Weight Gain and loss and gain again and hopefully more loss...... but not too much...

[chartreuse_lily]

2010 has been a roller coast ride for me where weight is concerned.

I started out the year at about 155 pounds (I'm about 5,8). Since I was drinking about a bottle of wine a day plus binging regularly my weight rapidly went up, peaking at 174 pounds in April when I quit drinking.

When I stopped drinking, it left a void in my life and I made a conscious decision that I was going to fill this void by focusing on losing weight at any cost. This was a dangerous thing to do, as I have a long history of anorexia and bulimia but at the time drinking seemed like the biggest threat.

So I started dieting in a very unhealthy manner. I became obsessed with those 100 calorie snack packs and would eat one of those and an apple as a standard meal. I also consumed a lot of artificially sweetened stuff, including diet soda and these toxic calorie free marshmallow and chocolate dips.

After a couple months of this I lost my drinking weight but I ultimately I couldn't keep it up. I found I couldn't stop at one 100 calorie snack pack and would go through a half-dozen at once. I started binging and then purging to get rid of the calories, first daily then several times a day. I found I was trapped in a new addiction cycle.

So what did I do? Exactly the same thing I'd done 4 months before, I once again replaced one addiction with another. I started drinking again. Almost over night I lost the urge to purge, my obsessive need to count calories and my anxiety about eating a range of foods, eating out, etc. It felt great for a while, then I started to get scared. I was drinking more than ever before, as much as 2 or 3 bottles of wine a day. Because of all the calories in the wine and because my inhibitions about food were relaxed and I frequently over-ate I started gaining weight again.

3 months of this and I was back up to 175.

A month ago, I stopped drinking once again. I hope to learn from my mistakes, but I'm frantic about all the weight I've gained and I want to get it off ASAP and I am dieting again (healthier this time, I'm eating vegetables instead of processed crap and no artificial sweeteners). I don't want to replace one addiction with another again but during the past couple weeks I've become more and more focused on food, calorie counts, and getting to the gym (not easy when you live in Upstate NY in the middle of winter). I ate a grand total of 943 calories on Christmas Day. I'm afraid I'm restricting and obsessing to an unhealthy degree.

I need to break this pattern somehow.

[Sunnyvalenting]

Weight Gain and loss and gain again and hopefully more loss...... but not too much...

Your story is not unusual. There are many cases of people who get the obesity surgery and then become alcohol dependent. Food and alcohol and many other drugs of abuse commandeer the reward pathway in the same way. When one quits one addiction it is possible to mitigate the withdrawal symptoms by replacing it with another. It can become a vicious cycle as it has in your case.
When I went AF about 1 year ago I just did not try to worry for about 5 months. I continued to gain a few pounds and ate tons of sugar. I just wanted to take on one problem at a time. Now I have been on a healthy diet and exercise plan for the past 6months and am almost down to my goal of 130-135.
My advice: Don't be in a rush. Do what you can to be realistic about your diet for a few months. Exercise as much as possible but really nail down your commitment to sobriety. Then when you feel secure about that start cutting back on the appetite more gradually. Give one or 2 things up each week and gradually change and improve the quality of your diet. Your natural tendency is to be "all in" or "all out" but realize that you will be gradually changing your habits permanently so there really is no rush. You have the rest of your life to learn and improve. Once you are AF it becomes possible to look at these as realistic and doable projects rather than fads.
Good Luck and all the best in 2011!
Sunny

[Bruunhilde]

Weight Gain and loss and gain again and hopefully more loss...... but not too much...

Great advice, Sunny! It's always helpful to be reminded that we've taken years to get where we are, we can't expect to disappear the pounds and the wine in a blink of an eye. I'm at my top weight and top drinking amount ever, and desperately seeking resolution. Speaking of which, happy new year!

I find that milk and wheat make my cravings worse, so I'm backing off of those two. And titrating up the bac, and tonight is a big night, it's the night I'm praying to moderate, so that Sunday night won't be a nightmare of stress before the job starts again, due to hangover and excessive cravings brought on by a bad hangover. Basically, if I can drink less tonight, I find it easier to drink less the next day because I have less pain to kill. Wish me luck!

Blessings all.

[mylife]

Weight Gain and loss and gain again and hopefully more loss...... but not too much...

Hi Char,

I have heard that people who have gastic bypass surgery and can't eat like they used to often develop other addictions such as alcoholism. Apparently, it's the addiction that our bodies are after, in whatever form...

If you've read the MWO book the suggestion is to develoop a balanced diet and excercise as part of the recovery plan from Alcohol. Don't know if this would help, but that's the approach I'm taking.

Good luck, and keep posting!