is worth it at this point for me.

Do moderators perpetually slip as the writer above states? Probably many do just as many AFers do. But we are all individuals and we all have our own choices and our own paths to take in our individual recovery or self help programs.

I have a friend who runs a support group for people who are moderating their drinking.
I asked him your question and this was his reply.

To answer your question is moderation working for me? Unequivocally YES.

It can be a bit difficult to gather evidence in support of the success of moderation because those who are successful at it are a lot less visible than those who are not. To raise an analogy, car crashes make headlines, safe drivers do not

I hope this helped answer some of your questions.
:l
Eve11

[Sunnyvalenting]

Any Successful moderators?

Canadiangirl, you mistake my sincere intention to understand and learn.
Eve11, thank you for fleshing this out for me.
Sunny

[DeeBee]

Any Successful moderators?

Sunny, your Avatar is very similar to a member here that was very involved and highly respected on the Mod's board, Sunbeam, so it's a bit freaky that your name and Avatar are so similar.
We used to have a thread going called "Mod Squad" on the Long Term Subs but I don't think there are many left anymore -- maybe that in itself is a sign? Eve is someone who has been modding for many years, not without it's ups and downs so use the info she offers and maybe go back and read through past posts to see how slippery the slope can be to decide whether this is the right route for you.

What ever your choice, my only advise is to read, learn and never give up:-)

[free bird]

Any Successful moderators?

Sunny,

It is a good question and one that is all too well miss-understood and it should be addressed in the modding section. Every time it is brought up somewhere else, I feel there is very little understanding and compassion.

What is successful modding? I believe Eve clearly stated that in the above with the minimum drink standard. What is really hard is to continue to stay within those standards (obviously). I believe I am a successful modder because I rarely overdo it and have not experienced a situation that puts me or anyone else at risk or compromise. I do struggle with limits (sometimes), but I am really working on it all the time and I will continue to do so. I honestly never binge anymore, but I rarely did before.


It would be worse for me to be abstinate because I would be setting myself up for failure at some point, and I am not going to value my self worth on my consumption of alcohol. Or consider myself as failing because I had a glass of wine on my Birthday.

I really can't say enough how important daily exercise is for me and how much it helps with my goals for moderation. To have a clear head and really feel the wind in your hair is a marvelous feeling. One you want to recapture, but you can't if your head is fuzzy. So looking forward to that is a reason not to overdo it. I guess my point here is -- it is important to find something you like to do and look forward to doing that does not have anything to do with alcohol and it's after affects, and as a matter or fact, alcohol will greatly hinder that enjoyment.

I found early on, and I did the 30 days af, that I could regulate my intake. Going completly without was hard and I find myself feeling deprived too much. Kinda like the dry drunk. I would also have to say, I have never been a drinker in the morning or afternoon type, and never experienced withdrawls or anything on that level. My habit was getting out of control and that is when I first found this site. I have learned to control some impluses by reading as much as I can regarding habitual alcohol intake (which is not the same as being an alcoholic). It has been an experience I needed to undertake and become realistic about the different levels of alcohisim and to determine if I was on that path. I probably could have developed to that level, but I don't know. Because I have found some control, I do not believe I am headed to that level any more, but I must remain deligent.

I feel good about my progress and the work I have put in to it. For me it is important to put work in to all aspects of my life though and mix them up, so that I am not concentrating all the time on just one thing. I tend to get narrowly focused if I do.

Just my two cents on this subject.

Free

[Guitarista]

Any Successful moderators?

Great post Eve 11. :h

[Sunnyvalenting]

Any Successful moderators?

Thanks All. Sorry to any who took offense. None was intended. Just hear so many referring to mod and trying to figure out what that means for them.
Sunny

[NoraC]

Any Successful moderators?

Thank you very much Eve and DeeBee and Free. I appreciate the honest answers. I have been questioning if I will try moderating at some point in the future. I have actually asked a couple of people privately about their experiences. I don't know if it's for me but I do think that I will try at some point. Thank you very much.

[clare]

Any Successful moderators?

Sunnyvalenting;997903 wrote: I am curious if there is anyone on this site moderating long term successfully.
If so please raise your hand and tell me what YOU mean by moderate drinking and if you still "struggle" to maintain moderation vs overuse.
Thank you,
Sunny

I think,so far i can say i am successful at moderating,when i came here first i was drinking 5 to 7 cans of lager every night ,more on weekends,These days it can go weeks with out me having a drink,At the start i found myself reading the abtenent thread especially marios posts,i then used that abstinent formula and rearrange it to my moderating and so far it has worked for me,At christmas i went a bit overboard but the hangovers were horrible so i am well back on track now and intend to keep it that way,hope to drop in a bit more often and post instead of my usual lurking

[KevFromCanberra]

Any Successful moderators?

Hi,
I saw this thread and thought it was worth commenting.

Am I a successful moderater? I would say yes.

I have been moderating for about 6 weeks I guess, and it gets easier every day.

Am I a successful long term moderator? Well in the long term we are all dead. But I do not have the fear and dread of the future that I had as a regular drinker where one drinking session could spiral out of control and lead to unforseen consequences.

By contrast if I was abstaining and held the view that I had a disease that prevented me from ever drinking then I would live in fear. The fear that I might accidentally eat a meal that had been prepared with alcohol, and then because alcohol ruled me I would proceed to get totally drunk and be back to drinking every day again. Or the fear that I would attend a wedding and not be able to toast the bride without getting totally bladdered.

I have read loads of books on dieting and its generally agreed that anyone trying to keep to a draconian, ultra strict diet is doomed to failure. But if you allow yourself an occasional junk factor day where you let yourself go and have a few cakes and other goodies, its more likely that you will perservere with the diet.

I really admire people who abstain and religiously count down every day and hour not drinking but to me its not a real cure, its just a bandaid with the risk that the bandaid might come off one day.

I am a big believer in the power of habit and I really think that if you just keep minimising the role of alcohol in your life, removing it from the house, not having any in the refrigerator, gradually distancing yourself from other people who abuse alcohol, eventually you get to the point where the need to drink just withers away.

I am moderating at the moment, but I see a time where I will probably have been abstaining for years and will not even have noticed it.

Regards,
Kevin