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irishlady
November 22nd, 2006, 05:59 AM
Good Morning All,
I have just been filling in another AF day on the drink tracker and today I have been AF for 53 days.
Before I found this site, when I thought about stopping drinking I would have a panic attack, at the thought of the months and years ahead without drinking. God how would I get through....the weekend...Christmas...New Year....Birthdays...and more importantly ( to me ) every other damn day, you see I had reached the stage when I didn't need an excuse anymore, if the day had a Y in it I would drink to it.
How your perspective changes if you just turn things around and look at them from another view. Yes if I look too far forward my task does seem insurmountable, but when I look back I think, my God, the time has gone so fast. I can't believe 53 days have passed already, but they have and they have been amongst the best days of my adult life....no hangovers...no guilt...no lost days...no memory loss...no more feelings of disgust, instead my days are filled with so many things which bring me joy, most of them are small things, such as my new hobbies, reading ( and remembering what I have read the next day ) using my computer more, especially this site, and the sheer joy of walking. There are some lovely places near me, parks, woods, trees in their autumn glory. There are days when my son, who works nights, will come round to see me for a few hours and we go for a walk together, those are my precious times because he has supported me 100% through all this and we can talk together about anything.

All the other times I tried to stop drinking I failed, this time I know I can make it, and why? Well I have said to people on here, don't tell yourself you CAN'T drink, instead tell yourself you don't WANT to drink. That's what I have been doing from day one and now, oh joy of joys it is slowly starting to work. My brain patterns seem to be changing in their thinking and I really and honestly don't want to drink.
The first week all I could think of was...just one more bottle and I will start tomorrow...so I would send my mantra spinning round in my head " I don't want a drink " after a few weeks iI realised I was thinking about drink a lot less. As I put more AF days behind me things just seemed to get better, but, and this is a big BUT, I know I am on the first leg of this journey. My really big test will be at Christmas when we go to my daughters for Christmas day. She knows what I am trying to do and is also supportive, but as I told her " the problem is mine, so don't feel guilty by drinking in front of me, I will cope with it. "
But will I? ....I can remember from about the age of ten, my mother giving me a small glass of sherry on Christmas day and the same on New Years eve, she did this every year. So whatever about not drinking on ordinary days these two days will be a real test and when ( not if ) I pass this test it will be the first time in 49 years I haven't had a drink on Christmas day and New Year.
Well I think I got a bit carried away with this one, better stop now. I wasn't using it as a distraction from drinking, more a distraction from housework, but I had better get some done as I am working for the next four days and won't have the time for it.

Loive to you all, stay sober,

Louise xxxx :h :h :h

dilayne
November 22nd, 2006, 07:12 AM
Hi Louise, thank you so much for your inspiring post..you sound sooo great! I have about 40 days now, and life is so much better!
Di

irishlady
November 22nd, 2006, 07:52 AM
Just having a break from the housework and wanted to say if I have inspired you then your comments have inspired and uplifted me. Just one more thought, our lives here aren't our own, I believe they were given to us as a great gift to do with as we like so we should try to get as much joy and happiness out of each day, but more importantly, we should also try to put back just a little bit more than we take out.

I wish you all joy and happiness for today,

Louise xxx

helen mary
November 22nd, 2006, 09:56 AM
Hi everyone
Louise your message has inspired me and I am going to try to say "I don't want it" as supposed to the little voice saying that I do.

I agree that its the little things that make life worth living sober! Choosing meals that you are going to remember eating is a good one. Something that has helped me enormously is watching films as they tend to take you out of your life and problems for an hour or so. Might even consider the new Bond film even though its not my thing really.

SophieS
November 22nd, 2006, 11:06 AM
Hi there

Im just back from holiday and the temptations and voices were huge! My husbands drinks a lot and I was jealous to the point of being pissed off with him sometimes although he is hugely supportive and tells me how well im doing. The bar staff in the hotel were annoying too, they thought they were being funny trying to persuade me to drink vodka and slagging me off for drinking tea. I did think of the 'im on antibiotics' line but i also thought 'i don't have to explain anything to you'. For some reason all my friends and colleagues have got particulalry bad in asking why im not drinking and trying to persuade me too now as well! i thought that was over! i guess with Crimbo it wil get worse!

What kept me going was the thought of how i would feel the next day, and how i would get the most out of the day by having a clear head. Appreciate my surroundings. I also watched a woman on holiday there who could have been me if i continued going the way i was. Get slowly drunk throughout the day, losing her dignity and im sure her self respect.

Im finding it hard though. I put a brave face on it even to my counsellor - what's the point in that thou eh...

Sorry to be so negative!

Sophie S

mikeupnorth
November 22nd, 2006, 11:07 AM
Louise,

Congrats on your 53 days! We are just about at the same place... let's see I think today is day 65 for me, and I've also been looking ahead to Christmas with some trepidation. I am sure we will start talking about that with more regularity over the next month here on the site.

I really like your approach of saying "I don't want a drink" rather than "I can't have a drink." The self-talk is SO powerful. The old skit on Saturday Night Live with the guy sitting in front of the mirror saying positive affirmations was hilarious but you know it is true... our inner selves believe the things we say. We have to retrain our minds to think in new ways. I've worked on my brain to think of alcohol as a toxic, addictive drug, similar to crystal meth or heroin (which I would NEVER touch) rather than something harmless and socially acceptable. When I see it in that light and recognize it for what it is -- and let's be honest, a drug is a drug is a drug -- then I don't have to play the game of "well maybe I can just have a drink" or "maybe I'm not an alcoholic at all." Damn it all to hell -- at that point it doesn't matter to me if I'm an alcohlic or not. Who wants to put something like that in their body??? Maybe it's a mind game but it's one that I need to play for my very survival. No thank you, I'll have some tea instead. And saying that "I don't want a drink" is very similar -- it changes it to a matter of preference, rather than deprivation. It's very powerful.

Anyway it's very good to see you here, as well as you, Helen and a few other new faces.

Hope you are all having a good day.

Mike

Guest
November 22nd, 2006, 03:44 PM
I hate today. Today is 49 days sober....but I still hate today. I just got pulled over for speeding again...2nd time in 3 months..1st 2 offenses in 23 years of driving. This time I was accelerating to pass to make it to my destination. Had my 3 boys in the car. Sorry, but felt unjustice!! I am NOT a reckless driver. I was trying to get home as safely as I saw it. Why doens't MWO ATTRACT ANY cops??? Good question I must admit.... They must all be above us..! Sorry for offending, but not really. hope U are all having a better day! I have a friend who is a cop in LA..he told me about a colleaugue who sits at his desk with a big jug of "diet coke" emitting toxic fumes of our dear friend Vodka. No one has the guts to report him....he says it is a rampant problem in the LAPD...wonder why I have little a hard time with respect?? GRRRRRR!! Sorry for the pity party rant!

bren
November 22nd, 2006, 04:30 PM
Hi Gina:

I agree with you, I heard there are a fair number of police officers who are into drinking and pot smoking....
I have a friend who is a lawyer who said he has drank and smoked with them! Where is the justice in this? I'm personally scared of a lot of them!

Guest
November 22nd, 2006, 07:47 PM
rambling

Short on time-but wanted to check in--110 days now--believe me I am as shocked as some of you are!

Mike--so Allen Carr...his book truly changed the way I look at alcohol. I can barely keep from laughing when I see someone sniffing their wine...ahh the aroma of poison! I credit his book with helping me be successful this time. And for the holidays--I don't have much concern. For me to be worried would mean I would have to be jealous of those ingesting poison...which I am not. I read his smoking book--but I may need to invest in the CD"s.

Irish Lady--I don't want to smoke, I don't want to smoke......

Sophie--congrats for being strong on your vacation. I'm not sure if my husband would have lived through the vacation after I got done beating him with a baseball bat. My hubby very rarely drinks and never around me.

Gina-sorry about your ticket. My cousin is a police officer in this really small town. The stories he tells gives me alot of respect for them. Dealing with the crap he does in a small town--I can only imagine what cops in a city do. He has told me the reason they are such assholes when they walk up to the car is to gain control..they never know what they are walking up to. He also told me he writes the ticket regardless of who or why the person was pulled over. He explained that he couldn't let me off and then another person he ticketed finds out..it could cause him to lose his job. I just guess their are good and bad people in every profession. I do have sympathy for you....those things are not cheap. At least you can pay for it with all the wine money you have saved...and thank God you were sober.

My parents are coming in for the holiday..it has become a tradition to go shopping on Friday at 5am!

Everyone have a great holiday!

Kim